Venturing - Poems

XXXI.

Source
My Urn
My Urn | Source

Urning Life


Here I go

Back in the water,

Third time,

The charm,

My soul,

The potter

For its vessel

For eternity

In with ebb,

Out with tide

The sea of life

Is breathing.

The currents

Of the sea I ride

Toward destiny,

Golden harvests

Of the heart

Where I reside

And drink the flow

In urns below

And learn

Reality.



_____© Nellieanna H. Hay


Listen . . .

Graphic art & poem by Nellieanna Hay
Graphic art & poem by Nellieanna Hay



Venturing beginner

Into realms of

Giants' sounds

I am.

Would that you would

Take my hand,

At least at first,

Until my ears

And fears

Adjust,

Mature.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay




Poetry,

The underbrush,

The refuse

Of a soul

In process.


Prose,

A finished soul.

No wonder

I write poetry!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



Graphic art and poem  by Nellieanna Hay
Graphic art and poem by Nellieanna Hay



No place to be but here.

No one to be but myself.

Nothing to feel

But this I feel.

Nothing "real" but this.

Even when it changes.

It is LIFE,

As real as it gets.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



















I am going to spin

Round and round,

Loose my roots,

Lose my ruts

And find out

What it is

And where it is!


_____© Nellieanna H. Hay













Poetry's page,

My therapist,

Confessor,

Analyst,

Counsellor,

Friend.

Good morning, friend!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



Glean wisdom

From the day at hand.

Survive another

To persist again

And know.

The triumph of

A quiet life

Is living.

Perhaps it will

Make ripples, too.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



I think I'm faring

Well enough

And living full enough

Until I hear your voice.

It fills a void so vast

I wonder that I

Survive

Without it!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay




Benevolent bafflement -

Better than

Too many answers

For too few questions.

I'll wait,

But not reposed.

The flow moves on.

I need my lifeboat

And so I row,

But not away.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay




Yes, it's so -

My only strength

Is being me.

But I begin to know

How untapped

It really is.

When needed it is there,

Expandable!

And so, to grow!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay





Are two

Who are

Fluent in it

Enough

To make

A language?


______© Nellieanna H. Hay


TragiComedy


We seek water

On the mountain top,

Perspective

'Neath the sea,

Ignoring that which IS.

In quest of what is not,

~ Futilely.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay





A de-clawed cat

Is not

A virtuous cat

But simply

A more helpless cat.


______© Nellieanna H. Hay



NOTE: These poems were written in 1972.


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from Nellieanna H. Hay.


© 2010 Nellieanna Hay

More by this Author


51 comments

kookoo88 profile image

kookoo88 6 years ago from Cripple Creek

Those were really nice to read. :) I like the one about poetry being the therapist. :) Very true.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

My, my! That was quick! I'd barely hit the "Publish" tab! Thank you for the visit, kookoo, and I suspect you're anything but koo-koo. The reason for the slight delay between your posting your comment and my starting this reply to it is that I popped over to your site to see who you are, since I hadn't seen you previously. Now I need to read more than a fast scan of a couple of them. You do have an interesting mind, for sure!

Hope to see you again!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

The more realisticly and inclusivly annalytical I get,the more surreal the evidence leading my interpretation to only narrow in answers and more into speculation,which leads to creative logic...your poetry is,to me,an expression of verbal impressionism and awareness,Nellieanna.;)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, MA - I think. hehe. It is so much a part of me, it's difficult for me to categorize or think "about" it. I left the dates on these because they were taken from the notebooks at that period, selectively. Reading them, for me, is like reading an old diary. They "say" for me what I felt and what was occurring at those times. The notebooks cover a lot of real-life. You are so knowledgeable, I shall simply take your words for them. I know they are expressions, for sure. And verbal impressions, yes, and definitely - awareness. Whatever else I am or am not, I'm not short in awareness. Sometimes - too much! LOL

Thank you, as always, for visiting and commenting, by way of your own unique paths and mental agility, as mine have brought me to the here and now.- Thanks, my friend.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

These are beautiful, you are such a talented poet. I learn a great deal when I read your poetry. Thank you for sharing these.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Your Muse was certainly working overtime in 1972. I liked the poem about the cat best, probably because I adore cats. The video of the roses was lovely too.

