Jokes and Cartoons

Wives are ALWAYS smarter than Husbands!!!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them

wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,

goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."  

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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a

day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat

everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid

and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me

stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

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Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was

losing his temper.

"Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the animal in me."

...

"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?" 

Two Priests

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.


As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.

They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
wearing a different colored bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said
'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,'
and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know,
how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied,

'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'


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Click thumbnail to view full-size

Army Related

The General-in-training

There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions

"What happened on June 6, 1944?"
"We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!"

"What was the turning point of world war 2?"
"Battle of the bulge, sir!"

"What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I don't know, sir!"
The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday"

********************

Telephone

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,

"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

*******************

Time

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.

1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

*******************

Change

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That’s not the way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!

*******************

The unlucky Airman

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.

The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

*******************

A guy named Sue

A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's going to tell?"

*******************

Fighter Pilots

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

More by this Author


Comments 14 comments

jite profile image

jite 6 years ago from delhi

Sure,wives are always smarter.LOL


theindianblues profile image

theindianblues 6 years ago from Some where on the Globe Author

I too agree jite, girl friend become more smarter when they moves in to our life as a wife! Thanks for visiting this hub and leaving a nice comment.


Ladybird33 profile image

Ladybird33 6 years ago from Georgia USA

Funny! Great idea for a hub!


theindianblues profile image

theindianblues 6 years ago from Some where on the Globe Author

Thanks Ladybird33 for your supportive message.


billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

these were hilarious - thanks for sharing them but please don't tell my wife :)


theindianblues profile image

theindianblues 6 years ago from Some where on the Globe Author

Thank you billyaustindillon for your stopping by and leaving this nice comment. I am sure to maintain the confidentiality... by the way do you share your home phone please?


smartchick profile image

smartchick 6 years ago

Awesome collection. Please post more cartoons.


theindianblues profile image

theindianblues 6 years ago from Some where on the Globe Author

smartchick - thanks for stopping by and leaving a nice comment. Sure, I will add some more humor touch cartoons very soon.


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

Great collection of jokes and cartoons! I was needing a laugh and you brought it up! I really enjoyed this hub! Rated up and funny! Thanks for sharing it, dear!

Warmest regards and infinite heavenly blessings,

Al


theindianblues profile image

theindianblues 6 years ago from Some where on the Globe Author

Laugh is the best medicine for all the issues; which I believe and would like to present more such hubs with the support from all you guys.

Thanks Mystique1957 for stopping by and leaving this great compliment. Thank you,


Sri Charan 6 years ago

Nice jokes and cartoons


Ryan 6 years ago

Good humor. The one on the priests is very funny. Thanks for bringing these to our notice. I really enjoyed a lot by reading. Thanks


N V S Sharma 6 years ago

Nice jokes


theindianblues profile image

theindianblues 6 years ago from Some where on the Globe Author

Thank you Sri Charan, Ryan and NVS Sharma for visiting the hub and leaving your thoughts

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