Our Brain. The best computer

Our Brain Recalls The Good And The Bad.

Memories from the past, keep coming to my mind.

Sometimes, l don´t want them........ Don´t know what l´ll find.

My fear that not all memories are of the joyful kind,

Yet memories from the past keep flooding my mind.


Days long ago, when our children were young,

Summer and Winter, each brought their own fun,

I remember the park, both on swings in the sun,

And never walking home, we always would run.


Yet evil creeps into these beautiful re-calls,

Sinister shadows of times I did fall,

A mind full of monsters and that is not all,

The guilt in the shadows of hatred and gall.


The love of a family I´d waited for,

My own special unit, I needed nought more,

Together with love, to great heights we´d soar,

My beautiful family in those days of yore..


Memories, memories, still flooding my brain,

l have no control over pleasure or pain.

The past may creep in to stab me again,

I try hard to forget, forget all the pain.


Remember the wonder of the happy days?

l am grateful for thoughts of the beauty that stays,

And rests in my heart, and then gently sways,

To the beat of remembrance of wonderful days.


Time passes quickly and children grow up,

We don´t always drink from the same cup,

Many regret a family split up,

When joy could have reigned, if they´d not given up.


So into our minds all memories creep,

If not in the daylight, they come when we sleep,

They torture our beings and cause us to weep,

for things best forgotten, we don´t want to keep.


Whether beauty or beast, we never can tell,

Will memories bring happiness or will they bring Hell?

Our minds are a wonder of creation.... each cell,

But imperfections abound, We can´t always do well.


Sometimes the memories come flooding our minds,

make us so happy..... gems of all kinds.

But when memories of evil arrive in our minds,

HOLD TIGHT ! IT WILL PASS! And peace we will find.

.................................................................................................

Nobody sails through life unscathed . Yet there are enormous differences in our childhoods all over the world.

Memories of my own childhood often cloud my days, yet if someone asked me l know that l´d say l had a great childhood, l knew l was loved. My memories are happy ones.

So why, then have l been diagnosed with chronic, clinical depression lasting more than 30 years.?

My doctor has the answers and thankfully, today she is not of the ilk, that says ´´Pull yourself together, or Put on some whale music, relax you´ll be fine....

There are days when, if l was any more relaxed I´d be unconscious. Then of course the opposite can happen, when evil memories worm their way in and cover the good.

Many people suffer from strong bouts of anger, because of their childhood. It´s not easy to forget that you once had no control over what was happening to you.

If l am not in control, some days, l will have a serious panic attack, yet the very next day , I can be smiling with memories of when our children were young. Heck! WE were young. My husband and I and our lovely son and daughter.

In this poem l have tried to express----- not defeatism! No, but acceptance that there are times when the horror memories come into our minds. There are days, when however hard we try to think positive we seem to have no control over our thought.

l find this particularly true if l´ve had a nightmare. The rotten memories stay with me for most of the day.

We are not completely helpless though, now we are adults, we can learn to really know ourselves. If we know ourselves well enough to understand what will give us nightmares, we often can avoid them.

If certain types of films, t.v.programmes or even conversations are likely to cause me to re-live certain things l don´t even want to think about, then l avoid them completely.

If l don´t, then l have only myself to blame for a bad dream or a seriously depressing day.

Sadly we cannot always stop the evil memories flooding our minds. It happens,since our brains are so magnificent, better than any computer ever made.,it can remember things we think we have forgotten, but l tell myself as l did at the end of the poem.......

Hold Tight.! It Will Pass!!!.

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Comments 25 comments

Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Dear Dim,

You write about something that many go through. The painful memories of the past come flooding in one day and are gone the next pulling us into a swirling black hole. We claw our way out..We can only recognize the symptoms and hopefully kick it to the curb before it takes hold. Not so easy I know. I have founght with this myself.I miss the times when the kids were small..the best times of my life. As a nurse I have worked with clinical depression and some of the things that are taught is a healthy diet..stay away from suger and high carbs..really sets one reeling.I have found this in my own life..Plenty of exercise and rest too..Our brains are such a complex thing...Thank you for sharing..always in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Sunnie


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi Sunnie.. You always cheer me when your lovely smile graces my page.

Thank you for such an interesting comment. l must admit l had no idea about the high carbs

Thank you. for always supporting me.


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Hi Dim..the blood sugar does strange things to the body..spiking it really hign then sinking really low causing the body to go through many changes..Mood is one..Just thought I would share this as I can tell when my body has had way too much sweets or carbs..When the rampage of eating is over..I am left a bit down, depressed..This is a good article Dim I thought you may want to read.....

http://berylwhiting.blogs.com/energyworksuk/2007/1...

