Wacky Advice - Week 5 or so

Wackiest Advice ever for some really wacky queries -

You waited so patiently and now you wil be REWARDED! Big time! Here are more of those wildly wacky answers to some equally wacky questions and if it isn't really advice, are you going to complain? No. I think not. If you're actually reading this you probably won't want the HP staff to know you care that much! Mwaaahhaaahahaha! (This is not the place for evil laughing, but it feels so good) Now, on with the show!

If I were you I would go right to the bottom of this hub and play the song "It's Not Easy To Be Me" by Five For Fighting, which is possibly one of the best songs there is.  It will sort of refresh your palate so you'll be ready to come back and read all this trivia that follows.  Get ready, get set - 

Please note - Mega1 is answering on behalf of herself and also for GlassSpider, who actually HAS a life and therefore hasn’t been available to answer your wacky questions, just now. I hope you will forgive me if I sound nothing like her. She is pretty unique and so we are all hoping she’ll come back and answer more wacky questions if, and when, people ask them.

The first question, please . . .

Stevennix2001 asks:
who'd win in a fight between the incredible hulk and superman?

Mega1 answers: I don’t know either of them very well, since I stopped watching
superhero movies and shows when I was about 14. But I really think
nobody can beat Superman! He has all those superpowers, while the
Hulk is basically just huge, green, and can melt or something, right?
Plus I like Superman’s looks - sort of like a cross between Rock
Hudson and Rocky - and it works!

GlassSpider (if she were here) would say: I have to agree with Mega1 here, because the hulk is not as good looking, basically, as Superman. I know Spiderman personally, and he could take both of them out. But hopefully the forces of good will never have to fight each other.


Stevennix2001 asks:
idk if you ladies follow the NBA or not, but the LA Lakers are
allegedly saying that even if they do win the title this year, then
Coach Phil Jackson is still going be forced to take a pay cut. right
now he's making like 12 million a year, but they want to reduce it to
5 million instead. that's assuming he even wants to go back to the
Lakers, as he could either retire OR try to coach another team that
might pay him. if you were him, what would you do?


Mega1 answers: If I was him I would probably do something stupid like
go looking for another team to pay me what I want. The reason for
that is that my pride would be wounded by the teams refusal to give me
what I used to make. I’m not taking a pay cut! Also, if I was him, I
probably would already have all the money I really need and can afford to
play games, so to speak!

If GlassSpider were here she would say:

I have to agree with Mega1 again because she is pretending to be me and answering for me, and because she is right - he should go for more money. Always.


Stevennix2001 asks:
Will we ever see flying cars?


Mega1 answers: Flying cars? Hell no. We can’t keep oil from
spilling into the gulf; or convince the big guys that trains would be
better than energy guzzling cars and planes; or get our cars to run
totally on electricity that is powered by solar stations in every
town; or even get bras that fit right and don’t cost $50+. We can’t
even get the state and county road crews to fix the freakin’ pot
holes! So, NO, we won’t seeing flying cars because that would be too
damn much FUN!

Glass Spider (if she were only here) would say:

I agree with Mega1 again, we can’t have flying cars because our scientists are too busy trying to get us to communicate faster with each other so we don’t have to go anywhere and can just sit in our webs all day waiting for bugs. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Stevennix2001 gets one more question this week:.a friend of mine, NOT
me wanted me to ask you two if you thought the name buck naked or
lester the molester were good porn screen names, as ki..i mean my
friend wanted to know. he's actually contemplating doing it.
although i'd be way to embarassed to, but he wants to. so go figure.
lol. what i would like to know is, are those good names for him to
use? Or do you girls have another name in mind for him?


Mega1 answers: Sure, those are great porno king names! I hope you
will send us copies of his first dvds - I mean, that is, so we can
review them and see if he’s any good at it! I would prefer some more
classy names like, Jelly Jerry, or Wand of Wickedness, or KarmaSutra,
but its not the name that really matters, is it? Also, Steven, if
you’re contemplating this career for you and/or your friend, better
jump into it now because you don’t have much time. I’ve heard that
porn stars don’t get hired after they’re 32 or so!

GlassSpider would say, maybe:

I think porn stars need to get classier. I mean, if only they weren’t so sleezy maybe we could take them seriously. For me, it would be a far better experience if they would call themselves things like “Shakespeare” and “Johann Sebastian” but then, I am classy and seldom pay much attention to porn, anyway.


