When Nightmares Return

Lost in a forest of unknown horrors
Lost in a forest of unknown horrors

Return of the nightmares,

They've been inside me so long,

I've buried them burned them,

They ought to be gone.


Yet, come back to haunt me,

Is what they have done.

No rhyme nor reason

Why today they should come.

They heavily weigh

On my heart when they're near,

And frighten me still,

I should have lived past the fear.

Alone , in the dark, is the most difficult time for a childs' fears.
Alone , in the dark, is the most difficult time for a childs' fears.

Will I ever be free

of that person of hate,?

Who messed up my mind

And opened the gate,


To illness of mind

For most of my life,

When SHE should be suffering,

Have trouble and strife.!


My own baby brother,

Why WAS she so cruel?

He suffered the most.

His body was fuel.


Fuel for her anger,

A punch-bag for her.

And Dad?. He saw nothing.

Clever , manipulative....HER!.

Looks can be so deceiving.
Looks can be so deceiving.
Only a cartoon could convey this part of our lives.
Only a cartoon could convey this part of our lives.

Inside she is vicious and putride,

A woman with no heart of her own,

Yet now there's no comfort for me,

In knowing she ends up....ALONE....


The beautiful house,

How perfect it seemed.

Neighbours believing

That we lived the dream.


A family perfect, going to church,

Always well dressed,

Quiet, good children,

Clothes neatly pressed.

Brothers and sisters can't even help eachother under certain circumtances
Brothers and sisters can't even help eachother under certain circumtances
No point in having an open mouth. No --one would believe.
No point in having an open mouth. No --one would believe.

Yet inside the darkest

Recess of my mind,

My brain couldn't programme

Our life of this kind.


I cry for the children

who may be out there,

Who suffer as we did

With no-one to care.


Too frightened to tell,

We'd not be believed

For ALL, by this woman,

Were so easily deceived.


A sweet, smart-dressed lady.

A smile for the world.

Till behind closed doors

The truth was unfurled.


OH! Where was our daddy

to save us from her?

Was he also trapped,?

Hypnotised by HER.

Says it all for me.
Says it all for me.

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Comments 29 comments

ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

Dim,

I am not sure what to say. This is an excellent poem but so incredibly sad. I hope the dreams go away and the light of hope shines through. No one ever deserves to be mistreated and especially when they are children. Sending hugs and warmth from the mountains of NC.

Best Always,

Kim


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Oh My dear Kim, what a wonderful comment. I feel the warm hugs drifting all the way from NC to England.

I rarely touch on this subject because it's best forgotten, but sometimes I feel so sorry for the children who are suffering now . Many with much worse abuse than we went through.

This week i haven t had a nightmare. Writing is my favourite therapy and people like you who are so kind to take time from your own work to read and comment on mine makes me very happy, Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Dim, I suspect that this is a story too common in the world today, and as you mentioned, it is rarely talked about. I think it is so important for people like you to talk about this so that others will learn and find comfort from your words. Secrets only have power if they are secrets, and raising awareness can never be a bad thing.

Thank you for sharing your heart

bill


W1totalk profile image

W1totalk 3 years ago

This sounds like an epic. True fear internal. Good writing.


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 3 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

beautiful writing Dear dim.. prayers from me to you


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you billybuc. Secrets. You are so right. Our lives were constantly secrets and lies.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

W1totalk . Thank you so much for taking time out to read and comment.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you. cleaner3


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 3 years ago from Victoria, Australia

God bless you for writing about it. Nightmares can be so frightening and they seem inescapable, but by sharing you can be helping others to cope as well. Dim, you're a brave person.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

A beautiful comment, Blossom. Thank you for your constant support.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Dim - I understand some of what you lived through and it is a horrific experience. The worst part is the 'cover-up'. No one to come to your rescue. And even the father is helpless to do anything. I want to just hold you in my arms and comfort that little child who stills carries the nightmare with her. I want you to know that this poem has helped me and the child I always carry within that lived in fear of her mother.

Please accept my love Dim and thank you for your courage. ~ Audrey


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

Beautifully expressed! Nightmares are so frightening, I wish no one experiences them.

Thanks for sharing your experiences--God bless you!


Gail Meyers profile image

Gail Meyers 3 years ago from United States

This is terribly sad, but beautifully written. I'm sorry you are suffering, and especially that you suffered this way as a child.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

Beautifully sad Dim; a great write which I am sure will help many. Voted up an wishing you a great day.

Eddy.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hello Audrey, our wonderful vocalcoach.

Thank you so much for the empathy that oozes ot of your comment.

