Intervention-Fighting the Disease of Addiction

Quitting is more than giving up the drug- it's giving up who you were and finding who you can be.

Addiction is hard enough without the judgment of others who have no idea what it feels like to be lost in that much confusion and pain. The pull from within is terrifying and the fear alone is enough to bring the strongest of people to their knees. If you can't understand the loss a person feels when they lose themselves to addiction-rather than judge, open your ears to hear and perhaps your hand to someone who needs it to get back up. Although sobriety is something that each have to accomplish alone- the support of others can be what helps each of us stay there.

Blessed are each who can survive their disease to tell their story.. Blessed are those who have the support of people who care about what they are trying to accomplish. Blessed are those who had someone care enough to step in and say stop-no more-let me help you, when you were not in a position to help yourself. Blessed are those who decided to quit and fight everyday with their choice to stay sober.

Twist and Turn-Scream and Shout...Thank God I was given the chance to see what this life is all about.

*Congratulations Lorie6, for 2 years of sobriety

*Much love to Kimberly, I am proud of you for what you are accomplishing each and every day and what you have decided to dedicate your time too.

*Blondepoet, your strength and beauty is far more on the inside than on the outside, all could learn so much from the way you have decided to survive

*Hugz to Pam Kennedy-for finding support and giving support in the forums

and to all who have faught for more than their lives-you have a strength to be proud of


One more hit, One more time-If I keep going will I survive?

It's time-to find my way home

Twist and turn, can you feel the burn?

Twist and turn, it's now your turn.

I know this is wrong, but for awhile it seemed so right.

It’s the only place I found to get through the darkness of the night.

 

I pray to God to please save me,

Save me from who I don’t want to be.

I can’t stop and I can’t breathe.

What I need is now my disease.

 

One more line, one more shot

If I keep on going will this loneliness stop?

One more hit, one more time,

If I keep on going, will I survive?

 

I lost myself when I was looking the other way

No one noticed I was gone until I was past my boundaries for the day

Feel the pain dissipate.

Feel my fears deteriorate.

Life is cruel- I am wrong.

The pain is deep and lasts too long.

 

I pray to God to save me.

From whom I have become.

Please don’t leave.

I’m scared to be alone.

Can anyone hear me-?

I can’t find my way back home.

 

Twist and turn I lost myself.

Twist and turn I am now someone else.

I saw my reflection,

That girl isn’t me.

I saw my reflection of who I don’t want to be.

I can’t stop,

I can’t breathe,

What I need has become my disease.

 

Take it in.

Feel it drip.

Feel it drain- Feel no pain.

I take a sip-I swallow it down,

And as I swallow I hit the ground.

I know what is wrong-I know I am not right,

But I am afraid of tomorrow and I can lose myself tonight.

 

Screaming so loud within my head.

Screaming so loud I pray for death.

Please someone see me-for who I can be.

Please someone save me before I bleed.

 

Shiver and shake-let it all out,

Shiver and shout- until I finally pass out.

Please don’t leave me,

I am so scared.

Please don’t leave me.

I know I've created this hell.

 

Will it get better- will the pain stop?

Without the drain-I feel what I am not.

Squeeze myself-I am alone.

This is my time to find my way back home.

 

Through the tears and screams,

I think I see something more-

I see a glimpse of Me?

It's been so long since I've seen her.

 

Close my eyes so I don’t see.

Close my eyes and lose my reality.

Shiver and Shake, I found me

Shiver and Shake----and then I feel my release.

 

I am not sure if this song has to do with addiction/intervention or not, but that is what I think of when I hear it, because addiction goes deeper than the drug

Someone else has been there before you...

