When Life Hands You a Box of Craziness!

A box of craziness

To laugh, to love, to live life to the fullest.
To laugh, to love, to live life to the fullest. | Source

It began with a migraine...

My week started with a migraine. One of those dull roars that began at the base of my neck and roared like a pulsing freight train to stop behind my left eye. It was time to see a neurologist I had been putting off. I got lucky with a cancellation to see him the next day. I popped two pills and hoped for the best to get by till morning.

It was a beautiful, eye piercing, bright morning as I drove to the clinic. Impressed that my waiting time in the waiting room was less than five minutes, I didn't have time for a panic attack to dig its heels in. It waited until I was in the little, whited, walled office; my butt crinkling on the butcher paper covering the examining bed. To calm myself, I closed my eyes pretending I was doing yoga-till I nearly passed out. It was then that the busy nurse came in to poke and prod me, firing off questions like she was in the military shooting a gun. Everything went fine until she took my blood pressure.

Unlike most people that have their blood pressure skyrocket with nervousness, mine drops...like a sinker. The nurse fiddled with monitor, made sure the lines were plugged in, re-strapped that Velcro wrap, and tried it again. The machine chugged along till it was time for a reading...110/35. Now, I'm not sure what it's suppose to drop too-before it sends everyone into a panic-but I managed to make her pretty nervous. Then I quietly told her that was normal for me. I don't know if it helped the situation any, but she did get a little color to her face as her pen raced across the paper. Finished with her prodding, she mumbled something about the doctor being in soon. I crinkled the paper some more and stretched my neck till it popped.

Eyes closed in anticipation of waiting on the doctor, I imagined what he would look like. (I'm not fond of being in the hot seat, so I try to avoid getting sick. This way exposure to doctors were at a minimal. This one was recommended to me by our family doc, so stress levels were manageable for the moment.) Before I had a chance to fall asleep, in walked the Doc. It took all my power not to bust a gut laughing at how far off my expectations were. I'm thinking...young, six foot, causation, fresh out of med school. Here stood an elderly man that looked like an exchange student from India. I bet he topped off at barely five feet with a heavy accent to match.

I live in a small, one horsed town, full of cowboys and bankers. I could count on one hand how many people in our town were from a different culture; so to claim that I was surprised by this little man would be a huge understatement. You could have knocked my socks off, and I would have never known it. It took me a few seconds to pull my jaw off the floor and remember why I was here.

Doc pulled his little chair on wheels over and copped a squat. His deep, black, eyes pierced my soul with warm affection of curiosity and asked how I was doing.

Umm...brain fart...speechless...oh ya...migraines.

It too me about thirty seconds to explain the migraines I had been plagued with since I was a child. It took about thirty seconds more to realize the strange stickiness I was feeling running down my pits was sweat. My leg looked like a jackhammer with no place to go. Doc was chicken scratching marks on his report.

He calmly explained that in order to understand what triggered these nasty monsters, he needed to ask a few questions.

Sure, I thought, I have nothing to hide.

There was something about his gaze that seem to hypnotize me, as if he truly wanted to know my boring life. I felt the plug on my mouth being pulled before I had a chance to think of what to say. (Which some days, doesn't take much...the thinking that is.)

I was to begin with my life style for the last six months. Somehow I had hit rewind to a year ago.

My boring story went something like this...(pretty much in one breath, leg firing away like a jackhammer, and talking faster than a dealer on crack.)

King Size Chair Goes Up In Flames!

It began with a little wind and fire...
It began with a little wind and fire... | Source

