My Subtle Wish of Death

What is this thing called happiness?

If I ever had it, then everyday I feel it less and less.

I have cut myself off from the world.

While watching my loneliness and despair unfurl.

My heart aches. It feels like its on fire.

Breathing is no longer my desire.

My understanding of coping is gone.

Right now I feel so alone.

My tears constantly fall.

My emotional pain wraps around me like shawl.

When is this ever going to end?

I'm tired of facing everyone and trying to pretend.

Faking through life like everything is alright.

I'm almost ready to give up this fight.

My family needs me is what I have to tell myself.

Otherwise I would give in to my subtle wish of death.

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Comments 8 comments

sassyk73 profile image

sassyk73 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI Author

@Sharyn...Thank you for reading my hub. I am doing much better. I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. I am honored that you enjoy reading my work :) Your comments are always welcome.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Hi Sassy,

I appreciate you sharing this very strong piece full of emotions. You are a great writer. I really enjoy your work.

Being in so much pain no matter what the reason can easily lead us to questioning why are we here? Having feelings that we are tired and just don't want to do "this" anymore I believe is something that more people feel than we'd like to imagine. I hope you are doing ok today and gaining strength. Please take care,

Sharyn


sassyk73 profile image

sassyk73 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI Author

Thank you Romancer. It is always a pleasure to hear your kind words. I really appreciate it when you stop by.

@Julianne...thank you for visiting. It is a constant struggle but I am full of prayer and I am trusting God to see me through. Thank you for your encouraging words.

@CMerrit...It is a pleasure to hear for you. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much for visiting. Your comments will always be welcome.

@ Denise...Thank you for the encouragement. I need all of the support that I can get. Thank you for being there to lend me your ear. I just might take you up on that one day.

@tumblin...I will hang in there. I know that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me and I will hold on to that. Thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate you stopping by :)


tumblintumblweed profile image

tumblintumblweed 5 years ago

Good morning,Ms sassyk....I understand your pain,and I know its not easy. This is a very intense and disturbing write. Please hang in there...better days are just over the hill! You're in my prayers! Voted up!

God Bless!

Janet


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

Sassy girl-your pain is evident in your poetry, but it is beautifully said. Sometimes, the most creative works come from this source of pain; the despair.

I'm waiting for the subtle shifts that will occur as your depression lifts and you move closer to light and lightness. It will be an amazing transformation I am sure. Keep on sharing your awesome work with the world.

BTW-email me if you are indeed at the end of this life's rope. Many Blessings, my friend.


CMerritt profile image

CMerritt 5 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

I think this speaks volumes of the condition of mind of so many people living in today's world.

Just my opinion, but I truly believe Satan has his way of conditioning our minds to think this way. I think it is times like this is when we must turn to God, upon our knees, and ask to be delivered from evil. We all have had times where, throwing in the towel seems like an easy way out, but in this life, there IS no "easy way" out. We are all destined to go through storms that this life brings us.

I hope all is well with you, and I give you an up and awesome for this writing.


juliannekristine profile image

juliannekristine 5 years ago from Philippines

Everyday is a battle. Be happy that you face battles in life because its the evidence that you're alive. If you give up that is defeat. If you fight and win you live. Don't surrender. God is always with you.


ROMANCER OF LIFE profile image

ROMANCER OF LIFE 5 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

I can only imagine the battle that you must face everyday. I remember when It was my reality. I thank God everyday for taking me places where it helped me to want to be better. For me it was a choice, for you it's a battle of ups and then downs and I applaud you so much for choosing to write about it and sharing it with the world... Your battle. I loved it!

Thank you for sharing!

~ Romancer~

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