Owd Lanky Dialect Story - Goowin' Fishin'
Jack un Ben, the Lanky men.
4.35am. A gentle knock on Jack’s back door.
Jack. Duwers op’n Ben, cum in lad.
Ben. Etnot ready yet yu lazzy owd get? tha sed thad bi reddy bi hayfe fu’ur.
Jack. Ah dint put thalarm on did Ah, dint want her wak’nin, askin weer Am guwin, so keep thi voice dewn.
Ben. Astha not tewd her wur off fishin’ for day? Hurl kill thi wen hur faands owt!
Jack. Well. Wen her dus faand owt it’ul bi tu late, so shush! Herad uhfew gills last neet so her shud bi usleep fur uh few howers yet. Aniroad, Am mekkin a flask up so dust want uh brew afuwer wi shoot off?
Ben. Ay. Taybowt.
Ben sat down at the table whilst Jack made up his flask and the drinks for now.
Jack. Theer tha-ert, gerit dewn thi.
Jack joined Ben sat at the table.
Ben. Cheers pal, ohh that's luvly.
Jack. Ast med thisel sum jack-bit owd lad?
Ben. Ay av that, Av geetond fuw uh corn dog un brewn sawse butties un hayfe uh meyt un prater paa.
Jack. Hayfe u meyt un prater paa, weers tuther hayfe?
Ben. Ah yet in on’t road eer fummi brekfust, Ah wur clempt deeuth. Wot jack-bits tha geet?
Jack. Whay, Av gettun uh tin uh spam un uh cupple uh packs uh cheese trayanguls, un Am goint ger uh loaf owt freezer so bit time wir eytin it shud uh thawed oyt.
Ben. Ahl ay u cupple uh slices of thi, put mi hayfe uh paa on. Ah con teste it neh. Ast getten all thi bait sorted oyt?
Jack. Mi wasums are orreddy in’t basket, mi mugguts are still oor theer in’t fridge.
Ben. Ahl ger um owt fo thi afuwer tha furgets um.
Ben opened the fridge to retrieve Jack’s maggots.
Ben. Weer ubeyts erthi? Ah cornt see um.
Jack. Thurin’t veg tray ut bottum, et blind?
Ben. Now Am not blind, av font um, thur all oor’t shoore, all oor thi lettis un tumaatus, thas nor ad lid on propur yu daft get.
Jack. Ger ewt road, lets ay u look, am shuwer lid wur on reet…. Oh ekk….. ner mind, it’s no problum, wor Al do is Al tek alt tumaatus unt lettis wiy us, moore for buttis intit? Gerus u placky bag owt that draw theer, Al pur awt lot int bag gether.
All bagged up, Jack put the lot into his fishing basket.
He pulled out his new reel and handed it over to Ben.
Jack. Astha sin mi new reel Ah getten frumt tackle shop i tewn? It’s a bluddi gud un int it eh? Al tell thi wot, Al catch sum biguns wi this today.
Ben. It’s uh bonnie bugger intit? Berit wunt cheap, ew much did it cost thi?
Jack. Ne’er thi mind ew much it cost, un dunt tha gu telling tha missis thar Av bewt uh new reel cos shill ony tell ma missis un Al ger in bother ugen.
Jack took the reel back from Ben and returned it to his basket.
Ben. Dunt wurry, ast not tell er.
Jack. Tha mornt sey a word.
Jack pointed at Ben to express the urgency.
Jack. It wur last un ee ad int shop so Ah cunt wait, wor Ah did wus Ah yused sum uv her money wor hers bin saivin up for buy uh new dress fot-tek on holiday black-poow, Am goint aft ger it back afuwer her fonds owt us Av tekken it. Ah mit aft lend sum money frum thee Ben.
Ben. Tha wunt tell mi ow much it cost thi but neiy tha wants for lend frum me. Wot sort uh bloke et ta?
Jack. Whay, reel cost us undrid un twenty quid un Ah took sixti quid frum her savins, et appi neiy? Con tha lend us sixti quid then ur not?
Ben. Av not getten sixti quid for githi, wot’s think Ay am, bloody Rothschild uh summut? Al-tell-thiwot-thoo, url ah thi guts for garters wener fondsowt you daft bugger!
Jack. Nor if her dunt fondowt un Ah can ger it back afuwer her checks it.
Ben. Ooh ayy, Un weert guwint gerit frum yuh daft owd sod?
Jack. Thee dunt worry thisel non, asbi-reet.
Jack picked up both their empty cups and moved toward the sink to wash them. He dropped one onto the floor, which made hell of a racket as it smashed into pieces.
Ben. Thar inferrit neiy!! Hers berntuvv aired that!!
Jack. Thee grab mi rods un Ahl grab mi basket!!! Run ferrit, Ah con ear her gerrin up…….
Without wasting any time Jack and Ben load the car and hastily drive off.
Ben. So wot bewnt do?
Jack. Ahl worry abewt it wen time cums, let gun get sum fishin’ dun…….
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