The Girl in the Avatar

Thank You Cris A and Rayna H. Hurman

First off, I'd like to thank my good friend Cris A for challenging me to write this poem. As a kid, I was a knucklehead and almost never turned down a dare, which made for good companionship one would say. However, this sort of challenge doesn't involve the police, fire department, or any ambulances to drive over to where I am and would go as far as saying that it's safe. Little did he know that I used to write a lot of poetry (including haikus), or what I thought to be poetry when I was a teenager many moons ago. Truth be told, I entered one of my poems into a contest when I was sixteen and won an Editor's Choice Award for it (I'm still not sure how prominent that actually is to be honest). Writing poetry and short stories has always been a passion of mine for many years now.

I'll admit that this is nowhere near my best poem, but it tells the story of the two of us and that alone makes this poem special and personal to me and hopefully, to her. In fact, this shouldn't really be called a poem, but a ballad that is ours. So after reading this, feel free to tell me to stick to fiction. I'll listen.

I'd also would like to thank Rayna H. Hurman whom this poem is dedicated to, because without her, I would have stopped believing a long, long time ago. A few Hubbers asked me who the "girl in my avatar" was and I responded by dancing around the question. The truth is, her and I shared much together and still keep in touch. This poem is a ballad of our time that is rich in history. I won't delve into exactly what transpired between the two of us, but I will say that she is still and always will be in my heart. This one is for you, "Rayna H. Hurman," with love.

Rayna H. Hurman sporting my New York Giants hat
Rayna H. Hurman sporting my New York Giants hat

The Girl in the Avatar

“Hello,” you said,

“Hello,” I said back,

She’s cute, I thought,

As my heart went pitter-pat.


But she’s too young for you,

So forget it, move on.

Find someone else to woo,

Like that middle-aged blonde.


Later on, you came and asked,

In your most vulnerable voice,

“Could you walk me to my car?

I have no other choice!”


So like the man

you wanted me to be,

I acted brave, I played the part

and acted accordingly,


"How old are you?" you asked.

"No your not!" You said after I told you,

"If that's true, then you're wearing a mask!"

"I get that all the time," I said.


"Okay, so how old are you?"

"Older than you think," you told me,

"And old enough to be with you."

And be the one you've been looking for, I thought.


Thought I was so clever

When I texted you,

“Give me back my heart!”

And you replied, “Never.”

A cliff where we stood
A cliff where we stood

I remember that autumn,

And remember it well,

Admiring your eyes

while under your spell.


But the season was stolen

and we were its thieves.

Our hearts interwoven;

like macaroni and cheese.


I think back to a time

When I was yours

And you were mine.

Our future, a half-open door.


Always a threat: That fine-line.

Our fate chosen, united as one,

We hoped like hell

to make our break and run.


So many memories I

Wouldn't want to erase

Even after sanguine hope,

Fell flat on its face.


So wherever you go,

no matter how far,

you'll forever be

the girl in my avatar.

© Copyright 2009. All Rights Reserved.

Our Song

Yes, I'm just as surprised as you.
Yes, I'm just as surprised as you.

To Rayna In Closing

Dear Rayna,

Maybe someday we'll be together, Rayna. For now time and distance separates us. I hope that you enjoyed this and hope that one day the world will let us be. Until then, I'll always love you and you know that, sweetie. Thank you for providing me with hope. There is no peace without you.

-Dohn

More by this Author


Comments 139 comments

Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

It's only fitting that I'd be the first to comment. But back to the business at hand...

You are a great storyteller, in both prose and poetry. And what makes this poem extra special is the heart that went into writing it. Thanks for accepting my sorta kinda challenge.

Btw, I know you used to dabble in poetry - I read somewhere (I did my research before I posted my challenge). Searched your hubs but I found none. And so I thought, let's bring it back. :D


GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 6 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Wow dohn121 great writing prowess you just whipped out here... Goodluck to you and to your everdearest Rayna... Hope the two of you are fine though...


Lily Rose profile image

Lily Rose 6 years ago from East Coast

Definitely.....don't stop writing poetry! I loved it - very touching, yet fun. I hope all ends well with you - and Rayna!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

You took the proverbial words right out of my mouth, my friend! I did write one silly poem on forum for FieryCJ in which I warned that if anyone picked on him that they'd have to go through me! It was kind of a sing-song poem, but was funny. Thanks so much for giving me a challenge. I don't think that it'll make me a million bucks in Adsense revenue, but who cares? We do what we love and we love what we do! Thanks, Cris!

Woah! You guys are fast!

Thanks, GH for the well-wishing. She's the only girl for me. I'm working each day to see to it that we pick up where we left off. Hopefully one day, we'll find each other again.

