Worst Love Poem You Ever Read

Love is fantastic. So are poems. Unfortunately, it seems to be only on rare occasions when the two actually go together like peas and carrots, kool aid and sugar, Forrest and Jenny. So, this is what I have to say about love-- groan all you want but hey, it rhymes!

Can you do better, and by that I mean worse?


Alpaca love
Alpaca love
Happy pig
Happy pig
Its gross
Its gross

The Loveliness of Love


I love you more than bears love honey,

I love you more than hoes love money,

I love you more than fish love the sea,

I love you for eternity,

I love you more than big bird loves yellow,

Hey, do you want to be my fellow?


I love you more than dogs love poo,

I love you more than my left shoe,

Love me, love me, love me do,

Love me as much as I love you.


I love you more than a mosquito loves a face,

I love you more than an alien loves space,

I love you more than a cheater loves a hint,

I love you more than a belly button loves lint,

I love you more than an anteater loves ants,

Do you want to get in my pants?


I love you more than Brits love tea,

Love me dear, or let me be,

I love you more than you love me,

Why must this end in tragedy?


Please feel free to post your own most terrible love poem, a link to your rotten love apple, or just a few lines for our reading pleasure in the comments section. Let's have some fun with two things that are often taken way too seriously, love and poetry!

Note: Please only share stuff YOU have written. This should be a fun game, not an excuse to pick on anyone or make fun of their writing.

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Comments 18 comments

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

.....my tongue is not in my cheek when I say this but this is one of the best love poems I have ever read - because it's not pretentious, it's very clear and to the point and there's a sense of zany irreverence - and anyone who can put this hub next to a hub about the Holocaust is definitely a hero of mine and deserves my rapt attention as a follower ......

lake erie time 9:47pm

this is another hub by the way I will post to my Facebook page with a direct link back here so hopefully we can start a participation process here - you really deserve more readers and input on this one.


Anaya M. Baker profile image

Anaya M. Baker 5 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks epigramman! I thought it would be fun to have a collection of verses...and I had a lot of fun writing my own!


Ms.Sally profile image

Ms.Sally 5 years ago

Anaya,

Thanks for sharing this super cute hub! I love the pictures and your oh so terrible love poem. ;-) It brought a smile to my face. Here’s a little something I whipped up in hopes of returning the favor (although I may have wandered away from the theme).

Roses are red,

violets are blue,

I love ice cream,

but I love you too.

It’s just like a dream

when we’re together

no matter the day

and no matter the weather,

except on occasion

when it’s really hot.

Then to feel your touch,

I’d much rather not -

but when it’s cold

there’s nothing better

than to be in your arms,

and that old brown sweater.

I guess it’s good

we live where it snows

because otherwise

this romance blows.


Ghost32 5 years ago

A silly Forums game called a Hub? Why not? By the numbers, though:

1. The title got my attention.

2. The lead-in left me wondering, "Who the heck are Forrest and Jenny"?

3. The photos are too cool for words.

4. The poem itself--fell out of my chair laughing, nearly squashed the cat (he's fast, thankfully), and--

"I love you more than hoes love money"

That alone gets a Vote Up and Across, every button in sight. Never mind the "in my pants" line, which is really the topper.

Huh. Me add one? Hm...I've got six ex-wives and one not-ex. Should be some base material there.

Number one I loved despite her growing size

But man, that girl could criticize

Number two was fine with a sweet young touch

Though she didn't really care for the bed that much

Number three was jealous, pure monster green

Craziest chick I think I've ever seen

Number four was hot, had me set on stun

Till she jinxed our deal, put me on the run

Yep, I loved them all, and ya know, I still do

They all had great butts--hey, I'm shallow, that's true

Number five was tall with electric blue eyes

We really fit together, she was just my size

Number six should have worked till I killed her boat

After that you know the marriage wasn't going to float

Number seven--that's Pam--with her copper red hair

We're hooked at the hip; we're one helluva pair

She loved hot loving till her body broke down

Now she's just quit smoking and I need to leave town

Ya know I gotta love her

'Cause I'm wore plumb down!


