Unashamed promotion and advertisement for an e-book: ‘The Twilight Lawns Chronicles’

The cover of this amazingly well written e-book
The cover of this amazingly well written e-book | Source

Would my mother approve, and anyway, is it in very good taste?


Ever since I have been writing, like all writers, good or bad, I have wanted to see my words in print.

Before I came on HubPages, I had not had the pleasure of seeing anything that I had written in the wider arena than my own home and a few friends, apart from when I won the Prose and Poetry Prizes at my Teachers’ College.

But self publishing, or the more pejorative expression: Vanity Press?

For years I held out, feeling that somehow I would lose some form of integrity by publishing my works myself.

And integrity is not a trait with which I am brimming in any shape or form. Like the milk of human kindness, which is not flowing in vast amounts through my veins. Like kind bones, which do not make up even a small part of my skeleton whatsoever; well, no more than the odd clavicle or little toe bone.

I am not, as they would say, brim full of integrity or any others of those worthwhile attributes.

There’s a dearth of the stuff inside me. So I didn’t want to use up what little I had, by self publishing.

The thought also entered my mind that e-books might be the answer. I didn’t want to be a Luddite, and perhaps if I were to publish in an e-book that would be “the way to the future”.

But I also loved snuffling around those paper and cardboard book things, and reading dusty old yellow paged books I had bought on line or in second-hand bookshops...and e-books sounded so iconoclastic and soulless.

I wanted to be published, but what was I to do?

Then my Knight in Shining Armour came galloping to my rescue.

This particular K in S A happens to be one of my favourite presenters on LBC radio, a chat show originally known as London Broadcasting Company.

James O’Brien is that particular presenter, and the man is articulate, incisive, funny, intelligent etc.. The man can do no wrong in my eyes.

I was listening to him one morning and he was speaking to someone on the phone when I heard him recommend a book by an author who he said was a great writer, Then he said the magic words:

“Her book hasn’t been published in hardback or paperback yet, but I have read it on Kindle.”

My mind raced. If Kindle was good enough for James O’Brien, then it was good enough for me.

And of course it wasn’t a Quantum Leap for me to decide that if I could read a Kindle, then it would be OK for me to publish on Kindle

Just to refresh your memory in case you forgot

Does this look familiar?
Does this look familiar? | Source

I think you know where this is going



So I did.

I bought a Kindle.

I published my first e-book.

Now I’m unashamedly telling you all about it.

The book is entitles: ‘The Twilight Lawns Chronicles’.

(That’s a coincidence, isn’t it?)



‘The Twilight Lawns Chronicles’: prologue (or something like that)

This isn’t a prologue, really. It’s the introduction from the book itself, but it will give you an idea of what to expect

Twilight Lawns, Residential home for Distressed Gentlefolk

Enter through the great gates of Twilight Lawns and meet some of the residents, the staff and not least, Mrs Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh, Matron of this well organised facility.

Take in the lovely grounds and outbuildings and the gracious house itself.

Gaze in awe at a tide of pastel cardigans and felt hats.

Meet Maude, the knower of all things.

Watch Tom Mould, the gardener, and his talented assistant, Raj, as they tend the lawns and herbaceous borders, and wonder what on earth Raj is up to now.

Take afternoon tea, and share a slice of Battenberg cake with Mrs Prendergast.

Try to have a meaningful conversation with one or two of our older residents.

Welcome all.

In this amazingly well written book you will find a series of tales concerning Twilight Lawns, Residential Home for the Elderly, the Distressed, but most importantly, the Well Bred.

Join the Residents at play.

Take tea with Elspeth and Hermione.

Marvel at the wisdom and organisational abilities of Maude.

Join us at night for a last digestive biscuit and Senapod tea.

Then Medication Time and bed.

Good night!

Are you up for it?

If so, look no further than here.

Good luck, and thank you for your interest.

If you would like to know more, go to amazon.com (US) or amazon.co.uk(UK).

Do you have a Kindle? Do you have Mac? Do you have a PC? Do you have any kind of e-reader?