Thank you Nellieanna.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

acaetnna - thank you for those kind remarks!! I'm thrilled that you like them and find them of value!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

christopheranton! Thank you! Yes, it was a very productive year poetcally. This was a fractional sample, in fact. I'm into an almost overwhelming project of trying to transcribe them from handwritten notebooks where they were originally written to my computer. I just keep trudging along with it. It helps to have them more easily indexed by the computer's automatic alphabetizing, but I need to start adding more deliberate organization, I guess.

I love cats too, though at present am catless. I'm most pleased that you enjoyed stopping by!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Nellieanna, Beautiful poetry as usual. I love the way you place all the poetry across the page, some very light and some needs more thought, some short and some longer. It is so pleasant to ready the poems you've written over various times in you life. Rated beautiful


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Pamela - thank you so much for that special look at my hub! I truly appreciate it. Thanks for the rating!


JinnyMarte 6 years ago

My, my...have I missed reading your poetry...So insightful and straight from a point of from which so little can reach. It is always a pleasure, always a bliss. Such a refreshing and beautiful thing... I wonder if the Angels have touched you just so you can reach..and help us all become witnesses to such a wonderful gift! This one's my favorite!!...

Poetry,

The underbrush,

The refuse

Of a soul

In process.

Prose,

A finished soul.

No wonder

I write poetry!

Genius!!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Jinny, you are a gem! I've missed you! I am truly pleased that you enjoy my stuff. Thank you! Hugs.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

One can know a dictionary by heart, but it is not enough to write poetry. That talent and wonderful poetry requires great talent. That, you have in abundance.


Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

"Poetry's page, my therapist" -- I've been there, friend. Nice writing, very reflective and thoughtful.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

Thank you for taking the time to share yet another masterpiece.

For as long as you will write

For as long as I can see,

You poems paint their pictures

Of the talent that belongs to thee.

Thanks and take care Nellieanna.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

DG - what a really lovely compliment! Thank you! :-) And it's most perceptive, as well, pointing out that it is not vocabulary which creates poetry - (probably not any creative writing, for that matter). One needs some language to write, of course but just as it's not notes and treble & bass clefs which make music, it's the heart, soul, awareness and feeling which one instills into the words;- and perhaps a certain kind of freedom from restrictions or anxieties about writing. :-)) Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Doug - thank you! I appreciate that, both that you knew exactly what I meant and the very pleasant words about my efforts to share my experience.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Eiddwen! WOW! That is a magnificent tribute. Thank you so much! You do me much honor! It's gratifying to get feedback that the sharing was received in the way intended! Hugs.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

1972-73 you were full of adventure with your verse and prose to be written and shared with us 38 years later, Wow.

I couldn't begin to chose a favorite as they all excite me and left me with a dropped mouth and in awe of your gigantic talent as a visionary,multi-faceted artist. Bravo my friend and thank you for warming my heart as always. Hugs


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ken - Some of my thick notebooks of poetry predate that by 7 or 8 years. There would be more earlier, but the monster in my life burned them. I find a few I tried to recall from memory from those earlier years and jotted down. I finally learned to simply back it up so he thought he'd burned them all.

As I've mentioned many times, my biggest determination & triumph, I believe, was to not let it embitter me. It's "real" and there is no denying that those things really happened but the poetry at the time - and still- is there to remind me that I remained myself, for whatever that's worth. When it comes right down to it - what and who one really IS is the absolute ultimate of what one can claim and LIVE with authenticity. It is sublimely valuable to the person to keep it intact, no matter what else is going on around one. I guess it took an extreme situation for me to realize it fully.

Thanks for the wonderful response. I'm delighted whenever you come by and add your responses, which are received as they are given - wholeheartedly and warmly! Hugs.