Love Sunnie


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you Sunnie. l´ve already had a quick at the site you recommend. Definately one for me. !!! Thank you so much.


J'aime Rubio 4 years ago

Girl- I feel like you and I are totally on the same page here. I can totally relate to this poem and to your summary below it. I get serious panick attacks too when I feel I am no longer in control...and yes certain days I can have "bad days" and then the next day I am remembering happier memories. Call it nostalgia, reminiscing..whatever we want to call it- it is a double edged sword because with retrieving the good memories we are also forced to retrieve the bad ones and we cannot escape it for that time being, it does pass eventually though and then we can once again go back to our daily lives. You wrote the poem beautifully and the summary was so well written as well. HUGS to you my friend.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi, My dear friend,

Thank you for such a beautiful comment.

As for the HUGS.... l´ll take all l can get.! Hugs work!!! Thank you, take care. xx


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Wouldn't it be nice, if someday they invented a machine that could make our thoughts visible...and we could track down the bad thoughts, and zap them out....or maybe not, maybe the bad things that happen give us character and force us to find our goals. I really don't know what I'm talking about.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hey ! anndavis25 l think you DO know what you´re talking about.

l´,ve met many people with far worse memories than mine, l mean real horrors of abuse. it would be great those memories could be zapped.

Thanks a lot for reading and giving me some feedback.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...well it was the computer and the internet which led me to someone as remarkable as you my friend - and that in itself is one of life's truly sweet miracles - the day that we met you and I - I always love the sincerity and the honesty in your writing - a thousand people could go to a thousand writer's classes/workshops and not be able to grasp what you do and how you write so naturally - and that is a pure gift - not to mention your big beautiful heart - I am sending you warm wishes and good energy from a typical late November night of rain and wind and cold - thank goodness I have the night off and I am able to share some precious time with you

lake erie time ontario canada 9:44pm


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

l don´t feel l can live up to such high praise, Epi, sir, but l thank you anyway.

The most wonderful comment l´ve ever had, methinks.

You have become a precious friend to me too.

Thank you for all your encouragement.


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 4 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

This is a wonderful jaunt through good times and memories of family. I could never survive without my family's love, no matter how nuts we all were. LOL. Thank you for a great hub, Dim. :)


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Lovely to see you here, Astra., Thank you for leaving such a great comment.


jenubouka 4 years ago

Such truth you speak about love and the pain of it. Voted up thank you, I really enjoyed.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you, jenubouka.

Your comments are always encouraging and much appreciated,


zzron profile image

zzron 4 years ago from Houston, TX.

This was very beautiful and so true. I don't believe most people realize the power of their own mind. You are right about our brains remembering things that we thought we had forgotten. Occasionally I will remember something that I thought I had forgotten from the past. And you are absolutely right about anything negative in our life will surely pass.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

This is a beautiful, encouraging comment from you, zzron. Thank you so much. The John Lennon pic is amazing too. Suits you.


zzron profile image

zzron 4 years ago from Houston, TX.

Thank you so much, I think I will keep it for a while.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

I think taking the long view is important in relationships--so well reflected in this piece I think--Very nicely done!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hello AudreyHowitt, pleased to meet you on hubpage and l very much appreciate the ´follow´.

l like your understanding of my poem. Thank you for the comment.


AnnNoE profile image

AnnNoE 4 years ago from Roswell, New Mexico

My "computer" brain seems to remember the worst at the worst times. I am dysphoric; I have been most of my life. My doctor swears one is not born that way - that is our life experiences that make it so. Sometimes I wonder if that is true, since, to my remembrance, I have always been this way. But I have had good times, and still do. I try to hold on to that.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Wow! l´d never heard of ´dysphoric´and being born with it. Very interesting. Rather more than interesting for you, though. It must be really hard sometimes.

l´m so pleased to meet you on hubpages, and thank you for your comment.


ashna sambhar profile image

ashna sambhar 4 years ago

datz true


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you, ashna.


Eva 21 months ago

Andrew This is a golden tip you've given us. I have cateerd many different hub page mini networks but I've never thought about how useful it would be to submit the RSS feed of these sites to different directories. I am excited to try this one out and see how it helps my site. Thanks a lot and I look forward to more of your little crackers. John recently posted..


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Dim Flaxenwick 21 months ago from Great Britain Author

Happy to give Golden tips anytime.

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