Everything he touched turned - War Stories Ain’t All Alike - # 7

Sandia Base - the Army's nuclear weapons center

One time on Sandia Base, there was a soldier who could never do anything right. Whatever he touched broke. Whatever he tried to put together promptly fell apart. Whenever he said something, it came out all wrong. He was, as the saying goes, a real loser.

Further than that, he was one of those people who do not have the knack of getting along with other people. He had few friends and those only on paydays. He was a real bona fide loser.

Could not smile for crying
Could not smile for crying | Source

 

An honest-to-goodness loser

This soldier was a cast-in-bronze loser all right, but he did have a certain sensitivity about him that caused him to despair over his lot and over his many, many faults and lapses. His despair deepened until, one day, the soldier decided to end his misery by simply ending his life.

Ugly, but two stories tall
Ugly, but two stories tall | Source

The barracks might be tall enough

He struggled up onto the roof of one of the old two-story barracks buildings, falling twice, but still dragging with him the barracks lawn watering hose. Tying one end of the hose securely to the barracks chimney, he looped the other end of the hose around his neck and leaped off of the roof into space and to his finish.

There are times when a person should stretch things
There are times when a person should stretch things | Source

Flexibility is one of the specifications

The knots held well. The hose, however, was of flexible, government issue, 100 per cent pure East Indian rubber. It gently stretched, easing the soldier to the ground with only a sore throat to show for his efforts.

Statehouse in Columbus, Ohio
Statehouse in Columbus, Ohio | Source

Who is the winner now?

There is a happy ending to this story. The cast-in-bronze loser went into politics after the army told him to go home.

The last time his Sandia Base acquaintances heard of him, he was a state congress representative with a nice office in the statehouse up there in Columbus, Ohio.

Copyright 2010 G. Kilthau

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Comments 14 comments

50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

Gus, great piece I wonder do all our politicians fit that bill? Some days I wonder, 50


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA Author

50 - Not all, but way too many. Good to see that you are such an early bird reader !

Gus :-)))


the fix 6 years ago

OMG, that little story really surprised me at the end. First the rubber hose part and then that he ended up in politics. Hilarious! But I guess I shouldn't have been surprised he ended up in politics, unfortunately it seems that job suits losers quite well.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA Author

Hi Fix - You are probably correct in your non-surprise. The guy couldn't even bump himself off properly. gotta be a politician, right?

Gus :-)))


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Funny story, Gus, but sorta tragic for the folks in Columbus if he hasn't much changed. On the other hand, he possesses all the prerequisites for government service: do everything the hard way at the highest costs and the lowest results.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA Author

Good Doctor bj - You are right. One of my schoolmates (Larry Peerce, Jan's kid) directed that dog of a movie, "Goodbye Columbus." Kinda fits the scene. In deference to today being a holiday, I did not want to call the loser guy "a turkey," even though he rather was one.

Gus :-)))


FCEtier profile image

FCEtier 6 years ago from Cold Mountain

Irony?

Thanks for a good read, Gus. Hope all y'all had a great Thanksgiving!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA Author

Thank you FCEtier - Glad you enjoyed the read. Today was a fine day for us here, and I hope it was that for you, too.

Gus :-)))


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

Thanks, Gus and I tend to agree...isn't that describing ALL our politicians these days? Good lord!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Audrey - If they could only have the kinds of foods that you know how to cook, they'd all be much smarter, much more productive, a whole lot happier, and be longer in office to our eternal benefit. Keep on keeping on, no matter what the idiots attempt to do to the rest of us !

Gus :-)))


aware profile image

aware 6 years ago from West Palm Beach Florida.

cool read gus. love it.

ray


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Ray (aware) - You have my permission to put on a sweater or a jacket. Glad you enjoyed this little tale.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Arlynne - Of course, you are correct, but what can be said about someone who cannot even do that successfully?

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Arlynne - You ask a question that may be answered by this man's progeny - provided he stays alive long enough to have some progeny.

Gus :-)))

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