The Passing

A woman sat at the side of a dying man, crying into her hands. The mans eyes were hollow and dark, his face coated with sweat and his shallow breath was becoming fainter. This man had been bed ridden for 7 days now, his chances low and all hope had left his red face.

The only thing that kept a small, weak smile on this mans face as he slowly slipped away was the girl perched on his bed, holding his hand.

She had not shed a single tear and if she did, it would not be in front of this man. As she sat there, she looked into his eyes and prayed for his recovery. She was the only one who would not give up on him.

This effort was a waste as the man’s smile began to fade, his eyes began to shut, his breath faded to nothing and his grip on the girl loosened till his hand fell flat against the bed.

The room fell quiet; all that could be heard was the women’s tearful sobs and her voice whispering his name as she rocked back and forth.

The girls hand reached across the bed for something, she gripped it tight. She looked at the crying women with eyes full of sympathy.

 

The girl rose from the bed and walked to the door; no one looked up at her or noticed the object she held tightly in her hand. She stepped out into the hall. One foot after the other, she walked slowly across the floor, towards the garden. The girl had long brunette hair, vivid green eyes and rounded full mouth.

Her eyes were deep set and framed with long dark eyelashes and her lips were a shade of delicate pink. She wore a long, blue gown, edged with white lace. Her hair was filled with small blue flowers that had been picked from the garden.

As she walked through the garden, she took no notice of the exotic and vibrant flowers. Nothing seemed to matter now, all she did was face the floor and walk straight forward.

The dress trailed along the grass as she walked towards the oak tree. Nobody was around; they had all gone to mourn the passing of the man.

 

The girl sat down at the bottom of the tree and rested her head had against the tree trunk. She lifted the object to her face, It was a picture frame with a photo of the man inside. The man had brown hair, with the same eyes as the girl. His mouth was surrounded by a beard and he wore a grey suit.. She brushed the picture with her finger, and then sat it down beside her.

She closed her eyes and the first tear of many fell and travelled down her cheek. A trail was left as she didn’t have the energy to wipe it . One single word escaped her lips before heavy, painful sobs erupted from her chest.

“Daddy”

 

NB - I didn't write this, my daughter Abbie did. She's entering her final year of school. After returning from the dentist, she came and told me she'd been writing. I love the simplicity of her tale, the poignancy and the fact that she'd written it so easily and eloquently for one so young. It is unedited, completely her own words.

Please leave her a comment - such things are so empowering to young people. And ... she is a beautiful girl ;)

 

 

Pitcures: Wikipedia Commons

Abbie :) 12 minutes ago

Thank you all so much for commmenting such nice things.

I didnt think it was really that good but i guess I've been proved wrong :)

I am very happy that you all read it and liked it, it was a great surprise to me.

I dont write that often but i will try to post another one soon :)

Thank you again

More by this Author


58 comments

lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

This is truly remarkable, had me reading to the last drop. It is vivid, flowery, and longs to "show" less than "tell." Great pictures for it, by the way.

I know you must be proud of Abbie. =)


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 6 years ago from USA or America

Hey Frog, saw this on the feed and was an great read. I thank you for sharing it with us(everyone). I know what it is like to watch as my dad wasted away in a hospital bed. I can relate. :) For me, it's been 20+ years. I hope for the best for her, and you. :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Awww lxxy thankyou so much. We chose them together. She wanted the two, one a tree, the other a child holding hands. I am proud of her, she's utterly adorable and a wonderful young woman. I cant think of anything I don't like about her - even when she flares up, when cross. and storms about. She's so damn lovely! ;)

By the way - she was excited when I said 'let's publish it'. In her favor, she has got one short story in print and two poems. Maybe she's a destined for a poor writer's life?!


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

She may be, but what a life it is. ;)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Awww Cags thankyou. But it's a fictional account. She wrote it whilst I was out earlier. She just said 'mom I wrote something, I want you to read it'. I loved it, so simple and raw :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

lol lxxy that is true. She's always got tales and stories, poems and such stored away. I remember when she was very young, even then she was a great story teller and loved nothing more than reading - or at least trying to :)


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 6 years ago from USA or America

You're always welcome Frog. :) :D


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

Sounds a lot like me =)

I started writing books and stuff when I was like 7, haha..we'd go to a teacher's supply store and pick up "empty" books that you could draw and write in yourself. Total fun.

