Writing Contest: Timeless Love - My Entry

This is my entry to billybuc's writing contest. It was a pleasure to write another short story and to meet Bill's challenge. I hope you enjoy reading my story as much as I enjoyed writing it!


Timeless Love


On this cool day in September, the air was sweetened by the subtle scents of lavender, hyacinth, honeysuckle, and deep rich earth as Elizabeth and Jonathan putted through the foothills of Cherokee on his 1946 Knucklehead. It was truly a classic; not many seen on the road in these modern times. The sun spread its godlike wings through the canopies of the mighty oaks, defining a path through the dirt road in this beautiful countryside, which made the world around them come alive.

As they rode through the labyrinth of Nature’s design, Liz closed her blue eyes and raised her petite face to the sun. (She often closed her eyes in order to absorb all the beauty of the world without prejudice of sight). The wind blew her long auburn hair behind her as if to invite and absorb into her very soul all the smells and warmth Mother Nature had to offer. The thunder of the Harley seemed to remove them from this realm and the stresses of life they had left behind. This moment was a moment of freedom and bliss that sweetened every breath she took. Liz never felt closer to Jonathan than she did when they had the thunder of the Harley guiding them along their journey.


Source

As they rounded a bend, Liz opened her eyes, as if willed to do so. Just ahead to the right was a path leading to a beautiful Victorian house. It was cloaked in blue, with white entablatures at the upper levels displaying all the charm of years gone by. She leaned forward and whispered into Jonathan’s ear, “turn here”. He resisted at first but Liz insisted. Upon turning into the drive leading up to the glorious structure, butterflies began to flutter in abundance as the Blazing Star and Black Eyed Susan swelled to grandiose proportions, as if welcoming the unannounced guests home.

They parked the scooter between the azaleas that lined the path to the front door, dismounted and paused for a moment, wondering what force brought them to this glorious yet desolate home. Liz led the way as if she belonged. The front door opened easily, beckoning them to enter. She led Jonathan through the house with the grace of someone who had walked these halls for a lifetime. She felt a tad dizzy and tingly, but held tight to Jonathan’s hand as she led him up the stairs to the attic room on the third floor. She wasn’t sure what drew her there; the window to that room had been painted blue, as if to purposely dissuade the sun from penetrating the room.


Source

As they entered the attic, a strange sensation came over both of them. The dark room suddenly became bright, filling with the sounds of laughter and conversation. What’s happening here? No sooner had the thought entered Liz’s mind when the room came alive. But it was no longer a room at all. Liz and Jonathan found themselves in the midst of a street party somewhere in town. They looked at each other, confirming they were seeing the same vision. What was the significance and why were they here? Moments ago they were in the attic and somehow they had been transported to another place in another time.

They held tightly to each other as they walked through the chattering throng. No one spoke to them or even acknowledged their presence. It was as if they were invisible. The air was filled with the enticing smells of South Carolina’s favored cuisine: crab soup, barbecue and collard greens, boiled peanuts, crab cakes, shrimp and grits and even peach cobbler. Soon the couple began to relax as the wonderful smells permeated their senses. They strolled leisurely, enjoying the sunshine that warmed the day.



Source

Without knowing how they had gotten there, Liz and Jonathan found themselves standing in front of a familiar site, or so it seemed. They were no longer at the street fair but stood facing a small garage with double doors and multi-paned windows. The doors were padlocked, and of course they had no keys, so they ventured forward to peer through the windows. What they saw took their breath away, replacing it with a paralyzing sense of fear. There in the middle of the locked garage, stood Jonathan’s precious Knucklehead! How is this happening? One minute we are in the attic, the next we find ourselves at some street fair in a time unfamiliar to us and now this! How did the bike get in the garage? We left at the house… Their minds seemed to be speaking the same thoughts as they stared, frightened yet in awe of what they were seeing. As they looked around, they realized they were back on the property of the grand Victorian.

Silently, Liz and Jonathan made their way to the house and ascended the stairs once more to the attic. Perhaps if we return to the room with the painted over windows, we’ll wake up and realize this is all a dream. We’ve been on the road all day and are tired. We probably fell asleep. That must be it – this is just a dream.


