Bathroom Logistics

Since the modern bathroom had to be imagined by a female, the concept of leaving the toilet in the down position certainly found its routes in the original design. It most certainly must have contributed to this ladies' room verse.

If you take a tinkle
And leave a sprinkle,
Wipe the seat
And leave it neat.

Since I am the youngest of three boys, I was never aware of this poem until watching the television show Family Feud. The male host (Steve Harvey) admitted that he had never heard this poem until recently and entertained us with a rather humorous story about his wife and their visits to a camping ground restroom in the middle of the night. He left the seat up and she ended up sitting in the toilet in her later nighttime visit. I think they are divorced at the time of writing this article.

It seems that all females believe that the seat should be kept in the down position at all times. Some even adorn the seat cover with a decorative trimming that all men are led to believe is to enhance the bathroom décor. The truth is that the trimming is just thick enough to prevent the toilet seat from staying in the upright position. Any attempt in raising the seat results in a slow spring like action that slams the seat back into the down location.

I provide my opinion on how to deal with the seat position in this simple verse.

Avoid a frown
And put it down?
No just ignore wetter
Since up is better.

All that is required by any toilet user is to check first if the seat is down before you plant your buttocks firmly on the lavatory pew. I found this out when I woke up in the middle of the night one time and decided to just sit down to take a pee and wanted to avoid blinding myself by turning on the bathroom light. Well the seat was up (as it should be) and I got wetter than I liked. It was my own fault since I didn’t check just like you should look both ways before you cross the street.

I think all mothers and fathers have failed their children in their upbringing. They instruct us in the rules of the road, don’t talk to strangers, etc. but neglect to tell us to leave the seat in the upright position and check before we sit down. Some parents, who have pets, will even instruct us on how to install the toilet paper so the playful creature doesn’t unravel the entire roll on the floor but they neglect the seat position thing (Paper edge at the back and never in the front).

When the seat is in the up position the hurried male will find it difficult to spray the seat when they take a piss (men never tinkle). The real answer lies in proper household bathroom design. If every bathroom had a shower, bathtub, urinal, toilet and bidet, then this entire discussion becomes rather unnecessary since all parties have the personal apparatus of choice in place. Now all that needs to disappear are the decorative soaps and ceremonial display towels that are only for show—so impractical and truly pointless. The bathroom is a place of business, not an art museum.

Of course, I am a male and I do miss the stand-up urinals from my days living in men’s residence at university. Yes, I am also single. We all know that no female would agree to this plan.