A Poem about Lost Love
This is a poem about lost love; about those empty, lonely feelings from which one finds it difficult to escape when a relationship breaks down. It is about the grieving you feel when something you thought was special is suddenly marred and taken away, whether for the good or for the bad. You want to let go, but can't stop looking; want to move forward but keep going back. Your heart doesn't speak the same words as your head. You don't know where life is going anymore - your path has changed and you haven't got a grip. You thought you were one of two, now it's only you. You feel alone, even when surrounded - an outsider, looking in on all the happy couples and other people for whom nothing has changed.
When I first began this poem I actually wanted to write a song. That didn't seem to work out, since I can't write or produce melodies. It didn't flow like a song, but it still sounded like a poem. Maybe I can learn the art of writing lyrics another time. So anyway, here it is.
The throng of tourists wander
Right by the London Eye
Hands held; a kiss; a photograph,
No one questions why,
I'm looking in from somewhere else,
A place I can't explain
I'm lost, just don't know where I am,
Love plays a mocking game
And the wheel just keeps on spinning,
Can't stop; can't find respite.
There isn't any platform
It's a stranger's solo plight,
This magnet I can't even see
Got right inside my life,
It pulls the other way -
A losing fight.
I'm in it on my own, you know -
Here, yet still alone.
Your music plays without the sound,
Your message on my phone.
Just mustn't look, yet can't resist
I kick myself so hard.
No longer have you by my side,
Instead, I wear the scar.
Music spills from cafes,
And laughing, raucous bars,
Lyrics like life's background,
The chords of strained guitar.
Are you there? Don't want to look,
So close but still so far,
I sit at home and drink alone,
Tattooed by the scar.
Someone wears your jacket,
Those shoes I know you love,
Battered leather, faded words,
It used to be enough.
Your stupid smile; your crinkled eyes,
That necklace round your throat -
A cruel joke; another spoke
Torments my tiny hope.
A walk along a pathway
That never has an end,
A busker wants my money,
Pretends to be my friend.
I'm not like him; I'm not like them,
My world holds me alone,
You cheat, I flee, you don't come back,
My ever-silent phone.
Tear out your picture - cocky; smug,
Delete you as my friend
Something keeps me checking
You don't request me back again.
An outline on the crowded tube,
Swallowed in a spit.
I think it's you; it never is -
I take another hit.
Can forked paths ever join again?
It's destiny disguised.
Our fate, I only wonder
Of what it will comprise.
Right now I wait like crazy bait
Life's paused, yet can't rewind.
A battle of destruction
Tries to tear my mind.
Have you ever smelled the city,
Walked its beaten streets?
They hide a million stories,
Ours ended in defeat.
Words still linger anyway,
Once spoken, cannot die,
A dream; a death; a journey
Fireworks in the sky.
Rose wine, a beer for you
Thai noodles cooked from fresh,
The bridge across the River Thames,
A tender, soft caress.
A film at home, lights down low,
Sweet silent melody,
Warm beating heart, my foolish trust
How stupid could I be?
I'm sandwiched by my anguish
By the footprints of our lives,
By the markets; bars; the takeaways,
By dreams that always lie,
The sun went down, the cloud apeared,
Some days it only rains
The clatter of the underground,
The screeching of the train.
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