Source

They entered the attic room with trepidation. The windows were no longer painted. Beckoning rays of sunshine shone through as if God Himself were reaching out to them. Liz and Jonathan were drawn to the window which now gave a breath-taking panoramic view of the creek that meandered below in the Cherokee Foothills. In the distance they could see the gentle curves of the Blue Ridge Mountains ablaze with the colors of Fall. From this vantage point, they were able to make out reflections in the clear water below; reflections of their souls which were now free to follow the light.

It was on this day in 1948, in this very room, that Liz lost her battle with cancer. Now, 65 years later, Jonathan was free to join his beloved once again.

She had come to take him Home.


Shauna L Bowling

Refining, Defining or Rhyming

All Rights Reserved


© 2013 Shauna L Bowling

More by this Author


Comments 87 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

I'm going to read them all at the end of the month; just wanted to say thank you for entering.

love,

bill


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

You didn't need to respond, Bill. I was going to wait until after the contest to post this, but you said it was OK.

Love Ya!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 3 years ago from Deep South, USA

What an awesome story, bravewarrior! Each segment drew me further along with Liz and Johnathan on their journey. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I read it a second time and recognized instances of subtle foreshadowing. The ending is perfection, and I salute you as a fiction writer!

Voted Up+++

Jaye


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Jaye, I am ever so pleased with your comment. My dream is to be a creative writer. Right now my writing is at the dictate of earning a living, but I hope to be one of those fiction writers that confines himself to his passion and can afford the time in between!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 3 years ago from Deep South, USA

You're off to a good start of realizing your dream. Keep writing fiction!

Jaye


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Jaye, you make my heart swell with confidence!


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Contest or no... you win. This is a great story! Thank you


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you Martin. I enjoyed writing it!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Shauna.....I'm blown away, girl......Groping for words, to be honest with you. THIS is a winning story. Bill is going to have quite a struggle, choosing from the superb entries......Good luck to you and all the fiction writers..UP++++


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Paula, thank you so much. I'm inspired by the overwhelmingly kind comments I've received so far!


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 3 years ago

Loved this eerie story of otherworldly love..as good as any plot of any best seller..

Great surprise ending..BOO..

Voting up and sharing dear...


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I'm glad you liked it, Leslie. I'm encouraged to write the way I want to write and this is just a sampling of my druthers!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Sha,

I "feel a tad dizzy and tingly" at reading this... You are shining in your craft! You are a winner to me... Voted UP and ABI.

Love to see you write with no reigns, Maria


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. A fascinating, spooky and sad but lovely story.


ALUR profile image

ALUR 3 years ago from USA

Gripping, good story build up to the fascinating/sad end. Wonderful. The key is that creativity is born with you and later enhanced with much trial and error. You've done well!

You're welcome to read/rate my versatile hubs as well!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Maria, thank you for your 'dizzy and tingly' comment. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. The picture prompts really let my imagination fly!

Rasma, that's exactly what I intended by this story. I'm glad I succeeded!

Alur, thank you for your comment. I'll check you out!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

I am in awe! This is such a wonderful story, whitten so beautifully. You have an eloquent flair in describing the atmosphere surrounding the scenery and characters, and the twist at the end was a complete surprise, which i love. Thank you..


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Always, your comment lets me know I achieved what I intended. I wanted the ending to be a surprise. Quite honestly, I had a different ending in mind when I began. The more I got into the story, just about everything I'd planned changed. I'm pleased you like the final draft!


Laurinzo Scott profile image

Laurinzo Scott 3 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

Wow... Shauna I am very impressed... you are obviously a great fiction writer... this one held me enthralled!!!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Laurinzo, I have been so blessed and encouraged by the comments that I am searching the 'net for fiction writing opportunities. There's got to be something better than SEO writing, which I hate! Thank you so much for your encouragement. You have no idea what it means to me!


Laurinzo Scott profile image

Laurinzo Scott 3 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

Go for it my friend!!! you should really!!!!!


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 3 years ago from Southern Georgia

A bittersweet tale and it has motorcycles in it too! How can you go wrong? lol! Enjoyed your effort and good luck in the contest. :)

--RG


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Randy, Harleys are in my blood. I guess that's why I took the path I did with this contest. Thank you for spending the time to read and leave me a comment!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

Well, you can retire happy, you ARE a creative writer and a great one at that! This story was intriguing and kept the reader glued from start to finish...you couldn't stop reading as you followed the "footsteps" of Liz and Jonathan!

