sex from a mans point of view
lets talk about sex.
what do men really think about sex?do you want to know the truth?or,do you want me to give you the politically correct answer?you know,the "sex is an expression of love between a man and woman."answer.or do you want the pigs answer?you know,the "darn she's hot!if I ever got the chance I would $#@!^ the *$#@!@ out of her!"answer.you see I would guess about 99% of men are pigs.yep that's the cold hard truth the majority of men on this earth are pigs.oink! oink!you see most men are very good at hiding or masking this fact,the ones that can't hide this fact are usually labeled "jerks"or "dogs"but for the most part the majority of us have mastered our inner swine.we have set our self apart from the jerks and dogs,and we walk a fine line that separates us from them.BUT,we pretty much have the same thing on our minds,we pretty much have the same agenda.and that agenda is....Panties,how to get to the panties and how to get those panties off...as fast as possible.yeah..that is our mission in life,our destiny,grab those panties and pull them down.sorry to tell you that,but its true.
a mans sexual awakening is around thirteen or fourteen,right when the voice starts changing,right when the mustache starts,right when the peach fuzz starts sprouting below.right when the skinny tomboy girls start developing bumps and curves.right then at this time in life is when the prime objective forms.that prime objective is"I got to get laid." from this fateful day is when the game begins,this is the day when the girl next door evolves from your sometime playmate and becomes your target.your first conquest,this is when the brain,the most complex computer on earth,starts running different scenarios.plotting and scheming trying to figure out how."how can I get those panties off?how can I get those legs up?"oink!oink!this is the birth of the piglet.this is when school jumps from boring to all out fun,this is when you start working out kinks in the wardrobe,start honing that personality,sharpening up on those communication skills,so you can get the combination to the lock on that invisible Chasity belt.
the piglet becomes a full grown pig.
The girl next door has been conquered now.several times.with one notch up under your belt you're feeling like a champ.confidence at an all time high.now you're patrolling the hallways like travolta in the opening scene from saturday night fever.its on.you got your pack with you,and the mission is simple,meet greet and pull as many panties down you possibly can before the end of the school year.
let the games begin
school has come and gone,now you're a swinging bachelor,with the pad and all.you have a rolodex of numbers on your dresser with a few honey's you can call up for a night cap.in other words a booty call.its nothing now panties come a dime a dozen,your motto is "chicks are like stamps...I lick'em and stick'em and send them on their way."enter miss piggy.yeah there are female pigs too.You and miss piggy hit it off like rabbits,pure animal magnetism,as the days weeks and months go by you forget about the rolodex because this thing with miss piggy has gotten hot and heavy.your dog pound,your fellow pigs dressed in wolf clothing trying to pass themselves off as sheep,become a little bit worried.they start saying things like"dude!whats up?!! you never come out anymore!"then they they drop the L word on you.the one word that any self respecting pig will not utter under any circumstance."dude!!!you in LOVE are something?!?!!!?"taken back by the blasphemous statement you respond in disgust"what!!!??? you know better that!come on man!this is me!"you find yourself back on the scene thinking to yourself "love!how can they play me like that!?!!"a couple of drinks later and you're back to your old ways prowling the scene like a drunken jungle beast searching for your prey ready to pull out your sword and lay down your next conquest.A couple of days have passed and your rolodex is once again in full use.miss piggy pops up and you inform her that you need a little space right now and she responds "all right." walks out the door and gives you the call me sign.but you're puzzled slightly confused,because there was no crying or screaming,cussing,or yelling just "call me."weeks pass and you find yourself wondering whats miss piggy's doing.so you decide to head over to her house and chill with her,only to get there and she tells you "I have "company"coming tonight call me later."
"THIS IS MY PIE!"
For some reason you can not bring yourself to call miss piggy,for some strange reason,you have been simmering at a slow boil every since she told you "I'm expecting company,call me later."company?who does she think she is?you ask yourself.out there giving up my pie!the door bell rings and it's the fellas "whats up y'all."the fellas make their way to the kitchen and grab a couple of beers out the fridge..as usual.the door bell rings again,this time its miss piggy,you hurry up and welcome her in and the first thing you say is "who do you think you is telling ME you have company!!??!!"you're yelling now and the fellas is watching."What? you said you wanted "SPACE!" miss piggy responds "you think I'm going to sit around and wait on your sorry tail while you run after every chick that walks down the street!??!"that did it right there you're boiling over now"Look you can't be running around giving up MY PIE!!!! are you crazy?!"for a few seconds there's silence then you turn and look at the fellas and they respond shaking their heads "aw www man, its over man..you...you're in LOVE!"
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