Why You Should Never Marry a Greek
One of the most well known Greeks of modern times was Aristotelis (Telis) Onassis, a multi millionaire ship owner also known as the husband of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Those of a certain age will certainly know of him, the younger ones should look him up. Like all Greeks, he used to love visiting the innumerable out of the way, cheap, local bouzouki tavernas with their very own special character that you find only in Greece.
If you are to understand this story, it is important to comprehend the Greek mentality somewhat, so to this end I make specific reference to uncommitted inmates of this institution, who I understand to include Pam Roberson, JamaGenee, Gypsy Willow, lisadpreston, msorensson, Nellieanna, ladyjane1, and Zsuzsy Bee.
And what better way to illustrate a point, than with an Israeli TV advertisement:
The reality may or may not be somewhat different and you can judge it for yourself in the following video and if you think that this is a set up, you have another thing coming, you poor fish:
So naturally, I wouldn’t blame you if you thought that this is extreme. Now in order to better understand my story, it’s important to understand why we break plates. It is impossible for a foreigner to understand and foreigners think that we do it for the noise, or for some long forgotten ancient tradition. Wrong. We are the only race which literally destroys money to show that we are having fun. I have seen people actually setting a match to and burning note currency. My friend Dean used to have a bottle of whisky burned by the waiters in the middle of the dance floor when a particularly pretty girl was singing and which he set his sights on. At $100 a bottle (at the time) he was telling her, look, I don’t give a shit about money and all I care about is you.
Plate breaking in public places has become illegal in Greece so people throw flowers, which serve the same purpose, as they are sold at exorbitant prices in these tavernas for obvious reasons. For example, some years ago I was in Athens for a shipping exhibition and because I had signed a very important contract at the time, I spent three days at the Romeo Taverna (and you should visit it if you find yourself in Athens). It cost me a total of $16,000 and the food and drink could not have been more than $3,000. The rest was thrown away in flowers.
So back to our story. Onassis goes to one of these taveras and has a good time, just like everyone else. At some stage, he has to go to the loo and as he is washing his hands, this working man goes up to him and says to him
“Mr. Onassis, please help me out here, I am desperate. I am here with the love of my life and I am about to propose to her tonight. I need to impress her, so as you come out would you please pass by my table and just say ‘good evening George’ to me? It would impress her no end and I shall be eternally grateful to you”.
Onassis agreed, the working man goes back to his table and Onassis comes out of the toilet a few minutes later. He looks around, finds the table where George is sitting and goes over to him and being in a good mood decides to really ham it up.
“George, my old friend, how are you?” he says. “Where did you disappear to? I haven’t seen you for some time and why you don’t you return my calls?”
George turns to him and casually says
“Aris, if I told you once, I told you a hundred times not to interrupt me when I am with a woman!”
The above video is for the benefit of married/partnered members of this asylum like _cheryl_ , Joy At Home, sunflowerbucky, Lee B, Feline Prophet,Shalini Kagal, akirchner, VioletSun, who may think that maturity is any guarantee of sane behaviour in the Greek person of either sex.
Most foreigners know the Syrtaki dance, because of the film Zorbas the Greek, but the most personal dance for us Greeks is the Zeimbekiko, which a man will dance alone and out of respect others will leave the dance floor to him and simply kneel around him clapping to the tune, in a tradition that goes back to the times when the original creators of the dance would pick a fight with anyone who was rude enough to get in their way during dancing. Nowadays, women also dance this primarily male dance and there are times when a group of friends may all share the dance floor.
And if you think that that is difficult, you are right. So what happens when you are too drunk to be that athletic? It is the emotion you FEEL that counts.
As for the men, if you think that women have more sense than men, then think again. I would strongly urge young Cris A to think twice about getting involved with a Greek woman. Naturally tonymac04, sabu singh and saddlerider1 have already gone down the drain and nothing will save them, so what's done is done and it cannot get any worse, so jump in whenever the opportunity arises and the devil take all our problems.
What kind of nutcases would name a dance after their butchers? Hasapiko (Buchers’ dance) is named in honour of that glorious profession and it later developed into the well known Syrtaki, or Zorbas’ Dance for the tourists. .
Hasapiko (Buchers Dance)
Finally, it would be indelicate to ignore the traditionalists and the tourists, so here is the well known scene from the film, Zorba the Greek.
The story was written by a brilliant author and a true Greek, Nicos Kazantzakis, who knew the Greek mentality like no other and what the actors are discussing is the fact that they have just lost everything and they are ruined financially.
When Zorbas says “I never loved a man more than you” it is the confidence of the true male in his sexuality that allows him to say that comfortably, without fear of it being taken otherwise than it is intended.
So, fellow inmates, listen to the voice of mature male wisdom and just stay away from Greeks. If you don’t, you may or may not die happy, but you shall certainly die poor.
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