Unable to Face the World

needing to let no one in again.
needing to let no one in again.

Is There Any Hope?

I feel myself closing the door again

Arms outstretched, ready to heave.....

Maybe just one last push......

And the door will be closed, again.!


I´m aching inside, right up to my brain,

Can see no way out, I´m drowning again,

If closing the door,

Is my only choice, .... then I´ll be safe.


No one can reach me, when I´ve closed the door,

I curl myself up and fall to the floor

Safe in my box,

Alone........ As I´m longing to be.


The pain is too great for opening doors,

CLOSE IT!! PUSH NOW, while your arms are outstretched,

Then sigh with relief,

Your mask is in place,. The door , it is shut.


A day on the floor, curled up in my box,

Enough to embrace the love that´s inside,,

Heal all my wounds,

Let all my aches, now be replaced with strong limbs,


Limbs that can hold me up straight once more,

Spine that let´s me ´"get a grip"´once more,

Hiding the wounds,

Wearing my mask..... to face life again.


I´m not ready yet to open the door,

I look in the mirror and see all my pain,

I can´t take the strain,

Door will stay shut, a little while longer.


Back in my box , I lie there and ponder,

Over my reasons for feeling this way,

No confidence,

Self loathing instead,yet others will say,


Oh! Dim is the girl who can handle it all ,

Because I don´t show all the times that I fall

And crawl in my box,

Safe all alone, Door firmly shut....... for now.!

More by this Author


Comments 46 comments

tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 4 years ago

I can certainly relate to this write!


RNMSN profile image

RNMSN 4 years ago from Tucson, Az

From one who is often in this space, your words are awesome!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you tndrhrt. Your name says it all. Some of us can feel just too fragile or tender for the harsness of the world.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi there RNMSN,

Thank you for your support. Much appreciated.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 4 years ago

My sweet Dim I am saddened to read these words, yet I know you are screaming inside and overwhelming feelings you struggle to contain. I know these feelings, thus I run and hide in my cave from time to time. I have poet's mood swings that eat at me and demons resurface from my past and eat at my very core.

I read that you are lost where you are living now and sooner would have your toes in the ocean and the warm sand between your toes, I sense your urgency to return to that heavenly place and be with your son and not in the cold, rainy part of England you are now. Oh my heart feels for you.

I pray that some way, some how you can find a way to seek your hearts desire, for now all I can do from a distance is encourage you and love you as a friend and hold you close to give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be alright. I need close comfort from my friends from time to time, I battle with my loss and my life to. I do my best to take a deep breath and go for long walks and shake it off, but alas it will never leave me until my final breath is given up. This Saddle sends you the comfort that best I can from afar and hugs to draw you near with kindness and comfort evermore.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Needless to say your comment has me crying., but that´s not a bad thing. I need to ´let it out´ sometimes.

I can´t thank you enough for you kind words.

I know that you understand these ups and downs of feelings from the past. I also know that moving back to my little island would not solve all my problems, yet I do still sometimes feel I was wrenched from it, wrenched from my own life. Let´s blame it all on turning 60......

Thank you for all your comments and the wonderful poetry you write that helps me often.

Take care, Veronica.


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Dim I can relate more than you know when the past wants to steal our joy..I pray God will bring you peace today and many more days ahead..

Love,

Sunnie


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Beautiful comment, dear Sunnie. Thank you.

I haven´t had many comments yet, but I´m amazed at the people who have commented have felt or do feel as I do.

Maybe I´m not so weird after all. Just a bit of a square peg in a round hole, where I´m living now.

Thank God for hubfriends, and all the other good things He brings us each day.


cre8ivOne profile image

cre8ivOne 4 years ago from Midwest, USA

I've had a few of those days. Wanting the world to just leave me alone for a spell. I am glad to know other people can understand the way I feel every now and then. Great Hub!


Lady_Tenaz 4 years ago

Hugs from me to you Veronica- I know we haven't known eachother long but I feel close to you, you are my "spiritual sister" you know :-) and I am here for you whenever you are down, please know you can always come to me if you need to talk. Your poem is so sad, and I can understand. Sometimes I just need my time alone to reflect on things too. I hope you are feeling better soon. HUGS


jenubouka 4 years ago

Beautiful poem. Some days the door needs to be closed so our minds can reach out spirit.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thanks cre8ivone

Glad you could relate.