And don’t worry of you don’t have an e-book or a Kindle or any of the other ways of reading this. Amazon can hardly wait to sell you one or you can get a free app for almost any device imaginable. I believe there’s an app so that you can read it on a set of heated rollers, a microwave oven or a standard steam iron.

Hub pages won;t let me put in any link so I'll have to hope that you won't be deterred.

More by this Author


Comments 93 comments

steve of ian fame profile image

steve of ian fame 4 years ago from Essex

Milk of human kindness Ian? Nor Butter, nor yogourt nor sour cream varieties. Your entire dairy is sadly lacking.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

How terribly unkind, Steve.

Unkind, but possibly true.

I can't remember going out of my way to give a helping hand to the odd person fallen by the wayside.

And as for that Samaritan chap, the one fallen among thieves, it was most probably my crowd that he fell among.

My lot, his poor lot.


steve of ian fame profile image

steve of ian fame 4 years ago from Essex

...well now I come to think of it, you did mention something about owning an inn in the area and kept charging this soft traveller for a room long after his dear friend had left the area.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you so much Steve.

I will now have to drag myself upstairs and change my underpants.

Remind me never to sit here innocently, needing to go to the lavatory and thinking I can hold off till bed time, and then just happen to read one of your comments.

I'm still chuckling.


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 4 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

I started reading bits of your book on Amazon just a bit ago. It's a fascinating world and I'm going to snatch it up for my kindle in a couple of weeks. It's on my wish list as we speak. I think that I do know one of those disappearing ladies, by the way. I believe she flies over and just sits on the footstool in the middle of the room. I know this because it's the only spot that smells of air.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Hello Ian, I'm so happy to see you've made a formal announcement of 'The Twilight Lawns Chronicles' and happy to let you know I do have a Kindle and will be purchasing your book for my winter kindling. Regards, snakeslane


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I for one have previewed some of this amazingly well written book and just can't say enough about it.


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 4 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Oh, well done, our kid! About time you did some marketing on this amazing book.

An aside to everyone out there: this book is a unique comic creation. If you are looking for the usual predictable read … don’t go there. But if you like originality and the humour of a sharp wit … you must read this book.

TL - all the best with sales. Oh, and this unashamed self-promotion was very funny too. Give my second best to Steve …


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

This is a beautiful hub, both promotional and self-deprecating at once.

Congratulations on the book! I know a number of other hubbers have done this as well. Up all the way on this, and shared.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Dear Ian:

HA-HA-HA!

HA-HA-HA!

HA-HA-HA!

HA-HA-HA!

HA-HA-HA!

HA-HA-HA!

I have told you what I think and even though it did not take hold (not yet, but I suggest you consult your friend from the Radio),

but I have just noticed that by unashamedly promoting your book you are promoting my Twilight Lawns story that took place and then did not in Italy. My fault, of course, because I wrote for a select audience...

but maybe one day, I will learn my lesson, just as you did. I have no integrity or kindness either. On top of it, I cannot brag about any sanity.

Shall we count the money now? And then stop fantasizing and go to Italy for real?


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Congratulations! What you may lack in some areas (milk of human kindness, integrity --- though I don't believe it for a minute) you certainly more than make up for in talent and it would seem courage....How wonderful you have published your super story! Best of luck to you and your new eBook!!

Voted up, useful, and interesting.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Laughing at this self deprecating and flagrant self promotion. Keep on writing my friend... you would make a lousy salesman. Lol

Congratulations. I too have previewed this book and would highly recommend the read. Wishing you good luck and heaps of sales .

Voting up all the way.


writeronline 4 years ago

One is both delighted and confused at this announcement. Delighted that work of such exemplary standard is now available to a wider world than the somewhat more limited confines of 'le pages Hub'. But not sure why the Kindle has provided the spark for the release of these amazing tales. The writing and entertainment values are so high, the work could have been published on a bogroll, in one's humble opinion, and still reached an appreciative audience.

On reflection though (funny how one's mind associates words...) that may turn out to be the Kindle's Achilles heel.. perfectly suitable for reading 'en lavatory', but lacking the practical after-use inherent in the paper form...thus limiting the reader's appreciation to the intellectual, not the practical. Still, one 'moves' with the times...


