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The Return

  1. Max Sumer profile image83
    Max Sumerposted 7 years ago

    From within she shall escape
    Gnaw through flesh and bone if necessary
    She shall return I know
    For she never legitimately departed
    Although there was deceit in her hiding
    Lying in wait was not her scheme
    Rather a demand from one
    Indecisive by nature
    With bated breath
    She patiently observed
    Watching from the inside all of the unfoldings
    Without making herself known
    She has sifted through the strings of chaos
    Delicately relacing it back into order
    The way that logic demands
    Even now I sense her efforts
    The building of an inferno
    That shall cleanse away injustices committed
    For those who have long awaited
    Her ultimate return
    Stand back I say
    For with her homecoming
    Also comes great fury
    From within she shall escape
    Gnaw through flesh and bone if necessary

  2. Daniel Carter profile image89
    Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago

    Wonderful flow and rhythm! I love the cyclical feel of bringing the end and beginning together.

    Are you open to a little constructive feedback? Just a couple of observations is all...

    1. Volkh profile image61
      Volkhposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      all this poem says to me is that the person who wrote it is probably a little unhinged.

      That it's posted for the world to see tells me that that person is probably also attention seeking about being unhinged.

      Which in turn tells me all sorts of things.

      1. Daniel Carter profile image89
        Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Poetry not your thing, I guess?

      2. manlypoetryman profile image72
        manlypoetrymanposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        So does your response...

      3. Max Sumer profile image83
        Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Your observation of being a little unhinged is dead accurate.  That is how it was meant to come across.  All human beings find themselves a little out of whack during certain moments in their history. My moment came two years ago and when it did I buried who I was and became someone I am not.  It's about the anger that builds when a person pretends.

        As far as attention seeking. . .  Poetry is meant to be shared with the world, it may relate to what someone else is going through.  It may strike a chord.  You may find kinship with another. 

        Your pentagram profile picture with the goat in the middle speaks volumes of you.  I have been there before my friend.  Thank you for your feedback on this I do appreciate all criticism, even and especially the negative.  Take care.

    2. Max Sumer profile image83
      Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Thank you for commenting and your defense of what is written.  Much appreciated and much love.  I am absolutely always open to constructive feedback. Send me anything you'd like to, I am sure it will help me in the future.  Take care.

  3. archdaw profile image60
    archdawposted 7 years ago

    Volkh, that was not nice.  I like Daniel liked the flow. Welcome to Hub pages.

    1. Volkh profile image61
      Volkhposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Maybe so, but am I wrong?

      1. archdaw profile image60
        archdawposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Ok, if you say unhinged in a poetic and artistic way.

      2. Daniel Carter profile image89
        Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Deleted

        1. Volkh profile image61
          Volkhposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          My observation is valid as it was stated. I'm sure the author intended for the poem to inspire a response in the reader. I read  it, and that was my honest response.

          If you want to be patronizing because the author is reading all of this, fine by me.

          And your bland, phony courtesy is sickening.

          1. Daniel Carter profile image89
            Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            Deleted

            1. Volkh profile image61
              Volkhposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              I wasn't before?

              I guess I'll just have to struggle along without your gentle tutelage. God knows how I'll manage.

              1. Daniel Carter profile image89
                Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                Deleted

                1. Volkh profile image61
                  Volkhposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  I have only three words for you man. Ronco Hair Paint.

      3. Max Sumer profile image83
        Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you for reading this.  I am happy to hear that you liked it.  Let's try not to raz Volkh to much.  He liked it too. That's why he commented.  Thanks also for welcoming me. Much love to you.

    2. prettydarkhorse profile image66
      prettydarkhorseposted 7 years ago

      Welcome, the intensity of the poem and the feelings/emotions are about to be unfold,

    3. profile image0
      cosetteposted 7 years ago

      that was groovy. especially this part:

      "She has sifted through the strings of chaos
      Delicately relacing it back into order
      The way that logic demands"

      welcome to the monkeyhouse, Max wink

      1. Max Sumer profile image83
        Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Hey there.  I like the word "groovy" a vintage word all too often unused.

        That was my favorite part as well.  Thank you for requoting that particular phrase.  I appreciate your comment very much.  And thanks for becoming my fan! Much love to you.

    4. archdaw profile image60
      archdawposted 7 years ago

      Volkh, bad day?  I just read your hub and it says a lot.  IF you don't stop I will go throug tips 1-3, then go to 4 as my last resort.(make no mistakes, I will use it!!! hehe

    5. frogdropping profile image86
      frogdroppingposted 7 years ago

      Hublove just oozes from this thread. Keep on spreading it guys smile

    6. Daniel Carter profile image89
      Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago

      Just not worth the trouble when this thread was the focus of a poem.

      And I liked it. I think a few refinements might help the development and flow.

    7. profile image0
      cosetteposted 7 years ago

      so, some person joins this site 28 hours ago and his or her first post is to insult someone else.

      then this person goes on to insult a nice guy like Daniel.

      this person also has a hub deriding the HubPages philosophy and what we are trying to do here.

      SO WHAT IS HE OR SHE DOING HERE? yikes

      1. frogdropping profile image86
        frogdroppingposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Because they want to be. Not everyone likes where it is they're at. I salute professionally uncomfortable people. It's a hell of a talent smile

      2. Daniel Carter profile image89
        Daniel Carterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I was stupid and played that person's game for a bit, but decided it certainly wasn't worth it. So I withdrew. The focus is about the poem, not trading insults.

      3. Dixie W profile image59
        Dixie Wposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Gee, there was nothing constructive about that. Sure am glad I didn't get one of those. Go, Max!!!!!!!!!
        I don't like poetry but I like this. Dixie W

        1. Max Sumer profile image83
          Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Hi Dixie W.  Thank you. Welcome to Hubpages I look forward to reading your posts.

    8. tantrum profile image61
      tantrumposted 7 years ago

      returning from where ?

      Volkh ?

      1. Max Sumer profile image83
        Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Ha, ha, ha.  This comment is great.  Absolutely love the pun!  Have a great day!

    9. frogdropping profile image86
      frogdroppingposted 7 years ago

      Max - good to know you're no longer unhinged and more so to know that Volkh was only half right smile

      As for me, I'm more than unhinged. I've also lost a screw wink

      I'm not quite sure
      About you, But I've
      begun to unscrew.

      However I try, how
      often I sigh, the
      End just feels that
      It's nigh.

      If this seems a little
      too much, I don't
      apologise as such.

      The problem you see
      I can only be me and
      A frog is all I can be.

      So I'll gibber and
      slavver, into a lather
      and try not be much
      of a bother ...

      Time for bed big_smile

      1. Max Sumer profile image83
        Max Sumerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Hey there little froggy friend.  Ha,ha I'll always be a little unhinged.  I am human!  I love your comment here and your poem is darling.  I have a great big smile on my face this morning all because of you!

        Have a wonderful day!

     
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