Isaiah 41:10

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

"Let's see where to begin...I am a writer for a place called HubPages. It is like a bag of crack. I can't seem to pass by my computer without checking my stats. I write pretty much about anything that hits my brain and sounds good. I'm married with two teens, that managed to make it to graduation without too many issues. Umm, an in-law moved in with us for a bit due to a divorce. During that time a feud broke out in the family with some other in-laws, resulting in to much alcohol, and a broken nose. Peace finally reined only to have a couple of deaths in the family- one a distant cousin, another an uncle. It was a popularity contest where the winner humiliated the black sheep of the family. My daughter found a boyfriend that moved in and lived on the couch with my in-law. My in-law moved out a few days later, so we took our children (2) and their boyfriend/girlfriend on a camping trip. (Breath) It was a camping trip from hell when a lawn chair started on fire, spreading to the tent. Tent was saved, but the kid (my daughter's boyfriend) lost his wallet, hat, and a blanket. The boat broke down in the middle of the lake. We lost in oar and watch our son jump over the side into the 32 degree water. Saved the oar and the kid, but had to find a way to drag the boat along the shore to the boat dock. As luck would have it, we were rained out the next day. Kids loved the camping trip...go figure. Umm...our daughter runs off with boyfriend a month before graduation, but we were able to get her back. By graduation, family feud is back on. Daughter breaks up with boyfriend.Son breaks up with girlfriend and breaks his hand when he hit a tree. Family finds peace again. Daughter moves out of state with different boyfriend. Still waiting on the results of that one. Dad wanted to serve his road kill jerky at the family reunion as a joke. Instead he gave all the children under the age of seven their own pocket knives. (One kid traded his in for a Chinese star.) Dad then encouraged them to try out his mystery stew. My dog ran off and got pregnant...want a puppy? No? Ok...I still need to find homes for them. Other than that, not much else is going on. Oh ya, I miss my mom. I haven't seen her in awhile. While I am at it, do you think this would make a good story for HubPages?”

Doc dropped his pen. Picked it up, then got on his knees, and bowed before me.

“What are you doing?” I stared at him like he had grown a second head.

“I'm impressed,” he said as he sat back in his chair. “What has kept you sane?”

“I don't know,” I told him “...my faith in God and the power of prayer.”

It was his turn to be speechless.

He chicken scratched a prescription for me and told me to see him next month. I read the script.


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Comments 50 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

I'd like to add NEED MORE LAUGHTER ... keep up the great work! Wishing you luck with your migraines.

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Tip! You are a heck of an entertaining writer! I'm almost sorry I enjoyed it so much - poor thing! But you just tell it like it's just water rolling off of your back. I still really want to know - what the heck with the low BP? Wow!

I think it's safe to say it can only go up from here:) who doesn't need a therapist now days btw? Its not just for moms anymore!! Lol. Good luck and take care woman!

attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

I tip my ass, sorry hat, to you on this one. It takes a natural to write, or live, in this manner and you are certainly that. Most of mine and my wife's extended families live 12000 miles away, so the cat fights are less stressful. You described your visit in a really vivid way and coupling hubpages with cocaine is right on the money. I get up an hour early for work to get my fix. I'm just sick of my after work life getting in the way. Can i get the internet in a cave by the sea? You have a great naturally funny style. Cheers

50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

I had to laugh out loud here, great story, written to capture and it did! thanks, 50

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks attemptedhumour and 50 Claiber

@attemptedhumour-sorry it took so long to respond back. It is hard to walk away from my fix. That would be nice if they would hook up internet in a cave by the sea. Nice views, fine breeze, just watch out for the mist...wouldn't want to short out the comp. LOL! Thanks again, I am glad you like it.

@50 Thanks 50, Not everthing in my life is chaos, but it seems like it hits in waves. I have found that I don't need to watch reality TV or soaps. Just a phone call to a family member is enough drama to write a book about. Some of those stories are downright outrageous. Thanks again! I'm glad I could make ya laugh.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Sunshine and Real!

Sorry I missed you on the first go around! My hubby gave me orders I couldn't get my fix yesterday so I had to wait to get it today.

@Sunshine-Laughter is the best way to start the day. I had a hard time keeping a straight face while writing it. There were a lot of parts I left out. I didn't want to overwhelm my readers too much. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks again!

@Real-I have had low BP all my life. I don't know if it is something that is passed down or just a gift I have. I have been debating writing this hub for about six months now. It is impressive what a person can handle with the power of prayer and a little Motrin. Thanks for your comment. Again sorry it took me so long to respond.

ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

Humorous i'd say. Loved it all the way. What keeps you going? Great hub. Voted up

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Ubanichijioke,

It was the power of prayer, my faith, writing, and a small support group. My children keep me laughing every day. My husband loves me despite our differences. My family gives me a well of entertaining stories that will never dry. My mother is my biggest supporter here. She signed up just to read my hubs. I love to write entertaining stories. I could start with the smallest detail and before I know it, I have a story. Thanks again for your vote and comment!

