You Can't Sue a Gorilla - The Death of Common Sense in the US

KoKo the gorilla achieved worldwide fame for being the first gorilla to learn sign language but apparently her busy hands have gotten her into a bit of a pickle as two women have recently filed (and subsequently dropped) their sexual harassment suit complaining about this nipple starved gorilla. The charges were initially filed against KoKo's caretaker, probably because gorilla's don't earn much income and generally have lousy insurance policies.

The two women claimed KoKo, the famed signing gorilla, sexually harassed them by demanding to see their bare nipples. Now, I don't know anything about talking to gorillas, but how does a signing gorilla force one of their keepers to disrobe? I mean really. And even if that were the case, who would be dumb enough to take the story to the press and cry, "The gorilla made me do it!" Are they aware of how retarded that sounds?

If the gorilla says "nipple" that doesn't really translate to, "Hey she must want me to streak across the enclosure!" If the gorilla starts giving such specific demands like, "Take off your top and do some jumping jacks" then it's likely that's not the gorilla talking. You've been duped and are probably on Girls Gone Wild Candid Camera Edition.

How does our legal system even know how to deal with these crazy allegations, considering it's not even brought against a human? Does this mean that people working at the groomer's can sue you if your dog humps their leg? Isn't leg humping just as devious? I can see the headlines now, "Those horrible little mongrels violated me!" Riiiight.

In a country which is more then a little bit sue happy I think we should probably mandate that we can't sue anyone outside our own species, you know, keepin' it simple and all.

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Comments 3 comments

MrMarmalade profile image

MrMarmalade 8 years ago from Sydney

I really did laugh at this and reflected that the USA was as silly as Australians, when it came to litigation. There are some wackos living here as well.


SJB Fancy 6 years ago

I think that is so ridicules. Koko is a gorilla, not a horny boss in an office. OK, get real. Suing a gorilla over a nipple is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. It's like suing a puppy. If a puppy gets to close to a nipple, if it is a baby bottle or a person, they will grab a hold of it. So, what are they going to do? Start suing puppies now? Koko has been a joy to everyone and the women wants to ruin that. Well, that isn’t going to work. Actually it just made them look bad. They just want money and publicity, and lets just say that their publicity is not going very well. AT ALL!!!!!


LeslieAdrienne profile image

LeslieAdrienne 2 years ago from Georgia

Hahahahahahahahaha (pause for breath) Hahahahahahahaha!

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