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Need constructive criticism please

  1. georgepjr profile image81
    georgepjrposted 3 years ago

    Some people believe the world was going to end in 2000, others believed our fate was going to come about in 2012.  The fact is that we were still here, and here until 2016 when the government finally failed us, when their experiments went rough.  I decided to write this to tell the future generations if any about our struggles about our failures and our achievements.  I feel someone needs to know, that our story must be told through the eyes of a surviver.  My name is Jackie and this, this is my story.
        I was born in a small town just east of Pineville Kentucky.  I spent my childhood like everyone else playing in the creek behind my house, riding my horse Star and just getting into trouble.  I turned 18 in September 2009, the world being full of hate.  Senseless killings all over the world I started to see what the world really was but being so young it didn’t phase me in the least.
        I remember in 2012 there was a big scare that our end was coming in December, I chose not to believe it but there was some truth to that rumor that was going around.  The Government was failing us, they were no longer in control of anything.  They were in a loss, between money, the economy was failing again and there was no work for the people.  In 2014 the people, finally fed up with the lies, taxes and everything else revolted.  By the end of that year the government which we knew then was now nothing but a talked about subject on the streets.  Little did we know what we had done the power that took office following the revolution was nothing that we dreamed of.
        Everything was going great, the new government was taking care of the people following the rules set forth by our fore fathers.  Everyone was happy, the crime rates were low the pay was better, it was just, perfect.  Until the following winter 2015, the new government started telling the people about what they were doing behind the curtain.  About all of the experiments that were taking place, horrific things were happening.  A lot of people questioned why they were telling us, now it makes sense.

  2. ajwrites57 profile image89
    ajwrites57posted 3 years ago

    Hi georgepjr! Just came across your story. I think you have the beginnings of a good one. One thing I would suggest is to use a grammar and spellchecker. If you use Word, it has a basic one. I use it and find that it helps me correct spelling errors. It also helps to fix sentence fragments and punctuation errors. If you use one on this story, you will find a few to correct. I like the "voice" that you use in this story and the matter-of-fact way you are telling the story. I'm no expert, but I hope this helps.

    1. JimTxMiller profile image86
      JimTxMillerposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I wholeheartedly agree with aj. Technical errors make this piece difficult to read and comprehend. Focus on the basics of writing.

  3. georgepjr profile image81
    georgepjrposted 3 years ago

    I will gladly let my buddy know, I'm horrible with checking over people work so I decided to post this on here because the people here are so honest and quite amazing.  Thanks again!

  4. 0
    Beth37posted 3 years ago

    How come no one ever wants just plain old fashioned criticism anymore? Why's it always got to be constructive?

    1. staceytg profile image60
      staceytgposted 3 years ago in reply to this

      I think constructive criticism is more useful than someone just coming in and saying this sucks that sucks and not giving a reason why. Way too many people do that already.

      1. 0
        Beth37posted 3 years ago in reply to this

        haha, you're right, I know. I was just making a joke.. sometimes Im the only one who thinks Im funny. wink

        1. ajwrites57 profile image89
          ajwrites57posted 3 years ago in reply to this

          So true!  JK :0

          1. 0
            Beth37posted 3 years ago in reply to this

            I'll get you and your little dog too!

            1. ajwrites57 profile image89
              ajwrites57posted 3 years ago in reply to this

              Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

              1. 0
                Beth37posted 3 years ago in reply to this

                Which witch do you suppose I am?
                I am merely a mortal on hydrocodone at the moment... so I have to go to sleep now. sad

  5. lovebuglena profile image93
    lovebuglenaposted 3 years ago

    Constructive criticism is very important. Just saying something sucks or is terrible is not helpful in the least to a writer.

    1. 0
      Beth37posted 3 years ago in reply to this

      You probably missed that post about the joking part.