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

It is now on my wish list soon to be puchased along with hubber & old schoolmate Dfiduccia's book.


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

There is no shame..as this is one book that needs to be read by all..Filled with such funny, delightful characters...I mean who would not want to smile and be happy? Thats what you get when you read this book..Look at Sevtlana she is laughing virtually up there..:) There are so many books out there, we have to support each other and spread the news. Wishing you the very best Ian...it is gold!

Love,

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Dear Everybody, please don't think I am ignoring you because I haven't replied until now.

REASON:

Minutes beter posting this hub, I turned off the computer and started up my stairs to bed.

(I hope I'm getting the spelling right, Angie)

I got to the top of the stairs but had trouble getting up to the top step.

RESULT:

I fell from top to bottom and have been in hospital since.

Threats of neurosurgery, bruising, suspected blood through a damaged dura (spelling?) and the worst headaches I have had in my long life.

But thank God for the National Health System and amazing doctors, muses and ambulance drivers, I will live to scribble another line or two.

Bear with of and I promise to answer all your kind confous when I get back home to my PC.

I'm doing this laboriously on my Cell (Mobile phone). Ian

(on behalf of Mrs Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh.)


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

So sorry to hear this news Ian, get well asap.... I am happy to hear you are in good care, thank you for letting us know.


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 4 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Hello, old bean … don’t worry … we can all translate the vagaries of predictive text.

Looking forward to having you home …


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Sorry to hear of your mishap Ian. You are in good hands and they are taking good care of you. Get well soon.


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Oh Ian I am so so sorry..Bless your heart..I am praying you will be better soon...Please keep us posted. My love and prayers I am sending your way.

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Sunday morning. 10:57

Thank you everybody.

I have just had a few hours sleep with no pain.

I am going to give you all a full report when this is all finished.

It fills my heart to know that you feel this way.

God bless you all.

Ian

x


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Oh, my dearest Ian...

I did not want to leave a comment before knowing that it does not create too much havoc in your life - when you know that the number of incoming messages does not correspond with your ability even to read them.

We all depend on ACCESS so much - the world continues generating "traffic" for someone who falls off (rather down) the face of the Electronic Earth whether it knows or not about the disconnection and buries the victim (the receiver) under it...

[I think it took me five minutes to write this sentence and it did not come out properly, but I hope you understand what I mean and if you don't, just skip it].

I understand that you feel better and certainly can read - and I want to say that I wish you a fast recovery.

Once again (don't hate me for that) - when one cannot read or write, one can listen or talk - an audio book might be just in order.

Daniel started listening to audiobooks - when I demand that he turns off the computer. He still refuses to read - so graphic novels and audio books is what he enjoys the most these days. Still grumpy about everything. He demands ENTERTAINMENT 24/7 - which only means

TV

computer

internet

or to be entertained as in "to be with him".

He loved "The Wimpy Kid Diaries" and he was listening to it non-stop and I thought - reading that book might be Ok, funny at times, but listening to that kid complaining about everything - I thought it was so WRONG. I had to confiscate the discs - the guy was driving me nuts.

But as an idea - old (er) people love to complain...

Why don't you use this concept

"Grumpy Old Dearies" or

"Grumpy Old Diaries" or

"Grumpy Old Diapers".

Since I am almost officially 42, and will remain so FOREVER, so I just started saying that "I am an old woman, ...." -

Yesterday we went to Canada's Wonderland (Toronto's Amusement Park) and I said that rides had Height Requirements and they should have had Age Requirements - people older than 42 should wear Diapers.

I did not and that was my mistake.

My brain is still not fully operational after Too Much Amusement.

But I hope I was able to amuse you a bit,

Forever 42,

yours

Svetlana/Dolores Marina de la Luz


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Dearest Svetlana.

First of all, you arf not an of woman whatever you may say.

You are a wonderful, young thinking, exciting woman and you know I admire all your wonderful qualities in those directions.

There is (are) a series in this country called 'Grumpy Old Women' (excellent) and also 'Grumpy Old Men' (quite good).

The 'Woman' series is so funny - a selection of female celebrities, polititicians' actresses etc., "complaining" about Christmas, presents, anything at all.

