Hundreds of Butterflies. Chapter IV
When I finally reached Nicholas' house I was flustered, my hair was a mess and my awful dowdy clothes were creased. I wiped the dry tears from my face and flattened down my windswept hair. Nicholas still had no Idea that I was pregnant, and I wanted to tell him gently, not rush into it and shock him all because I was emotional.
As I knocked on his front door my heart was pounding, I was so nervous, but I was also excited. I knew Nicholas would be shocked at first, but then he'd take me into his arms and tell me that everything was going to be alright, then we'd spend the evening planning our future together. He'd reassure me and make me feel better, I just knew it!
Nicholas' mother Sheila Grey answered the door, when she saw me a large friendly smile spread across her face. "Rebekah Darling! Hello love, come on in!" She cooed ushering me into the house. "Would you like a cuppa love?" She called as she rushed into the kitchen. I wandered in after her, "A cup of tea would be lovely please Mrs Grey." I smiled.
She smiled back warmly "How many times do I have to tell you to call me Sheila?" She laughed, Nicholas' mum loved me, I think it was because of my manners, and the fact that I never called her Sheila.
"Is Nicholas around?" I asked as breezily as I could.
"He's upstairs love, here you go" she passed me a cup of tea "In his room" she gestured with her own mug and sat at the kitchen table with her cup of tea and a newspaper. Thanking her, I turned and walked upstairs. I stood for a moment in the small hallway outside Nicholas' bedroom, I took a deep breath and knocked.
The few short moment's I was stood waiting there felt like an eternity, finally Nicholas' head appeared from behind the door, when he saw me he smiled and held it open, "Oh it's you, Hi Becca!" I smiled shyly and walked passed him into his room, i could see why he didn't want his mother in there. clothes and books lay strewn across thefloor, larger cans and cups and glasses growing mould littered every surface, and CD's and DVD's cluttered the desk in the corner. Nicholas walked towards me and placed his hands around me, one around my back and the other on the back of my head, he kissed me passionately and attempted to pull me towards the bed. When I stiffened up he stood back, "What's wrong?" he asked surprised. I opened my mouth, but instead of calmly telling him about the baby, I burst into tears!
Nicholas gently took hold of my hands and guided me to the bed, we sat down and he put his arms around me. He didn't even ask me what was wrong, he just held me while I sobbed. It convinced me that much more that he really did love me.
Nick gently lifted my chin and focused his beautiful deep brown eyes on mine, "what's happened?" He asked, stroking my hair.
"I'm pregnant!" I blurted out, and before I knew what was happening, I was spilling my guts about everything, the baby, my parents and my plan for our future and how happy I thought we would be together...
"I know it might be difficult at first, but we can make it work! We'll prove my dad wrong, we're going to be so happy! We are going to have a baby Nick!" I gushed, I was still smiling when I realised Nicholas was stood at the other side of the room.
"Nick? Nick... I know it's a shock, but we're going to be..."
"Is it mine?" Nick interrupted me.
"Is it definitely mine?" He asked again, more forcefully this time, I was shocked.
"Of course it is, I've only ever been with you. You know that!"
"But we always use protection!"
"Yes I know, but it dosen't always work..."
Nicholas was taking the news worse than I had anticipated, "We're going to be parents Nick. Your going to be a daddy..." I said gently, trying to placate him.
"Get rid of it!" Nicholas barked,
"what?" I asked, I was sure I'd misheard him.
"I don't want it! Get rid of it!" Nicholas shouted at me, so angrily that I began to cry again.
"What are you talking about? This is our child!" I whimpered, reaching out to try to take hold of his hands and calm him down.
"No! You have to have an abortion! I don't want anything to do with it!" Nicholas started pacing up and down angrily, and rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand.
"But- but I can't! I can't kill our child!" I sobbed "I want us to be together Nick, to raise the baby together!"
"I don't care!" Nick screamed at me "You can go jump off a cliff for all I care, I don't want anything to do with it, or you! Your a stupid little slapper!"
I stood there in his room, sobbing while he screamed at me. I'd never felt more hurt and vulnerable. I felt like I was naked.
"But Nicholas, you love me... you said you love me..." I whispered so quietly, I sounded little more than a mouse.
Nicholas laughed cruelly "Rebekah your so stupid! You were an easy lay! Just a silly little religious girl. All I had to do was tell you what you wanted to hear and you gave me whatever I asked for!"
"Then why have you been with me for so long?" I asked through tears. Nicholas laughed again, and walked up to me, putting his face right up to mine.
"Because I've been shagging a different girl every week! You were just a bit of a challenge, I wanted to see if I could bed a good little Christian Virgin!"
I burst into tears, Nicholas pushed me towards the door. "Get out" he smirked.
"But I love you..." I whimpered.
"Get out!" Nicholas shouted. I ran out of his room and down the stairs. Nicholas' mum heard me and rushed into the hall. "Are you alright dear?" She asked concerned. I pushed past her out of the front door, and ran away as fast as I could.
A few hours later, after wandering the streets for a while trying to figure out where to go, I eventually gave up and went home. Humiliated and devastated I sat silently in the living room, while my mother sat sobbing on an armchair on the other side of the room, and my father stood over me, telling me exactly what was going to happen over the next nine months and beyond. I was to continue to go to school, and do my best to hide my pregnancy from my classmates. We would find a suitable family to adopt the baby and as soon as the baby was born they would take her home, and I would continue with my life. I would do my A-levels, go to university, get a good job, get married, and forget that any of this had ever happened.
For the next nine months I was forbidden from leaving the house except to go to school and church, and when I was at home, I was not to leave my bedroom except to use the toilet unless given permission. I was under house arrest, but I didn't care much. I was numb, and so humiliated I didn't want to do anything except lay on my bed and cry.
So that was how things progressed, for the next few months I drifted through my life. I went to school and ignored the snickering and the nasty comments from the other students. Even my best friends began to distance themselves from me. But I didn't care, I felt so empty inside, all I wanted was my life back. Or so I thought...