DavePrice profile image

DavePrice 6 years ago from Sugar Grove, Ill

I had to laugh, because as I started reading that old cliche "Whoa Nellie" came to mind. I kept thinking "Slow down, I can't keep up." Then, I just forced myself to slow down and took my time with it, so I've been here awhile. I'm glad I had the time to go slowly, because there is so much in the poems its best to give them time to settle in and mature as they take root in my heart. But now, as they have begun their good work, I have nothing to say because I am overwhelmed by their impact. I can only say that it is wonderful, that you have opened the heavens with your words, and I shall be here long after I stop writing this comment. Love always - Dave


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Nellieanna,

I am humbled by your use of words. So spare, but so powerful. To evoke emotions in so few words is masterful, to put it mildly. The artist is revealed in her multi-faceted glory!

I read, and reread, and absorbed, but still the abiding sensation is the one I got from your opening watercolor. It truly spoke to me.

Beautiful.

Chris


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dave, what an honor for my poetry to be honored by one of such depth and feeling as I perceive in you! I laughed at the "Whoa, Nellie" thought. I knew it was a big dose when I put it together. Typical of my "too much or too little" dispostion. :-)

Fact is, I was transcribing poetry to my word processor for that ongoing project & kept thinking, "now that one might go in a collection about. . ." - and since I'd already picked "Venturing Beginner" for a hub theme, quite a few seemed to fit.

Trust me, though - only a few out of all that I had also sorted out & copied onto a single page that might have fit and be used on this hub! Of course not. In fact, actually going through that thick notebook (one of seven such notebooks!) almost page by page with its poems in consecutive order would almost of necessity guarantee that they be along the same theme in many ways - except for the ones I skipped for another transcribing session. I wonder if I'll ever get all of them done, and especially if I keep seeing a hub among them! :-)

Thanks again, Dave. I truly value your good opinion.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Chris, what marvelous positive response! Of course you know I can go on and on in prose style ad infinitum! LOL I say that I can tell whether what I've written is prose or poetry by its length! So much of my poetry was almost short-hand, written to keep myself intact and someone else less informed and armed. So it benefitted from terse words. Just enough to remind me and permit me to go back later and say to myself, "Oh, yes! that is how that felt" or "Yes, that was how I responded to that" and to feel satisfied that I wasn't lost in a rather hostile environment. It was what I very much needed at the time and why poetry truly was - often still is to me- both therapist and great friend. I also tended to over-analyze and prose led me in that path! Poetry came forth more spontaneously in its brevity.

Chris, I can understand why you responded to that watercolor - - thank you! You are most kind! I'm smiling.


SilverGenes 6 years ago

It's the view you paint that I find so extraordinary, "The triumph of a quiet life is living". And that photo of the forest through the trees makes me smile - thank you for another wonderful therapy session! :)


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

It doesn't matter when you wrote these lovely poems, Nellieanna, they are enduring - and endearing. I have come to the realization that you are not only a talented poet - I knew that already. But also a philosopher of note. Brava, m'dear.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago

When I see such poems that have so much precious insight.I can only be thankful that all was not lossed in the earlier years do to unfortunate circumstances.Thanks for keeping your works safe so that we can all appreciate their deep knowledge and understanding.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Wow, each one of these poems awakens memories of experiences. I can use them all as introductions for biographical short-stories. “I am going to spin round and round, loose my roots, lose my ruts, and find out what it is and where it is!” reminds me of many incidents.... And I’ve learned that I can trust myself - rely on myself - while I’m spinning.... I think embarrassing one self is a fear we all share. Thank you for these beautiful poems, Nellieanna. I’m starting my day with these. Hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

LaurieDawn - I LOVE that quote from Anais Nin! Her work is in my bucket list and I really should get to it! Thank you so much for your lovely comments and I'm pleased that you felt the better for visiting and your visit warms my heart, too. Hugs!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

drbtj what a lovely compliment! I must share something. I used to climb up in a very full, tall apricot tree next to our front porch. Its branches overreached the roof of the house, which had a gradual pitch. I'd climb up there at night and gaze at the stars through the branches and just think about life. I was about 12 when I thought of "what I wanted to be when I grew up". I had trouble pininng it down to just one thing and came up with these, not necessarily in this order: an astronomer, a philosopher and a femme fatale. LOL. It's one of those moments one doesn't easily forget! I'd had to rule out ballerina and a few other ideals. hehe