But they are all fantastically funny in a bleak, ironic way.

Very much my sense of humour, your and Angie Jardine's.

My head's beginning to hurt. I'll sign off.

Lots of love.

Ian

x x x


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Ian the news has spread to the far corners of the earth. I say that because I have just heard. What have you done to those poor steps? Falling all over them like that, no regard for their safety.

Fell better very soon. And then enjoy the royalties from your book sales.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, Mike.

As you know, I'm not answering at length.

I hope got around the reading the first section from 'The Potter' which I republished just for your eyes.

Thanks again for your concern for my stairs, I'll make sure they are happy and well.

Ian


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Ian, I TOLD you to get an elevator. Ya old coot, ya just don't listen to me.


midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

Sorry to hear of your mishap.....glad things are better! An incredible write!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Midget, you are so kind. I hope that, through your tears of concern and worry, you managed to read my self-important little effort.

Thank you.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Becky! My friend, as we speak (or sort of) the powers that be are looking into installing a floor to floor lift.

As my "usual offices" arf upstairs, when they discharge me, they arf going to carry me upstairs and there I will stay until a method of getting down is devised.

Could be fun?

I don't think so.

But there doesn't seen to be any other solution - apart from taking up residence in a small hotel.

OR BOOK MYSELF INTO TWILIGHT LAWNS FOR A WHILE.

The lovely Svetlana has offered, but it's a long drive to Canada.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

stick update from me about one of Twilight Lawns' most venerable old residents.

I'm going home tomorrow (Thursday) or on Friday.

I haf my third CT scan this afternoo but no results yet.

I'm covered in bruises but that's not too bad.

Thanks, everybody, for your kind words and compassion.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

stick update from me about one of Twilight Lawns' most venerable old residents.

I'm going home tomorrow (Thursday) or on Friday.

I haf my third CT scan this afternoo but no results yet.

I'm covered in bruises but that's not too bad.

Thanks, everybody, for your kind words and compassion.


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Glad to hear you are alive and lucid! I just bought my copy of the Kindle edition.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Ian, you are still welcome - they might refuse to let you take a flight - with your RLS - some pilots are very picky, they think that it is those with RLS are responsible for the turbulence in the air...

Especially when one of those suspicious characters locks himself in the washroom and God only knows.... what racket....

but you can come in an old-fashioned way. On a boat. So, take your car with you...

We love English here.

English as in language?

English as in English people?

But you are not English, you are complicated.

Yes, I offered and the offer still stands.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

xtatic, thank you so much. I hope you won't be disappointed.

I really appreciate that, kind Sir.

I'm feeling even better, already.

Ian


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Hi Ian...so glad to see you up and about on here, knowing you are getting better every day. Prayers and thoughts are with you.

Love,

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Svetlana, what a warm, funny, sweet, lovely. Wonderful comment.

I was lying here chucking to myself and smiling all over my face when I saw the nurse who had come to take my temperature, blood pressure and pulse, looking at me as if she thought I was crazy.

Lots of love, my friend.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

It's not because I'm old that the stairs ganged s and attacked me, Becky. It's because I'm disabled.

This compounded with the fact that I fell down the same stairs six years ago and is a result damaged my left arm. This part of me hardly notes of its oxo accord.

And the bannisters are on the left side. I need to drag myself up on the newel post with the left arm, and as that member doesn't work, I'm buggered (your husband, being English, will explain that "buggered" is a technical term).

Phew!

I'm exhausted.

x x


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

My husband is not English. He is German and Austrian, born in Illinois, in America but I know what it means. I did not know that you fell down them before and b\hurt your arm. Now that is even more reason to need a lift. Glad that you are getting to go home. You will manage for a week or so staying on the second floor with the lavatory, office, and the bedroom.I have confidence in your ability to stay amused, my old coot.


steve of ian fame profile image

steve of ian fame 4 years ago from Essex

Ian. Is the stair way OK? I hope your head didn't damage that lovely house.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Good to hear you are on the mend Ian, one step at a time.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Becky, my dear friend, have no idea where I screwed up on your husband's nationality.

Sorry!

