Hire Yourself! Freelance Writing.

Source

The erstwhile job candidate…

I was nervous. Who wouldn’t be? I was dressed OK. My typical flip-flops and t-shirt had been replaced with my “fancy” sandals and my lucky “button down” Hawaiian shirt (the one that still has all its’ buttons…hence…the luck).

Additionally, on the button front…All the pockets of my cargo shorts were securely fastened and buttoned.

Extra time was taken to ensure that Velcro was lined up and applied neatly. I believe you only have one chance to make a great first good impression.

Still, I was nervous. Beyond the normal stresses associated with a job interview…I seemed to be saying “buttons” a lot this morning. I sometimes do that when I get nervous.

I was early. About 15-minutes or so…I once read that you didn’t want to show up 45-minutes before a job interview…as unfortunate perceptions of neediness result. Neediness is hardly the image I wished to project during the interview…this was an important position and I wanted it. Hence:The “fancy” sandals.

I intended to skulk about the sidewalk before entering, triumphantly, just one-minute before the meeting was scheduled. OK…that part was buttoned down…damn…

Alas, aligned Velcro, sturdy buttons, and razor sharp punctuality were mere window dressing (not to mention my greatest work of fiction ever…the resume); Smoke and mirrors, a sleight-of-hand manipulating invisible wires held by mad puppeteers pulling at strings designed to distract and dismay. At forty-seven I had, at best, negligible marketable job skills…the history degree had seemed a good idea in college…I was putting a lot of stock in those puppeteers. The proof was in the pudding and my pudding had a disturbing skein of film across the top…relative to today’s job market.

Source
Source

The Down-Low…

Things were tight. Somehow…the “bill collectors” had gotten my cell phone number. I remembered that awkward exchange as I loitered on the sidewalk…

“Is this Mr. Thought Sandwiches?” asked the deceptively pleasant voice after I innocently answered my own cell-phone.

“It is indeed,” I replied jauntily.

“Hello Mr. Sandwiches,” she said, “This is Patricia with ‘We Own Your Ass, Inc.’” …Auto finance company! Shit!

(No, I have no intention of explaining why I am financing a forty-three year old car with one headlight, a quirky exhaust hose, a serious right turning issue, and bad paint. Like the history degree…it seemed a good idea at the time).

“Mr. Sandwiches…I have to let you know that this is an attempt to collect… ”Patricia’s reasoned (but stern) tone was interrupted by my shriek…

“Bill Collectors in the wire! Bill Collectors in the wire!!” I immediately ‘lit up the mental claymores’ and hung up. In my defense…she startled me. They normally call the land-line which is the express purpose for having a land-line. Still, I’m not proud of my actions. Each unanswered subsequent call seemed shriller. She was mad…

As frequently happens when I am in full blown button mode…I returned to the mantra I associate with the obsession…”button-button…who’s got the button?” Well, I thought…like the book...This trip may prove either good or bad (but it's sure to be different)…as I walked into the building…my internal CD player switches to Grace Slick’s haunting voice singing “White Rabbit…”Oh…excellent interview music!

The skeptical hiring employer…

I was nervous. Who wouldn’t be? Fact was…nobody else but this Thought Sandwiches fellow had even bothered to answer the employment classified. As a sole-proprietor…it was hard to get good help. What kind of name was Thought Sandwiches?

A most cursory look at his resume revealed glaring inconsistencies and prior employers had, long since gone the way of the dinosaurs, making verification difficult. The man’s financial records suggested that if someone were to steal his identity for financial gain…they would be doing so merely as a training exercise.

His criminal history was clean…more or less. The most serious charge appeared to be a plea bargain, lodged in Comma Court in which he pled Nolo contendere to three counts of “Obstruction of the Lawful Flow of a Sentence,” According to court documents; he was given a suspended sentence and a fine. His request for the fine to be converted into community service was approved.

