painfully passionate

how it used to be

We started out hot and heavy you and i.

until the first fight.

the first fight was an explosion of anger.

screaming

shoving

crying

scraping

scratching

and then wrapped in a blanket of naked truth

love

passion.

now all its been is lies from you

i sit by and watch as you torture yourself

you see that its over

even if you dont want to look

we had such passion

you and i, we were like a hurricane

calm, and then volitile.

why are my foes your new friends?

why do you never take my side?

youve never stood by me

youve never stood up for me

unless there was something in it for you

ive been there

through hell and back

ive seen you hurt

ive kissed your pain

id help you hide a body

why cant you be for me what i am for you?

and yet you expected me to stay.

maybe your mentally unstable

but i dont have to join you

ive suffered like i never thought i would

strangled

punched

bruised

shoved

and i cry back into your arms

and tell you your more than that

no more

i told you

finished

and it has nothing to do

with anyone

but me and you

i wish it wasnt over

i wish you would be what i need

but you changed a long time ago

and still

STILL

i stand by

and watch you suffer in front of me

im caged

and wont break free until your better or dead

i love you

you couldnt understand how much

and i know this

because you dont even see me anymore

you look at me

and instead of looking into me

you look past me

ive cried too many times

to be able to handle your shit

its a mess

and maybe i was someone who could turn mess into something beautiful before

but now,

and for the longest time

youve refused to let me

you put me down

you make me feel insecure

you stab me in the back every chance you get

and i cant do it anymore

its been over for a long time

and you know it

what do i have to do

to make you see

the ever fucking pain

that youve inflicted on me?

what to i have to do

to prove to you

that we could have saved this

even if you are sick

you could have at least trusted me enough to let me in

you dont know anything about me anymore

you dont even try

i have to force you to hear me

force my writing in your face

force you to see me cry tears for you

that only make you angry

your new emotion

anger

every day

all day

then nothing

youve trained yourself to feel nothing

and so your vapid

void of emotion

are you hearing me now?

if my love wasnt enough for you

than why would i stay

when you show no love at all

i tried

you know i tried

i scraped and clawed trying to keep this together

i used to think our ability

to fight so violently

and make up so passionately

was our strength

but i see now

it was my weakness

that kept this together

im sorry dear heart

youve turned a fighter

into someone whos giving up on you.

im here

but us

we

its no more

you used to be the best part of me

and now your the worst part of my day.

i love you

i cant say this enough

im here

im here

im here

but

you threw this love out a long time ago

thought id never pull out

but ive been replaced

and now theres a new heroin to your life

and i just cant compete

yet i stay

i stay

i stay

and stare at your bruised arms

your nodding off

your depression

your lethergy

its not fair

because im forever here

caged

unfed

wilting

fadeing

dying a little every time you do this

i love you

and i guess that is my punnishment

i built you up

and you broke me down

i guess id just like to know

what the fuck i did

to deserve it

i guess well just have to co exist

but you my friend

you hurt me

and teb

cant put a cut that deep behind her.

More by this Author


Comments 40 comments

ralwus 6 years ago

That's a rosary for a once tenderness. Feel better now? Broken ass like a walnut down the throat.


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 6 years ago from USA or America

Very nicely written. A beautiful expression of thoughts, passion, compassion and love. It makes a person want to get to know you even more and saddened you've been hurt so badly. :( But, I guess I can only say I'd be willing to listen, whenever you care to chat/talk and honored. (((HUG))) Thank you for sharing. :)


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

Cagsil, my beautiful friend- thank you. havnt heard from you for a bit. Love love that you stopped by to see me progressing. No more rants here, just pure emotion. It what fuels my fire and keeps me going. love to you and your hubs!


sligobay profile image

sligobay 6 years ago from east of the equator

PinkUM: The mythical phoenix must burn completely to ashes on its own before its reincernation; to rise from its own ashes. You do well to withdraw from his self-destructive behavior with his new "heroine" so that you are not drawn further into the conflagration. Thank you for sharing your pain, so articulately. Cheers.


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

This is so very vivid. The pain screams out for acknowledgement, such sacrifice, such devotion, such a spiral of anguish. Thank you for sharing what must have been so hard. May you be blessed and all of what you have given be returned.

A closing note, you can't save another, one can only save themselves. You can throw a life preserver until your arm falls off but if the person going under will not hang on to it, it does no good and just drains your energy.


MeGunner profile image

MeGunner 6 years ago from Lagos

Intense emotion... you succeeded in drawing me into your feelings. Great description, so profound, so sad. Sorry for your loss


zzron profile image

zzron 6 years ago from Houston, TX.

This was really wild and deep and very thought-provoking. How have you been? My computer has been down for a while so I have missed everyone. Hope you're doing well. I have a new laptop now and hope to be hubbing again soon.


mikielikie profile image

mikielikie 6 years ago from Texas

What a wonderful hub! You are such a wonderful writer.


Awful Poet profile image

Awful Poet 6 years ago from The Large Magellanic Cloud (LMC) (m-M)_0 = 18.41, or 48 kpc (~157,000

I know this feeling..

I could not have done

Any better myself.

Thank you for sharing.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

...well if there is one word which describes you it must certainly be the word - passionate! These words you write just jump off the screen and slap me in the face - and I've got the bruises to prove it!


Karla Bardanza profile image

Karla Bardanza 6 years ago

Great piece!Loved it!


