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failing pursute of destany

  1. profile image57
    journymanposted 6 years ago

    Cost that can't be retrieved in death or hesitent shame. Fear is our only premiss that carries us into fragile comman ground. but with all we know nothing is our revalation of dier calming intentive prespective. Seeing is'nt allways believing, for we are intomed in are own fallies of greatness. Dammed are we who find ourselves in content and dromadary lives filled with poinet cries of wild frailties that have no bearing in our insunifagant inpenatrble lives that have nothing to bear the droll of being. so do not pine for me or my damnation it is mine an mine alone.

    1. couturepopcafe profile image60
      couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Please join in the debate forum titled "What Constitutes Poetry - The Debate Continues,"

      I think failing pursute of destany is a perfect example of what we are debating.  It falls into the category of passionate, emotional expression with spelling and grammer errors which add to the intensity of the poem (whether they are intentional or not). 

      Would you explain the meaning of the third line?

      "but with all we know nothing is our revalation of dier calming intentive prespective."

      Thank you.

      1. profile image57
        journymanposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Yes the grammer and spelling is intentional. Because to write I must draw out the most of what I am. And the thought it takes to ensure the proper grammer and spelling, can hinder the emotion and fluid exspression. And  as for the third line, it means, all the knowledge in the world can't save us from ourselves.

        1. couturepopcafe profile image60
          couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          And I guess not saving us from ourselves can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your perspective and situation!

  2. sligobay profile image65
    sligobayposted 6 years ago

    Journeyman-

    There is no shame in mispelling, particularly among a supportive group of other who seek to improve our writing.
    That is why someone invented spellcheck. I enjoyed the thoughts and images in your poem. I needed to look at it a different way to get there; to the point of enjoyment. Here's how I looked at your poem:

    Failing Pursuit of Destiny

    Cost that can't be
    retrieved in death
    or hesitant shame.
    Fear is our only premise
    that carries us into
    fragile common ground.
    but with all we know nothing
    is our revelation of dire
    calming intensive perspective.
    Seeing isn’t always believing,
    for we are entombed
    in our own follies of greatness.
    Dammed are we who find ourselves
    in content and dromedary lives
    filled with poignant cries
    of wild frailties
    that have no bearing
    in our insignificant impenetrable lives
    that have nothing to bear the droll of being.
    so do not pine for me or my damnation
    it is mine and mine alone

  3. sligobay profile image65
    sligobayposted 6 years ago

    I reviewed another poem penned by the butcher's hands (in the words of Journyman) which I spaced but did not correct the spelling which he claims is intentionally done. I think that even spacing helps a poem to be understood or misunderstood.

    For the purpose of this forum discussion, and not by way of criticism, I have included some spacing and no punctuation. I am not saying that this is better, only that I the reader can better understand the poem. Wat duz evryone else thienk?


    Unsure

    Where can we find ourselves in our most decrepid form
                       ooOOoo
    Can we find falley in the forest of designed preparation
                       ooOOoo
    that haunts us in the dark receses of light lost
                       ooOOoo
    Come and free us from famntom grace that awaits us in a dawning deception
                       ooOOOoo
    Peir into the urin soaked gutters of unseen giants favored in enlightenment
                 oooOOooo
    call out to the wolves den, herold us into valor damnation
                   oooOOooo
    for we are as we can only be seen in the eyes of machine driven junkies
                  oooOOOooo
    . filtered and formed in television's glue for the masses
                  oooOOOooo
    of hording ghost lost in constant piles of favor
                   oooOOOooo
    Can we truly ever be ourselve's
                   oooOOOooo
    can we ever be whole and humble
                 
                   oooOOOooo
    in the wake of a mass desiese
                   oooOOOooo
    that eats the flesh of what we truly are
                   oOo

    by journyman

    1. couturepopcafe profile image60
      couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I don't care which way it's put - I love this piece.  I thought about how it would be with correct spelling but it would change the entire mood of the piece.  The mispelling gives us a look at the monster who wrote it, the beast, the genius mind, the total lack of boundries in the nightmare place. Either that or he's got us all fooled and is far more genius by way of double deceipt, of being someone pretending to be someone else.  Either way, brilliant.  If he's not fooling us, this is raw talent at its finest.

  4. Lisa HW profile image81
    Lisa HWposted 6 years ago

    Journeyman, your "failing pursuit of destiny" poem (as others have said) isn't a bad poem.   I found, though, that when I just clicked on this thread out of nowhere, I didn't even recognize it's a poem. I just thought it was an "odd" post.  I think it's a disservice to your poems that you just don't write them the way that works well for you when you write them, but then ago back and space the lines the way slibogay suggests (and maybe run spell-check).  I do think your poems would come across so much as a "real" poetry.  Look at how nice (and professionally done) your poem looks after it had some spacing put into it.  smile

    You're right.  Running grammar-check on a poem is going to turn up a whole bunch of errors that would lead to changing your words, because grammar-check is aimed at writing other than poetry.  Spell-check doesn't take much time, though (and if it picks up on something you don't want to change you don't have to change what you've written).  Adding in those spaces are as simple as looking at each line and clicking "enter" on your keyboard, so that doesn't take much time.  I just think your poems deserve this couple of steps, because (as I, and others, have said), they're fine poems.

    What "makes a poem" isn't necessarily about the format.  It's about the way the thoughts are expressed.  Not letting what IS a poem (and a good one) be recognized as a poem, out of not throwing in some spaces after the lines doesn't make it "not a poem".  It does, though, make it hard to recognize as a poem, hard to read, and hard to develop some "pattern" or "mental system" when reading it.

    I'm not poetry expert, but I think if you wanted to add misspellings intentionally you should leave them in.  Something like spacing, though, might give the reader more of a hint that it's a poem and help the reader realize the intentional misspellings are what they are.  If you don't want to see your words "all rowed up poem-style" you could maybe help readers know it isn't "just a paragraph of writing" by putting in some kind of punctuation at the end of each thought/line instead of spaces (for example:   ...... or --- or whatever would make it clear it wasn't a paragraph of prose).    Just another opinion (obviously) - for what it is or isn't worth.  smile

  5. profile image57
    journymanposted 6 years ago

    I can only write what is honestly my own words and it comes from years of looking in and looking at what i see as the truth. But my truth and yours are two differnt things. If you can see that and find some common prespective of yours and mine then thank you. Because it took a lot of courage for me to post these words that pore from my inner most being. they do not come from planned and revised scrips there just off the top of the head thouts and images. call it what you will but there just words from nothing, the abissful mind that is aware of its own prision in the human form. I find it sad that we see ourselves as alone and isolated when were all part of this greatness, this infinant dream we call existance. so we should be greatful to get to see inside of others and let them know there not alone. thank you again.

    1. couturepopcafe profile image60
      couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      email me anytime.  you're not alone.

  6. treasure121 profile image58
    treasure121posted 6 years ago

    as the claws fend for hen, that is how i exemplify knowledge with my pen.

    1. couturepopcafe profile image60
      couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      treasure - what is the meaning of the word 'hen' here?

 
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