Thanks, Lily Rose! I don't think I'm very good at poetry, but for you I might have a few that I'll share again. Thank you for that and Rayna thanks you as well :D


beth811 profile image

beth811 6 years ago from Philippines

Wow, nice ballad dohn! Rayna is pretty. It really is when you're in love you're inspired to write a dedication. Wish you both goodluck!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, Beth! I appreciate it very much. She really did steal my heart (and not to mention my hat in that pic). Perhaps will have more memories in the future!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

Oh my god the two of you are adorable!!!! Like and macaroni and cheese :) made me smile big.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you Randy! She definitely makes up for what I lack, LOL. She is my all and I'd do anything for her. I'm so glad that you commented :D


charanjeet kaur profile image

charanjeet kaur 6 years ago from Delhi

Oh it is so sweet i feel the love. You guys make such an enviable pair. Love ya both together, Love the final word "there is no peace without you". Love it i am glad Chris A dared you to this wonderful hub. God Bless and may your love be stronger in time to come.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much for that, charanjeet kaur! That's so good to hear. I hope that we can be together soon, as there is no one else in this entire world I'd rather be with. Rayna and I thank you!


Peter Dickinson profile image

Peter Dickinson 6 years ago from South East Asia

Thanks Dohn. I only seem to hit the poetry button to deal with crises...though it wasn't always so. Keep it up.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Peter. To me, poetry is difficult. I really want to try my hand a couple of Shakespearean Sonnets which should be fun (not to mention tough).

If when you do decide to make a hub out of one of your poems, I'm interested in reading it.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Oh Dohn - this is soooo beautiful and touching! I hope such a wonderful love has 'happily ever after' woven into its fabric. Thanks to Cris, I hope we can see more poems from you :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, Shalini. That's very encouraging for me to hear...If there are more comments like this, I just might have to get into poetry. I just have to get better at it, as I don't believe I'm quite "up to snuff." Thanks, Shalini!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Wwell, Dohn, I was also wondering "who is the girl from your avatar"...

I am crying now...deeply touched.

It is not only beautiful poem, but whole story is so romantic, and I hope there will be happy end for both of you.


TampaBayBucs profile image

TampaBayBucs 6 years ago

Very Cool Dohn.

Your poem for some reason made me think of this song... by the great LFO... lol

(I wish for you on a fallin' star,wonderin'

where you are,do I ever cross your mind,In

the warm sunshine,she's from the city of angels,like

Betty Davis,James Dean,and Gable,never know

what she means to me.I fell for the girl that's on TV)

except in this case, you fell for the girl that's on the Avatar...

Great, touching poem my friend.

in closing...

It's the girl in the green dress (Avatar)

She took my breath away,And now I look to the sky,

For a better day,To the beach shore and scooby snacks,

I met a fly girl and I can't relax,

Never had to be on a movie screen (Avatar)

Cause she's the leading lady in all my dreams,I wish


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Very sweet and tender poem, the love radiates. Rayna is adorable.


poetlorraine 6 years ago

i actually cried when i read that..... honestly i do not cry easily..... wow it was so so so good, and to think i actually know you.... you put messages on my hubs every time and wow brilliant... it has inspired a song in me i have not heard for years, will let you know when the hub is done. wow again. xxxxxxxxxx hey a friend of mine wrote this i am delighted


emievil profile image

emievil 6 years ago from Philippines

OMG, that is a great, great, great poem dohn! I'm one of those who asked you who the girl in your avatar is. What can I say, the words in your poem says it all. I can feel your sadness, your joy and your love for her. I really do hope both of you will find each other again.


I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 6 years ago

Dohn, this is so beautiful and romantic. My love sensors went on over'load reading this. Ahhh, I so hope you and Rayna find to be together. As you are visualizing it and it is close to your heart I feel it will be so! :)

Thank you for realeasing the myterious lady in your avatar! :D

ps. please share more of your poetry, too.


poetlorraine 6 years ago

I have wrote a hub for you with love....... please let me know what this young lady thinks of this hub..... she is a lucky young lady i think....... please invite me to the wedding should it ever happen


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

hi Dohn, what could I say/ That was lovely and nice! Very touching! I felt the love, longing and yearnings of your heart. I hope one day, soon, it will happen, You deserve her and she deserve you plus all the other wishes you have! I hope she will read this one!

have a good day!

hmmm, wishes wishes, I wish I am a fairy now so I can grant your wishes!