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

What a boring life!...hahaha...lol

Seems to me like a never ending drama. Send me on of those pups. Glad your son's hand got better. Hope everything works our for daughter and the other boyfriend.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Cardisa,

It's funny how I often think to myself...man, I'm bored. Then I look back at the day I had and think...I was bored? Life can be crazy. I don't have any pictures or hubs posted yet on this newest litter. I should do that one of these days...that is a story in itself. My kids are doing great now. I talk to my daughter every day, she is loving it there. I have been trying to get her to sign up for HP. She loves to write poetry.

PS if I can talk my son out of his pup, I'll send it to you. It's a bucket of laughs!

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

So what's for supper?

No, really, LOL it was a great read. Ain't life grand? Always entertaining, never boring, and filled with 'drama'! who wants to watch anyone else's reality show, right?

God bless! (I see you survived the migraine, LOL)

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Denise,

I am thinking about supper right now. Not sure what to fix so have to hit up HP some recipes. The migraines come and go...LOL. Now that I figured out what triggers them...too much reading, writing, stress...I can usually avoid them. Maybe I should start my own reality show?

Thanks again and God bless to you!

always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is a funny story. Family life, there's nothing like it in the whole wide world. I actually liked your Doctor, which is unusual for me. It's a mystery, why all Mothers stay sane. HaHa


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Always,

It is a mystery how mothers can multi task and still stay sane. The poor doc wasn't sure what to think. I have often wondered how my mother stayed sane with dealing with such a large family.


carolyn a. ridge profile image

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

Wow, what a great story -- not necessarily a healthy one, though. You told your tale in a way that everyone could relate. Humor is great; we need more of it. Family drama -- gotta love it. And most importantly, thank you for including GOD in your story. HE is the only Prescription that will truly heal us. Great hub. Keep up the good work.

(PS: how is you bp now?)

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Carolyn,

The BP is about the same. My mother and I were discussing it the other day. I hate to say it, but I love to watch it drop in the doctor's office. (Just to watch them panic.) I use deep breathing to help calm down when I am stressed. For some reason, it really drops when I am in the doctor's office or hospital.

Family drama keeps me on my toes. That is where I lean on God to help me. For a few years I kinda put him on a shelf, but one day last summer he reminded me why I was a Christian. I am glad you enjoyed the hub! Thanks for your comment.

"Quill Again" 5 years ago

Love the way you play with words, laughter has filled the house this morning... voted up as always.

No chair and no tent next time just go all by yourself.

Blessings and Hugs

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Quill,

There was sooo much I left out. I didn't want to overwhelm my poor readers with it. God has truly blessed my household in many ways, and in others I have often wondered about my sanity. To this day the kids still talk about the camping trip. It seems to be their favorite one. Guess I may have to write a hub about it some day. Thanks again for stopping by.

God Bless!!

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

This was not overwhelming at all. If you want to read about overwhelming, you should read my story. It's not as bad as it seems, but it's very, very real. When you added the humor, you took away the sadness. Great hub.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Carolyn,

I will have to do that. I try to handle most of my days with lots of humor. I have my children to thank for keeping me in stitches. Somedays I wish I could follow them with a video tape and tape the stuff that comes out of their mouths. They are hilarious. Thanks again for your comment.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, how funny! lol I couldn't stop giggling! this sounds like my hectic and mad life! its a wonder the doc didn't keep you locked in! ha ha I have low blood pressure too! don't forget next time to take lots of water when you go camping!, oh and don't set up too near the fire! hee hee

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Nell,

I felt like committing myself somedays. It's not all bad though. I thought it would make a great comedy. My son gave me a few to add to it. My hubby didn't think I should be posting it. (It's one thing for the family to know your nuts, but another for strangers to. LOL!) I felt for one of the kids. It was the first camping trip of his life and he looses his wallet and hat to the fire. There is never a dull moment here. If there is, give a few minutes and something will happen. Thanks again, Nell!

kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 5 years ago from the Ether

tlpoague - You managed to put a smile on my face and lighten my mood today! Thanks so much. Voted up and funny. I too am a hubpage addict...badly so! The computer seems to call out to me on certain days...check me again...come on...you know you want to. :)

Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 5 years ago from South Carolina

Oh my! In between laughing I too, got a migraine from all the drama, craziness and tension! (smile)

Whenever I start to feel crazy, I reassure myself I'm sane as long as I can laugh about things. By that definition you're doing just fine under some tough circumstances.