More by this Author


Comments 38 comments

PhoenixV profile image

PhoenixV 6 years ago from USA

I hope your Hub helps people, its very thoughtful . I love that Fray song!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

phoenixV, thanks for the comment. I am not sure if it will help anyone, I just thought that sometimes we all need to hear that we are doing a good job-despite our lives and troubles...Thanks again for stopping by to read and comment on this one :)


Nan 6 years ago

Good for people who are having a problem. Excellent poem!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Nan-Thanks for the comment and compliment, I appreciate your feedback


Richieb799 profile image

Richieb799 6 years ago from Cardiff, Wales UK

I just linked you, good idea! :) great work


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

awww, thanks richie, for the link and for the compliment. I am glad that you liked this hub and the idea behind it :)


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Thanks for the congrats, H.C., and congratulations to you on your marvelous collection of hubs on addiction.

Keep on keepin' on!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thank you Lorie, I appreciate your compliment-and you are more than welcome...2 years is something you should be more than proud of :) I am glad that you liked the hub :)


Veronica Allen profile image

Veronica Allen 6 years ago from Georgia

Anyone that has gone through and survived any type of addiction is to be applauded. What a beautiful tribute to them all and to all who are struggling to free themselves. You are so right H.C., we are constantly told what we are not doing right, so it is always refreshing to hear what we are doing right.


samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

My heart goes out to all who struggle with addictions. I applaud all who have overcome them to move on to a better life.


jasper420 6 years ago

i am a recovering addict your hub is the best one i have read yet thankyou so so much for reconizing this dease


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Veronica, Thanks for reading and commenting- everyone needs to be told good job for what they have accomplished-it does not matter if our accomplishments are off our own demise/ the pain and the hurt are still there and the strive to overcome who we have been to be better tomorrow is strength that should not be judged harshly.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

samboiam- thank you so much for your comment- I applaud all who have decided to struggle everyday with their our poison-and who manage to turn away and not return to the place they worked so hard to get away from. It is a feeling that is carried within your gut-but one that we each know can never be fed.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

jasper420- Thank you so much for the comment- I am honored to be the one who wrote a hub that you feel so strongly about. I commend your accomplishments-and even though you may struggle, I applaud your strength for making the choice to struggle rather than give in. I hope your disease is put to rest-again, thank you so very much for the comment I truly am honored


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

I give credit to anyone and everyone who can battle their demons day in and day out. Sometimes we don't always win the battles, but to keep fighting is to keep living. When we can find help and support, the battle goes that much better. Your support to the folks you mentioned--as well as everyone else who looks in a mirror and sees a face masked with pain and fear--goes a long way. HC, this was a wonderful hub and your caring and support is truly special.

Mike


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Wow Mike--that compliment made me tear up-thanks for your kind encouragement. I think the world as a whole is very judgmental and being that way does nothing positive for anyway. I always want to be someone who says good job when an accomplishment is achieved, probably because I always looked around for someone to tell me-and rarely received it, but do know that when it is heard, it can sometimes make the next day or two or three a little easier and more uplifting.


Internetwriter62 profile image

Internetwriter62 6 years ago from Marco Island, Florida

Addictions affect almost all families H.C. I know someone who is an alcoholic and your poem reminds me of his pain. He went from having so much potential and promise to being homeless. Getting over an addiction is the hardest monkey anyone can get of their back. I realize that even though people get mad at the addicted person, one must never judge.

Thanks for a hub that touches many. I really enjoyed reading this one, it is very true how addictions eats at the very soul of the person. Your empathy and support for those who struggle with addictions is felt here.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

internetwriter, thank you so very much for your comment. it is a struggle that many of us know-and for those who can get past it, they deserve the pat on the back.


blackreign2012 profile image

blackreign2012 6 years ago

wow... I felt every stanza. I have never suffered from adddiction.. but I have a new understanding after reading this. Great hub! ~hugs~


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

blackreign2012- thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am glad that you were able to receive a little insight to the struggle that many feel each and every day. I hate that people judge an addict as a lazy, no good, selfish being, and blame them for their disease...If it were only that simple/but it is not. Each have their own reasons for their addictions and their sobriety, we must all listen to understand and attempt to help in keeping the ones who want to change and become well, well.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