Justine76 6 years ago

damn, and I thought I was going to get through today without crying!! :) Your such a romantic Dohn. Loved the bit about Mac 'n cheese. Good stuff.


ralwus 6 years ago

Well Dohn, this is most beautiful and so well executed. No surprise to me that you could do it. I do hope you two can be together again. Love it. CC


keira7 profile image

keira7 6 years ago

Oh my God, Dohn, this is beautiful, I love the hub, the story is just very touching, the lovely poem, the writing, video. Thanks for sharing my friend. One of my brother fall in love with a girl 15 years young then him, at first it was a nigtmare for them, because a lot of people was involve negativly. It was really hard for them.

But at the end he maried the girl, no matter what the family has done, to stop them for been together, when its destiny no one can do anyting to stop it. Its been 10 years now and they are very happy. Dohn you look so happy together, very cute. I pray for you to be together and I wish you a lot of happiness. Love its very important in life, it brings a lot of stability. I know what I am talking about:)

My son has read your answer to the comment in your ex hub and he say "thank you". He receive a new electric guitar yesterday and he was over the moon, He really beleive in his dream and its just beautiful to see. Thanks bro. God Bless you.


Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 6 years ago

Beautiful, this was the first thing I read this morning. Thanks!!!!!


Enigmatic Me profile image

Enigmatic Me 6 years ago from East Coast Canada

Well written.

Feel that (as a guy) we don't often get to write touchy feely stuff without people feeling that is a touch feminine. You did guys proud with this one- explained our view point and used romance and humor... well done.


maven101 profile image

maven101 6 years ago from Northern Arizona

" Like macaroni and cheese.."....Wonderful and original imagery...Loved this poem...Larry


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

@Tatjana-Mihaela-Thank you so much for that *Hands over a Kleenex* I'm glad that you enjoyed this, as it took much longer than I had hoped. Hearing such reactions is very encouraging. I did the best I could when telling this story of ours. Of course I hope that we will be together one day.

@TampaBayBucs-Hey, thanks, buddy. I hope you make a run for that girl in the green dress. It's funny how we find the one we've always been looking for when we're not trying. Good luck to you and thank you for the awesome allusion and lyrics. Nice touch!

@Pamela99-Thank you for that, Pamela. I did my best to capture my emotions, albeit in a little jar! I'm glad you liked it!

@poetlorraine-Of course, I was hoping that you chance see this one, Brenda. By the way, I loved the pic of you and your beautiful children. Of course you'll be invited to our wedding! As long as we're alive there is always hope. Thanks so much my friend. I'm glad to be able to share. Of course I'll read your hub! I'm sure its sensual and sweet.

@emievil-Hello, Emie. Thank you for the compliment! I'm not really one to believe in fate--more like freewill--but in either case, I think that things will happen if we can in the future make sacrifices. Time will of course tell! I'm glad that Rayna is no longer a mystery :D

@invictus-Hey, invictus! Thank you for that my friend. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this one, as poetry is your forte. I'll do my best to create more poetry now that so many within our tight knit community think I should! It's great to hear from you! Thank you!

@prettydarkhorse-I usually don't believe in fairies, but I will now! Thanks so much for that Pretty. I hope that her and I will be together soon. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder about her. She the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this!

@Justine76-:D Thank you so much, DM! I'm starting to run out of Kleenex over here! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this poem/ballad. I wasn't sure how good it was, but knew that if anything else, it was honest, and to me, that's all that really matters. Thanks, buddy!

@ralwus-Hello, Charles. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad that you enjoyed this. I sure hope that Rayna sees this, as this is the first and only thing I've ever wrote for her. I'm dedicating a novella to her in the near future as well! Thank for the support, my friend.

@kiera7-That so good to hear! Just supporting your son and his dreams is head and shoulders above what other parents typically do for their kids! Thank you for commenting and complimenting! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this poem/ballad. Yes, the age gap is a bit difficult to overcome, but I've long accepted it. Love is just funny like that. We all dream, don't we? Thank you for the well-wishing my friend :D

@Tammy Lochmann-Your welcome! Thanks so much for reading it. I'm sure that Rayna thanks you as well.

@Enigmatic Me-Yeah, I tried to not go overboard on this one. I know what you mean about being too "romantic." Thank you so much for the compliment. I appreciate the support!

@Maven-Thank you so much Larry! I really do appreciate that! The two of us definitely go well together!


words cocktail profile image

words cocktail 6 years ago from Australia

Dohn, reading this hub gave me goosebumps man! What do I say?! I mean..(heck, I don't know what I mean) but reading through poem of your love life..and then the following comments...it already says it all! The poem is like..ummm.. ..serious yet funny..gloomy yet hopeful..feels dreamy yet it is real..and in deed is heartfelt,true and touching therefore simply beautiful! I wish for you both to be together soon..ASAP - as they say!


juneaukid profile image

juneaukid 6 years ago from Denver, Colorado

Very nice, Dohn, but I think it's a bit too short and it could have more episodes such as the one involving the cliff view. I'd find another rhyme than macaroni and cheese. But, man you can write poetry! This poem might just be the beginning of a series about her.


