Radiation is Nutricious - Drink Up!

Now Radiation is Good For Your Health - Drink Up!

A new announcement from your government. Great news! New data has emerged that shows that massive doses of radiation are good for you!. Yes, radiation levels that were previously thought to be hazardous for your health have now been found to be perfectly safe, in fact beneficial for your health! As a result, radiation safety levels have been revised upwards, so that you can all take advantage of these new, scientifically backed findings.

It’s free! Yes, there is no cost to you, as, thanks to an agreement with our neighbours in Fukushima, Japan, the air and water supply is already chock full of good healthy radiation .So Just gulp it in and swallow it down!. Again, thanks to our Japanese neighbours, there is no shortage of radiated food either. In fact this new, healthy radiation is all around you.

However, before you can reap the benefits of these new healthy radiation doses, we should point out that you will experience one or two minor inconveniences.

Firstly, if you notice your teeth getting loose, even falling out, don’t worry. This is quite normal when the body is subjected to large doses of radiation. But this will soon pass.

If you notice your hair falling out, don’t fret. Once again, this to be expected. Hey, it’s fashionable to be bald these days. In fact, you will be making a fashion statement!

If you start to feel nauseous, this is also quite normal and simply another sign that your body is adjusting to the new healthy radiation regime.

If you notice spots and blemishes on your skin, please don’t be concerned. This too is all quite natural and is one of the beneficial side-effects of a healthy radiation dosage.

Extended bouts of severe diarrhoea are also to be expected. This is in fact a thorough cleansing of your colon which is being purged of the toxins which have built up over the years, and is of course a beneficial process.

In fact none of these body reactions are at all unusual, and are necessary stages that everyone goes through before they are able to experience the wonderful benefits of this new, exciting scientific discovery. Your body is simply making the necessary biological adjustments.


Benefits of New Healthy Radiation

On the plus side, because you will lose your appetite (in fact you won’t be able to digest food at all), you will lose weight. All that belly fat, those troublesome love handles, that embarrassing large backside will simply fade away, isn’t that great?

No more expensive trips to the dentist either. When you have no teeth, the dentist becomes superfluous. You save even more money! And no more brushing your teeth twice a day. Think of all the time you will save!

Do you spend a fortune on makeup? Not any more, you will have blemishes and spots on your face so big that no amount of cosmetics will make any difference, so why bother? Simply pocket the money and laugh all the way to the bank!

No more expensive weekly trips to the hairdresser either. When you have no hair, there is not much point. This is yet another financial benefit of your new radiation regime.

And your weekly shop will be so much lighter! No more shampoo to buy, no more toothbrushes and toothpaste to buy, no more cosmetics to buy, in fact no more food to buy. You will save a fortune!

As you can see, once again, your government thinks of everything. There is no need to worry or even think for yourself anymore. We are your government, we will take care of you and always do what’s best for you. You can trust us. We look after you, always, don’t we?

So, stop worrying and enjoy your new, enforced, healthy radiation regime!

END


© 2011 sannyasinman

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Comments 4 comments

Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

Yeah, this reminds me of the don't eat eggs, yes do, no don't and whoever said it said, make up your mind, I am getting hungry! We know at least the US government does some testing without people knowing it to just find out years later so I trust them about as far as I can trust them! Great hub! Polly


sannyasinman profile image

sannyasinman 5 years ago Author

Cally2 and DF - thanks for your comments. Laughter heals - at least let's hope so!


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 5 years ago from Great Britain

l have tears in my eyes from laughing. oh you put it so well. Brilliant. Thank you.


cally2 profile image

cally2 5 years ago from Paraparaumu, New Zealand

Has this new healthy status of radiation been brought about by the healthy rise of greenhouse gases that are improving the climate for us all?

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