Wish I Wanted

Sad Violin
Sad Violin | Source

8/28/2013

I want to want you. It is normal to want you. You are a goal that fits into normal life. It's expected. I wish that I wanted you but I don't. It bothers me that I don't. I don't understand why I don't. I'm strong enough to fight for you, to care for you, to chose you. I wanted you once but you appeared to me now. At a time when I'm reckless & tired. Now, that I am a shadow of who I once was and am redefining myself. A time when the weight of my sword and my will to protect one person are the only things keeping me from shaking and losing my balance as the ground shakes from beneath me. I'm teetering, I'm faltering but I am slowly coming back together. I am a work in progress. Your arrival is enough to collapse what little foundation I have. Although you deserve it, I don't have the years you require of me. I don't see that far ahead.

I know that the memory of you will live in me always. I know that I'll wonder. Its human nature. The fact that I am able to do something, that I could barrel thru it and be at peace with it, that I was good at it in the past, these are not reasons to do something without the desire to do it. I wish that I did want you but I am not human enough to chase a goal simply because society uses it as a measure of success. I will not make promises to you that I am not ready for, just to let you down. I wish I were ready. I wish that I would fight but not every road presented comes at the right time. This declaration of truth, like all others, does come with a price. As I write, there is a part of me that dies a little more. I paid the price of feeling the pain that comes with something dying inside but I was not made to do things by force, obligation , or out of guilt. You deserve to be wanted and this is how I show my love for you.

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Comments 25 comments

writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Very awesome work, Moms-Secret! I loved your words and your picture (as always). Voted it up! :D


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you so much Writinglover. I am so glad that I can keep you happy. I love seeing you here my friend.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

It feels like you had someone in mind.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I like that you feel my work new but what do you mean someone in mind? I need you to explain?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Like an individual out there. Or are you just like reflecting in general. It seems like a lover you once had recently was rejected here. Must have been painful for him.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Emotion packed writing. thank you


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

what loaded emotions you have expressed, strong, wanting and yet I can feel it in me as well great job Moms.. good to see you as well :)


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hi Daniel... My writing lends itself to more than one situation but hides my truths well. To be honest, this piece is about an internal debate about whether or not I want to have children in the future. There is no rejected lover in this case.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Broken tea cups Hatter... I am glad you enjoy my web of emotions.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hello Favored Frank :) I love that you can feel it.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Ah, I see it now. The personification through me off. You're a really great author.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I like that you see it but I prefer that you feel it even if it doesn't mean the same thing to you that it did to me. Thank you for the beautiful compliment. Made me smile. Are you becoming biased, I wonder?

I was kinda flattered that you thought that I was rejecting another potential lover, like I have them lined up. Hahaha. So not the case.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

The way that you talk about it as if it was someone you knew in the present. LOL. Sure, I'm biased. I like some authors better than others.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

When I really like an author, I keep coming back to them. For instance, one atheist author that I like is Victor Stenger. I would like to read more from him.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I really appreciate you coming back to visit me.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

You're a goddess. That's not a metaphor.

Athena. That's a metaphor. Or an equivalent.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Wow, Daniel! :D There is nothing on this Earth or beyond that could ever make someone like me a goddess but the words will swim thru me and bring me a smile for a long time to come. Thank You!

I suppose to be seen like that at any time in life is as close as anyone here can get and the stars couldn't have complimented me any better.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Athena is the Greek goddess of wisdom, courage, inspiration, law and justice, just warfare, mathematics, strength, strategy, arts, crafts, and skill (sound familiar?). She helps the heroes on their quests. The parallels are overwhelming. You're the American version of Athena.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Wow, that is an amazing thing to say. Thank you seems so miniscule next to it.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Now I'm embarrassed...


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Oh no... hahaha... I didn't meant to embarrass you. :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

yep I feel it flavored moms.. I mean favored hmmm


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha... Frank. Nice.


mothersofnations profile image

mothersofnations 2 years ago

Wow, another incredible piece... one more I can relate to...

God bless...


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

I like that people can relate to the works often in different ways. Thanks for reading motherofnations!

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