Yep. I was worried. Still, the position was essentially only a writing job and he seemed capable of turning the occasional odd phrase…

Source

The Interview…

In keeping with the low-key nature of the owner…the interview was conducted somewhat informally. The office was attractively appointed. A profusion of plants, history books, and varied ruminations were posted on notes and affixed to every conceivable surface. The desk was crowded with the detritus of caffeine-fueled writing; empty coffee cups and Mountain Dew cans. A lone Red-bull stands grazing on the disheveled work station. Playing low over the office speakers was a Jefferson Airplane album, “Surrealistic Pillow”…

Upon meeting…both men could agree that the other was reasonably attractive and exhibited personal grooming qualities above reproach. The owner was the type who appreciated a nicely aligned Velcro strap…while the supplicant took note of the proprietor’s casual flip-flops...However, like an exercise in speed dating…beyond the superficial…there were negotiations to conduct…

“Hello, you must be Thought Sandwiches,” began the owner.

“Yes. But only because no one else wants the job,” the applicant replied nervously with a laugh.

“I can imagine.” A rather disconcerting statement.

Sitting across from each other they mirrored the others movement. The owner sifted through a stack of papers…the applicant mentally counted the number of buttons he could see within his view but without moving his head… he was on fifteen when the owner looked up…



Source

The fourth and seventh things you would most prefer not to hear in a Job Interview...

“You flunked your drug test and your resume is full of shit. Your turn.”

“Yeeees... I am afraid that I did not have time to study for that particular drug test.” Thought Sandwiches admitted matter-of-factly; his fingers formed a steeple in front of his face…finger tips bouncing against each other. The gesture is accompanied by a level stare. The owner accepts this.

“OK…this resume…you say you edited ‘The Book of Poppy Willows’ and you claim this book is “somewhere” in the bible? That’s a lie. I checked.”

Thought Sandwiches was taken aback by the apparent thoroughness of the background investigation.

Rattled, “Um…did you check the LATEST edition? I believe they call it the New Testament?? Somewhere near the middle???…maybe “bible” was a typo…”

(Awkward silence seems embarrassed by just HOW silent it is…)

Source

A turn for the better...?

“So…” starts the owner…

“…buttons!” Jumps in Thought Sandwiches…pleased to be able to contribute to the conversation in a positive way.

The owner does an eye squint and cocks his head to the right….Thought Sandwiches does the same while thinking…’fellow button issue guy?’ The owner pulls back from the mirror and makes a decision.

“You would make next to nothing. You OK with that?”

“Next to nothing lives right next door to what I am making now,” Replies Sandwiches hopefully, “I am familiar with the neighborhood.”

“I don’t see you getting a byline…you have a problem with staff?”

“Only when it’s spelled s-t-a-p-h.”

“Alright,” said the proprietor smiling at that response. He leaned back in his chair and popped open a can of Mountain Dew, “Your first assignment is a 50-word hub about writing as a freelancer…JUST 50-words. None of this 1,000 word crap you seem to spew…no rambling dialogue…just a simple 50-word hub on my desk on Monday. Can you manage that?”

“I will be the height of brevity I assure you,” said a happy Thought Sandwiches.

“Welcome aboard then. I run a pretty mellow operation here…we’re not really “fancy” sandal folk…you can dial back the whole G.Q. thing…”

Newsboy, Iowa City, 1940, Arthur Rothstein.
Newsboy, Iowa City, 1940, Arthur Rothstein.

Self-Employment as a Writer! by...Staph

Is a career as Freelance Writer the right one for you? Before answering the question the aspiring scribe needs to answer two questions first: 1) Are you being realistic in your expectations and honest with yourself about your abilities? 2) Do you possess the necessary cash reserves to hold you until such time as your new writing career takes off? Think of it as an interview with yourself. Crap…sixty-eight words…

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Comments 114 comments

PoliticsNOW profile image

PoliticsNOW 5 years ago from New York

You know what is nice learning how to live off of nothing? When you do make something its taste so MUCH SWEETER. Nice HUB and good luck.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Whoopee! Your great Thought Sandwiches! One pill makes you smaller and the other pill gets you hired. Enjoyed this write and thoroughly appreciate your style and humor.


tarrka1089 profile image

tarrka1089 5 years ago from Ohio

Well, you definitely hit another right outta the park!!! Seems you and I are in the same type watercraft - you know, boat without a paddle. [voted up and funny - they still need a "witty" category!] Here's a shout out to Truman too!