Then my sister got a word processor and it was on like donky kong.


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

And so are you Cags. Abbie will be delighted when she sees she's got some wonderful feedback. Kids seem to be quicker to be criticised than praised. I rarely have anything to say to her, she really is that lovely :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

lol lxxy I remember donky kong. My sons had it and loved it! Neither ever wrote anything, they and Abbie are completely different. And I can well imagine you scribbling away, just like Abbie does. Only these days - she uses a word processor too!


Haunty profile image

Haunty 6 years ago from Hungary

Hey Abbie! :D

I loved your story. Very powerful indeed. The one that really hit me, "She had not shed a single tear and if she did, it would not be in front of this man."

Unfortunately, yes, you have your mum's talent, and I'm guessing her attitude too, so she couldn't hide you from the world's eyes any more. ;) Not that she wanted to. She talks bunches about you, in fact. :) Keep up, and all that fun that's in the mind of a writer will be yours.


samsons1 profile image

samsons1 6 years ago from Tennessee

remarkable, it seems you know all the others that commented - I'm an outsider. This had me glued to my seat reading each word. I only wish I possessed this talent! Utterly beautiful!


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

Hi Abbie, that was beautiful!


wavegirl22 profile image

wavegirl22 6 years ago from New York, NY

Like mother - like daughter. Simply put. To be able to use words to move another to tears, to be able to feel the love of one for another. This did all that for me. I could even smell the garden. A beautiful read and one I do not think I will forget. I can feel how proud you are Frogs. . and with good reason. Your daughter, as you describe, is as lovely as lovely can be. Thank her for me, for sharing this here. There truly is only One True Frog and wow . . she has one terrific daughter.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Hello, Abbie. I'm so glad your mother submitted this story so I could get to read it. You are most definitely a story-teller and I hope to read more of your work.

Writing well is most certainly a gift and you have a head start with a mother who is also uniquely talented and can help you along your writing path. Good luck in all your future efforts.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

Abbie, you've written a beautiful and moving piece. I've sat on the other side of the story (mom losing her son), and you've touched me deeply with your words. You have a master writer within you!

Froggy, you're daughter is talented (and no surprise as her mom is too!!) Thank you for submitting this as a hub -- I've really enjoyed reading it! Her story is fresh, new and a breath of fresh air from all the "typical" writing.

Cheers to you both!! :)


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

This is beautiful and well written. Thank you for the pleasure of reading it.


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Haunty - thankyou so much. She has yet to see this but she'll be so touched. She doubts herself, like all teenagers but I know all these comments will confirm what I keep telling her - she can write :)

Samsons - lol I've been on-site a year now. You get to meet lots of hubbers along the way. Abbie will be dlighted with your comment, I thankyou :)

Someway - thankyou (on Abbie's behalf). I'm sure she'll be by this evening and leave a comment of her own :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

wavergirl - awwww bless you! Abbie is a very sweet girl, she's such a hard worker (school wise) and is a lovely person to be around. We get on so well, though we're complete opposites. A Leo - she's forever telling me off (I'm chaos, she's controlled), and reminding me over and again about little things!

drbj - thankyou very much! I know Abbie will be along, she's most polite at the best of times. I have suggested (to her) that she finds a way of expressing herself, maybe a blog or some such. She certainly enjoys writing :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Beth - Hey :) How lovely of you and my sincere thanks. I was surprised at the content - she did say 'it's quite sad you knw', and it is. But uplifting too. I felt so moved by the emotion she'd managed to embrace, I wanted to share her piece. With time and polish I think she could produce some wonderful prose. I rather enjoy her poetry, though she feels she's not that good. She once wrote a poem called 'Freedom', a couple of years ago. Only verse but I sure 'felt' the subject of the poem.

Hello - well hello lol! I'm glad you enjoyed this. A break from the norm and all from a teenager :)


MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Such beautiful words, so poignant. Well done Abbie.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada

Froggy -- We are our own worst critics and only by sharing and hearing positive feedback do we realize and accept that we are as good as we dream to be. Abbie is very insightful and sensitive. She has a true grasp of conveying emotions through words and weaves a complete story. Abbie, write and write as you will become stronger and stronger as a writer. Again, I really enjoyed your piece.


