day in the life of a child with aspergers
Meet Dario, he’s an average eleven year old- with aspergers syndrome. Dario gets involved in one sided conversations, doesn’t pick up on social cues and hates being touched.
On the plus side he’s got a better memory than any of the other kids in his class (who he considers all to be retards), enjoys modern history academia more than the other children (a shame they don’t teach it in primary school) and doesn’t show that he gets bothered by loneliness.
7.30) Dario wakes up and puts on his jeans and shirt, it’s a school day so he has to touch the door frame before he leaves the room- they’ll have his favourite milk chocolate bar at the school canteen if he does.
7.45) Dario goes down stares and has breakfast. His mum’s listening to the radio. Mum exclaims her sadness at some plane crash she just heard about.
“Why do you even care?” asks Dario, “its not like you even know these people, hundreds of thousands perish every day.”
8.00) mum insists on walking Dario to school, for his own safety- a strange van has been spotted. Dario tells her he considers this an abomination and she to be a tyrannical monster. It doesn’t dawn on him that his mum might just be worried about him.
8.30) Dario gets to school and takes his place at his desk to wait for school to start at 8.45.
Rose sits down next to Dario in her seat, she’s verry pretty and wears a blackhead band. In a monotone voice while staring straight ahead Dario gives her a lecture she didn’t ask for: “The Taiping rebellion was started by a crazy Chinese religious nut who thought he was one of Christ’s siblings. about 20 million people died in the Taiping rebellion, that’s almost the population of Australia, and over double the amount of people who died in the holocaust, with out it chairman Mao couldn’t have come to power- it really paved the way for him, and when he did come he killed about 49-78,000,000 people, president Nixon only did 70, 000- civilians. Kim ill sun knocked off about 1.6 million. Jonas savimbi got about 400,000. And have I told you about the genocide against aborigines in Australia? Hundreds of natives forced off cliffs. ”
Of course Dario doesn’t really give a dam about these figures, or how many lives were lost- he just wants to show rose how smart he is.
“Do you ever stop talking?” asks rose in a bored tone.
8.47) Mr Lobago, the teachers comes in 2 minutes late- Dario makes sure he knows just how late he is, “are you going to pay my parents back those two minutes?” he asks.
Mr Lobago takes it as a joke and suggests the class have a quiz.
9.00) Dario destroys the competition in the quiz hands down. Mr Lobago pats Dario on the back and says, “Let’s hear it for our new class champion.”
Dario jumps at being patted on the back and snaps at the teacher, “don’t touch me! Nothing gives you that right!”
10.30) recess, Dario walks up to the canteen lady and snaps “I’ll have two oranges, a milk chocolate bar and a banana for potassium” before the lady can even say, “why hello Dario would you like the same thing you’ve had every day for three years, two oranges a milk chocolate bar and a banana for potassium?”
Having run out of oranges at the canteen Dario has to make do with mandarins- which he considers with distain to be the “anti-orange.”
“Well can I interest you in some strawberries instead?” asks the canteen lady when Dario tells her what he calls the “company policy on mandarins.”
“In gods name no!” barks Dario.
“Your right, wouldn’t want to disturb that precious routine would we?” asks the lady.
10.35) Dario is sitting by himself under the tree he always sits under at recess when he sees rose and Angela from his class looking at him and giggling.
“I’d bet my children’s history encyclopaedia there plotting my downfall” Dario thinks, “I’ll just look away and pretend I’m not on to there deviousness, that way my counter attack shall fall like an invisible sword. Oh no she’s coming towards me!”
And sure enough rose is coming up to Dario shyly. He stands up and glowers at her then he spits, “hark, what temptress jezebel stalks me, like a leopard waiting to pounce on her unwitting prey?”
Rose laughs shyly and just says, “um, hi Dario.”
“Um…” she continues.
“Hurry up about your business wench! I still have one of these godforsaken mandarins to eat!”
Rose bites the bullet and just blurts out all in one word, “ Do you want to come to the dance with me on Friday?”
Silence, only broken by Dario’s laughter “the dance? The dance? Why would I want to go prance like a gibbon at some dance when I could be at home reading?”
“Well, I just thought you might…”
“Well you thought wrong, if you even thought at all which I doubt you did! Get out of my sight!”
Rose runs away crying.
Angela comes up to Dario, “that was really mean! No wonder you have no friends.”
“Friends? The only reason I have no friends is that nobody in this school-if you can call it that- reaches up to my reasonable standard. They are the flotsam and jetsam and decay of western society all rolled into one who will never achieve greatness, and are therefore unworthy of my time.”
“You have issues,” says Angela and walks away.
“Issues of the fantasmatron if you’d like to buy them, only twenty dollars!” calls Dario.
