Assessment

1. 65

   minakayposted 13 years ago

   Assess this for me, please. It's one of my poems.
   
   What if the Birds
   By minakay
   
   1. What if the Owl could grin,
       the Swallow grunt and the Pelican have a chin?
       The Hawk shower and Egret mount a watch-tower
       and the Seagull act as though it was a Sunflower?
   
   2. What if the Ostrich could learn to fly
       and the Parrot teach the Griffin how to cry?
       What if the Osprey could make your ears tingle,
       and the Kite and Chicken learn to mingle?
   
   3. What if the Vulture could stop eating carrion,
       and chase little animals like the Falcon?
       And the Goldfinch fly higher than the Eagle,
       and the Buzzard sing something terrible?
   
   4. Who knows what would have happened
       had the Peacock learnt to be maddened
       by the fact that it could never fly
       and worst of all, not knowing the reason why?
   
   5. They exist, one and all;
       each finding its place, its duty, its call.
       Why can't we learn to live in harmony and peace -
       each in our own place, pursuing beauty, pursuing eternal   
       bliss?

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2. 68

   Tammy Lposted 13 years ago

   What a lovely thought!  I wouldn't change a word but I would turn it into a hub, if you haven't already.  It's very nice.

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   1. 61

      saleheensblogposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      +1
      
      wonderful poem. You have played your words excellently. Hub it.

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   2. 65

      minakayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have already hubbed it but the responses and comments are a bit slow in coming so I thought to bring it here. Thanks guys!

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3. 62

   heather.hposted 13 years ago

   what a beautiful piece of work. Full of thought, feelings and imagery. A piece to be proud of - I would be! definately Hub it.

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4. 76

   sofsposted 13 years ago

   Beautiful... thought provoking and full of imagery..good work!!

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5. 61

   saleheensblogposted 13 years ago

   I see you have created the hub. But your hub may get flagged as a duplicate content since you have posted it in xomba also.

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   1. 76

      sofsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hey you detective...

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      1. 61

         saleheensblogposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         

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   2. 65

      minakayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I didn't know. I joined xomba before coming to hubpages and a few of my works are duplicated but I decided to forget about Xomba and focus on Hubpages and Triond. I no longer duplicate my works.

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6. 62

   Jaggedfrostposted 13 years ago

   :hah:

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7. 62

   Jaggedfrostposted 13 years ago

   hmm grr, I am going to have to find where people keep the list of emoticons that work here.

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   1. 61

      saleheensblogposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      smiley:) smiley=) smiley:| smiley=| smiley:( smiley=( smiley:D smiley=D smiley:o smiley:O smiley;) smiley:/ smiley:P smiley:lol: smiley:mad: smiley:rolleyes: smiley:cool:
      
      When you post a comment in forum click formatting lying just beside the submit, preview and add photo option under the comment box. At the bottom there are similes.

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      1. 60

         Petra Vlahposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you so much for teaching me how to do it; I will try right now and see if it works

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8. 62

   Jaggedfrostposted 13 years ago

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9. 62

   Jaggedfrostposted 13 years ago

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   1. 61

      saleheensblogposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      

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      1. 61

         Druid Dudeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Hub it. Forums are a waste of time unless you're looking for debate. Then it tends to resemble the Coliseum. Good piece, looking forward to more.

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10. 60

    couturepopcafeposted 13 years ago

    minakay - the sentiment is beautiful.  If you're looking for critical assay, needs just a little tweaking on meter. 
    
    1. "What if the owl could manage a grin" fits the meter you have in the second line.
    
    4. "By the fact that it couldn't fly
        worst of all not knowing why" - follows the meter of the first two lines in this stanza.
    
    Just little things like that.  I'm not sure if you wanted that type of assessment or just a thumbs up or down.  By the look on your face in your avatar, I'd say you have already achieved the sentiment in this poem.

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    1. 65

       minakayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       couturepopcafe, thank you so much. I am so grateful. U really gave me what I wanted exactly. Please could you go thru the other poems on my hubpage and let me have ur comments?
       @ Druid dude: Thank you too. You are awesome!

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11. 82

    Mark Ewbieposted 13 years ago

    I don't normally get poetry but something about that I really liked.

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    1. 60

       couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       It seems like a poem everyone can relate to.
       
       minakay - tell me what the names of the poems are in your list of hubs and will give it a go.

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