Corin profile image

Corin 6 years ago

Your daughter has a great gift. I enjoyed reading this. It was beautifully written. I wish I could write like this...


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Oh wow guys - I'm so touched with your response, I can't tell you how much! Abbie will be incredibly delighted. This is so much more than I expected. I sincerely thank each and everyone of you! You're all getting me misty eyed with the positivity - so rare these days!

MPG - thankyou! I know you're a writer by profession, it's your job, your words are most welcomed. I shall make sure Abbie knows she's received praise from a wonderful array of writers across the board!

Moonvine - thankyou for saying what I think. I tell her but she kinda balls up and smiles and thinks I'm just being nice!

Beth - awwwww you know what? I was telling her the other week that she's a wonderful ability re empathy. She's got a great sense for other's feelings, often the source of their emotions. That she can invoke feelings through words is, in my opinion, a great talent. I was truly blown away when I first read her piece. Thankyou Beth - so very much!


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Corin - thankyou so very much. I shall add a picture of Abbie, to the bottom of the hub. That way people can see her. She's a wonderful girl :)


suny51 profile image

suny51 6 years ago

frogdropping-thats a wonderful story,have you suggested your daughter to register an account here.


Justine76 6 years ago

this was beautifull, you must be proud. The loss of a Daddy, heartwrencing.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California

While reading I was waiting with bated breath to see who the man was. Wow frogdropping, please tell your daughter to at least make this a secondary career. I would say first but making a living at writing is so hard these days. But she certainly has the gift. I would like to read more of her hubs, please have her join, and write more.


ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

What a poetic story. The choice of wrods is perfect


Suiiki profile image

Suiiki 6 years ago from City of the Newly Wed and Nearly Dead

This was beautiful and powerful. I loved it! I cried at the end, and believe me, it takes a talented writer to get me emotionally invested enough to cry along with the characters.

I wish your daughter the best, she has a rare gift.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 6 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

Young ones are so true to themselves and Honest.

I felt this deeply as my mom is now in a nursing home after she fell and broke her hip...she is 90 with Alzheimer's and hasn't eaten in almost 3 days now...I sit and pray with her and hold her hand hour after hour...Why? she hangs on I have no idea, but I do know it is in God's hands and I pray for myself to stay strong and calm...Thank you for sharing you have raised a wonderful daughter...Be Proud...:O) Hugs G-Ma


love my yorkies profile image

love my yorkies 6 years ago from way out west

What a wonderful story. Your Abbie has a very special talent and it should be nutured and encouraged. Thanks so much for sharing.


EllenGraeger profile image

EllenGraeger 6 years ago from Madrid

I think the storytelling must be in your family genes. A lovely hub, thank you, frog.


Abbie :) 6 years ago

Thank you all so much for commmenting such nice things.

I didnt think it was really that good but i guess I've been proved wrong :)

I am very happy that you all read it and liked it, it was a great surprise to me.

I dont write that often but i will try to post another one soon :)

Thank you again


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Suny - she's not old enough else she could. I have suggested to her that she writes in a blog, her short stories. She has many - plus poetry and such :)

Justine - isn't it and yes, I'm proud alright!

Fastfreta - I'd love to have her join but she isn't old enough. You can't have an account until 18. which she isn't. I saw no issue with sharing her story - this is my account, and I'm old enough! Thankyou anyway - she's read everyone's comments and she has left her onw :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Ethel thankyou so much :)

Suiiki - how lovely of you, thankyou. Abbie is certainly surprised - she's now been a seen what everyone's said, and left her comment. So it doesn't get lost, I've copied and pasted it at the bottom of her story. Again, thankyou :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Gma - I understand. Your mother, the same as my gran. I was with her, she knew I was there, she lingered a little, then slipped away. I wish you, your family and your mother much peace.

And thankyou for such a lovely compliment, I'm touched.

Love my Yorkies - lol she's lovely huh? I'm glad you enjoyed this, truly!

Ellen - I think it comes from my dad. He always could spin a real yarn! Thankyou so much :):)


Amber Allen profile image

Amber Allen 6 years ago

Hi Abbie and froggy

This was an exceptional piece of writing.