Voted up, awesome, beautiful and interesting.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

A wonderful story indeed Shauna ; you are a great writer and I vote up,across and share all around.

You are so inspiring and a reminder that I need to get mine sorted too.

Have a wonderful day.

Lots of love

Eddy.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Mary, you are very kind. I really enjoyed this challenge. I think I will work on perfecting my craft. I love this niche of fiction writing!

Good Morning, Eddy! I can't wait to see what you come up with!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

I have to say, you have found your niche! I wish I could join you girls but with the Apprentice Program I have to stick with titles accepted by the program.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

My, you are very busy, Mary. Good luck with the program!


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 3 years ago from Southern Georgia

@tillsontitan--simply create a different account for your fiction if you wish to avoid ticking off Simone and wish to enter the contest. All work and no play..and all that! lol!

SSSSS


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 3 years ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

bravewarrior, nicely done. This is a very creative plot that hides the true nature of what is happening, except for tiny glimpses here and there. I enjoyed this story very much. Good luck.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you cam. This whole exercise is rather exciting, don't you think?


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

My biggest problem is life Randy...trying to find time for everything but thank you so much for the suggestion!


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 3 years ago from Southern Georgia

No problem, Mary. Perhaps in the next contest you'll have time to play with us. :) In the meantime, you get to second guess billybuc on the entries. lol!

--RG


indigo jones 3 years ago

So creative and wonderful story, gives me chills each time I read it. Can't help but read it several times. AWESOME keep up the wonderful work...WE WANT MORE!!!!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Cool beans Indigo Jones! Thank you so much for your supportive comment. Are you a hubber?


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Your descriptions were beautiful, and the end was startling and sweet. It was a very interesting twist.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for reading and leaving your very kind comment, Kathryn!


Johan Smulders profile image

Johan Smulders 3 years ago from East London, South Africa

Beautiful!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you, Johan!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa

I've missed this one, Shauna! (As I do with so many others. Just can't manage to smoke the pipe all the time.)

I loved the elements of surprise and learning at the end that it was all the time Jonothan's paranormal experience.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Glad you liked it, Martie. I really didn't know until I brought them both back into the attic that I was going to have them both dead all along!


Randy Godwin profile image

Randy Godwin 3 years ago from Southern Georgia

Congratulations on your win Shauna! Enjoy your day of victory, you deserve it. :)

Randy


ExoticHippieQueen 3 years ago

Nice piece, Sha! You deserve you to win.........


Mklow1 3 years ago

Congrats bravewarrior! This is a great story. You did very well with this tough challenge.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 3 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Excellent! No wonder it was a winner!


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 3 years ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

This is a wonderful story Shauna. I was very captivated when I first read it. Congratulations.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Randy, Hippie, Mklow, WillStarr, cam8510: thank you all so much! I'm absolutely elated!


xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Great story Shauna, one that tied all the elements of the contest together very well.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you, xstatic. That means a lot to me!


David Warren profile image

David Warren 3 years ago from Nevada

Congratulations! What an amazing story, loved it! You ARE indeed a creative writer.


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 3 years ago from Deep South, USA

Congratulations, bravewarrior, for winning Bill's fiction contest with this wonderful short story. Keep up your creative writing!

Jaye


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

david, I am honored by your comment. You validate my decision to leave the corporate world and write for a living. Now, I need to find more contests! ha ha.

Jaye, I will take your encouragement to heart. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

Congrats, Bravewarrior! It's funny, yours is one of the only two I read. It is beautiful!


Ghaelach 3 years ago

Evening Shauna.

First a big congratulation on winning the "Billybuc Fiction Story Contest"

How I missed the story first time round I don't know.

The judges did a good job, and picked a winner.

LOL Ghaelach


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Kathryn, I hope the other one was Randy Godwin's. I actually thought his was better than mine when I read it.

Ghaelach, thank you for your confirming comment!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

What a great story! I was totally captivated at each step, congrats on winning, you are a well deserved winner, this was amazing!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Nell, I am so pleased with the outcome and the responses! Thank you so much!


Suzie HQ profile image

Suzie HQ 3 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

Hi bravewarrior,

What an epic and beautifully penned story for Bill's competition! i was hoping to enter and time was not with me . Your story is truly riveting, i was totally captivated by your beautiful words, imagery and story. Congratulations, a well deserved winner!!