Wow, what a great hub! This is the definitive article on this subject. I was so impressed by this! Beating an addiction is a real battle, and more people will appreciate it by reading this! Rating this so Up!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Oh H.C this hub was just....lost for words. When you wrote the poem was it referring to you or someone else. Just trying to determine if you have had an addiction too as the words in your hub are so real, so sad, so beautiful. Thank-you especially for the mention, may many of us be a beacon of light and love for those who have lost their way home. By the way your beauty is amazing.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cheeky Girl,

You are so kind to leave such a comment. That is basically how I feel, rather than add injury to insult when it comes to an addiction, people should not comment on what they do not understand especially if it is rude and cruel to the person that is recovering. Addiction is tough, and although it is the addict’s doing- when someone can pull themselves out and away from there poison- they should be uplifted and noticed for their accomplishment. Thanks again for stopping by and commenting on this hub :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

blonde poet,

Oh, I am so glad you were able to read this and you are so very welcome for the mention, you just being you; is inspirational to say the least. In reference to the question- I spoke from the heart and spoke from experience (We share the same poison) I tried to write this in a way that spoke truth and was not sugar coated but raw, for that is the way that addiction is-raw...and it strips you down and leaves you out to dry when you lose yourself. It takes every bit of will power to not fall back into hell when you are coming out of it, and being I have never been someone to do anything 1/2 a**- I tormented myself for a long time and far past my breaking point. It is very sad to think back-but all I wanted was someone to care enough to look at me for more than what I had become, but most didn’t see me at all-including me. So as simple as a poem is in the grand scheme of things-I pray that one or two can draw some understanding and/or hope for this disease that many of us share. It doesn’t matter if it is alcohol, meth, cocaine or pills---the pain is still real and it is still a struggle... Thanks for the kind comment and I do really appreciate you taking the time to read this one :)


notquitecorso profile image

notquitecorso 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Your words affect me...when someone bares herself in such succinct diction...I like in your comment above when you referred to wanting to tell it 'raw'...I couldn't have said it better.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

notquitecorso,

Not only am I so appreciative of all the reading you have been doing on my hubs- I love reading the variety in your vocabulary within the comments that you leave...I don’t believe I have heard the phrase, succinct diction- since out of college-and have only had that superb compliment half a dozen times during my life. Thank you so much.

I feel as if I am going to write on something that demands so much feeling and truth to be understood-there is absolutely no reason that I should write it in any other manner but 'RAW' to give the proper expression to the subject.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

It is amazing as without knowing I have been drawn to you Lorlie, Kim and a few others, in the beginning not even knowing why. Now I know we are sisters in our struggles, our triumphs, so much in common. I am so proud to read this hub H.C, together we can make a difference by sharing where we came from and who we are today. You are a beautiful soul, inside and out, and I am honored to know you. xo


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thanks for that- I needed to hear that. Maybe we were all brought here to get through the confusion and the pain and heal together and at the same time show others a light at the end of their tunnel, at least that is what I hope I am :) I too feel honored to know you, kim, lorie and pam--for when I hurt-I have some inspiration to draw from you 4 ladies... Thanks for being who you are ms blonde poet :) xo right back at you----


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

Powerful poem and writing on addiction. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful piece. Addiction is EVERYWHERE!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Minnetonka Twin,

You are so very right-it is everywhere and I think if we could see into the lives of others---people you would never expect to have this problem are consumed by it. Thanks for reading and for commenting-I appreciate your feedback


the clean life profile image

the clean life 6 years ago from New Jersey Shore

Hi H.C Porter, Great hub here and the video was just fine. How to save a life is what people should be trying to figure out to help their friend, wife/husband with their addiction. I was fortunate enough that I was able to quit on my own, well I shouldn't say on my own, because I did have the support from all of my family, mostly my wife and with God that helped me get through each day one at a time and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Your poem was great too. Great Job!

