Looking after number one in a number two situation

I have a dream... nah seriously, I do. I have a vision for a monetary reform for the world which will see the world’s monetary system reformed.

It will involve a load of pain and we will all have to tighten our belts, cos there’s no gain without pain and ...there must be a couple more clichés I can throw in here to add some serious political gravitas to the moment.

Anyway it is obvious the current system is not working and it is because there are too many lazy and poor people around. It is these indolent oafs who have caused the collapse of the financial world as we know it.

These whiney little wretches have been borrowing beyond their means, which when you think about it is a damned silly expression. One would imagine if you possessed means you wouldn’t be borrowing in the first place, but that’s another matter and might detract from my otherwise fiendishly brilliant argument, so in the spirit of responsible fiscal policy, we’ll just ignore that.

As I said it is these scummy impecunious lowlifes who go asking decent respectable banks to bail them out. The very cheek of people! Just because they can’t manage their finances properly they seem to think the bank should bail them out. Imagine if we all thought that way. The next thing you know everyone that loses money will want a helping hand. And it won’t stop with the unemployed and the lazy; imagine if large corporations like finance companies, insurance companies or media organisations went around begging for help every time their bottom line fell into the toilet? Oh wait a minute they already do. Well that just proves my point. I think.

Honestly the way some of these plebs just don’t understand that money doesn’t grow on trees. They seem to think all governments have to do is give the order to print more money. Imagine if they did that every time things got tough? While everyone would have more money it wouldn’t buy them anything more than what they had before the extra money was printed due to the inflation caused by that print run. Oh wait a minute; I’ve just remembered that is what they do. Oh well in the spirit of the current political climate we’ll just forget about that too.

Those who can see the dangers of printing more money seem to think we can just borrow our way out of trouble which is how the world economy got into this mess in the first place. But it was all down to those stupid poor people who borrowed money and then foolishly got themselves fired from their jobs; not through big companies borrowing too much. After all the measure of a company is how much you can borrow isn’t it? I mean who would ever think of buying a company that didn’t have at least twenty million dollars worth of borrowings. Imagine the shame when you had to stand up at your local Chamber of Commerce and admit that your company only owed the bank 19 mill?

You see when a company borrows money it is good because they are putting money back into the economy. It works like this: Company A borrows 25 million from Bank B and is charged interest on that money. This provides jobs at Bank B and later down the track at Receiver C, Debt Collector D and Lawyers, E, F G & H. Debt Collector D pays taxes and that is more money into the economy. The lawyers spend megabucks on luxury goods and lifestyles but the government doesn’t get any taxes from them because they all have set up tax shelters that resemble nuclear fall-out shelters, but lots of taxi drivers and bar staff get employment as a result of the lawyers’ spending which helps the economy. Receiver C and Bank B both makes piles of money out of the deal but as both are foreign owned companies no direct benefit is felt on the local economy. However keeping these overseas investors happy and rich will encourage more of their countrymen to invest in a similar fashion in this country; for example by setting up large corporations with lots of low paid local workers and a big pipeline back to the old country through which all the profits can be flushed.

On the other hand; when a loser who can’t even draw a $100,000 salary borrows money it is like a big hole has opened up in the ground into which all that money disappears never to be heard of again. This costs Bank B a lot of money and stress trying to recover sums of up to $100,000 or more. In other words they have to employ a debt collector to chase these grubby little oiks for a sum of money that, let’s face it is not worth the trouble. For these small sums the debt collectors charge more relatively speaking. However I can’t recall which of my relatives told me that. The outcome is never any good and the filthy debtor crawls back into his state funded hovel leaving Bank B out of pocket and with no comeback. Imagine if big businesses did that? The banks would need to be bailed out by the Government. That is absolutely unthinkable. Oh wait a minute that has happened quiet often. (Scrub that from the final draft, will you?)

So if you’ve been following this cunning plan, you will probably have gathered the answer to our financial woes is to limit borrowing. See; it wasn’t that hard was it? However it will be necessary to have a strict policy around how borrowing is to be limited. Some idiots say the amount of borrowing should be limited to the amount of security someone can provide to back their loan while other misguided fools think it should be limited to the amount of money available. Both theories are fatally flawed.

If you limit borrowing to the amount of security the borrower can provide how could you ever loan out money in multi-million dollar amounts to the same borrower? And if you limit it to the size of the money supply then you are just limiting the opportunities for Bank B to make gazillions and that can’t be fair.

No; the only way to do it is to only allow the fabulously wealthy to borrow. They are nicer people to know than those nit-infested underclass types anyway. They take a pride in their houses and wouldn’t dream of living in a scuzzy shack and they know lots of other nice people and let’s face it they are the wealth makers and we need those more than ever now.

What’s that you say? They keep their wealth to themselves and none of it gets to the wider population? Oh, well you can’t have everything. I come up with a good plan to get us out of the doo-doos and all you can do is criticise. Honestly, some people!