Funny And Nasty Things To Say If He Dumps You!

Hundreds of funny and nasty things you could say (Or dream of saying) if he dumps you. Sarcastic, nasty, and funny comeback lines for when your boyfriend has broken up with you.

You don't have to cry and ask for all the reasons why - or act like you're very mature and super understanding when he ends the relationship with you! Whether it feels like he's breaking your heart into a thousand pieces, or not, you could simply say one of these nasty quotes and walk away!

Even if you're not talking to your ex right now, it's possible that you may think of using one of these nasty quotes in a text message, or post one of the memes below to your (Or his) timeline... But maybe it's better to do nothing, and simply amuse yourself by reading through these fantastic, funny and nasty things you could have said, as your last words to your ex, when you got dumped.

Nasty Things To Say If He Dumps You:

  • Oh well, every happy and successful woman has at least one ex boyfriend behind her.
  • (Burst into the lyrics from the movie Frozen): "Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free, just stay away and you'll be safe from me".
  • I hope the next girl you kiss has something extremely contagious on her lips!
  • Well, this calls for a girls night out!
  • Ok. Fine. I'll just date myself then.
  • I think it’s probably for the best. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I realised a while ago that I see you as more of a brother figure.
  • That's alright, because I love you but I'm not in love with you in a romantic way.
  • Okay. Don't talk to me any more, and delete me and my family, and my friends, from your Facebook friend list, Instagram and Twitter.
  • Well, if that's the case, you are not exactly the answer to my relationship prayers!
  • It’s okay, I actually agree that things were getting a little stale and I want to experiment a bit.

  • I had a feeling your heart wasn’t in it anymore, because there didn’t seem to be any passion there.

  • I think I’ve been guilty of romanticizing the whole thing. You’re not really everything I thought you’d be.
  • That's okay, I know I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable!
  • That's a shame... I was secretly planning to propose to you! How embarrassing.
  • If you're going to hurt me, do it quickly, because I'm not spending any more time crying over someone who's not going to stick around.
  • Cool. But when you see me with someone else, don't you dare come running back to me.
  • That's okay. Lately I've been feeling like I'm too hot to be with someone like you!
  • That's okay because I've been feeling something more for someone at work.
  • If you don't have a problem walking out of my life, then I don't have a problem shutting the door behind you and changing the lock... Today.
  • What! Are you drunk or something?
  • Thanks, because I fell out of love with you ages ago and just didn't know how to tell you.
  • Oh, what a relief! Because I've fallen in love with someone else.
  • Okay, no hard feelings. So is it okay if I date your best friend/boss/brother/father?
  • That's okay. Because I've been mentally cheating on you for months.
  • I have to admit, I've been seeing someone else. Did you find out?
  • Let's bury this relationship and be done with it.
  • I want to break up too, because I couldn't stand another day being around you.
  • Fine, because I haven't been honest with you during our entire relationship.
  • That's fine with me. I'm already dating someone new, and I'm really excited about him!
  • Apparently a girl has to date one or two bad men before she finds a good one! So that's cool with me.
  • Well, I suppose now is not a good time to let you know I've booked us a romantic getaway!
  • Hang on, it ain't over till the fat lady sings: "Tra la la la la, la, la, la!"
  • The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing he isn't capable of loving you back because they are so stupid.
  • I guess you don’t realize how much you don't care about someone until they don’t care about you.
  • Oh. Poor me!
  • Yeah, well I was getting kind of bored dating you, so I'm cool with this.
  • We were going to split over religious differences sooner or later anyway, what with you thinking you're God and me disagreeing.

  • Look over at that house plant. See the camera? You're on CandidJerk.com!
  • Well, all I can say is thank you for being the one to show me what kind of guy I don't want to be with.
  • Men are like dessert: Nice, but not necessary!

This page is the Copyright of Hubpages.com writer StricktlyDating, originally published 5 Jan 2010.

