Waiting for my Wings


I was born to wander low to the ground

Always analyzing

Stepping lightly in this world

Not making much of a sound

Nor calling much attention to myself


Yet I was/am noticed.


Always aware of everything around me

I never missed a thing

Observing each being passing through my world

Always listening with the intent to understand

Alert to every predator


I always had this spark inside me that I can’t explain

That there was a bigger plan for me

Some greater purpose or mission was always inside my head


I don’t understand

How a fire can be planted

In such a helpless creature

So many predators wanting to eat me

What are my chances of surviving and thriving anyway?


I try to stay out of sight.


Why would I have this strong feeling

Of a greater purpose,

If this is all there is?


I eat away at all the healthy leaves

Listen, Watch, and Learn

Preparing myself for whatever is next



It hasn’t come.


And I’ve been here a long time

Living through hell

I am so very tired


Harrowing events have shaken my world to the very core

Challenges, that’s what I used to call them

Stones thrown in my path

Obstacles to climb;

Forks in the road

Forced decisions where the outcome wasn’t clear

Insurmountable it seemed. Seems.



I saw another like me today.

He was wrapping himself up in a cocoon of silk

It seemed like a shroud for the dead

Like preparing your grave and lying in it


Waiting to die

But knowing death’s shadow would come quickly


I watched all day as he worked the intricate blanket

So delicate and fine at first

Then it seemed impenetrable

Until no hint of him remained



I should have talked to him

Before he went in


To know what he was feeling


If he knew this dark despair

And heart-wrenching sadness


I needed to know if that was the impetus

That finally made him give up

And shut himself completely from the world

- did the pain just become unbearable?

- were his wounds too deep to heal?

- was he tired of screaming inside when outside he couldn't make a sound?

- did the loneliness become too cold?

- had he given his all in his last fight?

- Was there nothing left?

- did he feel so hopeless that he was already dead inside?

When he last stood at the mirror, did he see his reflection?


Tonight, I began my own spinning

With every strand, another tear


The tears melted the silken strand to bind them together like glue.

And the darker the cocoon, the smaller the space; the better I felt

Knowing death was near, was a welcoming thought

With each strand I spun, I let go of a piece of the burden


The tighter everything grew around me

My pain began slipping away.


Finally

Complete Darkness.

Rest

Breathe


I’m floating free for the first time ever in my lifetime

No fear, no predators, no worry, no pain.


For once in my life, I am not afraid.

And I wait.

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Comments 24 comments

Maralexa profile image

Maralexa 5 years ago from Vancouver, Canada and San Jose del Cabo, Mexico

And you wait. That is so beautiful, Erin. I think I know where you might be going with this hub. I am glad you made this a hub of its own. Thank you so much for writing so beautifully. I am a fan!


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Maralexa, thanks so much for coming back and your great comments. It's been a while since I've done just poetry, and I love it so much. It's really where I pour my heart and soul. Take care my friend, I'm following you too :)


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

To shed ones cocoon is a beautiful thing, from being wrapped up so tightly with so much stress of knowing that your wings are waiting to sprout. Wings that will take you on beautiful, wonderful flights of fancy in the sunshine, basking your wings will feel the heat and lift you up floating with the summer breezes. This was a wonderful poem Erin LeFey, I loved every word.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Thank you Ken, its been so stressful lately - I just had to let out some emotion in my poetry. I thought you would get it. :) When I'm feeling better, I'm sure the wings will come, they're just not here right now. I know its all you talked of, I've felt that before - its up and down...

Thanks for your comment, my friend.


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Hi Erin you certainly have an unusual way of narrating in this unique style. It is soothing to read and one day you will experience it's release. Cheers from (getting sunnier) Melbourne.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

AH, thanks so much for coming to my corner of the hub, usually its much sunnier here - its a hopeful place, I'm sorry this was our first introduction. I much enjoyed your poem last night. Cheers!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Your poetry is filled with such an abundance of metaphor and your gentle heart shows itself as the words flow.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

unbelievably beautiful prose, Erin...really! I mean it! This is amazing!...metaphor..feeling, introspection, wondering...absolutely fantastic piece of art! I am so amazed at this work. Top Notch!!!!

UP beautiful awesome and Interesting..and so very imaginative!!!!!


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

mckbirdbks, thank you for your comments. I've never been told I have a gentle heart - people have always remarked about my strength, I thank you for that. I needed someone else to point that out for me to recognize it.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Lucky Cats, I was so into this piece, it just flowed out of me - you would be surprised at how little time it took. Finding the pictures actually was the hardest part. I am honored by your praise - I think it was so much a part of me, it just melted onto the page. Thanks so much, my friend.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Wow, I'm speechless...That was such a Wonderful, but Sad as well as Poignant Poem Erin. You should be very proud of the way it flows and moves and than it is gone. I also Loved the pictures that you chose, they add their own Dramatic Flair.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Hi B, thanks for coming and sharing. I rendered you speechless? wow. :) The words just came to me like that, the pictures...well those I had to pull and tug out of Google and from all over - it was so hard to find what I wanted because of all the layers. Take care, my friend.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Only one word needed here Erin;beautiful!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your talent as a writer with us all on here.