JayDeck profile image

JayDeck 6 years ago from New Jersey

You keep writing. I'm still reading.

-J


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

thanx jay. you know, thats my brothers name. i will keep writing. i feel inspired tonight. i know somthings festering in my mind begging to be spilled. we'll see...


Jason R. Manning profile image

Jason R. Manning 6 years ago from Sacramento, California

A body cannot live on this kind of darkness for long. Your love will transform to hate, your focus will strangle new interest and you will be consumed by fire. A dungeon full of passion makes for great writing, but great living heals the soul. I wish you the best.


DarkDisOrder profile image

DarkDisOrder 6 years ago from B.A.D. (Beyond All Dimensions)

The pains of relationship disarray and feeling betrayed, this was well written, sadly it's more of my rival's style, one MrDSpade2, check him out if you want to.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hey Pink, I hear you asking for some things mixed in there with the pain and hurt--things you have given but need for yourself--truth, loyalty, commitment, trust, empathy, appreciation, support, to be heard, to be seen, to be loved. Don't compromise those things, you deserve them. All my best. =:)


ralwus 6 years ago

intense and angry. awesome


sentimental profile image

sentimental 6 years ago from India

Simply a touching communication...nice description of emotions...I appreciate...

I am a writer too...


Chuck RitenouR profile image

Chuck RitenouR 6 years ago from Front Royal, Virginia

Wow been there done that....your poem struck a sympathetic vibration on the A string of my emotions


DeadBeatPoet profile image

DeadBeatPoet 6 years ago from San Francisco

wow !


loua profile image

loua 6 years ago from Elsewhere, visiting Earth ~ the segregated community planet

Pink, some very rich and fertile passion, it makes for great sorrowful prose; but, its like depressing... I'm drained of empathy and sympathy both, just reading it... I need a joke or two to rebound, lol;)...


puresilence profile image

puresilence 6 years ago from New Delhi

It seems someone is simply obsessive for someone, but love I guess is not obsession. If one doesn't care, simply accept and move ahead. Obsessions only gives pain and it is far from love, where love is just a forgiveness and sacrifice.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

puresilence- obsessive? hmmm, thats funny, i didnt feel obsessive when i was writing this poem. I felt angry. Angry that my feelings and the way i treat someone has not been reflected back at me. And walking away from the "one" that doesent care is harder than just stepping out of the door when you have a child and bills together, and 8 years of history. You it seems have either never been in love, or nnever had it go awry. Otherwise, you might try and be a little more sympathetic. Im not obsessed...im pissed.


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

Great hub and very powerful, you are angry at the guy, yet there are pangs of love too here. Wow. That tears me up reading this. Just loved this, what a rush of emotion. Cheers.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

Gosh what a passionate and powerful, brilliant piece of writing.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

cheeky girl- wow, to think that the emotions that inspired this moved someone else to tears is a real compliment.

acaetnna- thank you so much.


Ms.Ruiz profile image

Ms.Ruiz 6 years ago from Southern CaliforNia =)

This is amazing. Its very deep. I loved it. Many women can relate to this. We do all we possibly could, give all we have to give, and nothing is appreciated.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

Ms.Ruiz- Just remember, some people only remember your

f-ups. All of the things you do for them, thats just everyday living, but the f-ups, they cancel all of that out. Amazing how some people can be so selfish, ya know? thanx for reading me. :)


buttar_d profile image

buttar_d 6 years ago from Chandigarh

You are amazing dear. I love your poem. hey this is is my email buttar_d@yahoo.in . I have a few poems and I want to have someone who can help me edit them so that i can publish them . Hear from you soon.


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

I've been there, to some degree. Good luck staying away and finding more positive people, sometimes it helps to be "rescued" by someone better, I hope your heart heals.


SkiFACE profile image

SkiFACE 5 years ago from The Underworld, A.R.D. (A Robbers Dream)

The intensity of this hub is deep and well written.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

thanx stalker. your ski mask is the armor of a stalker,,,so im going to call you stalker, lol. All in good fun!


Nefarious_Misery profile image

Nefarious_Misery 5 years ago from on the move

Beautifully written.

Takes me back to some of the more volitile relationships I've had in the past.

Thanks for that.

Just kidding, voted up and beutiful.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

lol thanks nefarious...i think lol


@MagicBoy profile image

@MagicBoy 5 years ago from Qatar

Intriguing to read something like this, definitely very sad and filled me with grief…

I hope you find love which would give you happiness, serenity and abundant passion in return…Cheers


Yaduvanshi profile image

Yaduvanshi 5 years ago from Bharat Vrse

Loved to read it


Jspot profile image

Jspot 4 years ago from Flames of water and love

I do love the depth in which you feel. The expression so intense and very beautiful the pain. I hope you get inspired to tickle my heart soon. Voted you up and so f'ing beautiful. Jaded Johnny Love


BeyondMax profile image

BeyondMax 4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Intense, screaming soul, I can hear you sister! It takes a lot of inside work to brake out of those painful chains. Deep and beautiful!


lifesparadox profile image

lifesparadox 4 years ago from USA

Wow, I got so mad while I was reading this. Extremely deep and powerful! I love the way you put all of your hurt and aggression into your work. Awesome!!!


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 4 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me. Author

thanks lifesparadox, if i didnt put it here, whoever caught my drift would be in big trouble lol.

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