emotions are just a burden

Please listen to soundscape to ardor by shiro sagisu while reading this
Please listen to soundscape to ardor by shiro sagisu while reading this
And here we go again
And here we go again
why doesn't the suffering end?
why doesn't the suffering end?
Till death ~
Till death ~

This is just life through a new lens

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13LetpwJ5b0

We are taught never to shed tears, for to shed tears means that the body has been defeated by emotion. And, to us, that simple act of crying proves, without question, that the existence of emotion is nothing but a burden.



Lots of us have lived through painful times that it sometimes makes us wonder whether all that pain is real or not. It burns through the flesh up to the core and makes you squirm in defeat as the pain looks you in the eye and stabs you through the ribs into the soul of your existence.

I have been told that pain has a vigor of its own and essence that you can never defeat or own. As I sit now with my thoughts on my lap I try to think about why I felt so empty last night, why it felt so bad. The pain I hid for a century I remember as I swore to withstand. A grain of sadness forms on the corner of my eye, yet I am determined not to yield to the sadness that lurks inside. Torn apart between what should have been and what shouldn’t, yet among all the puddle of emotions that I feel there is one that digs inside, weakness and fright of losing myself to the pain and to the despair. I feel lacking a lot of stuff that I can’t really understand why sometimes I feel empty at night, why my life seems meaningless when I see my reflection in the mirror suffer. Am I supposed to live in the shadows of the glorious past or sulk in the darkness to losing myself and who I truly am. I feel like a soulless rider not knowing the beginning of time from its end. Broken and terrified by life for all what it has brought me are misgivings. Never meant to belong no matter what I say or do and so I am doomed to wonder the earth unable to see the light.

Sometimes life seems hollow, desperate and full of regret. Sometimes? Or should I say most of the times.

When I am not too busy with what puddles of pain life has thrown at me I think about all this. What is it that we are supposed to do in this little time we have on earth. Why can’t just life grant us happiness and stability?

I tremble to the ground in defeat as life plunges it claws into my skin, ripping it apart and feeding on my defeat . I look at the dishonorable creatures as it announces my demise. Why? Why all that suffering if I am doomed? I have lived all my life by the rules in this retched land, scared by life and yet as I tremble in conquer you gloat about what a wonderful job you have done in torturing my core. Why I as aimlessly about the time lost between the living and the dead, about all the good deeds that I thought will redeem my soul. What about all the tears I have held all these years inside my soul? Is life really a burden in its existence? Is life for real or is the pain the destination for all of us? The cold digs deep into the soul and yet life stares into my cold heart unwhole.

“Oh life, you have done me a great job. You have made me an aimless soul. So how about you leave me a grain of pride or how about you let me leave this earth with the remains of a burning past life. So why do you let my screams choke in my throat? Life, tell me who are you to keep me in shackles in a body and soul which I don’t even own. Why don’t you guide me to where I am destined to go? Or is it defeat written all over my forehead which I seem never to see?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nyubtf7hnG8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_BgTJA3bao&feature=related

First,

I lay between your hands something i wrote just for the sake of writing and expressing what some can't. I know some stuff sound insane here but this is just for the sake of seeing to what level i can take this:D "there is nothing wrong going up in my little head so don't worry LOL


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Comments 14 comments

ralwus 7 years ago

Don't give into it young one, you have so far to go. It doesn't need to be this way. Live and laugh and love. Like me! Nice prose darling girl. hugs, Charlie


Uriel profile image

Uriel 7 years ago from Lebanon Author

Yeh sometimes it feels like an eternity my friend. And writing all about it seems to mend the wounds :) We all have a long way to go don't we. Live and laugh hehe i am trying that one seems helpful for the time being. I'll take your advice Charlie :D take care


I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 7 years ago

Uriel, you are too good at expressing the dark halls and shadows I feel we each travel through. Beautifully expressed, though, like CC, I hope you don't spend too much time there. There is so happiness to feel, too! I do however, enjoy and greatly appreciate the beauty in your expressions, the music and the lovely images. Well laid out! :)


XTASIS profile image

XTASIS 7 years ago from The Beginning

Sometimes we make choices that are wrong.

Life is not something you can talk to as another being.

Life is you!

nice images and music !


Uriel profile image

Uriel 7 years ago from Lebanon Author

Niccce words XTASIS i guess i will contemplate over them :D


thanglynn07 profile image

thanglynn07 6 years ago from Long Beach, CA

Wow. I'm completely in tune with your writing. You are absolutely wonderful with your words. You did such an amazing job in expressing your pain. You are not alone dear Uriel...And I thank you, from the bottom of my heart for you being as gifted as you are in expressing what many cannot say. Ask me on the spot and sometimes you'll find me speechless. Give me a pen and paper, and let me write you a waterfall of words, something truly from the heart.

My favorite lines: (Really hard to limit it to one!)

"It burns through the flesh up to the core and makes you squirm in defeat as the pain looks you in the eye and stabs you through the ribs into the soul of your existence...

