Please check out my last hub to see my story, i would love love love any feedback that anyone has, it would mean a lot to me! thank you!
It is against the forum rules to open a thread for the reasons you've post in this forum thread.
If you would like assistance with a hub, then please post a link to the hub in the Extreme Hub Makeover forum thread and ask for help.
You want complete honesty right?
I know this is only the first section of a story, and therefore a draft, but you should still strive for quality. You work had a lot of technical errors.
1. The first letter of a sentence is capitalized. So many of your sentences are not capitalized.
2. To show possessive, you should use apostrophe s. If your character is looking at "Jarods [whatever]", she is actually looking at "Jarod's [whatever]". This is another common mistake in your short piece.
3. Spell check. I saw at least one misspelling that would have been caught by spell check. I saw another "bar tender" that wouldn't be caught by spell check so you should definitely proofread manually.
4. Pacing. You mention Chakra is a place and that Jarod is the bartender, thus Chakra is some form of pub or club. This connection, because it is implied and not stated, will fleet from short memory very quickly. So by the time you say "doing Chakra", the reader is likely to have forgotten what Chakra was and may be confused and be forced to track back. Always remember that a reader trying out a story is not going to be overly attentive. That kind of attention span is only for once a reader is hooked. You should refrain from tugging at short memory in the beginning of a story while a reader is still trying to determine if it's worth reading or not.
Otherwise, there isn't much else to say. There is no conflict yet so it's difficult to tell where the story is going and whether or not I'd be interested in reading further.
This isn't to say you should have a conflict yet; many books take the time to present a character background before entering a conflict so it's alright. It just means that without more information, I can't tell how likely I personally would be to purchase. I would indeed want to read further (at least for a bit) to find out what the story was, but I wouldn't make a purchasing decision yet.
by wtf u cannoT D0 a damThing here!!!???6 years ago
I had a dream a lucid one you can say,where i was aware to the point of seeing everything much more clearer then the naked eye and mined. I LOOK OVER TO SEE THIS MAN LAYING NEXT TO ME IN MY BED.I WAS ALONE and was...
by Peg Cole4 years ago
I was looking over someone's profile page the other day and noticed a misspelled word in one of their summaries. It was clear what the author was trying to say so I just moved on to another hub, happily oblivious. Then...
by mrblueishmouvesky3 years ago
Hi, I recently decided to click "ignore" on one of the words flagged by the spell checker, after this it has decided to ignore every single mis-spelt word on any hub, is there any way to turn it back on?
by goldenpath5 years ago
Greetings to all!I am currently beside myself and am in deep reflection. It has come to my attention that my posts contain hatred and intolerance. This troubles me as I have always remained open to someone...
by getpaidtopost7 years ago
I was unfortunate to have teachers who did not care about educating, mainly because they where intoxicated, yes this is true they all went to the pub at lunch time and all came back red faced drunk. After working hard I...
by LaVieja7 years ago
Does bad spelling bother you? Would it put you off reading the text if a lot of the words were spelt incorrectly?
Copyright © 2017 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.
HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.