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Let's see now .. I type 14 words per day. Spell checks catch fire ten minutes into the hub. I have a 45 I.Q. which has been modified, and is balanced and blue printed. Being poor is fun as long as you can quit when I'm tired of it. I'm a recovering smart ass who falls off the wagon every time some one threatens my alpha male status. I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. The only reason I know I ate is because I'm usually hungry by this time if I didn't. On the up side, I've written several letters in my life. However, no one wrote back. Sooo .. maybe I'll just stick to politics.

Excellent. You know I freaking love your style. In fact, I'm jealous. I hate people who can do something better than me. Tone it down a bit. People will like you, and over time forget about me. Have a heart. You must learn to share, and not draw attention to yourself.

UP, FUNNY, AND AWESOME MY FRIEND!

jim


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Nice work, sandwich! Up and funny.


Becky 5 years ago

Now I am laughing. Good work here. OOOps, I said THE 4 letter word.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@ Politics: I agree my friend. I just wish I knew how to make something that tasted better. Thanks for taking the time to take a look!

@ Alastar: I'm comforted that a fellow history buff caught the not-so-subtle references! lol. It is always good to see you!

@ Tarrka: Is your boat spinning around in tight little circles too? Kind of like a toilet bowl?? Thank you for the Up/good "button" stuff.

@ Tarrka: (from Truman) Woof!

@ Jim: I will start by saying...our skills sets seem to match up pretty well against each other...tho I am jealous on the whole 14-word thing...such speed...you braggart you. lol...my friend...you forgettable? Not likely, good sir! Thank you for your kind words Jim...they mean a lot.

@ Will: Thanks Will for the votes and sentiment! I was busy scribbling this nonsense...now I can go enjoy your (two?) new stories? I will see you over in those comment sections shortly.

@ Becky: I'm so glad you liked it...yeah...what up with the four letter word there Becky...lol. You are given "time served" for the time to get through the interview...lol. Please come back!


Arlene V. Poma 5 years ago

You da man, Thought Sandwiches. I am your fan in Sacramento--laughing like crazy because I could not live off what I make as a freelance writer and photographer. I am blessed to be retired and have a pension. I have not having been waiting in my yard to tackle the mailman. I'm still waiting on a couple of magazine editors to tell me yay or neigh. It's been past their two-month deadline, but who cares? About the same time I started pitching my work, I got a couple of things published. I think the most I've made so far was $75 for spilling my guts.


casey15 profile image

casey15 5 years ago

nice work, very funny hub


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@ Arlene: lol..yeah..it is a long hard hoe to make some flow, huh? I may get a roadside resume thing going..."will create run-on sentences for food..." lol...Always glad to see you Sacto-girl!

@ Casey15: Hi casey15...I'm glad you were able to take a peek and enjoy my writing...please come back...I have some planned for the future that might even be good!


casey15 profile image

casey15 5 years ago

thanks I signed up to follow your posting, looking forward to more!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@ casey15: Well I certainly will try and not disappoint you. Tho...if I do...there is no refund. "small print on the back of the ticket"...lol


krystallie profile image

krystallie 5 years ago

Witty. I adore it ;).


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

krystal...thank you dear...I'm glad you liked it!


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Hi TS, you are a bit crazy, but in an interesting sort of way. I'd hire you, as i'm a bit crazy too. Rambling should be encouraged. Cheers mate.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hey Keith...thanks for the job offer. I accept! (now you are screwed) Does it come with mileage? Cheers right back!


amaranthmercy profile image

amaranthmercy 5 years ago

Up Funny and Interesting. Very Alice down the rabbit hole then emerging with a job... I loved it!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

amaranthmercy...thanks for stopping by and commenting. You are right...VERY down the rabbit hole!


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Yeah, miles of hard work and disappointment:)


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Keith...lol...yeah...that sounds like my current retirement program. Guess I will stay here.


zcrowley50 profile image

zcrowley50 5 years ago from Boston

I enjoyed the article, particularly the "training exercise" statement. Nice


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Z...I appreciate your comments! Thanks for stopping by and please come on back!


jhamann profile image

jhamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

My Staph is offended! Now it is getting all itchy!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

This was awesome... like usual.

