Drinking Why?

1. 61

   Desired Devinelyposted 13 years ago

   The beer on his breath
   
   and a fast roming car.
   
   Your confused, abandon it so feels
   
   scaired to look at him.
   
   Worried of what u may see
   
   the angre or hatered in his eyes.
   
   In thee darkness of night
   
   on a path that feels it never ends.
   
   he almost crashes
   
   you grab the stireing wheel and say his life.
   
   No thank you is agnoallged
   
   for he doesnt remember a thing.
   
   you no it will happen again
   
   u feel so pained.
   
   as you reach for the razor
   
   for the last time.
   
   you no your life will end
   
   you want to finish it now.
   
   so you dont die
   
   'cause thee life of him.
   
   You slit your neck
   
   and fall to the ground.
   
   to never look back again
   
   your tired of trying.
   
   You are soonly forgotten
   
   good bye dad for the sentence of life

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   1. 62

      lovelylizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      OH MY.that's deep.and kinda dark.and a bit scary. I LOVED IT!!!!!!!FIRST POEM I  LIKE THAT DOESN'T RHYME.ONCE IN A LIFETIME,THIS MAY NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

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   2. 60

      Jaggedfrostposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      This is a very dark verse.  I wonder if it is founded in truth. At any rate it seems to carry the point quite well in despite of the occasional errors.

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2. 67

   awareposted 13 years ago

   Dev make that your first hub

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3. 61

   Tirzah Laughsposted 13 years ago

   It has a lot of raw emotion but you need to edit it.
   
   You are inconsistent with the capitalization. Either make it all lower case or use the correct capitals. In most case, you have to pick one or the other.
   
   You have a few mis-spelled words such as scared (scaired).
   
   thee-the
   
   steering-stireing
   
   no-know
   
   agnoallged--- no idea what this word is.
   
   u- you
   
   soonly-soon
   
   I think the over all poem has a lot emotional impact but you need to smooth out the mechanical rough edges.
   
   Nice last line.

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