Ms Chievous profile image

Ms Chievous 6 years ago from Wv

Very Sweet poem Dohn! Puts me in mind of my younger years. I think all of us have that someone special from the past we will always be connected with. I hope things work out for you. Your are a good soul Dohn..


Duchess OBlunt 6 years ago

oh my...what a story!

I like the way you wrote it, the poem itself did not interfere with the story. That's not always easy to do.

I wish you the best, I'd love to read the "Happy ever after" on this one.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

This was beautiful! Thank you, dohn. I hope so much you get back together. She looks like a real cutie and a wonderful person, and someone just for you.


NotMyself profile image

NotMyself 6 years ago from Current.

-sigh- Dohn--you are a romantic! How deeply emotional your poem is--I am sad, but I am extremely for you. You are so fortunate to find love Dohn. It is a rare thing--cherish it and cherish all the happiness that love with it brings!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

Excellent Dohn. Lovely poem.

Glad you took up the challenge on Forum - You've shown them the stuff your made of. lol


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

You are a true romantic. No wonder you write so well. Beautiful poetry. Thanks for sharing a very personal part of yourself yet again.


Useful Knowledge 6 years ago

Dohn,

I am so glad you wrote this. It is beautiful. I hope that she reads it and can see how much you care! The first poem I have ever read from you.

Beautiful. Simply beautiful!


lancelonie profile image

lancelonie 6 years ago

Not only are you a good writer but a good poet, too!

She's a pretty girl! :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Oh Dohn she is beautiful, that poem was so romantic, you won me xo


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 6 years ago from North Carolina

What beautiful words dohn, you should write more poetry more often, thumbs up my friend

and welcome back blonde poet!!

dori


Rose West profile image

Rose West 6 years ago from Michigan

Thank you for sharing so much of your heart! That's not always easy...it's easier to keep it to yourself. I loved this poem and am so glad you let us read it!


phantom_moon profile image

phantom_moon 6 years ago from Sacramento California America

Wow...beautiful and fluid. Great job and thanks for sharing :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

@words cocktail-Thanks for the comment! That's very kind of you to say that. I guess that I touched on many aspects in this hub. Rayna without a doubt is a cavalcade of feelings to me and all of them are positive. You did fine by commenting :D

@juneaukid-I really was thinking about adding that part about the cliff! The macaroni and cheese bit is actually a bit important to me, as it was something that was shared between us in conversation (no, we didn't share a plate of it or anything). But I can understand where you are coming from to want to omit it otherwise. Thanks for the advice and fort the comment! I really appreciate it.

@Ms Chievous-Thank you for that! What a sweet thing to say :D I'm glad that it "brought you back" and that you enjoyed reading this. New love is the best love, I guess. Tough love is the love you gotta work for, I guess. It's the same love, only it requires more of an effort, I guess. Thanks!

@Duchess OBlunt-Thanks for the compliment, Duchess. I did my best to tell the story and write a love poem at the very same time, so to hear such (undeserving?) comments is great. I'd sure like to write a happy ending to this as well ;)

@Paradise7-She is a great person. All my life, I always had to charm girls to suck them into my world...That is, until I met "Rayna." She just charmed me like crazy, to the point where I'm blushing (imagine that). She's also the first girl to make me laugh consistently. Thank you for that! (Rayna thanks you too ;) )

@NotMyself-Yes, I did find love, but then it kind of told me to come back later on...It's complicated, but I will take your advice. Until the day comes when Rayna tells me to hit the road, I'll always keep on hoping. Thanks, buddy :D

@Lady_E-Thank you :D I did the best I could with this. I'm just overwhelmed by so many positive comments. You guys are really awesome. I thank you and everyone here for it.

@Green Lotus-Thanks for that. I just hope one day that I don't share TOO much ;) I've found that it's so easy to simply share with everyone. You are my audience and for you guys, I have nothing to hide :D

@Useful Knowledge-You know that it means a lot to me to hear that, you star you :D I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Maybe when I can catch lightning in a bottle, I write another poem! Thanks as always, UK.

@Lancelonie-Thanks for the compliment! You guys really need to stop making me blush! You just made Rayna blush too! Thank you!

@Blonde Poet-Thanks BP!!! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Hearing that from you, I feel like I just gained Knighthood! You're the best, babe :D Thank you ever so much!

@Fortunerep-Thanks for that Dori! Like I said, I'll do my best to produce more poetry (damn the word count B.S./Adsense, right???) Just as long as you guys leave such amazing comments, I might just do that :D

@Rose West-You're welcome! Wow, thanks for that. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and am happy to share it. Thanks so much for reading it and for commenting. It means a lot.