I have to say (two things that popped into my head as reading, probably nothing to do with what point you were trying to convey)

1. I never answer my cell phone anymore. The main reason is because it seems those numbers are no longer sacred. What happened to emergency use or just getting calls from teh people you want to talk to. So now I just let it all go to voice mail... which I never check. Two months later I realized I am getting called by some bill collector that we forgot to pay. (I say we lightly since I leave it on my husbands shoulders to pay the bills!)

2. I have always thought that if someone or something would steal my identity, that they could only help it. Yep, they would be working to improve my credit just so they could get a credit card for $150 and a $125 annual fee that comes out immediately only leaving you with $25 left to spare. Yep, it definately isn't worth it to steal my identity!

I do think your "short" hub with byline by staph brings a valid point up though - if you are here to make money... well, you better be prepared! :) Great hub! Love your style!


AlabamaGirl86 profile image

AlabamaGirl86 5 years ago

Great advice that is very well done, I think I will follow some of your suggestions.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@ jhamann: Hello my friend...that is not your staph that is itching...it's just your desire to write! So...drain that crap and write a poem...lol. Thanks for stopping by!

@ barbergirl28: Actually..those were exactly the things I was trying to say! And...as usual...the short 50 word hub...yeah...that was the message...just took 1500 words to get there...lol. So I have just finished my latest...you and the Shrek Smoothie make a cameo appearance...I hope you are prepared! Thanks for your wonderful comments!

@ Alabama: Thanks Alabama! I'm surprised it was helpful...lol. Please let me know how you progress and thanks for stopping by!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I am prepared... I just went through my hubbers and did some reading... You must not have hit the publish button yet when I did that. However, I will be back around later tonight to check it out.


Mico Sam profile image

Mico Sam 5 years ago from Irvine, CA

It was nice reading your hub. You have a nice writing style, very engrossing. http://www.micocrane.com


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hi Mico Sam...I'm glad I was able to get your attention and keep it! Please come back soon!


htodd profile image

htodd 5 years ago from United States

Thanks for the nice hub..


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

htodd..You are more then welcome...please feel free to wander the aisles of my imagination any time!


stayingalivemoma profile image

stayingalivemoma 5 years ago from Tempe, Arizona

you are a totally awesome writer!!!!!I can't wait to read more!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hi StayingAliveMama...those are very kind words that ANY writer (not making a dime for his efforts) loves to see...lol. I hope you enjoy some of the other random scribbling(s) I have put together!


Zabbella profile image

Zabbella 5 years ago from NJ-USA

buttons, buttons (still laughing) voted up!!!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@ Zabbella...as a 'muralist' from the 60s and 70s...I assume you caught all the relevant references...lol. I'm very glad you were able to stop by and enjoyed the read! Thank you for the Up type vote!


Mamadrama profile image

Mamadrama 5 years ago from Upstate NY

Laughing out LOUD on this one!!

“Yeeees... I am afraid that I did not have time to study for that particular drug test.”

Classic, and SO something I would write..

I was with you through the whole awkward interview.. love it, love it, love it! Your writing is awesome and one of my favs! Voted up and awesome!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hi Mamdrama...yeees...I can see you writing that as well...lol. Not for nothing...30 days is a long time to have to study for a test. I'm very glad you liked it and thanks for the votes!


nemanjaboskov profile image

nemanjaboskov 5 years ago from Serbia

You are quite mad, my friend :)

This is the greatest compliment I can think of after reading your hub - you really made my day!

Thanks very much for all the hubs you have written and you will write!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hi nemanjabostov...

Being called 'quite mad' IS the greatest compliments one can offer after reading one of these things. I accept your kind accolade graciously! Please feel free to keep coming back...and I will keep writing weird stuff!

Thomas


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 5 years ago from Canada

TS, I loved this! You have a wonderful way of making a point. Delightful. I would definitely hire you for a writing job. If I wasn't so broke! But seriously, this is great stuff. Awesome dialogue -- it flows wonderfully. Love it.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Hi prairieprinces!

I understand you are from Canada. You could pay me in Canadian money if you like. ...if that would help with the hiring decision, I mean...?

I am very glad you liked it and would like to thank you for the stop, read, and wonderful comment!

