Crisis Solved! Free Clean Energy

It occurs to me I might sell more alternative energy tees if I went ahead and solved the world's energy crisis. Here we go.

What is the cleanest, most efficient form of modern energy? Nuclear power. One nuclear power plant provides enough energy for hundreds of thousands of homes. It's clean and efficient. The downside is that nuclear is very expensive and there is a remote chance of a catastrophic meltdown. If we could eliminate these two barriers we would save the world. I have done just that. Introducing...

Government Issued Nuclear Rods

At birth every citizen is issued his/her own nuclear control rod. Without getting too technical the control rod is the glowing stick that makes things go. Since every citizen would have one, they could be much smaller, eliminating the need for a large expensive plant.

Solving the safety concerns is a little trickier but not much. First off, since individual rods are smaller, they are already safer. Here's that equation: Little bad is better than big bad. Lb > Bb= Safer

But don't smaller nuclear rods still give off dangerous radiation? Yes, they do. Which is why we need to encase them inside protective cases when not in use. Where can we find a cheap, protective carrying case?

power home and car with glowing nuclear rod
power home and car with glowing nuclear rod

How would this work?

Instead of putting gasoline in your tank or running electric lines into your house, simply plug your nuclear rod into the unit you are using. Hop in the car, insert into ignition, and go. Come home, pop it into your wall, boom, instant heating and electricity. Taking a flight? "This is your Captain speaking. Everyone please insert your rod and put your tray in the upright and locked position." There's nothing your rod won't be able to do...

reheat coffee listen to music with glowing nuclear rod
reheat coffee listen to music with glowing nuclear rod
play with kids charge pacemaker with glowing nuclear rod
play with kids charge pacemaker with glowing nuclear rod
vintage galaxy gasoline space rocket on blue t shirt
vintage galaxy gasoline space rocket on blue t shirt

If you're already nostalgic over fossil fuels, consider buying a dozen or so of my Galaxy Gasoline t-shirts. They're retro, and retro is hip. Hip is back, and backs need cover.

How will you use your nuclear rod?

  • Jet skis, supercars, motorcycles, hot tubs
  • GI Joe lightsabers
  • Quit job, become mountain man
  • This page could use more dinosaurs
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