"A grain of sadness forms on the corner of my eye, yet I am determined not to yield to the sadness that lurks inside. Torn apart between what should have been and what shouldn’t, yet among all the puddle of emotions that I feel there is one that digs inside, weakness and fright of losing myself to the pain and to the despair. I feel lacking a lot of stuff that I can’t really understand why sometimes I feel empty at night, why my life seems meaningless when I see my reflection in the mirror suffer. Am I supposed to live in the shadows of the glorious past or sulk in the darkness to losing myself and who I truly am. I feel like a soulless rider not knowing the beginning of time from its end. Broken and terrified by life for all what it has brought me are misgivings. Never meant to belong no matter what I say or do and so I am doomed to wander the earth unable to see the light."

This just really touched me...Many sleepless nites, I find myself pondering, "Why?" Gazing into the mirror and disgusted by my own reflection. This face...this face that can smile. This face that can be "dolled up"...yet, just to cover up what's on the inside...I too have had many conversations with "Life". As if this is some sick twisted game I've involuntarily have to partake in.

Sorry...I'm dwelling again...Sigh...Uriel, you are not alone. And I wish I can tell you it gets better. But what I can tell you is, we do have a say in it. We do have somewhat of a control over our destiny based on our decisions, our actions...I pray that the angels will guide you onto the right path. And I pray you will never lose your faith, for without it, life is even darker. I too am learning myself to believe in a better tomorrow, sunshine after the rain, etc. Good luck dear Uriel! And I am so thankful that you've been blessed with such talent! Your words truly speak to me...


Uriel profile image

Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon Author

thanglynn07 , life sometimes treats us like garbage. It tortures us and gloats about it. "You fall on your knees you beg you beg your plead, can i be someone else for the times i hate myself:( yet as you said "you are not alone" I got you, and a thousand other souls who passed this stage and a billion who are going to pass this as well. All i have to say it becomes much better when a hand of grace picks you up from the puddles of mud and helps you discover your inner strengths. It helps when you are told you are a great unique soul who has to be proud with what it has achieved. It cures when you have someone to mend your wounds and bandage your scars. It cures when you have someone to point you out to the right direction. ANd it hurts when you got nobody. I have to say i have found HOMe in my HOme and on this little page i write on. I have found someone to mend my injuries and wipe my tears when i cry. I am glad to say I HAVE FOUND HOme recently, and hubpages was just a huge part of it :D

I have to say i am honored to share with you my thoughts and pain and i feel really connected when we share our sorrow. It helps to find someone like you on our side telling us,teaching us and most importantly guiding us. thanglynn07 it means a lot to me to find someone who can really relate to what i say. Just having you listening by my side make a little ray of light seep into the murky darkness

THank YOU for your support


Uriel profile image

Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon Author

thanglynn07 , life sometimes treats us like garbage. It tortures us and gloats about it. "You fall on your knees you beg you beg your plead, can i be someone else for the times i hate myself:( yet as you said "you are not alone" I got you, and a thousand other souls who passed this stage and a billion who are going to pass this as well. All i have to say it becomes much better when a hand of grace picks you up from the puddles of mud and helps you discover your inner strengths. It helps when you are told you are a great unique soul who has to be proud with what it has achieved. It cures when you have someone to mend your wounds and bandage your scars. It cures when you have someone to point you out to the right direction. ANd it hurts when you got nobody. I have to say i have found HOMe in my HOme and on this little page i write on. I have found someone to mend my injuries and wipe my tears when i cry. I am glad to say I HAVE FOUND HOme recently, and hubpages was just a huge part of it :D

I have to say i am honored to share with you my thoughts and pain and i feel really connected when we share our sorrow. It helps to find someone like you on our side telling us,teaching us and most importantly guiding us. thanglynn07 it means a lot to me to find someone who can really relate to what i say. Just having you listening by my side make a little ray of light seep into the murky darkness

THank YOU for your support


ashelladyhawke profile image

ashelladyhawke 6 years ago from California

I really enjoyed your piece. I have been there so many times I can no longer keep count. But I keep on fighting. There has got to be something better than what has caused this feeling in both you and I. We just have to find it. Hope you do as well as I.


Uriel profile image

Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon Author

ashelladyhawke thanks for your kind words! loua once told me" . Beware of pure negative thought its the metaphysical electricity that needs to be grounded in a positive system of love, harmony, and affection..."


Abigail 4 years ago

"...that the existence of emotion is nothing but a burden." is our [my friends and I] favorite quote and the wise words in which we live by! You're an absolute genius!!


Joy56 profile image

Joy56 4 years ago

Emotions can be a huge burden. We learn to cope, but it is not always the way we would like it to be../...


Uriel profile image

Uriel 4 years ago from Lebanon Author

Abigail :D indeed emotions are just a burden and recently they have proved me right again :(

Joy56, so true , i wonder when that will end:)


Joy56 profile image

Joy56 4 years ago

the emotions, the burden, not the way we would like it to be.?????

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