Logic,commensense asks: Is it proper etiquette to play a diggerydoo
at a funeral?
and
What kind of advice can you give someone who was playing with his
bilabongs and got his diggerydoo caught in the zipper?

Mega1 answers: As for diggerydoos at a funeral - sure, if the dead
person appreciated didgeridoo music, of course you can play it for his
funeral! I know I would like it! Probably in Australia they play them
all the time, for every occasion.


And if you got your diggerydoo caught in your zipper - did you try WD-40? It
works to lubricate an awful lot of things and can’t hurt anything. You may
have to get your diggerydoo repaired, for sure. And be careful from
now on how you play with your bilabongs!

GlassSpider

probably would have thought these questions were just way too silly to answer.


Logic,commensense asks: If you eat passionfruit, are you aroused?


Mega1 answers: Passion fruit - never eaten them. But I do eat fresh
figs on occasion and those are very aphrodisiacal! There is a
marvelous scene in some movie - where they are eating fresh figs and
it is really arousing. I’ll have to find out which movie that was,
maybe Far From the Madding Crowd? So actually, I think just about any
fruit can be arousing, by their very sexual nature, fruits stimulate
all kinds of hanky-panky! Juicy, too!

Mega1 asks: mommy, what's a diggerydoo?
And GlassSpider, herself, replied:
It's a long tubular instrument that makes insane noises when you play with it.

The last question today is from Logic,commonsense: If I was a lawyer and told
you that all lawyers were liars, what would you do?


Mega1 answers: I wouldn’t be one bit surprised. In fact, I make it a
policy of mine never to believe lawyers and avoid needing to use one’s
services, as far as possible. On the other hand, just about everyone
lies, and usually lawyers don’t admit they are human in this way - so
I would check to make sure the lawyer who is admitting this is not ill
or running a fever or something as it is rare that a lawyer will be
this honest about anything! Something is definitely up with that
lawyer!

did you notice I had GlassSpider agreeing with me almost all the time? mainly because that wasn't her talking - I had to agree with myself! I'm not THAT schizo as to argue with me!


DA DA DA DAAAAAH! (fanfare)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING ENTIRELY NEW! THE FIRST EVER WACKIEST HUBBER WINNER!
I am nominating Stevennix2001 as our very first recipient of the
WACKIEST HUBBER prize. Which is being featured here as WACKIEST
HUBBER with a link to his profile and a link to his best hub (which
may or may not be his wackiest ever). CONGRATULATIONS Steven! You
won, mainly because you asked the most questions! But you are also
one wacky dude, I’ve always thought so. I hope you get some traffic
from this.

Steven, as most of us already know, writes some superior
movie reviews. Mainly, that’s what he does! But he is also a regular
in the forums and keeps us all pretty entertained - he and his buddy
King Larry can be pretty outspoken and at the same time incredibly
compassionate and caring. I don’t know how he does it! But he gets the link!

http://hubpages.com/profile/Stevennix2001


http://hubpages.com/hub/Shrek-Forever-After my favorite of his reviews

so many Congrats, Stevennix2001 and I hope this will encourage you to come back to the forums and enjoy your popularity!


The usual disclaimer: don’t blame me if you get into trouble or lose
a limb or get otherwise maimed or injured whilst following our advice!

And remember, ask your questions here in the comments section, or in
the “Wacky questions” thread in the Forums. We will continue to oblige
with wacky answers until we are a) told not to do it anymore, b)
banned, c) we are bored sick of it, (which, GS may already be)

When superheroes collide

It's not easy to be me (really)

More by this Author


Comments 22 comments

mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

GS - You're back! Goody! I've been doing other stuff too and just being lazy in general. I will send you the latest batch right away. bugs? in the city? you mean spiders? heheh - glad you're back, now we can get cooking again!


TheGlassSpider profile image

TheGlassSpider 6 years ago from On The Web

GS is not bored - she's been helping her Dad with PT (which is going quite well), escaping her domestic situation and building a new web, getting more clients (bugs are expensive in the big city), and preparing to have wisdom teeth removed. Send more questions. I think I'm finally ready to get back to answering! ;-)


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Hi Nell! This is all good - great in fact, that you agree with me about some things. Did I mention somewhere that my older brother had me convinced that the cig lighter on our old car was actually a secret flying button that would turn our car into an airplane? But we couldn't push it because it was illegal or something. Anyhow - I'm gullible, I'd ride in one, for sure!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, very funny stuff, I love the superman video but there wasn't enough of that georgeous hunky ummmmmm! slurpy Tom Welling! ha ha get the idea that maybe I um sort of like him? and the flying car thingy has been about for a while, but everytime that they try and make it, something goes wrong! don't fancy being fifty feet in the air, and running out of petrol! where's my parachute? ha ha cheers nell


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

You think? Superman just looks wimpy sometimes, but he's very fast you know! This is precisely why I say I pray the forces of good will never have to battle each other! There are always plenty of baddies for them to fight. Thanks for your comment.


