All About the Whiskey!

Who said I was drunk?

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my husband ordered me to throw the contents of the lot down the sink or there would be trouble. I said that I would fulfill this unnatural request.

Who in their right mind would do such a thing , such a waste, they're in the cellar for a reason, I enjoy a glass of whatufancy where on earth is the harm?

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and repeated the process with the exception of one glass which I drank.

Fourteen or fifteen years of age when I first realized that drink was entertaining to say the least. I joined the local Wine Circle and on this particular occasion they happened to be having a wine tasting session. The tastings were all of various home made wines, what you are supposed to do is: smell the bouquet, taste swill around the mouth and spit, Not me ,Oh no, smell, taste the lot and moved on to the next one.

I don't remember much of the evening, fell asleep and had to be carried home, Parents not happy at all, they didn't punish me as the hangover in the morning would do that . Ha I woke up full of the joys and ate a hearty breakfast.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whisky down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and then poured the bottle down the glass which I drank.

A little older now and able to frequent the public houses and enjoy the hustle and bustle of pub life. What fun..this was an evening out where all sense of reality and decorum goes out the window. Nobody ever had too much to drink on these occasions and at time proof was required to enforce this.

I lived in a town divided by a river that was spanned by a thirteen arched bridge,As luck would have it ,not, the pubs were on the other side so walking home was a trek. One evening, on my home,and proving a point ,I walked slowly and carefully along the white line at the centre of the bridge closely followed by a police car.

'What are you doing?'

'Walking the white line'

'Why?'

'To prove to that lot that I'm not drunk'

My friends were told to take me home ,and the police drove off laughing ,or so I heard.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the glass and poured the cork down the bottle. I then sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

Towards the end of my first marriage to a brutal , sadistic and abusive man, I found myself going down the road of alchoholism. I was drinking a bottle of 100% proof rum per day and could not see any way out, of either the marriage or the drinking. You don't see any solutions when you are looking at the bottom of a bottle. I was only 24 ,way to young to have any of this s**t being put onto me.

The answer came one day when I discovered that I was pregnant, this was the key to my drinking problem. Amazingly , I was able to stop and to never touch a drop again beyond the occassional glass at christmas.

The craving never really leaves you but I am strong enough to say no.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks,bottles and sinks with the other,which were 29 and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle,which I drank.

We have a ritual in our house on christmas eve, that is the day when hubbie has his 'night out' I stay home with the kids[ they are older now but still come by] When hubbie has a skinful he is so funny and ultra loving that I look forward to the night. One time he came home ,or at least opposite, we have a drive on a slope, definately needs negotiating. Anyway , standing opposite, hubbie scans the driveway and lights a fag, his shoulders go back and he is ready, and he's off ,beelines up the drive ,trips over a daisy and goes into raptures of laughter.

I JUST want to apologize, he says ,and promptly falls over.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol, as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I feel so feelish. I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here the longer I get. Now where's that drinkle of bot gone.?


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Comments 46 comments

Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Excellent hub. There is no way to paint a pretty picture about alcohol, as it is insidiously dangerous. I admire your strength, dear Hawke, and applaud you for sharing this hub. Thank you very much. Hugs, Teresa.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks Teresa, much appreciated


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

Excellent hub this is good wrting


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Cheers me dear, much appreciated ,hic


Sorrel profile image

Sorrel 7 years ago from France

Good hub!

I know the felling of being 'tipsy' and trying to prove you're not.

bu then i also have parents who decided to teach me the difference between single malt and blended whisky at the age of 15...


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Hi sorrel, did you learn, what is your favourite? Glenfiddick or Famous Grouse


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Have you heard the good news? This hub is a HUBNUGGET nominee. Click this link http://hubpages.com/community/Hubber-Poll-March27-... to find out. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And oh, here’s a friendly advice: Ask your family, friends, neighbors (basically all the people you know to vote for your hub). The more votes, the more chances of winning. Wouldn’t it be great to be part of the Hubpages newsletter? Get the word out and celebrate spring in a hubnugetty way. Enjoy…

Lots of love and light,

Ripplemaker Michelle

P.S. I aM NoT DWuNk! NeVEr Hab Deen!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Have you heard the good news? This hub is a HUBNUGGET nominee. Click this link http://hubpages.com/community/Hubber-Poll-March27-... to find out. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And oh, here’s a friendly advice: Ask your family, friends, neighbors (basically all the people you know to vote for your hub). The more votes, the more chances of winning. Wouldn’t it be great to be part of the Hubpages newsletter? Get the word out and celebrate spring in a hubnugetty way. Enjoy…

Lots of love and light,

Ripplemaker Michelle

P.S. I HaS NeVEr BeEn DWunk!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Have you heard the good news? This hub is a HUBNUGGET nominee. Click this link http://hubpages.com/community/Hubber-Poll-March27-... to find out. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And oh, here’s a friendly advice: Ask your family, friends, neighbors (basically all the people you know to vote for your hub). The more votes, the more chances of winning. Wouldn’t it be great to be part of the Hubpages newsletter? Get the word out and celebrate spring in a hubnugetty way. Enjoy…

Lots of love and light,

Ripplemaker Michelle

P.S. THiS iS mY ThirD PosT. I HAs NeVeR BeeN DwUnK!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hellow Hawkesdream, and a hearty welcome to HP. Thumbs up on the hub, and bottoms up as well. Glad you were able to escape the vice grip of your abusive hubby and the demon alcohol. I'll gladly drink (ginger ale) to your health. Slainte! MM


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

I truly enjoyed the way you've written this...getting progressively drunk...er...happier as you go along! :)


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

this is great writing indeed


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

I loved this! Yank Thou! :)


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

yes you can still enjoy the taste and feel of alcohol in your blood. the key is in the knowing when to stop or say no. a great read. thanks for sharing. now to your fan club :D


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong

great literature.