Thanks,

Thomas


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Nice work Thought Sandwiches!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

LOL - Hilarious - my brother in law dons what we refer to as "dress sweats" for holidays! lol I bet your fancy sandals would look great with them:)

TY - you are the bomb!


Melovy profile image

Melovy 4 years ago from UK

Cool hub, and funny. But you already know that because 18 other people pressed the funny button before I did! Good job! (I mean of the hub not of getting the job, but that too.:))


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

This is too funny! I came to it from someone sharing it on Facebook, which I laughed at the title alone. LOL! Voted up! Useful, funny and awesome! :)


molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

Very well written and I *msl twice lol.

'I am afraid that I did not have time to study for that particular drug test' is a brilliant line, amongst many such similar lines.

I rally enjoyed reading this, well considered and very funny hub.

The message is clear too, and done in a nice and thoughtful way.

Voted up and all buttons, as you seem to have a thing for them! SHARING everywhere,


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Thomas, Thomas, Thomas,

Never give your cell number to anyone that you may end up owing money to.

This was really funny and have to thank you for writing this. I think my favorite line was I am afraid that I did not have time to study for that particular drug test.

Thanks for the laughs.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@ Audrey...thank you for taking a peek, nudging my view numbers, and leaving a comment! Yeah...writing for a living? There are worse ways to make a living!

@Real...My...your brother-in-law would fit right in with this small writing firm that I work for (lol). I like to think "fancy sandals" fit in everywhere! My ex-wife disagreed...

@Melovy...I am a firm believer that you can't have too many 'funny' buttons pushed, as such, 18 funny is just prelude...your moving it to 19 is a game changer!

@Cagsil...Thank you for the read and enthusiastic comment my friend! Honestly...it was a tough interview...

@Molometer...Drug tests (like Latin) are not something you can cram for the night before...I am very glad you enjoyed that line as I DID enjoy typing it! I DO like buttons...tho...mostly when I am nervous. There was a clear message? How did that slip in there...? lol.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR READING!


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

This was the laugh I needed today. You do have a way with words and it is very hard to do it in a way that sends and message and make you laugh. But because you did it will stay with the reader for a long time. Great job! Voted up and very funny!


EclecticFusion profile image

EclecticFusion 4 years ago from Tennessee

My appearance at Comma Court is next week. Wish me luck!

Voted up and awesome!


BRIAN SLATER profile image

BRIAN SLATER 4 years ago from Nottingham Uk

Button down collar and sandals,I could be looking in the mirror. This hub is awesome, well written, voted up.


Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 4 years ago from Maui and Arizona

Very cute and lots of chuckles. I really enjoyed your unique perspectives.


time2rite profile image

time2rite 4 years ago from Navarre, Fl, USA

Love, love, love this peice, ThoughtSandwiches! The spin you put on yourself as both the interviewee and the interviewer was pure genius. Being able to talk about and at yourself, poking fun while being both witty and snide...awesome! I will look at my writing "career" differently now, thank you for the all-new outlook.


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas

"...familiar with the neighborhood... living next to nothing!" I love it. Your humor always makes me smile. Another good one.


jeyaramd profile image

jeyaramd 4 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario

Great writing and witty too. The s-t-a-p-h joke had me laughing. I can see that as a potential problem. Your sarcasm is great fun. Thanks for an awesome hub. Ah..I could definitely use more of these hubs to lighten my day. Voted up. And FUNNY!!!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Allow me to begin with "this response is overwhelming"...You the readers ROCK!

@Susan...RIGHT?? I don't know HOW the bastards got that number and now I spend most of my time suspiciously watching 800 and 'private' numbers roll over to voice-mail. I have to think I was sold out...damn grid living on!! Thanks for the read!

@Dee aka nonna...I am very glad I was able supply the required laugh of the day!! Thank you for the read, comment, and votes!!

@electicfusion...I am not a lawyer...but...if you plead you can convert to community service! Good luck!! Thank you for the read and wonderful comment! It is very nice to meet you!

@Brian...Button down collar and sandals? You my friend have true fashion sense!! Thank you for the kind words and votes as they are deeply appreciated!

