Vanessa Williams' At This Moment

Written On 6/17/2010

Right now at this moment, I have no words. The weight of my heart has placed a strain on my vocals cords and I weep. I am hurt. I hurt from a place so deep within my soul that I cannot pinpoint an origin. I am alone. Night after night I stare at my cieling, trying to see past the shingles and the stars I need to see God. Does he hear me? Can he hear my moans as I weep alone? I am but a speck in a world filled with disaster and corruption. Surely my needs do not outweigh homelessness and destruction.

Nothing can stop my tears. I have tried many substitutes throughout the years. They were worthless, they were looking for a prize far greater than me. I beg for a release of life. I pray and ask the lord for it to be painless and in my sleep.

I awake each morning and the heaviness of my heart makes it hard to stand on my feet. Night turns to day and day back into night. I am embedded in my routines; they soothe my life. I am suppossed to be there at this time, and here at that. The rhythmic pace of my steps keep me on track.

Every now and then I break, like I am breaking right now. I am sitting here wiping the tears and on my keyboard I pound. I am a wretched thing at this moment and I am lucky that I live alone. My house is a stucture; it is no longer a home. At this moment, I long for rest. No sleep for me until the sunlight dances through the blinds and lay upon my chest. I am poison to myself in all ways. At this moment, I conclude this passage. I need to pray.

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