I didn't think I would ever be able to write about it and even this is merely scratching the surface but it did make me feel a little better.

Your comments helped even more. I know she doesn't use a computer otherwise I don't think l could have written it even now . I am 62 years old. It is ridiculous that l am still afraid of her. but l know how cleverley she could mess with my head.

Thank you for your beautiful encouragement. I shall think of the inner child , as you say. it really helps.

God bless you.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you ChitrangadaSharan.

It 's kind of you to take the time to read and comment. I haven't seen your name before. I shall have to look at your hubs.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Dear gail meyers, I appreciate your comment very much.

It's been a long time coming for me to write just a tiny piece of how cruel a stepmom she was.Strange thing is she was just as bad with her own children.

Thank you again. I don't get the nightmares too often now that l am older but it surprises me when they DO come back so vivid.!!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you Eiddwen.

Hope you have a good day . We have half a chance with the sunshine we are not used to..

Isn't it beautiful to have a normal Summer?


Monis Mas profile image

Monis Mas 3 years ago

Oh my God... I hope this is just your amazing poetry, and not something that really happend to you... Beautiful poem, so powerful, and so sad.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Wow, this really smacks one in the face here of that saddest of realties in life no doubt!!! Whew, this is truly a tough one here and you have painted the ugly, vivid picture of such so well. I do pray you have not have to endure such suffering.

God bless you, Faith Reaper


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi Monis Mas.

Don't be alarmed. It was a long time ago., but it was my early teenage years and later so many memories are embedded in my mind.

It is rare for me to think of it, but I feel for my brothers especially one of them. Yet here we are, grown up with beautiful families. I even have 2 great grandchildren and SHE.... well she still has the big house and the money and.....no-one.!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi Faith Reaper I have a strong faith now as an adult. Our heavenly father has been good enough to allow me to help others , who"ve suffered similar and much worse.

I feel privelaged to have been used, and to see many of these people serving and loving God now.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Dim Flaxenwick,

This is so wonderfully written but it brings some very heavy emotions with it. I didn't even know what to do with myself... I was all over the place. The nightmares while we are awake often become our nightmares while we sleep and it's hard to tell which is more real. You've really done a beautiful job with this and here's to pleasant dream!

Up and others ~ Sharing too!

Cat


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Dearest Cat,

Thank you for your support and your empathy.

I didn't mean to disurb or upset anyone. The words just came tumbling out after so, so many years.

Looking back , l don't know how we 4 children lived through it. Everything was a secret. All of us afraid of her. I daren't write anymore. I still get chills at the thought of her finding out l've written about it.

Yet, could be, now that it's written l can bury it all again.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Sweet Dim,

Oh, no... I'm so glad you wrote this. I think it's these kind that are the hardest and the easiest to write. They stir up a lot of feelings while writing, but then usually, a sense of relief follows. Writing about painful moments in our lives is therapy for the writer and frees the thoughts from the dark places in our hearts and minds and it also is something of a therapy for the readers because I think we can all relate, on some level to tragic events in our lives.

I can't tell you how much my heart hurts for you and the others, it truly does. You've been through things nobody should every have to go through, but if we didn't know any better, we'd never know because you have such a wonderful heart and spirit. You are strong, despite your strength being tested.

I really think it's wonderful that you've written about this and I don't know if anyone could've written a more powerful and poignant piece. I truly hope that you find something therapeutic in letting it out and release as many of these horrible memories, until maybe, the nightmares subside.

Nobody can hurt you anymore... big hugs to you today!

Cat


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you for the hugs and the wonderful comment.

I don't feel "strong" as you decsribe me, but maybe l am getting there thanks to hubfriends who are sensitive to nightmares or real abuse.

I can't believe it has taken so long for me to write anything about "it".

I recently went through some of my older hubs and when l read "Self serving your whole life brings no rewards""" l was amazed ....because l don't recall having anyone or anything in mind when l wrote it....but on reading it after a while l realised it is HER. The entire poem could have been written about Her, so that inspired me to write something a bit more real.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

Yhe hub is called Self serving all your life brings no rewards.

Thank you again for the love l feel from your encouragement.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

I feel a little apprehensive about pushing the publish button when I write my 'sad, personal-type' hubs, but there is always some sense of relief afterwards. I'm so glad you are finally writing about these things... you deserve to get rid of them! I'm going to go looking for that Self serving hub!

Thank you for being you... you are more than enough for anyone!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 3 years ago from Great Britain Author

You are a true friend even though we've never met.

Thank you for supporting me.

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