@Pamela...thank you for taking the time to look at my unique perspectives. By the way...that is a very polite way of saying, 'crazy shit." I like you...you are polite!

@Time2rite...(laughing)...thank you very much! I must admit when the idea occurred to me I wasn't sure if wouldn't just end up sounding like my internal monologue...nobody should open a hub and find that! I'm glad you liked it!

@Cindy...The neighborhood is a seedy one but I do feel comfortable there. It allows me to do my taxes on the 1040EZ form in crayons. Glad I got another smile out of you! Thanks for the Read!

--Thomas


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I'd hire you in a heartbeat just for your sense of humor! Wearing flip-flops to work, that would be one sweet job! Voted UP and hilarious!!


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Thanks for adding some fun to my day. Voting this Up and Funny.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@jeyaramd...the hub is my pleasure...thank YOU for the awesome comment! Yes...s-t-a-p-h is a problem and probably one I shouldn't make fun of...but what the hell...I will make fun of most things. Very nice to meet you!

@Sunshine...sweet! ...(looks around...kicks off the flip-flops...)...which desk is mine? Oh...I need Tuesday off...

@alocsin...It was my pleasure my friend! Thank you for the read and comments! Oh...kudos on your kettleball hub!

--Thomas


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

Aha! Glad this newbie classic came up Thomas- worth a second perusal! When's the next...somewhere over the rainbow?


Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

Marcy Goodfleisch 4 years ago from Planet Earth

So real; so true! Been there; done that! Voted up & funny. Heck, maybe I shoulda picked useful - after all, it might save some wannabe from starving.


Jessi10 profile image

Jessi10 4 years ago from Lancaster, CA

Amazing Hub! Good Job! Voted up!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Tuesdays are mandatory! Sorry!:)


pedrn44 profile image

pedrn44 4 years ago from New Berlin Wisconsin

Very funny! Love your writing style. Thanks for making me laugh.


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Hi thoughtsandwiches, I like your sense of humor while writing this hub. It was so peppy yet you were able to deliver the message loud and clear.

I might just follow you now to get a feel of your other hubs as well...Cheers!


urmilashukla23 profile image

urmilashukla23 4 years ago from Rancho Cucamonga,CA, USA

Very Funny! I am glad I read this one. Made my day.

Voted up!


Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

This is great - I too hired myself and am working on providing documentation on getting rid of me. Unfortunately, someone who is willing to work without pay is pretty hard to get rid of.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@Alastar...This WAS a newbie classic, huh? On the latest effort, my friend, I have gotten into a creative dispute with Creative Voice. He's being a bitch. That said...I should think that Part 8 should be out by this weekend. I hope you enjoy it!

@Marcy...Thank you for the wonderful comments and votes. To be honest...I rarely get 'useful' ...but if it keeps a wannabe from starving...

@Jessi...Thank you! I'm very glad you liked it and voted accordingly!

@Sunshine...I meant Wednesday...

@pedrn44...Thank YOU for letting me know I made you laugh! That makes me feel good! Thanks for leaving a comment.

@Ruchira...As I recall, I felt peppy when I was writing this! Yours are very kind words and I thank you for them and the follow! I believe I am currently following you..at least I think that's the back of your head...I will check...

@urmilashukla...I am very glad you read it too! Thank you for doing so and I'm glad I hand in helping your day along!

@Millionaire Tips...perhaps the funniest line in this whole thing is, "working on providing documentation on getting rid of me." That is AWESOME! I have personally been trying to catch me in the bathroom...I have proven too sly, by far, as yet...(laughing) Thanks for the great comment and chuckle!

--Thomas


justateacher profile image

justateacher 4 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

Loved this! I don't think I could ever make a "real" living at writing, but I like to do it for the fun...

I like your style!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

justateacher...

I'm not entirely sure I can make a "real" living either...I guess up until that point I will just fake it. Either way I believe you are correct...It IS fun!

Thanks for the read!

Thomas


LauryScarbro profile image

LauryScarbro 4 years ago from TN

"To thine own self be true" definitely holds true in your case. I don't think people are honest with themselves, and especially as honest with themselves as you were here. For me, my worst problem is the "I don't know if I could/should" doubts and the "If I do it, would anyone care to read it" critiques. You've given me an entirely new perspective, so much so, that I went and got an account set up specifically so I could even comment.