Take care,

Dim


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you for the hugs, Jaime, Your offer of ´´being there for me´ is much appreciated and no doubt will be taken up one day.

You take care too.

Hugs right back at you. xxxx


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi jenubouka, Thank you for such lovely comment. It´s true, l need to meditate a little and then come bouncing bck.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Knock, knock on the outside of your box. I’ve brought you a hot cup of tea. And a bag of sugar cookies, as well. I hope you don’t mind the phonograph and this small lamp for over in the corner. These Sunflower curtains may be of some use. And if we turn the box just so, there is a view of the sea.


jasper420 4 years ago

great write I can defintly relate


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Bless you jasper420 I hope today is a good one for you.

Thank you very much for the comment.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Dear mckbirdsks please remember l like my tea black. None of this milk and sugar nonsense. AH but sugar cookies!!!! No that is a different matter............bring them on......

I love your comment and really appreciate your humour and support.

I know I won´t always feel like this., thanks to friends here on hubpages. So much empathy. It has staggered me a little.

Take care and thanks.

Dim xx


SilverGenes 4 years ago

Oh Dim, I understand that feeling so well. If I could, I would wrap your box in lovely paper that gets more interesting in the rain. Then when you peek outside, you would see that yours is a work of art. As are you.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you for such a beautiful, poetic comment.

We´ve all ´´been there´´ at some point I think.

I just don´t like going there´too often.´

You are a gem. Thank you again-.


Darknlovely3436 profile image

Darknlovely3436 4 years ago from NewYork

Profound very creative, and sad words, however,

Love hurts, blindsided by tainted love saturated the body and soul...

one love

annie


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

What a strong and awesome hub !!!

We do indeed need some of our own space now and again my friend.

I vote this one up up and away.

Take care my friend

Eiddwen.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Darknlovely..... Thank you very much for your comment


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you Eiddwen for voting up and encouraging me.

You are very kind.

Take care, Dim x


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

Hey Dim, the place where this poem is, is a place I was once familiar with. So I can relate to it. At one point in my life I confined myself to my room and didn't feel like even associating with my family much less associate with others outside my home. There was a lot of confusion, a flood of emotions which I wasn't prepared to handle.

Your poem reminded of that time, but also showed me that I was more powerful than I realized at that time. With age comes experiences and learning. It doesn't always lead to wisdom, but some people do have a tendency to become more aware. Being more aware of self allows you to draw on the inner potential that you bring to your life.

I'm unsure what brought you to this particular point, but I'm sure you have the strength to move past and move forward. Hopefully, this prose poem is a symbol of your past and not your present. Thank you for sharing. :)


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

I believe everything you point out here, to be true.

I´m glad you are no longer in ´that place´.

I´m afraid I am kind of half way there. Not totally on the floor, but still struggling to stand.. I seriously wonder if making jokes about turning 60 are not so funny. Maybe I´m right and my confidence is eroding with age. Not sure, but I appreciate your comment very much.

Thank you, Take care,

Dim


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Oh Dim, I can so relate to these words, they could have been written about me.

'Your mask is in place' I've worn that mask so many times, it's hard to let go of the past - of hurting...

But time can help, it will...

I hope Dim that you will 'go there' less and less.

My best wishes to you, hugs x MM


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

Hey Dim, from what it sounds like is that you're having trouble(struggling) with your own mortality? The longer people live and see all the stuff that happens to them and others over the course of their life, does have a self-confidence/self-esteem affect. It's only through accepting of self and understanding that our capabilities and/or limitations are just that, a perception of who and what we are as individuals. Being 60 years old is nothing that should hold you back from seeing the positive things in life. It shouldn't restrict your understanding of yourself nor your acceptance of yourself. We will all die some day, at least until science learns more about extending life. Try concentrating on the most positive aspects of your life, like your friends and family. :) Look at the beauty of this world and don't let others diminish your view. You are who you are because you choose to be. :)


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Dim, this is very powerful poetry. Personally, I have felt this exact way, such a connection to this poem. I am sure many people has, which makes it a powerful form of words. Truly well done Dim. This hits home in many ways. Up, awesome, and beautiful.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you Cagsil for coming back with positive feed . I really appreciate it. Need all the help I can get at the moment.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Dear Movie Master. Thank you so much for your comment

I also hope I will go to ´´that place´´ less and less.

