Hi everyone, I'm Aiysha and write poetry generally during difficult or conflicting times in my life. I have hubbed the poems that I have written in the last year and I would really appreciate some feedback if at all possible. I am very greatful for any comments whether it is possitive or constructive criticism. Thanks all!
I read your poem "Seasons of Life" on the hub of the same name, and I was touched by it. It's a good poem.
Just read we sisters, I liked it very much, very sweet and sincere, keep up the good work.
Thank you both very much! I only recently started to share my poetry with family and friends, like in the last 6 months to a year but when I found this site I thought I could share it with others and try to see what people take from it.
'Seasons of Life' was written a couple of years ago now, I wrote it for my cousin's 2 year old son that had just died. I was thinking of reciting it at his funeral but I thought it might be a bit too upsetting for my cousin and his wife.
'We Sisters' was written in my sister's bedroom. I had just found out from someone else that day about something unspeakable happening to her and as we have always been so close I couldn't believe she hadn't told me. But as always she wanted to protect me. I told her I knew and she sobbed all through telling me about it. When I went upstairs I was so deeply moved but angrey at myself because I live in a different town and I wasn't there when she needed me most. I was inspired, I started writing then 10 minutes later I went down stairs and gave her it. Which subsequently made her cry even more unfortunately but it was more a cry of relief and reassurance.
I guess after reading "We Sisters," I can note that the first letters of each line are capitalized. Most contemporary writers shun away from thus because 1) it is a common a auto formatting in word documents 2) grammatically it is incorrect 3) it was a form adopted in classic poetry. Maybe consider lower casing unless there is a inherent conceptual strategy for formatting as so. One poet who clearly deviates from the idea of grammatical standards to progress his poetic intent would be e.e. cummings.
Hey Aiysha - I'm not sure you need to get much feedback just yet - you are still finding a voice but all I'd say is - keep writing and sharing and also don't feel bound by structure and rhyme and metre - find your own way and express what you want to say in the way that feels most like you and not in a way that someone else does it. I guess I'm saying take some risks and have fun with it.
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