Isn't it strange low, with a commo language we still do not understand each other when we tru "common" words.

For example, "usual offices" here means "the standard rooms and amenities" - bathroom, toilet, lavatory, shower etc..

If I haf an "office" upstairs, or even a laptop I could amuse myself for hours, but I only have a PC, and that is downstairs.

Lotsaluv,

Ian


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I an going good soon, Steve, and I can assure you that I an going over every little inch or centimetre of that staircase and hallway, and every litte dent, scratch or nick will be treated as severely as a spelling error, gramma error, homophone error or punctuation infringement.

It will be like the "Night of the Long Knives" but more the "Night of the Blue Correstion Pencil".


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Well, get someone to move the PC upstairs. I would have my son run over to do it but he would take too long getting there. He could probably carry you up and down too. He is a big boy. Make sure to have someone carry some books up there and some pads, pens, and pencils. That should help out some. Maybe it is time to see about trading the PC in for a laptop. I am considering it. Or you can use your Kindle for a lot of things. I even have games on mine. Katy uses it to get on Twitter and Facebook. Mine is about two years old now and it is not a DX.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

My first sentence should have been something like, "I am to go home in a day," Steve.

For some reason, I change it to the correct word but it reverts to the original incorrect one when I post it.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Frieda Babbley, I have meant to reply to your great comment ever since I first read it but I have only just been discharged from hospital on Wednesday and yet, still have no access to a computer and writing on a mobile (cell) phone with all the strangenesses of predictive text is pretty hard to bear.

Regardless, your "the only place that smells of air" is stunning.

That's really poetic.

Thank you.

Ian


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

How do you feel, Ian?


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Hi Ian...Sevtlana and I stopped by to bring you some soup and offer some help. NO sponge baths though...we will leave that up to Helga!...We are thinking about you and miss you very much. Our prayers and thoughts continue to be with you.

Love and hugs,

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Hello, Svetlana.

It's a lovely sunny day at about 8:30. The sun making "window patterns" on my curtains. I can hear traffic in the street below, and on the London Road, a little way away.

I still have a headache but not nearly as bad as before.

Everything's getting back to normal (whatever "normal" might mean).

How are you?

Still using your very clever mind in many ways?

Primarilly in writing, I hope.

You have so much to offer, my friend.


steve of Ian fame 4 years ago

Can you put a video up of you falling down those stairs? In what sort of style do you fall? Did you gesture and scream as you fell? Was it quite a classic fall or did it have shades of class about it?


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Sunnie (and Svetlana, of course), you made me laugh so much at your comments.

I almost choked on my lovely soup that you had brought, and I was surrepticiously trying to savour - Note? SAVOUR, not just slurp down.

It was delicious. I am sure the recipe was Russian but with overtones of Texas.

Please note: It is not wise to eat Russo-Texas Chicken Soup whilst having a "blanket bath" under the "tender" hands of Helga.

I spluttered and choked because I was laughing so much.

Helga thought I was laughing at the fact that although I have been unwell for weeks and unable to shave, her facial hair is thicker and more luxuriant than mine.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Steve, "I've studied under the best." as the Actress said to the Bishop. And it was all beautifully choreographed.

There was a hint of Vivian Leigh in there and also a nod in the direction of Garbo.

But after a Writers', Director's and Producers' Conference it was decided that it should be more "Film Noir" and tastefully lit, but with no dialogue.

I would have preferred the odd Paki standing on the landing, and saying those immortal words:

"Frankly, my Dear, I don't give a damn!"

or was it:

"Will that be two biryanis tonight, Sahib?"

Anyway. The boxed set of the Twilight Lawns Chronicles will have all the footage, complete with out-takes.

The TV Series is actually doing a little better than 'Downton Abbey' right now.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Ian you're back! In fine form too I see from evesdropping on your personal messages. Frankly my dear I do give a damn. Good to see you again. Cheerio! Your humble admirer, snakeslane


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

It is so wonderful to see your sense of humor up and running. Our Ian is back! I am glad the soup was delish, I refrained from adding the Texas hot sauce although it would have cleaned your nasal cavity quite nicely. I am relieved to know that Helga was gentle with you. Svetlana gave her a good talking too before we left! I just hurried out the door as you know I do not like confrontation.:) Hugs!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Hello, dear Snakeslane.