God Bless You for sharing this with us. Voted across the board.

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

Is it a good thing to be a "hubpage addict"? Perhaps that's why you guys score so highly! It sounds like a strange addiction, but if it works for you (and apparently it does), then go for it. Happy Hubbing !

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

on the subject of mothers and sanity-my first hub was on that subject, LOL I called it: Mothers Day Madness and there is a quote in the beginning by Salinger about Mothers being insane.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Happy-I was telling my husband that I should write a book over all the crazy stuff we go thru. I love to write to release that tension, to look at the brighter side of things. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Thanks Carolyn-It can be a good/bad thing. When it starts to affect the housecleaning...bad addiction. When it keeps you laughing all day...good addiction. Thanks! I am currently working on my addiction.

Thanks Denise-I remember reading that hub. Great hub! It is amazing what a mother goes thru while attempting to keep her sanity. My sister was sharing a few of her stories yesterday. I asked if I could write a hub, it was so funny. Thanks again!

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Oh brilliant,how I loved this one. There can never be too much laughter and you have supplied some today with this hub.

Here's to many more smiles to share on here.

Take care


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Eiddwen,

I agree that there can never be too much laughter. I would rather start my day laughing than worrying. Thanks for your support. I am glad I could put a smile on your face!

Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Wonderful, funny hub, I absolutely LOVED IT!

Brilliant and pressing all the buttons!

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Movie,

I glad you liked it. Thanks for the votes too!

Tracy McGrath profile image

Tracy McGrath 5 years ago from Tyler, Texas

Sounds like a typical day for me.


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Tracy,

I am glad you enjoyed it.

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

I read this hub last week, and it was funny. I read this hub today, and it is still funny !! Great Job !!

sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago

Migraines are terrible.. migraine and stress go hand in hand. My recommendation would be hold on to the word of God, Let His peace prevail over you at all times and Yes, laugh some more.. Wish you well and God Bless!!

mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 5 years ago

What kept your mother sane while you were growing up in a houseful of my kids and there friends? You hit it on the nailhead! Faith that God never gives you more than you can handle and know that what he does give you is a blessing whether it looks like it or not! I loved watching my children grow. Hearing their interpretation of life around them was sometimes perplexing but a lot of time hilarious. What is sanity anyway? I loved this hub but am sorry you are still plagued with migraines.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

@Carolyn-Thanks Carolyn, I am glad you find it still just as funny as the first time.

@Sofs-Thanks Sofs, I hate migraines. I am getting a better handle on them, but still find them a nusance. Thank goodness for having faith and a sense of humor.

@Mljdgulley-Thanks Mom! It is a wonder you are still sane after a herd of kids, their friends, and now your grandchildren. Just think of all the stories you could write about. What is sanity? A place where you can laugh about the little things. I loved to tell the kids this:

Child: Where ya going, Mom?

Mom: Crazy!

Child: Can I come?

Mom: (Laughs)

Thanks Mom for everything!

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

"the butcher paper"!?

I have never heard that before. That's funny!

In fact, your entire piece is quite humorous. I so enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your story with such creative flair. Great Hub!

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks James,

I am ashamed at the moment that I haven't had much time to write or interact here lately. I had to take a moment to re-read this piece to remember what the butcher paper was for. I couldn't come up with a better word at the time to discribe sitting on the exaim tables.

I am thinking about writing a part two to this series. Just when I thought God was going to allow a little quiet time to my life, I was handed more creative flair to add to it. (My children also informed me there was a lot to this story I left out.) If people were interested in reading about other's lives as much as watching it, I could entertain them for hours.

Thanks again for stopping by. Keep up the good work. I am loving your hubs!

rutley profile image

rutley 4 years ago from South Jersey

tipoague you are awesome! You go girl!

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Rutley, My son thinks I need to add to this hub, but I told him that I may write a part two to it. Between him and my daughter, they are giving me plenty of ideas to write about from terrible teen dates, to most embarassing moments caught on tape. My mind spins when I think of it all and how to write it. Thanks again for stopping to leave a comment.

homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas

What a great hub! I couldn't stop reading.I have had those times in life where faith and prayer have been the only things that have kept me sane... and then just barely. I thought about driving myself to a psyche hospital!

I loved your description of the camping trip ... although I am sure it was anything but funny at the time.