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  • Here's just a reminder of what you can't have! *flash breasts*
  • You must have been reading my mind. I've wanted out of this relationship with you for weeks now!
  • Is it cold in here? Or is it just your heart?
  • Hmmm. I'm just wondering what I was doing when you decided you didn't want me any more!
  • Good luck finding someone better than me, you were always going to be punching above your weight with me.
  • Break up? Wanna get married instead?
  • Okay, seeya later - NEVER!
  • I want to thank you for giving me the worst day of my life.
  • I know I should respect your choice, but I'm finding it hard not to think you're being an idiot.
  • Well thank you for raining on my love parade!
  • I've got places to go, things to see, and people to do!
  • It's okay. I'd rather date a man with a better job.
  • *Burst into song* I can have another you in a minute, in fact he'll be here in a minute baby!
  • Oh thank goodness, now I can have some happiness in my life!
  • What a relief... Now don't have to pretend to be satisfied!
  • Don't bother telling me why, I'm just happy to get the hell away from you!
  • It only takes one bad boyfriend to make me realize I deserve SO much better!
  • If one day I actually start to matter, let me know. If not, goodbye forever.
  • That's okay. I don't really enjoy seeing you without your clothes on. That's why I've been dimming the lights.
  • Your heart is a huge icepack and I have no intention of being your defroster.
  • Well, this is awkward, I was just about to dump you too!
  • Cancel my subscription: I'm tired of all your issues!
  • That's cool. I'm looking for someone a little more intelligent.
  • If you're stupid enough to walk away, then I'm smart enough to let you go.
  • I know that some people aren't meant to stay in my life because they are stupid.
  • It's a shame you missed out on seeing me in my new Victoria's Secret lingerie. Your loss.
  • Well, my big mistake wasn't falling for you, it was being fooled enough to think you fell for me too.
  • If you're dumb enough to let this relationship go, you didn't deserve it in the first place!
  • Thank you for breaking my heart. You've only made me me stronger. Like a female body builder kind of strong.
  • Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened, and I went on to meet someone more worthy.
  • Copyright: Hubpages.com author StricktlyDating. The content on this page should not be copied or commercialised as the author retains copyright over the text and images on this page.

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Comments: 76 comments

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stricktlydating 2 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the page!


amnasa k marak 2 years ago

awesome


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stricktlydating 2 years ago from Australia Author

G'day Nell! Thanks for your comment... I must admit I have met the most attractive men whilst drinking only to find they weren't so in the light of day! OMG!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

lol! now that made me laugh! I think my friend had a great saying, she said one time when she was dumped, 'well I thought you were nice looking when I was drunk, but sober? you are so darn ugly! lol!


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stricktlydating 2 years ago from Australia Author

Awesome quote Shyron and perfect to add to this page, thanks! I like your sense of humor:)


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago

LOL, these are all very good.

What to tell a man who that thinks he has it all! "I don't know where you got it, but I can tell you where to put it!"--Dolly Parton

I love these.


helpfun 2 years ago

Those comebacks are very helpful


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stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

G'day DDE, and happy Halloween for today too!


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

BREAKUP QUOTES: Nasty Things To Say If He's Dumped You great hub and so true well done on this title


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stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Hi Adrianna! I'm glad you can already see that in some ways you won't miss him already! And I hope you find a way to move forward quickly and on to better things! Best wishes.


Adrianna 3 years ago

Thankgod you guess made all those because I was so my boyfriend two weeks ago.I will miss him but in others ways I won't.


Jason-Dale 3 years ago

Yikes, these lines are definitely plutonium weapons grade when it comes to their damage potential, especially if you go for the groin (or the lack thereof). I'm on the other side of the fence...my girlfriend abandoned me emotionally (and then literally) because I could not sexually please her during our first night together, and what's worse...she knew before hand that I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was a young boy. In a world where the growing majority of women feel that ALL men (even the good men) are obsolete and good for little else other than entertainment, any slant against a man's sexuality is bound to generate a mushroom cloud. Just watch out for the friendly fire, though, because ironically...a bad guy (especially one with a low intellect and/or thick skin) is more likely to recover from such a comment than a good guy with a soft and sensitive heart, in which case the damage caused will be catastrophic and perhaps even fatal.


WebWatcher 3 years ago

Have you ever considered creating an ebook or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would value your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.


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stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Good for you Debi, more power to you! And thanks for sharing!


Debi 4 years ago

Can't beat this one! My ex dumped me over the phone after 6 years - because he shared partial details of our financial business with his grown kids and now they hate me and think I'm trying to take advantage of him because he has helped me some since I got laid off. My final comment was "don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"! NeNe stole my famous comment!


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stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

I love that one Alicia!


Alicia 4 years ago

Via text message of course... "Welcome to Dumpsville, population: YOU


blahblahhbalh 4 years ago

wanna see a magic trick? POOF! your single! roses are red violets are blue, the trash gets dumped, and so do YOU!

what is it when you take the L out of lover? ITS OVER!


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stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

It's so cool to read your comments on this topic, thanks!


anonymous 4 years ago

I met someone really cool to hang out with. I regret that I blew him off this past weekend to hang out with you. My mind was really on him.


lonestar1104 4 years ago

Comments made me laugh a lot! Just what I needed :)


Dally 4 years ago

My favorite has to be, "oh honey, you're in for a down grade," and then smile and walk away.


xx_forget_you_xx 4 years ago

THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS REALLY HELPS!