Don't fool around with incohol though. It 's really a powerful affluence.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

hEY ,Thank you everybody, I didn't expect this and to be nominated as a hubnugget as well, I am tickled pink, Cheers me dears and please vote !


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi Hawkesdream...came back to check if the comment I posted was here...and all three is gone. Gee...maybe it was drunk and fell over the screen. LOL Congratulations again for being a hubnugget nominee. :-)


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Sorry ripplemaker, I did approve them and then in a dizzy moment went back to an earlier e-mail and there they hadn't been approved so I approved them and then they were denied,anyway now they are all there. God I sound drunk I'M not honest!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hahahaha Actually, I don't have any problem if you delete two and just leave one. I was wondering where all my comments went. LOL


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

This hub has had me laughing out loud, very cleverly written. I loved it :)


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

This IS a very well-written and funny hub, Hawkesdream! I especially liked "when the house came round again"...been there, done that - won't do it again. Because there's nothing humorus about alcohol taking control of one's life. The love of my life fell into the bottle and never came out. All that's left of "him" is a small slab of granite in a cemetery in Michigan. (P.S. I'm still voting for this hub in HubNuggets for the brilliant writing!) ;}


The Captain profile image

The Captain 7 years ago from The Carribean

Very well done and entertaining as hell. Welcome!


Silver Freak profile image

Silver Freak 7 years ago from The state of confusion

Had to laugh even as I winced. Your story hit very close to home! Most of my friends that have died have had complications due to alcohol. I now occasionally drink a glass of wine or a mixed drink, but I really don't like to get drunk anymore.

Thanks for the giggles though, and yes, I voted for you.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Ripple maker, I had to leave all three, more impact...lol

Mistyhorizon2003 - Thanks Misty, hope I cheered your day.

JamaGenee - Thanks for voting, much appreciated

Hi Captain - nice to meet you hope I gave you a good laugh

Cheers Silver Freak for voting. Drink is a terribe occupation,you know it can be a full time job.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Really enjoyed this, well done!


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Hi Cindyvine thanks for your comment, I'm being cheeky ,,Did u vote?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Yep, voted for you straight after I read yours and a few others!


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Cool thanks


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 7 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

It's a good read, but of course it's also a well known old song sung by Hamish Imlach and a few others and originally penned by Watt Nicoll - 

The Tall Tale, 

Took the cork from the first bottle, 

Had a little drink

Kissed the bottle tenderly 

Poured it down the sink

Uncorked the second, 

Did the same as before

Before I poured it down the sink 

I drank a little more

Uncorked the third 

And I drank a little toast

To losing of the ten friends 

I really loved the most

Stood to attention,

Took a little drink again

Threw the cork in the bucket 

And the whiskey down the drain.

The next three bottles 

They were very quickly swilled

As I uncorked and drained each, 

Only drank a gill

The next nearly beat me 

For the cork was very tight

The room was going round and round 

Which didn’t help my plight

As I fought to gain my balance, 

I leaned against the wall

But I couldn’t pull the sink 

From the damn room at all

And when at last I got it, 

With a mighty plop

Put the whiskey in the bucket 

And drank a glass of cork.

The next floor was different 

For the wall was very slack

So I held the room with one hand 

And I knocked the sink right back

I tried to count the empties 

As they danced before me eyes

But I only counted twenty three

when, Much to my surprise

There were ten sinks of whiskey 

An’ every one uncorked

But the drain in the bottle 

Was very badly blocked

And then I heard the wife 

As on the door she knocked

So I jumped on the ceiling 

And drank the bloody lot.

 

 

 


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Yes Paraglider, it is very similar, I had not heard the song before, my father used to tell the tale, and , my grandfather passed it to him.

Thankyou for adding the original, and making your good comment.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

How funny, and a wonderful read it reminded me of Mrs. Bouquet , you know who she is I am certain. What a treasure this one is...LOLOLOL:)


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

OH!!!!!!!!!!!Mrs Bucket, yes of course, lol


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I love her!!!! LOLOLO :D I saw it you made it all come to light , and I could only imagine what the officer's face when you were walking the white line..lololol:)


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Dunno , can't remember that much, bet they laughed .


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I am certain they did, as I would have been hysterical myself, you are so wonderful for sharing. :D


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Iiii thank you [bow]lol


k@ri profile image

k@ri 7 years ago from Sunny Southern California

Very entertaining read! Congratulations on making HubNuggets, great hub!


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks for congrats, k@ri. It took me by surprise and am glowing all over,Cheers.


guidebaba profile image

guidebaba 7 years ago from India

Above people have said everything. All I can do is give a thumbs up to you for this great writing.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks guidebabba


hilltrekker profile image

hilltrekker 7 years ago

This is a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful hub. I loved reading and getting the words in it.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Cheers Hilltrekker, nice to see you back.


Pete Maida profile image

Pete Maida 7 years ago

This is good stuff. It has me torn between its humor and its tragedy.


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

I am so pleased that you got it, Pete


SEM Pro profile image

SEM Pro 7 years ago from North America

Awesome hub dear Lady! I too was laughing until caught up in its tragic reality. Well done indeed! Admire your strength!!!


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall Author

Thanks SEM, it is tragic but we can get through it.

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