I agree that the timing is incidental. They were written,though, at that time like a diary for me - a very private diary which prying eyes would find unrevealing, at least till not finding expected information in them created its own brand of fear. For me, the timing still "rings" with more information than the mere words convey. Usually I don't mention it, though - knowing it has no real significance for anyone else. But in this theme, when it was so much my therapy and "friend", I considered that perhaps the timing sequence might convey a little more of their message to readers, as well.

Thank you again - you invariably add much with your comments!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Ah, Alexandra! Thank YOU for coming. The therapy intended was for self, never dreaming it might be sharable! Thank you for the way you share & appreciate it! Your response is always one I look forward to!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Dream On - dear friend - thank you for those words. I feel most honored! It's true - all was not lost in spite of the challenges of the circumstances. And even if the poetry had not survived, it's what is inside one's spirit that is the real treasure which needs to survive its challenges. That is what I most wish to convey to any readers who might be feeling the weight of circumstances to be overwhelming at times. They seem too heavy to bear while in progress; - but given the perspective of time, they are seen as mere stepping stones to a higher ground! Hugs.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Martie - I saw you did what I've done all too often - accidentally posted the comments twice. I deleted the earlier one for you.

I love what you said! I know exactly that sudden realization that the self is trustworthy - and likable - in all situations, even the confusing ones! I wrote a poem about that years ago, in fact.

True - we dread embarrassing ourselves but often the fear of it creates its own embarrassments! LOL. We should not be in any way ashamed of our own truth and even our struggles. Everyone has them. Those who would try to demean someone else for being fully human and acknowledging it are those too frightened to turn the clear light on themselves, probably. But that, too, is a human condition to be treated with kindness and understanding - by self and others!

Glad you found these useful and reminding of your own wisdom! Hugs and I hope your day is going well. Mine could be starting before long. I slept several hours before midnight and intended to go back to sleep but found too many things here to do and needing responses. Now it's almost my usual getting-up time. But it's still dark for a couple more hours so I might catch a few more winks.

Thanks again!


Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

there is music in your poetry, one sways as one reads. Your paintings have your energy to it. You put a bit into each piece I see and feel. You are such a lovely Lady my dear, such a Lovely Lady. :D hugs :D


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Sa`ge - dear person, thank you. Music is the standard I hold out for in my poetry. You are most kind and gracious. Thank you for gracing my comments page. Hugs.


Kim Lynn profile image

Kim Lynn 6 years ago

Beautifully written with so much depth. Loved them all!

Thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading all the wonderful poets on hubpages. I will continue to read yours.

Many Blessings,

Kim


ralwus 6 years ago

You're always rippling of wisdom Nellie. xox Charlie good stuff as always.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Thank you, Kim! I went to your hubsite - wish you'd write more! I appreciate that you visited mine and enjoyed it! Hope you do continue!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Charlie, thank you, dear heart. Your visit means so much to me! Hugs.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 6 years ago from Philippines

we can make ripples in out life

but the final decision is not ours

like the monkey king who thought he flew to the outer most realm

when in reality he was only within the palm of the Buddha


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Hello SR! Ours is simply to do what is ours to do. Thank you for the reminder. Hugs


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 6 years ago from Philippines

I had to come back to read again your poem "Subjective" while the video played.Transporting me into a magical land,it's an experience I would want to relive over and over again.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

SR - what a truly amazing revisit and compliment! Thank you. It's especially gratifying coming from YOU!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Nellianna, I also read a few of the comments and one of them were about burning earlier works. It i inconceivable to me how anybody could or can ill treat you becin such a wonderful person. However, people like that must so desperate. Something I will never understand.