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stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

G'day Hallo Hallo,

They're totally hilarious! Well done!

I'm adding your quote "This calls for a celebration" into this Hub! Brilliant!


Hallo Hallo 4 years ago

Raise your bar/standard high,you deserve better. Love yourself more than anyone and anything...know what I mean?

"Good riddance to bad nonsense/habit"

"Thank God I'm saved at last from tragedy"

"Thank goodness my prayer has been swiftly answered"

"For once something good/positive is happening to me"

"So all is not lost for me after all.....I'm delivered"

"This calls for a celebration"

"At least my life has made a positive turn"

"At least I can breathe and stop acting..........not suffocating anymore"

"Life has just began........................."

"This is the greatest news I've ever hard since the day I met you.........................."

"Why did it take long for you to read the writing on the wall, had moved over a century ago................."

"Smell the coffee I enjoying the moment and can't wait to make my romantic relationship with your brother/friend public.....we are actually expecting our bundle of joy"

"May God be exalted my earnest prayer and dream has become true"


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stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

That's wicked Dee!


Dee 4 years ago

HAHAHA!! I loved these quotes never laughed so hard in my life as I just recently got out of a relationship because my EX bf kept treating me so badly. All i got to say 'I'm a generous person because I always like to give my used toys to the less fortunate;)


loveing12mommy 4 years ago

I can say that a lot of these quotes are true. But the one thing that I always say that if he leaves than he was not meant to be there. Take this from someone who has got the crape beat out of her from the guy. The guy that abused me and my daughter. If he leaves than you have bigger and better things out there.


Iloveyouguys! 4 years ago

More ..more! Feed me more quotes lmao..i love em. think i used all to my jerk ex..i sware


Molly 4 years ago

This guy totally led me on and then he asked my best friend out. So I asked his best friend out and we've been dating for 3 months now. And let me just say if he thinks he can break a heart that easy I wonder how fast his broke!


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stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

I love it Riley! And if the guy had a job you could still say "It's ok. I'd rather date a man with a better job".


Riley 4 years ago

I'd rather date a man with a job anyway!


Leandra 4 years ago

Yo that's some funny shit!


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stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

Hi Chelsey, Have you talked to him about what your friend told you? If not, you really need to discuss this with him fully, tell him to explain to you why he said that to her, so that you can then make a decision about whether it is a good idea to continue to see him or not. Best wishes!


chelsey001500 4 years ago

our common friend told me one day that my boyfriend was planning to reconcile with his ex girlfriend. And if he wins his ex girlfriend's heart again he will break up with me. I cried when I heard it. I can't believe he was thinking of dumping me because he was always telling me he loves me and that he would die if I will end the relationship. I didn't know that he also told that to his ex girlfriend... telling her that he would die if she will not accept him again...what will I do? Should I continue the relationship? Or, should I start to forget him?


cassie105 4 years ago

Oh poor me what will i ever do without? let me think maybe live again


juicylucy 4 years ago

just say..

do you have any hot brothers?


tiffanynikkie 4 years ago

" It's not you it's ME... I just don't like YOU anymore..."


MonMon 5 years ago

I have used almost all of these and boyfriend still wont just wont let me go! I need something really good to get rid of this one.


Lex 5 years ago

If you need such comeback lines to feel good about yourself then your self esteem is pretty shitty.

If you need them to hurt your Boyfriend and take revenge then you don't really care about or even love him.

In either case, he was right to dump you in the first place.


Joy23 5 years ago

Most All Guys thinks that "Women are toys". In a way of after they played with the toy (the women) and they are tired. They either trash or throw away the toy. And get a new toy and played with it. And keep on going until he gets tired. If he will get tired of doing it.

And also, they don't have the guts of why do they have to hang on to something without telling the partner (girlfriend) why did they decided we are gonna end the relationship. Either face to face or tell in over the phone. And did all your efforts and best to have sparks on your relationship if you are far from each other.

Only thing I can say is this ...."No matter if you love someone. You will love that person for who she was or vice versa. Like race, nationality, age, color and so on. Love conquers all if both parties love each other =)."


grrr 5 years ago

How my relationship ended.

Ex: You don't deserve me!!!

Me: You're right...I don't deserve shit. =_=

Ex: ..........

=_= Guys realy have no class when breaking a girls heart for no reason at all.


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Oh I love it!


guess who 5 years ago

That's ok they call it "settling" "down" for a reason. I don't feel like settling


Mckenna Claire 5 years ago

haha i used one of these lines on the jerk that i broke up with! turns out he was using me! i actually am happy i dated him, he showed me what kinda guy i never wanna date!


empty 5 years ago

nice one... i agree with... Well, all I can say is thank you for being the one to show me what kind of guy I don't want to be with." coz he is deceptive guy!


