bruised heartbeat
So ashamed am i
to find myself once again
in this position
curled up and affected
when i promised myself i wouldn't be
and so i found me
and there i was
leaking my toxic shit onto the only person
whose ever really seen me
i watched me rock back and forth on the dirty basement floor
and half wanted to spit in my own direction
i let the evil do me in again
let its shadows creep in and shatter my soul
and for what
Ive gained nothing
but ugliness
bitterness
i almost completely unscrewed the bulb
and shut out the one beam of light that heals me
that's what happens when you forget yourself
that's what happens when your more concerned with hiding
than you are with fighting
more concerned with the pain bearing down
than the love that heals it
no more
i refuse to sit here and cry in my cell
ill write a novel on its walls, and shine like i did when you rescued me
because that's not something I'm waiting for, you already did that.
and sincerely...it bruises my heartbeats that you felt anything less than my complete love and adoration.
and it bleeds me out that it was because of me and my shadows.