Without You I Am Free - Letting Go of Addiction - Poem

I make no secrets that my husband is an addict in recovery.  The following poem is a collaboration of both our efforts.

 

Without You I Am Free

 

Do you remember when I threw you away, the day I put you aside and left you?  You were destructive whenever I let you rule my life.  I had to get to a place where I could leave you alone.

I will admit.  It took a long time to get over you.  It took even longer to piece my life back together and make it have meaning again without you in it.  The most difficult thing was feeling whole again after my life with you.

When I have you in my life, I do not respect myself or others.  I do not want my friends.  I do not care about anything except having you all to myself.  You make me believe you are all that matters.

No one I know understood my obsession for you.  They certainly did not understand when I let you take everything that meant anything to me.  People just did not realize how mesmerizing you could be or the hold you yielded over me.  My family and friends were filled with extreme hatred for you.  They could see you destroying me.  I could not.

Since I am now out from under your spell, I do not want to go back to that life of emptiness filled only with lies and self-loathing.  Now I am free.

My addiction, my once constant companion, you are no longer welcome in my life.  I am telling you today I do not need you.  I want you because I remember how wonderful you made me feel in your clutches.  But I do not need you.  Not today.  Not anymore.  Not ever again.

 

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Comments 14 comments

gg.zaino profile image

gg.zaino 6 years ago from L'America

This is a wonderful exercise in saying goodbye to the disease of addiction, whether it be , Drugs, Alcohol,Food, or perhaps a string of bad relationships that all share a common thread of destruction for the soul.

All the power to you LCB... great write.

peace~ greg Z


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks for reading and for the kind words. My husband says giving up an addiction is sometimes like losing your best friend.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

lcbenefield, excellent read on a vital subject that some live through but some have to die that others might learn the truth of with what they are playing. Use the "more" option on search and select "hubbers" then put in "mightymom" she has things to add that your husband may find helpful, great Hub, 50


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks, 50 for reading and for the encouragment. I will look up mightymom. It's always nice to know other people that have gone through the same experiences.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

A wounderful expression of wonderful news. I'm happy to hear this word.


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Glad you liked it. Life is better lived without the influence of drugs. We're both happier, James.


your cybersister profile image

your cybersister 5 years ago from Just relocated from Florida to the mountains of North Carolina

Amazing. A shame that all people who've been addicted to something don't get to the point where they feel this way. And as you know, it isn't only the person with the addiction that is affected by it, it is everyone who cares about them also. Very poignant.


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Thank you, cybersister. Addictions ruin families not just the addict. In the throws of using, it's hard to see or even care about the destruction being caused. The cravings are going to always be there but there is a determination to not give in. Active recovery is a beautiful thing.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Incredible honesty and vulnerability about a debilitating relationship..and one from which you have survived. congratulations! Up and Beautiful because you DID move on and that takes strength! Awesome, too!


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 5 years ago from Georgia Author

Lucky, thanks so much for the up, beautiful and awesome. Addictions are ruinous for relationships. God's strength brought us through that horrible time.


Zayleen Pain profile image

Zayleen Pain 4 years ago from lost in my own minds lines

i can so relate to this poem. my own addiction and his addiction has ruined our relationship but out of that grew an amazing bond that i share with the man who pulled me from this dark maddening life of drugs. the love for him is expressed in my poem knight in rugged leather, and the dark life expressed in Break me and also partially needles and narcotics. please feel free to check out and comment on them i would greatly appreciate the read.


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 4 years ago from Georgia Author

zayleen, thanks for reading. I'm going to your hubs in just a minute. Glad you have quit using.


SMonaghan119 profile image

SMonaghan119 3 years ago from PA

Heartfelt. The topic of 'addiction' is great to write about on account there are so many ways to relate and view it. Nice job. As for addiction and abusing things...It's all about moderation...moderationnnnnn


lcbenefield profile image

lcbenefield 3 years ago from Georgia Author

Smonaghan, Thanks for reading and commenting.

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