Well done!

Amber:)


Jai Warren profile image

Jai Warren 6 years ago from Dallas, Deep Ellum, Texas

Abbie, that was a very emotional read. And, great title BTW. You have a talent for the written word, keep developing it. Bravo! Ciao.


BevsPaper profile image

BevsPaper 6 years ago from Central Indiana

Abbie, you have a wonderful talent and gift for writing. Bravo to you and to your Mom for sharing this for us all to read. It is remarkable, just remarkable.

I don't think we need to tell you to keep on writing, sweet one it seems to be etched into your very soul.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Great writing I love your expression of the passing, your a very good writer. Keep writing and expressing your feelings, it's great to explore your thoughts and feeling by writing plus we get to enjoy your gift. Thanks for sharing and Peace :)


K J Page profile image

K J Page 6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

You've no idea how deeply this piece pierced my heart as I watch my own father slip away - the tears swelled and overflowed unchecked down my cheeks - for I know that very soon - I too will need to seek a place of quiet and solitude and cry out with anguish that one word 'Daddy'


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

That was beautiful...Abbie should start her own Hub Pages account! :)


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

Abbie has what it takes to be a writer:talent and sensibility. I hope she will keep on writing and I hope we will be reading more soon. Felin is right, she needs to come to the HP community on her own; we will be waiting


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Amber - we both thankyou, so much :)

Jai - she will be reading more comments when she's home from school. Until then, thankyou from mom!

Bevspaper - thnking you too. So much positivity, it's wonderful!

KatieM - thankyou too. All great advice for a young woman, all of which has really surprised her :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

KJ Page - ahhhhh a life drawing to a close. I wish you, your father and family a peaceful parting.

Feline - she would were she old enough. I've suggested to her that she blogs her work. She has various bits and pieces lying around, all are great pieces in their own right :)

Petra - a great compliment and thankyou most sincerely.


Jen's Solitude profile image

Jen's Solitude 6 years ago from Delaware

Well done and most touching. You had a special connection with your father that shows through your writing. I look forward to reading more from you!


kaltopsyd profile image

kaltopsyd 6 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

For Abbie: that was such a poignant short story. Beautiful. Keep up the good work.

For frogdropping: You should be proud. :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

To Jen and kalto - thankyou very much. Abbie continues to be tickled with pleasure that she's had such a fantastic reaction.


iantoPF profile image

iantoPF 6 years ago from Sunny California

This is so Deep. I was gripped by the story and it gave a glimpse of Abbie's heart as well as showcasing her talent.

We see and hear so much negativity about young people nowadays that to read something like this....

It touched my heart as well as giving me hope for the future.


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Ian that's a wonderful thing to say. I do understand where you're coming from and it is good to see positives in our children and young people. I'm glad you read Abbie's short story and found something in it - she's really got a great deal from all the positive comments left for her, thankyou :)


Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

so very touching, I so enjoyed this story. It has a heart so pure in it. ~aloha~


Abbie :) 6 years ago

Thank you to all the people who have commented, they make me very happy :)

For all the people who have experienced the passing of someone, i am deeply sorry and hope you are well.

However, i havent written this story from experience.

it just simply came to me and i wrote it down :)

So it makes me even more happy to know that people who have expereinced things like my story are touched by it and get emotionaly invovled with the story.

Thank you all again :)


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Sa`ge - thankyou very much and aloha to you too :)

Hey Abbie xxx


dawnM profile image

dawnM 6 years ago from Camarillo, CA

wow brought tears to my eyes, very real, having experienced loosing my dad and watching him die in his bed slowly. Your daughter is a gifted writer....


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago Author

Ahhh Dawn thankyou - though I'm late to reply (apologies), I will pass your comment on to Abbie - she'll be delighted!


Website Examiner 5 years ago

Wonderfully descriptive and filled with emotion. One feels like reaching out to touch your character, to rescue the poor woman by bringing her out of her misery. Your daughter can write, too!


frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 5 years ago Author

WE thank you very much. Abbie wrote every word alone. I was so touched (and proud) I figured I'd share her work. She's such a beautiful girl and her ability to understand emotion in others is one of her best gifts :)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working