@phantom_moon-You're welcome! Thank you for the great comment. I did the best I could with the story of Rayna and I. I'm just so happy that none of you guys told me to stop writing poetry while I'm "Still ahead" as it were :D Thanks!


Leop profile image

Leop 6 years ago

Absoutely, beautiful, warming and fresh. Dohn, such an excellent poem. Continue writing because you are really good with your imagination.

Loved it very much. Thanks for poem


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks Leop! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. It took me a while to write it, as I added a stanza every hour or so throughout the course of an entire day. Hearing such compliments from you and so many of my friends makes it all the worthwhile. Thank you!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Wow Dohn you had to almost write a novel to answer your fans here. I bet your hand is sore? A good tip is to sit on it for 10min and it won't feel like your own :) :)


Jewels profile image

Jewels 6 years ago from Australia

Lovely poem.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Yeah, tell me about it, BP! Never before have I received so many comments on one day! The reason why I didn't respond earlier was because I was away from a PC and had only my Cell. I was able to to read the great comments everyone left, but didn't dare text everyone back via cell phone. That would have been torture! Thanks for the tip, BP :D I shall try it!

Thanks, Jewels!


myownworld profile image

myownworld 6 years ago from uk

well, there's nothing left to say really....because all that was needed to be said in praise of this hub has already been written here! so would a simple 'beautiful' do? keep making beauty with your words dohn.....x


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, myownworld. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I'm still amazed by the comments on this hub. Thank you so much for reading this! I appreciate it.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

No question about your ability to write poetry! You have not only written a beautiful and heartfelt poem but it glows with the love that you have for your dear Rayna. Best of wishes to you both and hope you come together again like your symbolic macaroni and cheese. You certainly make an attractive couple!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Wow, thanks for that, Peggy. I really do appreciate that. There's no woman in this world I care for more (family aside) in this world. I believe that we will be together and that it's only a matter of time. Hopefully, I'm right :D


Drew Breezzy profile image

Drew Breezzy 6 years ago from somewhere in my mind

:D YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I remember that autumn,

And remember it well,

Admiring your eyes

while under your spell.

But the season was stolen

and we were its thieves.

Our hearts interwoven"


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

"Like macaroni and cheese..."

Where have I heard this one? :D Thanks, Big Guy. I'm glad you liked it. I guess I'm going to have to bleed out a few more poems for you guys...


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

We'll eat them up just like macaroni and cheese!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Ha! That's great, Peggy! Thank you for that.


cosette 6 years ago

that was beautiful. she is beautiful. you are beautiful. this melts your heart. i am continually blown away at the caliber of writers here. !!!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, cosette. I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the compliment by the way. I'm fortunate to have found so many supporters of my work.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much for that! She's by far one of a kind. There really is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I love her so much it hurts. Many times, I'd tried to run away from how I felt for her and really did try to move on, but it only reinforced my want to be with her and see her. So until the day does come when she tells me she wants nothing to do with me, my hope in being with her again will remain.

I cant' tell you what your comment means to me, HT. Thank you so much.


Truth From Truth profile image

Truth From Truth 6 years ago from Michigan

Nice work again. I'm not sure what to say on this one , I do not even read Poems. but this, you really put yourself in to it.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks for that TFT. I'm guessing that you liked this one. Everyone's interpretation of any written work is fine. Thanks for reading me.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I see you in Tatjana's hubs, and checked out your work, so glad I did! Have become your fan. This poem touched my heart, it's pure love, so sweet, direct and embracing. You make a beautiful couple!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, VioletSun! Yes, Tatjana is one of my friends. I've seen you around too and have been meaning to get to know you! I'm now a fan of yours as well! Thanks for visiting me. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading this.


Lgali profile image

Lgali 6 years ago

Nice work again you are very good in both type of writing


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Lgali. I'm just glad that so many Hubbers enjoyed this hub. It means a lot.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Like macaroni and cheese. I must confess, I never thought I'd see that in a poem. Highly original! She's cute! The photo of the "cliff where we stood" is stunning. The poem is excellent, though it evokes gentle sadness. Life is that way. Excellent, with an overarching gentle sadness.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Yes, I'm with you--I'd never thought it appropriate to have such a line in a poem, but there is much significance in it, which is between Rayna and I. Thanks for reading this poem and sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it, James.


neysajasper profile image

neysajasper 6 years ago

I enjoyed teh videos and interesting hub..