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

You had me at "hoes love money." They shoo do.

This is poem could be on a card, maybe one sold at Spencer's. Seriously, it's that good!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

How did I miss this gem! Creative, naughty, hilarious, and absolute wonderful in an awful way.

Voted up and straight across.


Anaya M. Baker profile image

Anaya M. Baker 5 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks y'all!

Ms. Sallly, I loved the end, "I guess its good we live where it snows...." Funny, but kind of true in a way :)

Ghost32, what is this forums game you speak of? I'm intruiged. I'm also pretty impressed, 7 wives and you're still standing?!

Thanks for the laughs! And keep 'em coming!


Ghost32 5 years ago

Actually, Anaya, I'm kind of slumped in my computer chair right now, not really standing...:)

Incidentally, when I'm not being a HubPages Ghost, my last name is Baker. First name's not Anaya, though.

In the Forums (if you haven't been there, just look up at the top of this page--there's a button), especially in "The Sandpit", Hubbers sometimes start silly threads just for the fun of it. Some of those threads involve games such as, "Add another sentence, but the first word has to be the last word of the previous sentence." Then another dude or dudette comes along, posts, "Sentence me to death, but deliver me from politicians!" #3 then goes, "Politicians rule! Peasants drool!" And on like that.

Or any simple rules you-the-thread-starter decide to post when you fire one of these up.


Anaya M. Baker profile image

Anaya M. Baker 5 years ago from North Carolina Author

Actually, Ghost, my last name isn't Baker :) Real last name is is an obscure, unpronounceable, Gaelic word involving a sound that could possibly hock up a good amount of phlem. In creating my internet alter ego, I thought it might be fun to run among the obscure masses of Tailors and Carpenters and Smiths and such.

I tend to avoid the forums these days, mostly because I recognize the all too easy potential to spend way more time there than would be humanly good for me. However, I have never actually made my way over to the sandpit. I just may have to do that. Word games make the world go round. Thanks:)


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago

Once there was a girl from spain

she says love me if you have half a brain.

But her guy wasn't thinking right

and always went out alone at night.

and that's why she went insane.


katrinasui profile image

katrinasui 5 years ago

Creative and naughty poem:) I enjoyed dreading it.


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

Ha ha ha, i love you more than i love this poem. Very humorous, witty, interesting and sweet. Fantastic. Voting funny, awesome, beautiful and interesting


Loladusk profile image

Loladusk 4 years ago from Vancouver Island, BC Canada

I love to love.. it is true, so here to love and a bit for you.. Cheers to Love!!!


Anaya M. Baker profile image

Anaya M. Baker 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Cheers Kerri, and welcome to Hubpages!


BeyondMax profile image

BeyondMax 4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

My wicked love/hate. =)

I love sweet oranges. I do.

I go big lengths to eat them too.

The only problems that I have

I've got an allergy to that.

It doesn't stop me. No sir!

I drink them chilled,

I eat them raw,

I chomp them peeled,

In Danish pastries, overfilled.

And then?

What happens next, you wonder?

Oh, well, behold sweet darlings,

Here is thunder!

My stomach rumbles,

Loud and stuffy,

My skin is itchy,

Face is puffy!

And next?

All that consumed creations

Return in blessed retaliation…

You won't see me long around,

I'm sorry people, 'scuse me now,

I have important rendezvous,

(I've got appointment with loo.)

Oh well, again,

Tomorrow'll come

And I'll eat another one…


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 3 years ago from New England

Adorable hub....the poem and the pictures. Voted up on EVERYTHING!

I'm yours til the Catskill Mountains have Kittens

I'm yours until the three little kittens find their old mittens

I'm yours until beauty becomes a beast

I'm yours until beer loses its yeast

Where I'm going with this I have no idea

So it's clear that I'm not always quite there...hmmm

Have a fun day!


tigger 2 years ago

Tried walking into target today and missed. .


Brandon Bledsoe profile image

Brandon Bledsoe 16 months ago from Houston, Texas

Wow interesting and funny

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