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

This is a cute idea! I'd have to vote for the Hulk because he has to get angry and literally lose his mind to fight. The only way Superman could win would be to hit Hulk with a killer blow while he was Bruce. Now we all know that Superman is too nice and kind to do that. :)


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Thanks, Mike! Now I'm just waiting for more wacky questions. Got any?


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

Superman would definitely beat the Hulk, and I think you have a great future in answering whacky questions! Thanks for the chuckles.

Mike


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Oh good! You're still there Steven! I was worried. So sorry to hear about your dog. I know that is hard.

And I hope you do come back, I bet a lot of people will start showing up again if you're here! Ron Jeremy? I really don't know who that is. . . way out of the porn loop! haha

Have a great fourth - I'm not too involved in normal holidays, or any big celebrations, don't know why that is, I never have liked most of em - except Halloween! of course. So thanks for stopping by - and see you soon!


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

wow, thanks mega. I appreciate you taking the time to answer almost all my questions. lol. sorry, I haven't been in forums lately. I just got another part time job, so i've been working two jobs lately. That's why I haven't been online as much. plus, i just got my dog put to sleep last weekend, so i've been kind of too bummed out about it since.

Don't worry, i promise i'll come back to forums someday. I just don't know when. Hopefully soon though. As far as the porn thing, what about Ron Jeremy? That guy has to be in his fifties or more, and he's still a porn actor. lol j/k.

Anyway, thanks again for electing me the winner of the wackiest hubber award, as I'm deeply honored to be the first one to win it. Hopefully, I'll see you again in forums sometime this weekend. If not, then I hope you and the rest the hubbers have a great fourth of july.


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

I'll have to come up with one for the next wacky questions hub! Thanks for the invitation to fantasize! I had forgotten all about that pastime, for awhile it was practically my occupation! fantasizing!


ralwus 6 years ago

I'll have to think up one then. hmmm, What is your wackiest fantasy?


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

raalwuus, that is zackly why you have been voted next wackiest hubber. Too bad you don't have any queschuns for me!


ralwus 6 years ago

mega darlin', the end the musician blows into on the diggerydoo is usually formed with bees wax. It makes for comfort and a better seal I suppose. there ya are and I am not even Aboriginal. much love wacky woman.


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Ixxy - and I was about to give up on them - why do I doubt myself so? Even if I were to only get 4 readers - I would continue to write wacky stuff. It is my mission.

Ivorwen - I just don't believe it. It was Stevennix who came up with the flying cars thing - he's the psychic - but haven't seen him around for awhile, so golly, maybe he knows more than we can imagine! I'll get in touch with him right away, he will be excited about this. Thanks for sharing.


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

Speaking of flying cars: http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/06/30/transition.fl...

Are you sure you are not a fortune teller?


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

Always love these. Thanks for the laughs!


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Gus: people often say I'm crazy - personally, I feel like everyone else is nuts - uh oh, isn't that one of the signs that you're really crazy?

Ivorwen: I sometimes find it hard to believe people really read this stuff I spew out and its a darn good thing I call it "wacky" cuz otherwise there'd be men in white coats waiting at my door! but you understand about the bras, and the cars, it would be easier to have a flying car than find the right bra!

Thank you all for reading and commenting - you know you're just encouraging me, don't you?


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

LOL. I love the no flying cars, 'cause we can't even get bras that fit right! But maybe a one size fits most flying car would be easier than a bra?

I love your disclaimer too. =D


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA

mega1 - Y'all are plumb crazy, but that is a fine attribute to possess. Maybe it possesses you??? No difference, right?

Gus ;-)


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Hi Ralwus! Huh? I don't know anything about any bees wax on his giggery boo? You have some information I'm not privy to. (Isn't that a funny way to talk? "privy to") Billybongs are musical instruments. No, its true. Bongs they smoke, but I don't. I am wacko - they could practically name a town in Texas after me!


ralwus 6 years ago

Wouldn't the WD40 do harm to the bees wax on his giggery boo? and what was he doing playing with his billybong? I thought they smoked them? yer wacco ya know? LOL

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