I am back, after a fashion, but finding it difficult to do anything more than half a dozen words on my Smart phone.

So please excuse brevity, poor thought processes and typos.

I'm dying to do some writing for myself, but as the computer is downstairs and I'm upstairs and no lift has been built (or even planned) yet, the twain have yet to meet.

With great affection to you,

Ian


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Is pen and paper out of the question?


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I thought Helga looked a bit worried when she came back.

She said that Svetlana read her the Riot Act and said something like,

"These shoes may look dainty and elegant, my dear, but they're not just my best five inch stilletos for the Tango. I can give you a good kicking if you don't behave."

And I told Helga that I wasn't laughing at her beard at all, and that when she goes a little more grey, she could understudy Gertrude when she plays Santa Claus in the Christmas play any time now.

So all's well that end's well.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Snakeslane, pen and paper is definitely an option, but for some strange reason, my writing style is somewhat different when using pen and paper or keyboard or hand-held voice recording equipment.

I have a wonderful Sony 301 which actually records over 301 hours, which is a lot of yap. All digitally. It's small and incredibly light and easy to use (about 12cm x 3cm) , but with this and also, pen and paper, it all has to go down onto disc.

And I am notoriously slo in typing (and notoriously lazy)

Hey ho!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

haha I bet Helga is now your biggest fan! If I was Helga, I would not mess with Svetlana in those Stilettos they are a weapon in themselves..lol Have a great day my friend.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

xtatic, if (and when) you get round to reading 'The Twilight Lawns Chronicles'...

And when (and if) you finish it, I would really appreciate some feed back.

Negative or positive, but obviously, the latter.


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

I will provide some for sure. Looking forward to it!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Sunnie, just two words (apart from this lead up)

Thanks.

Mwah'


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Oops!

Spelling mistake.

Ht should have been "xstatic", not "xtatic".

That's one against me already.

Thanks, my friend, for getting back to me so quickly.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

So glad to see you exercizing your finger. It is so good for your health to exercise. Or is it the thumbs getting the exercize.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Becky, I have never managed the two thumb trick via teenagers arf born with. I write on a touch screen as I type - with my index finger.

Ha! Ha!

No. My typing's not quite that bad - sometimer I use as many as five or six of my digits.

But Smart phones require just the index finger.


steve of ian fame profile image

steve of ian fame 4 years ago from Essex

Is this a comment?


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I understand. My sons and daughter have Smartphones and two thumb it but I have a normal phone that doesn't even get on line. I just poke at it with a finger too. I have found out that if I turn T9 off, I don;t have it trying to guess what I want to write, and guessing wrong every time. Love ya, old coot.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Precisely, Steve.

And are you a commenter, a commentator or simply a provider of a commentary!

I've always been confused about this word.

I am now about to hide my head under the bedclothes and wonder about thie greater picture. I know the Greater Picture isn't hidden under my IKEA sheets and duvet cover, but that is all my feeble mind can assimilate right now.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Becky, when I am out about, and I see the youth of today texting each other, and using one or two thumbs, my ancient heart almost explodes with joy.

Darwin and all those other chaps have told up that because Man (and the Lady Section, of course) had - and still have, opposable thumbs, we (Man etc.) have dominance over the beasts.

Yay!

So there is hope for all of us yet.

Even if Predictive Text buggers up what we meant to say.

Lots of love.

Ian


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Hi Ian, came by to see if they are letting you out of the attic yet. I know how the English are about locking crazy people up in attics, I have read the Bronte sisters books. LOL


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

You should confer with Steve (steve of ian fame) about this, Becky.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Snakeslane, I have written comments three times on your latest hub of poems and for some reason HP just couldn't accept them.

Hoping you read this...

I think they are excellent - especially the first and "sleep robbing us of garden time".

Fondest regards,

Ian


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I am assuming, Ian, you are feeling better?


