The Rose (poem)

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Well here we go, this is my first time at writing a poem. I dont know if its any good but here it is.

Lou x

As i lay sleeping,

Alone i am dreaming,

You hand me a single red rose,

As you stand there looking proud,

My heart quickens its beat,

While the earth moves beneath my feet,

You hold out your hand,

While helping me to stand,

In a flash you are gone, leaving me heart broken,

With a sharp pain in my chest, i am suddenly awoken.

I look down and in my hand is the Rose!

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Comments 7 comments

brewskitimeguy profile image

brewskitimeguy 4 years ago from Maine

keep it up and write many more


lou2212 profile image

lou2212 4 years ago from barnsley, UK Author

i plan too :)


Phelcky profile image

Phelcky 4 years ago from Denmark

This is very good! and this is your first poem? Wow! :)


lou2212 profile image

lou2212 4 years ago from barnsley, UK Author

Yeah one of my first poems :)


amandad234 profile image

amandad234 4 years ago from Iowa

It is a very good poem and you have the rhyming going throughout, until that very last line. It just didn't jive with me and pull me in. Frankly, I felt it ended on this line, "With a sharp pain in my chest, i am suddenly awoken." It gives us the illusion that this was a memory? A dream? Something that feels hazy while you read it...if that makes sense? Just making a suggestion of course. It's up to you and how you feel about it.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 4 years ago from Morocco

This is a beautiful image and words. Thank you so much for sharing.personally,I don t like to give flowers to people or recieve them .It s kind of offence because when you give flowers,you give sth dead,rootless and momentary.The best thing you can do is to take that person to a garden or rather if I were that guy ,I would sneak in winter to forest to plant some flowers and when the spring comes,I will surprise her by taking her there.Wouldn t be that amazing? :)


lou2212 profile image

lou2212 4 years ago from barnsley, UK Author

that would be cool james, im glad you like the poem :)

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