Voted up, Awesome, beautiful!!


mpropp profile image

mpropp 3 years ago from Minnesota

Congratulations on winning the short story contest! This was an excellent entry. Well done!


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 3 years ago from Central Virginia

CONGRATULATIONS my sister friend. Great job!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

SuzieQ I enjoyed the challenge and Im loving the ride! Thank you!

Mpropp, thank you for taking the time....

Linda, all I can say is meet me on the witch tower and let's celebrate!


Made profile image

Made 3 years ago from Finland

This is a wonderful story. I'm sure Bill made the right choice. Congratulations! :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you, Made. It was fun!


CMerritt profile image

CMerritt 3 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

Congrats! and WOW! I loved it! Beautiful writing with such vivid description. I was there! Great twist for a beautiful ending!

Chris


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 3 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

A wonderful story, loved the unexpected ending. Congratulations


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 3 years ago

Congratulations on winning the contest!I loved reading your story.What a surprise ending.To many more wonderful stories.


annart profile image

annart 3 years ago from SW England

Great story! Good slant on the photos. Congratulations on your win; well deserved. Up & beautiful


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Chris, I'm glad the twist caught you by surprise. To be honest, it caught me by surprise, too!

Rosemary, thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.

Dream On (love your pen name!), thanx for stopping by!

Annart, the photo prompt project was challenging but most enjoyable.


rosika profile image

rosika 3 years ago

What an interesting story.....captured me from begnining to end....and you are very creative with your words and sentences.....scene well described and what an interesting end....your imagination is creative so does your writing......no wonder you won! congratulation!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank for this wonderful critique, rosika! Very much appreciated!!


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 3 years ago from Philippines

This is a lovely story. Usually, I would skim over the details about the place and characters just to get a general idea, being more involve with the plot and where it was taking the story. A habit I acquired reading fast paced action novels, wanting to find out the final outcome and resolution of the tale. Elizabeth manage to take me gently by the hand, leading me through the changing events and experiencing the heartfelt emotions of two people in love. Rereading it again and again only adds to the pleasure, Truly Timeless.


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 3 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

Oh, my! What an amazing twist! This surely is a timeless love. The photos aptly described what happened in every scene. Congrats for the big win. :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

SilentReed, I am honored that you read my story from beginning to end - and more than once! Thank you so much!

Travel man, thank you for the congrats and the follow! Welcome to my little corner of HP!


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Congratulations! Good use of imagery. Beautifully written. I like how this story flows.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you, lovedoctor. That's quite a compliment!


Mr Archer profile image

Mr Archer 3 years ago from Missouri

Outstanding, beautiful, compelling, well worth the win. Congratulations!!!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you, Mr. Archer and thank you for the follow! I will check you out as soon as I finish my work for today.


klidstone1970 profile image

klidstone1970 3 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

See this is the type of story that I love. It's the way you use your words to draw the reader into the story and that is what I am attempting to learn to do as I write. I could feel the sun on my face and smell the scent of the flowers and food in the air and that is what makes a writer great in my opinion. Wonderful, indeed.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I'm so glad you approve, Kim. I really enjoyed writing this story. I have a few other short stories I've posted on HP. I've written a lot a poetry, green tips for living, and themed perspectives, but my favorite thing to write is the suspenseful short story.

If you'd like to gain knowledge from an awesome person, I urge you to follow my mentor, billybuc. We have become close friends and he has aided me in my freelance career. He's the best! Here's his link. Tell him I sent you!

http://hubpages.com/@billybuc


klidstone1970 profile image

klidstone1970 3 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

I have been fortunate enough to come across his profile a while back and immediately followed him and have been slowly but surely making my way through his hubs in hopes of learning a thing or two along the way! Thanks for the suggestion.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Anything I can do to help, my friend! Feel free to email me directly. My email option can be found in the profile page if I recall correctly. I welcome personal interaction with you.


wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

Had to drop by and read your winning entry to the last contest. Brilliant! Very good work.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you Wayne. I'm waiting to see who the winner of this contest is. Bill hasn't posted it yet, has he?


wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

I don't think so. I'm not sure when he is going to do it and I didn't want to bother him.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I emailed him this morning. He's going to go over the entries this weekend.


wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

Oh, okay. Thank you for the info Sha.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

You betcha!

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