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Ian! Thank you very much! Wonder what's going on with your comments? Hope you are feeling better? Regards, snakeslane


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

and written, that of all on HP, only you, Angie Jardine and Mary Goldffleisch ever bother to answer comments when you pose questions.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Feeling much better, snakeslane, especially after your kind regards. It's true, I haven't had trouble leaving comments to others,but to you... I dunno. I'm glad you saw my comment regarding your poems.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Thanks again Ian, the poems would be judged 'weak' by most standards, but I didn't want to edit or change them for fear of losing the 'voice' from that younger me, there is no way I could get myself back there mentally to do that, so I left them raw.

I'm glad you're feeling better.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I am glad to see you out commenting also. Love ya.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 4 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Oh my wooooooooooordy wordy! You fell down the stairs and hurt your dura?! How is it now? Fixed? Oh deary me - I wish I'd been on HP to join in with all of the tea and sympathy, and soup. You poor dear man. And your phone not even being able to spell properly; how awful.

Need anything? I can send something nice. Cake? Message me your address, and I'll write you a nice letter. Will someone be able to bring it upstairs for you after the postie's posted it? Or shall I send you a rake of letters, so that when you get downstairs again you'll not be able to open your front door? I write a nice letter, with stickers and wax seals and everything - do you want one?

Lots of love. I'm going to write a poem about stairs now.

Lx.


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 4 years ago from Lancaster, UK

If you can't lift your leg, and you're worried,

That you'll never get there 'coz you hurried,

You'd better beware,

Of the snag on the stair,

That you'll trip on you are too flurried.

Ta-da.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you for making me smile, Linda. Your good wishes and heartfelt good wishes will be sufficient.

Mind you, the badly spelling phone is another matter altogether.

Your 'Stairs' poem would do lots to ease the pain, however.

Ian

x


Lady Wordsmith profile image

Lady Wordsmith 4 years ago from Lancaster, UK

Typo! I'll have to type it all out again.

If you can't lift your leg, and you're worried,

That you'll never get there 'coz you hurried,

You'd better beware

Of the snag on the stair

That you'll trip on IF you are too flurried.

That's better.

Kisses.

Hugs.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I love Limericks, as you know, and I would love to see a collection of the best of them.

These, I am sure, would not include any by Edward Learn.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Ferkin Predictive Text...

Edward Lear


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Dear Mr. Lawn. You keep the best company. Hope you are feeling better. Out of concern for your health, I do not offer sending a cake.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Dear Mike, I am getting better by the day. Thanks for holding back on the cake. Linda "Wordsmith" has that on hand - or oven. And Sunnie and Svetlana are providing the best soups ever.

Btw, I republished some of 'The Potter' you said you'd missed, and I don't think you've seen it.

Cheers!

Ian


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Hi Ian, hope you are getting better. Any news on your lift? We miss you.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Hi, Becky. Improving every day but no news on the elevator (!). I'm beginning to develop cabin fever.

And putting some weight around my tummy, through lack of exercise.

But I lost a lot of weight while I was in hospital - not because of them, but because I didn't eat ANYTHING for the first week.

Lots of love,

Ian


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Ian, you and I - will look the same soon - fattening up and immobile...

Mike can start sending his cakes our way!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Is it possible that this lift business is taking so long because I am insisting on a lift like the one Katherine Hepburn uses in the screen version of 'Suddenly, Last Summer'?


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Ian, It is entirely possible that you insisting on that particular type is delaying things. Love ya.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Hello everyone.

Just quick update to let everyone know what is happening if anything.

about 70 days have passed since I had the accident and I still trapped up stairs in my bedroom.

Thank you all for your messages and kind thoughts. I have to admit that's getting the lift or whatever it is called across the pond is not at all practical. it would mean almost destroying 2 rooms with reinforced floors and torn up floorboards and ripped down ceilings. I'm just going to have to get up and down by myself and not rely on somebody lifting me up the last few steps.

Poor old bugger.

Much love everyone.

Ian


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Thank you for the update, and we all hope you are getting strong enough to get back downstairs. I have your book on my tablet and will read it within the next few days and report back to you.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

xtatic, thank you so much for getting back to me so quickly, I hope you really enjoy the book, best regards, Ian

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