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Glad you got a good laugh from it Silent Sinner. It's good that you can see the funny side of it considering you've just recently had a breakup.


Silent Sinner profile image

Silent Sinner 5 years ago

This was so funny I loved it. I just got dumped a few days ago I wish I would have read this then . I would have had a few good come backs. Well, at least I got a good laugh from it . Thank you


a guy 5 years ago

he used you, got what he wanted, and dumped you... but you managed to get in a crappy one liner at the end! well done!


jenna 5 years ago

well we were going to split over religious dirferences sooner or later anyway, what with you thinking you're God and me disagreeing...


You go girl 5 years ago

Yeah well i was getting kind if bored dating you after all i have been dating someone else


gabby0506 profile image

gabby0506 5 years ago from Bangalore

These quotations are for only those who weren't actually in a relationship!!


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Hi Jasper14,

You are a legend! These are just perfect for this topic, so I'll add your quotes to my list!

I agree with you saying it's about appearing dignified, and appreciate so much you adding to this subject! Brilliant!

Thankyou and best wishes :)


Jasper14 5 years ago from Kent/York, UK

No, no, for maximum effect you’ve got to politely criticise the guy’s performance!:

“It’s okay, I actually agree that things were getting a little stale and I want to experiment a bit”

“I had a feeling your heart wasn’t in it anymore, because there didn’t seem to be any passion there”

“No it’s fine, I think we can both agree it was more of a temporary fix than anything.”

“I expect we’ve both compromised our standards somewhere along the line. I would’ve opened up a lot more if I was convinced I was with the right guy – I got the impression you were only giving it 50% too, so it’d be best if we just went our separate ways”

“I think I’ve been guilty of romanticizing the whole thing. You’re not really everything I thought you’d be”

“I think it’s probably for the best. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I realised a while ago that I see you as more of a brother figure.”

It’s all about appearing dignified (as that’s always an attractive trait in a girl), suggesting you weren’t giving 100% and telling the guy that he seemed a little half-hearted about the whole thing. It’ll make him wonder whether he didn’t satisfy you on the physical side of things as much as your exes (the quickest way to deflate a guy’s ego). Good luck!


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Ohhh! That would be worrying! Haha, thanks Alastar Packer, always good to have your input!


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Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

If you really want to worry him like you wrote- tell um you've been seeing someone else and if applicable there might be a medical problem he needs to see an M.D. about!


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks Alastar Packer! It's always nice to have your feedback. And I agree about if you can make it seem like you're serious these quotes will work better!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Seemingly you've got more FB friends commenting than any Hub I've seen yet. And it's no wonder stricktlydating. The one on here that will get a guy who dumps you the worst is 'OK no hard feelings' if you can make it seem like your serious. All of em good though. Funny n clever.


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for your comment Destiny!


destiny 5 years ago

damn i like those


caizhelle01 5 years ago

i have a boyfriend but i think he love his ex girlfriend what can i do, i don't know....how can i prove my feeling...


caizhelle01 5 years ago

i have a boyfriend but i think he love his ex girlfriend what can i do, i don't know....how can i prove my feeling...


meeee 5 years ago

THIS IS HILARIOUS I USED SOME ON MY EX AND I WAS CRACKIN UP THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!


xihxih 5 years ago

what is the real meaning behind "every happy women has at least one ex boyfriend behind them."?


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gwritergirl 5 years ago from Memphis, Tn

Lol say one of those lines to him then if he comes back with you'll never find another guy like me or something to that effect say GOD I HOPE NOT!!!!!!!! LOL


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stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks Hether! I'm glad you like it!


hether 5 years ago

omg that was good lol i loved it


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Beege215e 5 years ago

my favorite line was always "Oh, Thank God that's over, now I can go back to living again" Great hub again.


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stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia Author

Thankyou for your comments, always appreciated!


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stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia Author

I agree!


Moons 6 years ago

Ouch! grrr! True. his loss not ours


Laura  6 years ago

Wish i thought of this stuff when it was happening to me . HIS LOSS NOT MINE


xx 6 years ago

some good comments girls :D


Dan 6 years ago

"Oh well. guess it's just you and your hand again."


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stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia Author

Yes, but sometimes it's hard to be kind when someone is in the process of breaking your heart!!

(This Hub was created in response to another Hubber's request in the Answers section).


diogenes profile image

diogenes 6 years ago from UK and Mexico

If you love someone and the relationship finishes, unless there is bad behavior, why stop loving them? Just wish them god speed and may they find the subject of their dreams...Bob

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