Mark


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

the clean life- congrats on all that you have accomplished- I am so glad that you had someone care about you in such a way that they stood by you during your trip towards sobriety--thanks for sharing and for commenting on this hub :)


Voice 5 years ago

I want so badly to share this with my daughter, but unfortunately don't know how. Not because of the subject matter, just that I don't have a way to get it to her.

It was like you were speaking for her in this poem...this is her life and feelings at this moment in time.

The times I get to see her she is in this place, struggling to make it right, knowing she is going to cave because it doesn't hurt as much if she does. Knowing that it will hurt her worse if she does. Hoping all the while that someone can really see her, not as this person she has become, but as the person she could be. Picking up on the eyes that dart away as she is talking about her newest plan to escape this prison. Seeing the doubt and hearing the mundane words that follow those words. Knowing no one thinks she is telling the truth this time...

We are the people that can really see her. Unfortunately we are also only the parents. And parents don't count as much as her peers. We count...just not enough for this.

When she blows through here, she tells me stories that break my heart of so-called friends and the damage they do with their words and their actions.

I don't blame them...this is a hard addiction to stick around for, especially if you are young. I have found that the youth of our world don't have time for those who have lost their way. They want everything wrapped up in a 30 minute episode and if not, well...time is marching on with other dramas to attend to. And sticking it out with a druggie isn't high priority. I don't find this vulgar...I think it is basically human nature in this time period. With all that is going on in this world, unless you have an invested interest, why deal with someone who is only going to invite more stress into your life and possibly pull you down with them.

But my daughter has us. We are definitely not her first choice because we won't accept the excuses and dramas that are prevailent to this addiction.

But we are also always going to be a choice. No matter how hard it could be for her and for us, no matter if she rejects us time and again, no matter what... We will always keep that choice open.

Because we hope. Because we believe. Because we see her for who she really is and not this person she has become in her altered states. Because we believe that she will one day break out of this fog that envelopes her life and take us up on the offers that will always be made available to her.

Because someday this will be just a story in the life of my child on her way to becoming the woman she is going to be. And it will be because she made the choice to leave it all behind, like leaves fallen from a tree, to be raked up and burned, forever ridding herself of those times she felt she was nothing. And to blossom into the person she can be.

Not because her parents told her so. Not because she felt peer pressure. It will be because she is strong enough to overcome this, even if with help it will still be on her shoulders to make it happen.

I have no doubt in my mind that she is strong enough. I have no doubt in my mind that she will succeed.

But if I'm wrong...I..we will still be here, trying and offering any way out. And no one will know but us.

I've recently have seen a tiny glimmer at the end of this horrible tunnel we are stuck in. And I am filled with hope that this time it won't be the train.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Voice

thank you for sharing your thoughts, pain and frustrations. I am also very sorry for your heart ache and situation. Your daughter is truly lucky to have you and I pray she is able to find her way back from the place she is. I wish I had the perfect advice to give to you-but I dont...every addiction just as every person is unique and has to get well on their own accord. Tell her how you feel... tell her again in a non confrontational way... tell her you love her and always will. ask her to allow you to help her and tell her you fear for her...other than that-this is her choice...the only way to change what she is doing is to allow her to choose to- just always make sure she knows how you feel and where you stand.

I hope and pray for the best for you and your family..


zduckman profile image

zduckman 5 years ago

WOW ...what a beautifully powerful piece. It took me back to the depths of my addiction. I have not used hard drugs in about 7 years ...and just celebrated 1 yr sober(finally quit weed and booze) on March 15th.

Thank you for this insightful and inspiring piece.

David


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

David,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this hub, I applaud you for your accomplishments- they are huge and deserve to be noticed. More and More I realize that this disease is everywhere and we all need to know that, regardless if we have struggled or not. I hope you continue on your path...thanks again for commenting...


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

There is no other fight like it...giving up an addiction is incredibly difficult and incredibly rewarding. It is an inside job that is painful and rewarding....it is finally finding freedom and it is finding out who you really are. Beautiful hub my dear friend!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thank you Bill- it was a difficult road to walk, but you are so right- at the end, it all becomes worth the pain that is felt!

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