You used no commas in your sentence, ad Is that an "i" after dining area?
The first thing I see is that three verbs, and one adverb that all mean the same thing, are being used for the way she walked. Sauntered means to walk slowly, and the sentence uses both sauntered, and slowly, plus sauntered, and walked It should say “she sauntered”, or “she walked slowly”, but not all three (sauntered, slowly, walked)
Another error is that since you used sauntered there was no need to add “went across” A lot of redundant words.
She was already described as beautiful at the beginning of the sentence, all the other times are also redundant
All you need to say is
“The beautiful young woman sauntered across the restaurant's main dining area to give the men an opportunity to appreciate her beauty.”
“The young woman sauntered across the restaurant's main dining area to give the men an opportunity to appreciate her gorgeous face and perfect body.”