Do you know it always amazes me just how much talent there is in the caring community,and your hubs are definitly amongst the gifted.

Here's to many more to share my friend.

Take care

Eiddwen.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Oh my, What can i say that hasn't been said? It's beautiful, It's haunting, It's heart wrenching, and yes, it's chilling. You have soo much to give and you give it freely, to us, who loves every story/poetry/ compassionate comments you make. I feel that i know you, and i know that the light will burn bright again, and you will soar with wings higher than ever before. Take care and know that you are loved Dear one....


CloudExplorer profile image

CloudExplorer 5 years ago from New York City

Wow, someone has a true skill, and art with words. I really have no clue how I got here, but once I did arrive I had to read a bit more, and then more to get to see the beauty that lies behind that hood of yours they call a mind.

It's quite amazing what this hub feels like when I finish reading it entirely, I almost feel like the Caterpillar itself, just an awesome illustration of how a humans life can contrast that of any living organism with the usage of words and awesome imagery. This is one Power packed Hub. Outstanding!!! & Thanks for sharing it Erin


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

To reach beyond our protective shell, so delicate yet bound so imperceptibly with the lessons of the world is what true beauty and strength is all about. Beautifully worded, Erin; and perfect in its inspiration from the soul of a true poet whose words still catch my breath. Up, awesome and beautiful. Thank you. :-)


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Hello Erin,

Simply sensational! Who doesn't adore being wrapped in a coccoon whether it being a blankie or someone's arms or a nice warm sweater on a cold day. Your hub brought back wonderful memories for me. Thank you! :))


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

To my friends on hubpages, especially to those who have commented in the last week - your comments have truly humbled me and blown me away at the same time. I just came back from vacation in Sedona, Arizona; one I desperately needed. Before I left, I felt like everything was closing in on me...Sedona was the perfect place to go. I'm going to hub about it. To read your comments on this piece tonight as soon as I logged on was so heart-warming.

I didn't have computer access where I was staying and I thought of you all often...my hub family. I didn't want to leave Sedona, but I'm so glad to be in touch again.

barb, I'm so glad you liked it. I know it ends abruptly, and its intentional - I was planning to follow it up but at the time, I didn't know where I was going with it all :) I think after this vacation, I've gotten a whole new perspective to write about. Namaste, my friend.

Eiddwen, Thank you so much my friend, that means so much to me coming from you. :) Your hubs are among the very best as well, I love reading them.

My dear sweet Ruby, you do know me. You read my hubs and understand them with a compassionate ear, kind heart and are always the first one to inspire me with your faith, love and hope. We're sisters - partners in crime :) And we've had some of the greatest adventures in your hubs!

Cloudexplorer, welcome and so nice to meet you! I'm glad you stumbled onto my page.Thank you for such a detailed comment and I'm glad you enjoyed this one so much. I plan to check out your hubs as well as soon as I get caught up. :)

Genna, its so good to see you visiting my space again. I visited your page last week, but I had read your most recent stuff - I'll visit again soon. Thank you for the insightful comments, my friend. I've missed you!

Sunshine, hi! I so know what you mean! I love to cocoon myself away or just hide away when I can get away with it. (I'm usually writing during that time too..._ So good to see you again!


Romano Arnesto profile image

Romano Arnesto 5 years ago from Philippines

Metamorphosis...imagine having a life of a butterfly who'll just spread its wings for a week.

Just like our lives, but in a different way. We can take care spreading our wings to success and making it stay for a long time.

Two thumbs up!!!


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Hello Romano, thanks for visiting here :) yes, its all about metamorphosis...the darkest hours before the dawn. And after reading your beautiful hub on kindness I know you are not talking about financial or career success, but that of being a human being and positive influence in this world. Blessings my new friend.


CMCastro profile image

CMCastro 5 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA

I am finally reading this when I am fully awake. You really are a true artist with your poetry. I can fully understand. I think we all go through metamorphosis in a lifetime. The light is always shining from the other side of the rock. So we have to come out from underneath and see or we won't go anywhere. :)


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

Christina, thanks so much for reading and commenting. That's so true, and we know that there is light on the other side - its our faith that gets us through these dark days and gives us the strength to spin the cocoon. Otherwise we would just give in and fall prey to our predators - They say when you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up! :) Namaste, my friend.


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

Erin, I do love your poetry. Amazing structure and meaning. Voted up. You are gifted friend. I believe we all have the chance to be great and if we choose to follow the light, we will be just fine. And I agree and know personally, it takes hitting rock bottom to learn to climb. Well said.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland Author

thelyricwriter, thanks so much and so nice to meet you! you are so right, in all of your points...thanks for the votes. bright blessings my friend.

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