Thank you for another great pleasure of reading your poems and seeing your pictures. I am glad you didn't let him destroy you. I know very much how it feels and you went through.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

hello, hello - Yes it was desperation expressed in a very mean way and only one of many such mean acts over a period of many years. In one way, it almost did destroy me, in another way - it strengthened me immeasurably in time. Writing the poetry was my lifeline and refuge; it was like a seed which was ready to burst open and grow as soon as the growing conditions manifested and unfolded. I think everyone has that seed if it can be kept until its growing season. And perhaps it always is kept, as part of being alive. Nourishment helps - and that was what my poetry was for mine.

Thank you for your very kind thoughs and words! And if you know the experience I'm referring to - then MORE POWER TO YOU - you've obviously survived and are growing.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Thank you for your such wonderful comment. I definitely know it and you do grow stronger and more independent. At the same time some good sides of my character I had to shed which I regret. I am still struggling and we had and have a lot of problems some deriving from there and some are not. But I will carry on. I am glad I found Hubpages and so many good people. People really worthwhile knowing. My highest respect to you and everybody I know. My writing is a great outlet. Wish you all the best and thank you for the pleasure you give me in reading your poems.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS Author

Well, dear friend, no one can else know what is required of a person in such untenable circumstances, or what combination of their factors determines what they're able to do or not to do. For me, with my personality, my position and my specific intention would not let me lose me in it all. The only thing I could hope to salvage was me, so it needed to be intact as far as the basic person I am. The only thing that couldn't be taken from me - though effort was made to do so - was me, whole. I changed but I think, for the better, I think.

I believe that even if one has to give up some of self, it doesn't vanish but can be retrieved. The only real defeat is from within and rides on discouragement. if one is committed to working with a difficult person (as I did for 18 years), I know it is always a struggle. You just KNOW when you're winning it. Glad you came back! Hugs.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Good God, 18 years. Itook it for 10 years and that was far too long. It shows what a hold they have over other people. I too couldn't give one thing and that was my self-respect. I hated divorce but at the end I had to face it. Now after 10 years he wanted to come back. You should have heard the promises. The nerve of it all. He destroyed our son's future so far. I still hope I can rectify this.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

He held the threat that if I defied him I'd lose the children over me, hello, hello. That worked because of his emphatic intention to do so at any cost by any means. I believed him and had opportunity to see how he accomplished his intentions. But I didn't see his true motive for it for a long time. I thought he really cared for them. But in any case I knew he meant to carry it out, as he proved - even when I was not the instigator of the end of it after the 18 years. I was prepared to stick it out indefinitely so I could be there for my children. But he had been preparing for and still did whatever it took to alienate them and make good his threat, which started as soon as he knew I was expecting the first one, who then was 17. He knew nearly 9 months before the child was born. How I wish I'd been able to leave right then, when I still had my child inside me. That is the son who is still alienated and is now 55. But my daughter,now 53, whose life was more upset, is closer to me. It's not as it could have been, of course. But it is better than nothing.

But, like you, I didn't see divorce as an alternative and I was sure I could make it work. I didn't intend to leave or be a difficult wife so I didn't fully comprehend the breadth of his threat. He really intended to have control over my children for greedy motives, which I hadn't considered. I didn't know till much later-after it was all over- that he had even asked my parents to make HIM their heir rather than me. At the end he had figured out a way to get me out of the picture without incriminating himself. He just slipped up and told my brother his plan, thinking that would help establish it, but it backfired. That is the reason I'm here now.

You can rectify the future as much as it can be rectified. I send you my very best, as well as your son.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

Nellieanna, I am fairly new to hubpages, and shared an excerpt from a poem of mine with a fellow hubber, The Suburban Poet. He encouraged me to not only publish my poetry, but to read yours.

You write with such grace, style and passion! I'm glad I was sent your way....I enjoyed every word!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS Author

Tbank you for responding to the suggestion of a favorite of mine, Suburban Poet. I must thank you too. I peeked at your profile so I know from when came your user name. Sounds like your life has been an adventure thus far. Thank you also for the kind words about my work!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working