The Day I Said Goodbye To My Son
The Darkest Day of My Life
It was the darkest day of my life. The voice on the other end of the phone only said, "Drive to the hospital...and hurry." My son Todd had been fighting cancer. As I drove by myself along the dark windy road I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was midnight.
My thoughts were swirling around like a small whirl wind giving me a headache. What happened? Did Todd need more chemo? Was he dehydrated? Was the pain beyond what he could tolerate?
I entered the hospital greeted by a nurse who escorted me into a small room filled with 4 or 5 people and 2 police officers. I only recognized 1 person but they all looked sad. Turning to the nurse who was still at my side I asked how my son was and could I see him.
The nurse held on to me and softly spoke. "I'm so sorry - your son has passed away."
Todd's family was everything to him. He raised his 4 children alone taking on the role of both father and mother. He lived for his children teaching them integrity, patience, forgiveness, music, sports and most of all love.
He loved surfing
Your beautiful green eyes, which managed to hide so much pain. The same color as mine.
How they would light up for each of your children. They were the heart of your life.
The tears that wept for me when I was hospitalized. You could not hide your sorrow.
The dark circles beneath the tired green eyes. You worked and sacrificed much to provide for your little family.
The pain in your eyes, matching the pain in your heart as you endured each chemo treatment.
Your eyes smiling with joy. The proudest of fathers with each new birth.
Your "Lakers" shirt. You were such a big fan.
Surfing trips to Capitola Beach and snowboarding always with your children.
Every Christmas we shared. It was your favorite holiday.
Your great cooking. You invited me to dinner often
The nature walks we often took. You always included your children.
The way you loved to play your guitar. You were shy, but your talent was powerful.
Spending time at the beach and watching you surf. You taught each child to surf too.
The sound of your voice.
The warmth of your hugs.
Your smile...it lit up the night sky.
Your handsome face.
"I love you" mom.
Hearing you sing.
Watching you garden.
The ski and snowboarding trips.
Being your mother.
I could touch you.
I could look at you once more.
Your children could have grown up with you still here.
You knew how very much I love you.
I had you back.
You didn't have to go so early in your life.
You could have been cured from cancer.
I could have saved you from pain and discomfort.
I thank you for...
The privilege of bringing you into this world.
Being a peacemaker.
Your love of family.
Being a kind, fun and very loving father.
The lessons you have taught me.
You're Still Here...
With every breath I take
With every beat of my heart
You're still here...
In the eyes of your children
In every "Beachboy" song
You're still here...
In every prayer I give
In every star in the sky
You're still here...
And here you'll stay
My first born...my baby...my son.
The ocean claimed your ashes
To Where You Are
Favorite poems by vocalcoach
- Poetry-How do I Heal my Heart? A Poem for my Son
It is incredibly difficult to lose a child. I lost my Todd to cancer. This poem was the beginning of my healing. May all of you who have suffered a similar loss find some degree of peace.
- The Little House That Daddy Built
We were poor but didn't know it. With nothing but scraps of wood, Daddy built our little house. To us it was a mansion.
- My Poem And My Way To Cope With Grief
The loss of a child is incomprehensible. This poem reveals the conflicts of emotions. A wake up call to what should not be said to a grieving parent.
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