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, neysjasper! I'm glad you did.


mtsi1098 6 years ago

Thanks for answering the question of your picture and you 2 look great together. I wish you the best...Now, who is the macaroni and who is the cheese? :)


poetlorraine 6 years ago

i am wondering what her response has been to this...... please tell


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 6 years ago from Hong Kong

thanks for the beautiful piece.

best of luck.


andromida profile image

andromida 6 years ago

Awesome expression of eternal love.:)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

@mtsi1098-Thank you very much for reading this and thank you for your support! I'm glad that I was able to clear this up a bit for everyone...I think her and I are interchangeable when it comes to that :D

@poetlorraine-Unfortunately she hasn't seen or read this just yet, but she will soon...Like my situation with her, it's only a matter of time. Of course I'll let you know the outcome!

@Benson Yeung-You're welcome! Thank you for your support of us!

@andromida-Thanks so much for that, my friend. I hope she likes it.


create a page profile image

create a page 6 years ago from Maryland, USA

Dohn121 I am so impressed. You are so talented that it is hard to tell which kind of writing you are better at. You excel in all areas. You both make such a beautiful couple. The macaroni and cheese feeling you mentioned I am sure is your wonderful way of expressing the harmony you both experience. I hope you will get together soon and be in marital bliss forever.

Great job...I think you should write some more poems too.


manlypoetryman profile image

manlypoetryman 6 years ago from (Texas !) Boldly Writing Poems Where No Man Has Gone Before...

"Our hearts interwoven;

like macaroni and cheese..."

You are a poet...dohn121...There is no other way around it.

You were meant to be...bringing it with the Poet-try! Very Well Done...And on very tough topic to tackle and to put into text...Thanks to those who put you up to this...Will we see more?


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

@create a page-Thank you! Yeah, the macaroni and cheese imagery I thought was appropriate in conveying the playful, albeit youthful emotions we both exhibited with one another during that time. I do believe that we'll be together someday soon (My heart tells me so). I thank you for your kind words and well-wishing. I hope that I don't let you down, lol. I'll do my best to crank out more poetry--I just have to get back in the mode (rather than the 'mood').

@manlypoetryman-Thanks so much, manly. Cris A is responsible for this, by the way. This is really the first poem I've written in about 8 years, due to my putting forth so much focus into other things, such as my novel. It's great to hear all of the positive responses here. This is of course then the only poem I've written for said "Rayna." I hope she likes it. I'll do my best to write another one, I promise.


apricot profile image

apricot 6 years ago from Italy

'Our hearts interwoven; like macaroni and cheese' - I think that alone gets across how much you were for each other! And at the same time how messy things were (unfortunately). Really touching!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you apricot. You did a commendable job at analyzing this poem. Yes things are in a bit of disarray, but I believe that it will be resolved, as my heart tells me it's so. I'm glad you enjoyed this.


blaise25 profile image

blaise25 6 years ago from close to you...

lovely poem and lovely couple! ;p

mac and cheese stick together...what a great view on the cliff ;p thanks for sharing your love story


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you for that, blaise25. Yes, mac and cheese most certainly stick together. We'll "stick" this thing out :D I appreciate your comment.


NaomiR profile image

NaomiR 6 years ago from New York

What a beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing your story. I hope things work out for the two of you.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you Naomi! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Rayna's my epitome of hope and hope is always will be a beautiful thing :D


maudine_05 profile image

maudine_05 6 years ago from United States

Im in love with your poem!!! Goodluck to you and your ladylove Rayna, so cute together!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, maudine_05. Thanks for that! Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.


bingskee profile image

bingskee 6 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

wow...! that is sooo sweet. for me, it is always an excellent feeling to read a poem written for me. how blessed rayna is.

i hope, too, dohn, that one day you and rayna's hopes will come true. your story is an inspiration. take care of this love that you have for each other.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, bingskee. I believe that our paths will cross again and merge as one. This is the first poem I've ever written for her, so I hope that it's not the last.

Time is really all we have. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. Thank you and I will :)


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Sniff, Sniff, aaahhh, simply beautiful! Wow, I'm almost speechless! I wish the best for you and the girl in your avatar. Hopefully, things are not too deep that they can't be mended to overcome whatever obstacles that maybe standing in way of the two of you being together.

Wow Dohn, thanks for sharing such a personal and touching ode of your love!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

:D Thanks, Money Glitch! It meas a lot for me to receive such encouraging and thought provoking feedback from so many readers. I do believe that we'll be together one day and that it's only a matter of time that we are. Thank you very much for the comment and thanks for joining me ;)


R.G. San Ramon 6 years ago

Wow. She's pretty. And her smile is captivating. Seriously though, the poem does not have that WOW effect IMO, but it definitely shouts what's written from your heart. Bravo for your bravery! I hope she reads this hub. :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks again, RGSR. Yes, like I said, it's not my best poem but it is accurate in all phases. She did finally read this poem and she did enjoy it--hearing her tell me so was worth every moment I spent on it :D Thanks.


marcofratelli profile image

marcofratelli 6 years ago from Australia

(What a catch, you master of poetry and prose you!)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Marco :D I'll keep dreaming until she tells me to wake up, lol.