I really appreciate your comment.

Thank you and take care,

.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

thelyricwriter. I am touched by your comment .

Seriously appreciate all the ´´feelings´´ coming back at me from this poem.

For you to call it powerful , I take as a huge compliment.

Thank you. Take care. x


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Dim, I do so hope your feeling better. Wish there were words I could write that would help ease your mind and spirit. Just keep the world from dragging you down, stand your ground,..there ain't no easy way out- stand your ground and don't back down. That's whats playing on the radio now my friend..for you.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you Alastar,

l do feel better than l did when I wrote it., l don´t know that song but it sounds very fitting. Your comment , like others above has really encouraged me. l´ll get there!!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...if you need a hug - cross over the pond and stay with me for awhile with the epi-man and his two cats - I live in this world with no family anywhere and I have no money - so yeah often I feel like shutting the door and going to sleep and never waking up - believe me

...so yes your words and thoughts have struck a poetic chord with me deep down inside - but I still think we should get together and share a bottle of wine and I'll even do all of the cooking .....lake erie time 2:59am and yes your support of my writing is legendary and has kept me going here at the Hub


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Oh! Dear Epigramman, our Mr Ep..... What a wonderful comment...... l adore cats as you may have noticed, your time 2,59 a m. writing your comment. Sounds like me. Writing when others are asleep.. Yes, l think we could have a good long talk over a bottle of wine. You´ll even cook??? Wow!! Fares are a bit pricey so l´ll start swimming today.

Your are an amazing support to me. Love you, dear epi., Thank you, thank you.........xxxx


Teylina profile image

Teylina 4 years ago

Hey, Dim, maybe swimming isn't such a bad idea! However, I've nothing to add here except dittos to Saddlerider and Alastar. They've both said all I can, but better. Most of us on here do something when they can't face it outside. Some of us do the opposite--close the door behind us and run like hell (think Maggie-May and I are both pretty good at that). Closing the door against the rest seems more rational, but quite miserable and painful. Hope so much a day or two will see you feeling better. However, comparing England to warm sand and sea-- ah, this one might just have to be put in perspective. I'm so sorry.


Aceblogs profile image

Aceblogs 4 years ago from India

I know how it feels when the past memories come to haunt you and spoil your pleasant present and future. Hence the best way to deal with it is to admin the fact that whatever happens happens for the good and god up there will not do anything bad with us . Maybe there lies a beautiful future for us and we should move on with a smile and strength


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you Teylina, you are a great encouragement to me not only here but many times before.

l´ve started to feel a littl better by searching for my sense of humour. Without that l am really lost.

Take care, Dim xxx


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hi there Aceblogs, Pleased to meet you on hubpages.

You made a good comment here and l thank you for that.

Nothing stays the same for ever.


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 4 years ago from close to you...

you get some hugs from me Dim

I know those moments and knowing you, Dim, you're gonna be better again :)


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thanks for the hugs. Always helps.

You have such confidence in me, as though you really know me.

l´m trying to lift myself up, honest.

Thank you so much. x


fucsia profile image

fucsia 4 years ago

Very deep and touching words. All of us, I think, have our place, when find solitude. But solitude and isolation are two different thing... I hope you can enjoy the solitude, that peacefull state when you can find the strength to arise from isolation.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Thank you fuscia,

l´m taking one day at a time, but l´m not in the box at the moment, so that´s a good start. next l just have to try to open the door, just a little.......


Teylina profile image

Teylina 4 years ago

Mmm, Dim, ever thought about just nudging it with your foot? Hey, an inch at a time is better than sitting there looking at it shut from across the room! I should talk--DO REALLY understand; besides the flaw in my suggestion is you have to reach out and turn the doorknob first. That can be the furthest reach you ever make in your life, but somehow you just gotta do it. Glad you got rid of the corners; I'm working on the cobwebs in mine!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain Author

Hope you get all the cobwebs. Mine have become friends. l´m keeping them.

Won´t be long before l can open the door just a little, though, l think.

Thanks so much Teylina

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