When I began reading your post here, I was looking for just some small opening in a door somewhere to stick my toe in and hopefully find something useful that would help me decide how I might go about getting noticed, then eventually published. About halfway through, I came to the realization I didn't even care if the post I was reading had any real helpful information in it, your writing style is -that- entertaining! Thank you!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Laury...

WOW...Thank YOU for like the most awesome comment ever in the history of mankind! Allow me to welcome you to Hubpages and I am honored to be your first follower. I look forward to reading your first effort!

So...lets get to it, eh? I think your worst fears (the could/should and where/why) are shared by many. If it helps...I signed up here six months ago with the exact same fears and trepidation.

"To thine own self be true" married to the concept of "Write what you Know" is what I have stumbled across and have wrapped my arms around.

I'm laughing to myself because...if you think THIS one was honest...chuckle...snort...

I think that once you hit that "publish" button you will find a pretty warm and supportive group waiting to read and comment on your stuff. This place is pretty cool.

I feel bad...you came to my Hub in search of actual information and you found none. (Please note...that will ALWAYS be the case).

Lets address the could/should doubts. There is one thing worse...the I think I can/but never do regrets. When the regrets began to outweigh the doubts...I started writing and here we are.

Let me know if i can help in anyway!

Thomas


htodd profile image

htodd 4 years ago from United States

Being your own boss is the greatest thing ..no slavery at all..Thanks for the nice post


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

htodd...

Thank you for the read and comment! I would admit to a SLIGHT fear of the possibility of slavery to poverty and starvation...but you are correct...being your own boss is great!

Thanks,

Thomas


Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

Thomas, I wanted to let you know that I have included this hub in my list of favorite hubs I've read this week. Thanks for the laugh. Congratulations!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Love this Hub! What a marvelous sense of humor! Keep them coming so I have something to laugh at on a regular basis....besides myself of course.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

@Millionairetips...THANK YOU! I read your hub and it is awesome. You have some excellent choices in there (note: The one about Hiring Yourself! kind of brings down the total quality....) ...laughing...

Your Welcome for the Laugh!

Thomas

@billlybuc...I'm thrilled that you liked this selection and please come back whenever you wish for more insanity! It is good to laugh...even when it is at ourselves!

Thanks,

Thomas


poetvix profile image

poetvix 4 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

TheManWithNoPants asked if I knew you, so I had to come check you out. I'm glad I did. This was hilarious! I like your witty style with a tongue in cheek irreverent attitude. Too funny!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

poetvix...

Hello and it is very nice to meet you. Jim is good people! I'm glad you liked this little peak into my internal monologue about wanting to be a writer. I don't know about you...but I think the interview went pretty well...

Thanks for the Stop and chat!

Thomas


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Thanks for this. I laughed out loud. Well done!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Tammy...

The laugh was my pleasure and on the house! I'm very glad you liked this!

Thanks,

Thomas


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...wait a sec...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This hub made me LMAO. Hahaha. Sheesh, you had me crying. I mean, maybe the wine had something to do with it, but this was so funny! Voted up and across and SHARING.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

I would love to support myself by writing from home. Just not sure how to get there. Wonderful idea, though! I have some ideas, so maybe one day it will happen. Thanks for an inspiring hub!


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

This was definitely worth a few chuckles especially with the We Own Your A** company! Great hub, Thomas!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

cclitgirl...

There is a good chance that the wine was the cause of the excessive giggles. As such I must say..."Hubbers don't let other Hubbers...Hub Hop drunk."

Thank you for your kind words and resounding laughter my friend...that does a heart good to see! Please come back any time you have a bottle of wine to drink!

Thomas

PS...OH...and thanks for the votes and shares!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Victoria...

NO...Thank YOU for calling one of my hubs inspiring! (I do believe that is a first). :)

As I am also, not supporting myself with my writing, I couldn't agree with you more. I have to think though...if we keep trying...something should pop for us. Right? Right...

I can't wait to see where your ideas will take you!

Thomas


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

I enjoyed a bit of sarcasm and irony in your story. This is funny and amusing.