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Beautiful words! She must be really happy to have this kind of poetry as her gift. Please, keep writing. I want to read more poetry from you, and thanks for sharing. ^_^


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, Freya Cesare. That means a lot. I had some fun writing this and so much the better that I took upon a challenge that actually came out okay, at least according to those who've read this. I'll do my best to write more, so long as there's an audience for it! Thanks :D


Sakshi300 6 years ago from india

It is really brilliant...Great work dohn121


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks, Sakshi300! I appreciate the comment.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

Your love for Rayna is pouring out of your words and spilling onto my keyboard. You're a powerful writer Dohn, and I'm so glad that you wrote this beautiful poem. May your hearts become one as your souls intertwine for eternity.


AdsenseStrategies profile image

AdsenseStrategies 6 years ago from CONTACT ME at Adsensibilities@gmail.com

This hub isn't about the movie at all ;)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

@Beth100-:) Thanks so much for that Beth! It's great to hear such a responses to this poem...How come the hubs we write that we think are going to bomb almost always succeed? Thank you for you well-wishing. That's very kind of you!

@Adsense Strategies-Sorry to disappoint! Better luck next time ;)


Crazdwriter 6 years ago

Dohn that is a beautiful poem. you did such a great job writing it. I hope that you and Rayna can one day be together. You love is true and pure.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, Crazdwriter. This poem, like the person it's a tribute to, means a lot to me. The outpouring of comments is very encouraging for me to hear. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Thank you.


G Miah profile image

G Miah 6 years ago from Muslim Nation

That was very enjoyable, brings back some of my memories. You are so talented, keep it up!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you for the compliment G Miah! Again, I hope I get the opportunity to hear your story as well. I really am glad that your enjoying my hubs, thank you!


AdamGD 6 years ago

"Our hearts interwoven; like macaroni and cheese."

Love it!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, AdamGD. Forrest and Jenny have Peas and Carrots. Rayna and I have Macaroni and Cheese :D


antonrosa profile image

antonrosa 6 years ago from USA

Great words. Thanks for sharing!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you again, antonrosa. I'm glad that you liked it :D


dave272727 profile image

dave272727 6 years ago from Kentucky

I am not a fan of poetry normally. Then I read this. Dude, this is amazing! I seem to use that word a lot when I am commenting on your work. Next time I will have to change it up. How about....legendary?


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Geez, Dave, you're killing me! How do I reply to such a comment? Will 'Thank you' suffice? Yes, I'm not a big fan of poetry either, but used to write it like it was going out of style (kind of like plaid). This posed as a challenge to me, so I wasn't going to back down!

Thank you again, Dave. I hope such a great comment doesn't go to my head :D


Sherbet Penny profile image

Sherbet Penny 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

Nice cool poem dohn121, great rhythm and flow. "Our future, a half-open door." What a great line, very nice, and look forward to reading your short stories


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you for that! I'm still pleantly surprise by all the amzing feedback this hub has garnered. I look forward to to hearing from you again.


Sherbet Penny profile image

Sherbet Penny 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

I've just revisited, mainly because I don't know how to get to the fan mail, and noticed when I became a fan of your hub, I never properly introduced myself, Stephen by the way, or left a message, slap on the hand for me, really have to start getting my pee brain around this site. You put a lot of thought and work in to your hubs, plenty of great stuff to read, and I can't believe(tho, I'm guilty too) that you burnt some of your early poetry, ahhhh! I did the same, and again, with a 10inch stick, slap on the hand for me lol. Be back to your hub soon for an oul snoop.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Hey, Stephen. How's it going? It's great that we met! It's going to take a little time to "get around" this site, but once you do get the hang of it, you'll wonder why it imposed any difficulty in the first place. There is a HELP button on every page. I'll admit, I'm the type of guy that likes to figure stuff on his own and HubPages was no different, especially when it came to constructing/writing hubs. The forums is a great place to go as you will "virtually" get live help from some seasoned veterans-staff or seasoned veterans who are here to have fun and make a bit of money on the side.

Thanks for the compliment! I've been here a little over six-months and spent much of my time writing hubs that took in some cases 30-plus hours in research and construction. I actually toned it down as of late, lol. Yes, shame about the poetry. I think that some of my best high school poetry is in my college professor's hands at the moment. Talk about memory back-up! I'm going to have to pay him a visit soon!

Thanks and good luck to you! I'll try to help you if you need it.