And your description of the doctor's reaction was priceless.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Homesteadbound, I had to take a moment and re-read this again to remember what I had wrote. Wow! A year later, my life hasn't changed much. Just a few more challenges to add to it. A psyche hospital sounds pretty good some days, just to have a vacation from life. I am very grateful for my faith and prayer. I have always believed in the power of prayer, simply because, I have seen it work.

I am grateful you enjoyed the story and just as grateful for your support. In this world, it is hard to find caring people that offer understanding. Thank you for the prayers. I hope to return to HP full time soon, to continue sharing my stories.

homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas

I am sorry to hear that things have not changed. For me I know it took my kids turning 18 and being responsible for themselves. After the 1st year ann'y of adopting them, my husband and I both conceded that if not for our faith, we would have not been able to survive.

I am here to support you and you can feel free to contact me at anytime. I have much experience with difficult times.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA Author

I was happy to see my kids grow into adults, knowing I had raised them the best I could. It has been bit of a hard ship, to see them faulter because they know more than the parent, at this point in their lives. Beware, I may take you up on your offer. You may find a book in your email of the rantings of a crazy woman...LOL! Thank you so much for your kindness and compassion.

homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas

tlpoague - I so had to include this work in my latest hub luv hub. You are able to share humor through your writing even under duress. So glad to have been able to include it.

P.S. I am still waiting for the book to appear in my email!

Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

I am here from homesteadbound's hub. This is so descriptive and well written. I am sorry for all the stress in your life, but it is told with humor and a great attitude.

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA Author

Thank you Homesteadbound for the honorable mention in your hub. I have sent you the book in your email, but wasn't sure if you received it yet. Just when things are starting to smooth out, another challenge takes its place. Oh well, life would be boring if we didn't have something to keep us a bit crazy. I am currently working on a part three, thanks to my mother's encouragement. I hope it will hold just as much humor as the first two. Thanks again!!

Thanks Millionaire, sorry it has taken a coon's age to post back. I am happy to hear that you found me through homesteadbound. I am honored to be a part of her hub. When I was a child, I was told by a doctor that I couldn't handle stress well. (I have low blood pressure, so a normal reading is actually high for me.) I laughed and asked what he considered too much stress was. I am thankful every day to be blessed with a sense of humor. It has helped me through many trying times. Thanks again for stopping by!

Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 2 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi Tip... I concur with many here... Need more prayer... and I need some help getting up off the floor from laughing and pass a kleenex for the tears of laughter.

Some would say Migraines are for the birds, I would never pass one along for even the ugliest of birds. They are brutal. I used to have had self induced headaches years ago, some wise guy coined them hangovers, I called them stupidity. A little over a year ago I got nailed with the first of many, this one took me to emergency and on a free trip to happy land on some cocktail of Morphine and Demerol while in one of those well vented hospital gowns and yes the crinkly paper that clung to my back like a second skin.Off the charts blood pressure. I got the young Asian resident doctor who looked like he needed a diaper change. We spoke at length and determined nothing other than the fact I was spending far to much time at the computer. (Go figure).

It sent me on doing some research and keeping a journal of the events that followed, barometric pressure was and is certainly a factor, stress another, and diet the last. Supplements have come into play now such as taking Magnesium, Vitamin D, avoiding salt and chocolate, I rarely get them now and should I get them I have two options, take a super duper 30 dollar pill at the onset, another two hours later, if still there after that a standing order at any hospital for a free ride on his cocktail.

Consider keeping a running log like I did maybe you will find the cause. lol... if nothing else works eliminate the stress and pray more...

Hugs and Blessings from Canada

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 2 years ago from USA Author

Thanks Rolly, I am now picking myself up from laughing. I didn't get that lucky with the cocktail. They did give me a cocktail of uppers, downers, and something that made me feel like a walking zombie. I hate that feeling. After a week I tossed them. Good thing too. I found the meds were deteriorating my joints. Doc claimed it wasn't the meds but after I stopped taking them I didn't have any problems. I still the the headaches...which they claim is from stress. I have narrowed it down to straining my eyes, clamming up in stressful situations, and over-indulgence of coffee. (I have a habit of drinking too much while writing. I tried tea but it just wasn't the same...LOL!) Prayer works wonders! I never thought about the barometric pressure. I will have to look into that.

Thanks again!

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