(The fantasmatron is a comic book hero/villain Dario created- all by himself.)
11.25) it’s science lesson, the class are working with light bulbs. Jack feels his light bulb and gets burned, being a bit of an asshole he decides to have a cruel joke at Dario’s expense and calls, “hey Dario feel the light bulb.”
Dario puts his hand on the light bulb and doesn’t feel a thing; annoyed that his ploy hasn’t worked jack makes a rude joke about Dario’s mum. Not having the social skills to deal with this situation Dario walks up to jack and punches him in the mouth. Fortunately the teacher doesn’t see.
1.30) lunch time, Just as Dario is leaving the class room Mr. Lobago calls him back, clutching a piece of Dario’s work.
“Dario I want a word with you, I’m not happy with some of your answers on this reading comprehension”, he says and hands Dario the piece of paper that reads:
Reading comprehension questions and answers
What happened to Dan in the story?
a) Didn’t you read the story? He went fishing and got attacked by a shark?
What went wrong for Dan?
a) If you look at the cover of the book you’ll see a black dog, I discussed this with dad and he said agreed it’s the black commissioner’s dog, a fearsome ungovernable animal that brings bad luck where ever he prowls, Dan didn’t stand a chance with that dog lurking around.
What will Dan learn from this story?
a) If he’s stupid enough to go fishing with the commissioner’s dog running around then verry little if anything will be learnt.
What will he do in future?
He could sell the money from his story to a newspaper and become a playboy.
What will his parents do?
a) Probably ground him, that way they won’t have to gallivant around after him.
What will happen to the dog?
a) the dog will get a bone
Around the side of the page was written the words “would the witness for the persecution please step forward?”
“Now what I don’t get”, said Lobago taking the sheet off Dario, “is how somebody who smashes the class quiz can write something like that. But you’re not dumb, you’re just pulling the wool over everybody’s eyes, you’ve obviously pulled it over your parents but you won’t pull it over mine, is that clear?”
Dario is verry confused at what Lobago is saying so he tries to lighten the tone with some gentle humour, “My dad could beat you up” he replies, “He did karate in university and went up against black belts, why are you crossing your arms, it’s not at all cold.”
1.40) Dario is sitting by himself in the playground when Mr Knots the principle comes up to him “Hi Dario.”
“Salutations Mr knots, how can I be of assistance?”
Mr Knots sits down next to Dario with his clipboard and draws an octopus on the paper he’s got clipped up. “Imagine this is you” says Knots pointing to the octopus, “and each one of those tentacles is a friend of yours” he hands Dario the pen, “lets put some names on those tentacles.”
Dario thinks hard for a few minutes then writes on the first tentacle “Hooby.”
“Just somebody who goes to another school,” says Dario.
“Let’s stick to people who go to this school”.
Dario is silent but in his brain he’s saying, “you got me knots, nice point you’ve just proven, I am officially a loner with no mates- is that what you wanted to prove?-Because I already knew that!”
Sensing some bad feeling Knots says, “There are plenty of things to do at lunch, plenty of games to play, people to hang out with, you don’t have to sit by yourself.”
“And they all hate me, you’ve heard them saying “hi” to me in the morning, mocking the fact that I won’t fight back.”
“They don’t hate, you just haven’t given them a chance, I’ve heard them say “hi” to you- there not mocking you- there being friendly.”
But Dario ignores Knots because he sees what he wants to see, and because he can't understand how to talk to the other kids.
3.30) school ends for the day. Dario’s mum comes to pick him up, she sees Lobago coming across the playground as she’s getting in the car, “oh not again” she sighs.
Lobago shows mum the question answer sheet.
Half an hour later mum is driving Dario home, “this isn’t fare” she says, “I feel like the one in trouble, the bad parent, like I’m the naughty school girl getting in trouble for something your doing!”
Dario is just silent.
“Why should I take the rap for something your doing? Is it really fare?”
Dario doesn’t understand.
4.00) while he should be doing his home work Dario hides in the cartoon world he’s created about the fantasmatron.
The whole situation with fantasmatron:
The fantasmatron is a robot who fell from space; he has a split personality so he lives out his days divided among 4 alter egos, one is good, one is evil one is a hippy and the other is a right wing pro-lifer. In this issue of the fantasmatron:
The fantasmatron was volunteering with the mitt Romney campaign in his right wing state when his alter ego switched and he incinerated the office with the flame thrower in his arm, then he switched to the hippy alter ego and sprinkled all the ashes on trees to help them grow. Dario sits back and admires his work.
10.00) Dario has dinner and goes to bed, he thinks about rose, and has a bat. Rose’s verry pretty and she wore a black headband today- Dario likes black things.
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