Dohn


Sherbet Penny profile image

Sherbet Penny 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

A gentleman thank you.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Much obliged my friend.


RedElf profile image

RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

Gracefully done, and with a deceptive simplicity, my friend. Thanks so much for sharing this part pf your heart with us.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

You're welcome, RedElf! I appreciate the comment very much. I think I have a few more poems I'd like to share :D Thank you!


sophs 6 years ago

Ohhhhh it's so sad! :( I wish Rayna would just come back to you! Brilliant poem Dohn121, so moving and beautifully written and I loved the macaroni and cheese part haha :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks so much, sophs. I'm working on another poem at the moment that's also dedicated to her. I promise I won't go overboard like that girl from the movie,"Say Anything." I'm really glad that you liked this and thank you for the well-wishing!


Moulik Mistry profile image

Moulik Mistry 6 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

It is so touching, loved it - very well done...


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

I'm so glad you did! Thanks, Moulik Mistry. I really appreciate it.


agaglia profile image

agaglia 6 years ago

nice poem. sorry love is 'on hold' . perhaps there will be an addendum


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, agaglia. I'm a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason. We still talk so there is a fighting chance!


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

My brother Dohn...

I have cherished your friendship ever since we crossed words! I have a very special attachment to Asians(I guess my son has a lot to do with that).I have treated you as if I knew you forever and feel like if we´ve always been connected(don´t ask me how or why! Perhaps if you search your soul, you´ll understand)...

There´s no distance that can sever a soul

from its connection to a kindred mind

just a few steps from a mine of gold

a glowing treasure that can´t be left behind

No,Dohn, my brother, I do not pretend

to be for you less than a true friend...

Thanks for sharing!

warmest regards and blessings,

Al


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Woah! I don't remember another time when a gentleman has written a poem for me! Thank you so much for that! I'm enamored by it.

Thanks for coming by and reading this! I'm hoping to finish my sonnet to compliment this, in which case, I'll have the Trifecta: A song ballad, a Japanese-style haiku, and a Shakespearean Sonnet for Rayna H. Hurman! I must admit, the sonnet's a lot tougher than I had anticipated!

Thanks as always, Al!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America

Hi dohn,

This poem and your sweet heart are both so beautiful. Your poem really touched my heart and brought lots of memories because I had a similar situation in my middle school years.

It is so nice of you to share your memories with us; I hope you will be together one day but it didn't happened to me, someone else stole my girl.

She’s cute, I thought,

Admiring your eyes

While under your spell.

you'll forever be

the girl in my avatar. (My heart)

~You taught me how to love; you taught me how to live; you taught me how to laugh; you taught me how to cry, but when you left, you forgot to teach me how to forget you. ~Hendie

~How can I forget you when you’re always on my mind? How can I not want you when you’re all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart? ~

~They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." ~Thomas Edward Bodett

Enjoy rest of your day. Please come back & visit my new hub again.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you so much, Mr. Nice. I really enjoyed the quotes you added. I'm sorry to hear about your love lost. I'm of the belief that everything does indeed happen for a reason, no matter how long it takes for us to realize just what such reasons are...But the one thing that shouldn't ever change is hope. Hope is and always will be good thing.

I thank you for reading this poem/hub. It's as personal as I've ever gotten while here at HubPages! I'd still like to fix to poem up a bit, but time won't let me just yet. Thanks for the comment and thanks for the encouragement!

Dohn


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America

Thanks for your feedback dohn, Your love story really touched my heart. However, my situation was totally different because my girl's family moved to another state and that's how I lost her. Well that is life, we just learn to live with changing situations. Have wonderful day.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thanks for reiterating that, Mr Nice. I can certainly understand how time and distance can make for insurmountable obstacles. Do you guys keep in touch? I found a host of "Exes" on FaceBook (it really is amazing). Sometimes it's good to quell an old flame :) I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Dohn


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America

Good morning dohn,

I wish we were but no we lost contact with each other. Have a wonderful weekend.


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Hello, Mr Nice. That's unfortunate to hear. I was amazed however on the people I was able to find of Facebook. Just a thought my friend :)


warrioRR profile image

warrioRR 6 years ago from Rawalpindi Pakistan

Great poem Dhon


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you! I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it.


oliversmum profile image

oliversmum 6 years ago from australia

dohn121. Hi. Wow what a fantastic and inspiring poem to a beautiful lady.

I hope that one day it all works out and you will be together once more.

Thank you for sharing it with us. :) :)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York Author

Thank you, oliversmum! Rayna and I are still close as friends. This week, her and I will be attending a wedding together (no, not our own, haha). I look forward to seeing once again just as always. Thank you so much for that!


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