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Assessment

  1. minakay profile image60
    minakayposted 6 years ago

    Assess this for me, please. It's one of my poems.

    What if the Birds
    By minakay

    1. What if the Owl could grin,
        the Swallow grunt and the Pelican have a chin?
        The Hawk shower and Egret mount a watch-tower
        and the Seagull act as though it was a Sunflower?

    2. What if the Ostrich could learn to fly
        and the Parrot teach the Griffin how to cry?
        What if the Osprey could make your ears tingle,
        and the Kite and Chicken learn to mingle?

    3. What if the Vulture could stop eating carrion,
        and chase little animals like the Falcon?
        And the Goldfinch fly higher than the Eagle,
        and the Buzzard sing something terrible?

    4. Who knows what would have happened
        had the Peacock learnt to be maddened
        by the fact that it could never fly
        and worst of all, not knowing the reason why?

    5. They exist, one and all;
        each finding its place, its duty, its call.
        Why can't we learn to live in harmony and peace -
        each in our own place, pursuing beauty, pursuing eternal   
        bliss?

  2. Tammy L profile image85
    Tammy Lposted 6 years ago

    What a lovely thought!  I wouldn't change a word but I would turn it into a hub, if you haven't already.  It's very nice.

    1. saleheensblog profile image60
      saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      +1

      wonderful poem. You have played your words excellently. Hub it.

    2. minakay profile image60
      minakayposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I have already hubbed it but the responses and comments are a bit slow in coming so I thought to bring it here. Thanks guys!

  3. heather.h profile image71
    heather.hposted 6 years ago

    what a beautiful piece of work. Full of thought, feelings and imagery. A piece to be proud of - I would be! definately Hub it.

  4. sofs profile image86
    sofsposted 6 years ago

    Beautiful... thought provoking and full of imagery..good work!! smile

  5. saleheensblog profile image60
    saleheensblogposted 6 years ago

    I see you have created the hub. But your hub may get flagged as a duplicate content since you have posted it in xomba also.

    1. sofs profile image86
      sofsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      hey you detective... smile

      1. saleheensblog profile image60
        saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        roll

    2. minakay profile image60
      minakayposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I didn't know. I joined xomba before coming to hubpages and a few of my works are duplicated but I decided to forget about Xomba and focus on Hubpages and Triond. I no longer duplicate my works.

  6. Jaggedfrost profile image81
    Jaggedfrostposted 6 years ago

    :hah:

  7. Jaggedfrost profile image81
    Jaggedfrostposted 6 years ago

    hmm grr, I am going to have to find where people keep the list of emoticons that work here.

    1. saleheensblog profile image60
      saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      smiley:) smile smiley=) smile smiley:| neutral smiley=| neutral smiley:( sad smiley=( sad smiley:D big_smile smiley=D big_smile smiley:o yikes smiley:O yikes smiley;) wink smiley:/ hmm smiley:P tongue smiley:lol: lol smiley:mad: mad smiley:rolleyes: roll smiley:cool: cool

      When you post a comment in forum click formatting lying just beside the submit, preview and add photo option under the comment box. At the bottom there are similes.

      1. Petra Vlah profile image59
        Petra Vlahposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you so much for teaching me how to do it; I will try right now and see if it works

  8. Jaggedfrost profile image81
    Jaggedfrostposted 6 years ago
  9. Jaggedfrost profile image81
    Jaggedfrostposted 6 years ago
    1. saleheensblog profile image60
      saleheensblogposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      sad mad sad

      1. Druid Dude profile image60
        Druid Dudeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Hub it. Forums are a waste of time unless you're looking for debate. Then it tends to resemble the Coliseum. Good piece, looking forward to more.

  10. couturepopcafe profile image60
    couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago

    minakay - the sentiment is beautiful.  If you're looking for critical assay, needs just a little tweaking on meter. 

    1. "What if the owl could manage a grin" fits the meter you have in the second line.

    4. "By the fact that it couldn't fly
        worst of all not knowing why" - follows the meter of the first two lines in this stanza.

    Just little things like that.  I'm not sure if you wanted that type of assessment or just a thumbs up or down.  By the look on your face in your avatar, I'd say you have already achieved the sentiment in this poem.

    1. minakay profile image60
      minakayposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      couturepopcafe, thank you so much. big_smile I am so grateful. U really gave me what I wanted exactly. Please could you go thru the other poems on my hubpage and let me have ur comments?
      @ Druid dude: Thank you too. You are awesome! big_smile

  11. Mark Ewbie profile image81
    Mark Ewbieposted 6 years ago

    I don't normally get poetry but something about that I really liked.

    1. couturepopcafe profile image60
      couturepopcafeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      It seems like a poem everyone can relate to.

      minakay - tell me what the names of the poems are in your list of hubs and will give it a go.

 
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