I'm sure now I will have a wonderful day.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Alecia...

I have a confession...although I changed the name of the company...Patricia is my financial nemesis. And the way my finances go...I believe she will be a recurring character.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thomas


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

I just had to come back and read and share! LMAO!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Thanks, ThoughtSandwiches. I just read your response to my comment. Yes, something should pop for us. Let's see where our ideas take both of us!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Vinaya...

Thank you my friend for stopping by and saying kind words. I'm always glad when I can help someone have a wonderful day!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Audrey!!

Welcome back! Sadly...it has been seven days since your last visit and you will note on your ticket (small print stuff) that it's only good for three days. That said...I will happily waive the fee in lieu of your share! You Rock!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Victoria...

I'm hoping mine take me to Oz...I've heard good things!

Thomas


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Yay! We can get what we want and need there, right? Oh, the land of Oz....


jainismus profile image

jainismus 4 years ago from Pune, India

It's a very helpful article for those who want to choose writing as their career. Voted up and shared.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

jainismus...

Thank you for taking the time and giving my little offering here a look-see! Your kind words, votes, and sharing are all greatly appreciated!

Thanks,

Thomas


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

I enjoyed this so much and still have a smile on my face. "Somewhere in the middle?" & “You flunked your drug test and your resume is full of shit. Your turn.”


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

hi Angela,

It is very nice to meet you!

Ahhh...those awkward interview questions...lol. I am glad this left a smile on your face and you have more than repaid me with your great comment!

Thomas


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

*grins* and shared an 'up' vote...


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Jeff,

Thanks for the grins, votes, Ups, and shares! All of them are greatly appreciated! Have a great weekend!

Thomas


ignugent17 profile image

ignugent17 4 years ago

Thank you for giving inspiration to new writers!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

hi ignugent17,

Thank you for taking the time to look at some of my stuff! I'm very glad you liked it and that I was able to inspire! Take Care!

Thomas


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Just loved this hub Mr Sandwiches - laughed all the way through it. Now to seek out your 50 word hub..... :o)


midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

Loved and laughed all the way, Thomas..and really, if we heard those things at the interview we'd freak out too!! And what you say at the end is true, you'd better have cash reserves to last till such time your career takes off!! All the best, Michelle


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Michelle,

Between the giggles I have learned...writing is hard and it sure don't pay well to start! I'm so glad you liked this and thanks for leaving such a great comment!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

jools,

Thank you for stopping by and taking a peak! I'm glad I was able to pay you back with a giggle or two!

Thomas


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Interesting and funny to read and you drove the point home. Before going into Freelance Writing - people have to think twice about it.

Thanks.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Lady_E,

Thank you for the taking the time to read and comment! I'm very glad you enjoyed it! You are correct...a lot of thinking needs to go into this career choice!

Thanks,

Thomas


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

Hilarious! Well done, and .... is that loose change I hear jingling in your pocket?

Voted up and funny.


CrisSp profile image

CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

Lol, lol, lol Thomas! Laughing like crazy here in my hubbing space. That is very creative of you, love it! You should have fought for your right on the “Obstruction of the Lawful Flow of a Sentence,”--why nolo contendere? Freedom of speech man!

I enjoyed this one. Up and funny hub!


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

DzyMsLizzy,

That IS loose change you hear jingling in my pocket...I just got paid! Thank you for stopping by and saying hi! I'm very glad you liked this and the Up vote and funny have made my day!

Thomas


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

Can I borrow a dime Thomas?...


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

CrisSp...

Alas, the nolo contendere plea was based on the advice of my Public Pretender...turns out...they're not really very good lawyers. You're right...I should have fought that one!!

I'm glad this one elicited a giggle (and perhaps a snort?) from you in your hubbing space. Thank you for stopping by and saying hi along with the awesome comment! I deeply appreciate it!

Thomas


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada Author

Critical Message,

I'm flattered that you appear to think that I have the financial wherewithal to be handing out dimes all willy-nilly and such. Truth be told...if I had a dime I would have chucked this whole writing thing and would be retired and sitting in a hammock on a tropical beach somewhere! As such...I guess the short answer would be no. Sorry.

But thanks for stopping by!!!

Thomas

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