Decorating Engineering for Your Manroom (his Bathroom)

I recently relocated to take another job to a city 150 miles away from the house I called home for twenty years or so. This generated some ‘Decorating Moments’ for me since I am a widower I now have to do all the stuff my Zena used to do. During our nearly twenty four years together, she moved us and redecorated 5 times in the eleven years of our marriage spent in the military; so she was a decorating expert. During that time she managed to gather up some little tidbits of wisdom that I chose to take with me in my new apartment.

I am sharing these with you as a suggestion on how you might find similar items useful in decorating your home. In fact these three are focused on one room in particular and that is the man toilet or ‘Manroom’. Please take notice I did not call it a bathroom. This has nothing to do with baths though I would suppose you could incorporate some of these ideas surrounding the bath, I just have a limited supply of nuggets and this is how I use them.

First- The Attention Getter

This frame is deployed on the wall next to the toilet at roughly eye level so as you approach the bowl you can’t help but to see it. It is in a document frame and this particular piece was some comedy given me by some of my troops when I was stationed in Nuremberg Germany, it is composed of letters cut out of magazines and newspapers like a ransom note. it says:

John –

You’ve been invited to a Donkey Dinner-

Everyone gets a Free Piece of Ass

Now gals if you know your man you will have already realized the benefit of the last three words. These should generate just enough extension on the old fire hose so that the end extends beyond the width of his fingers and makes it at least marginally aimable. But doesn’t stir enough imagination to require any additional ‘post visit’ physical activity.

Second – Focus

Now this is the one that is a must in any bathroom whether it is shared or not since it greatly reduces cleaning effort and may allow for a successful ‘ring down’ delivery. Stationed just above the bowl at about mid chest height is a small sign that says –

Life is a Game

Golf is Serious

The key element here is he must lower his chin, and view to read the great truth before him thus bringing his attention once again to the business at hand and increasing the accuracy of aim in the execution of the standing delivery procedure. You want to keep this wisdom nugget short though since a longer nugget may serve as a distraction thus defeating its intended purpose.

Third – Contemplation and Assistance

This is the element that will help you gals keep things ‘moving’ along, so several hours of productive Honey Do time will not be lost each week. My ‘Manroom’ only has the toilet and a sink so there are three walls close at hand to the loo. In a larger Bathroom you may not have the luxury of an opposing wall close enough for this to work, but if you mount it at eye level of the nearest side wall it serve you well.

“We have two ends

with a common link

with one we sit

with one we think

Success depends

On what we use

Heads we win

Tails we lose.

-NM -78

Now when you mount a poem like this you should do so at a height that requires your huny to sit up straight. A straight back is critical to allowing gravity to expedite the delivery. If he has to hunch over you lose that effect. The composition of the poem is an aid in itself, as the TH in Think, the CESS in Success, the NDS in Depends, helps generate a solid push. And the mechanics of ‘lose’ is a smooth recovery sort of tone. This should shorten the time by several minutes for each iteration.

If you really want to make it efficient replace any other reading material he may have gathered with stuff like Better Homes and Gardens, or books with Fabios picture on the cover. This may not have the desired effect at the end of the day as after dinner he will probably take the newspaper or whatever else he likes to read in with him.

Any way I hope this has offered a little useful insight into how some small decorating engineering techniques can help produce a more efficient relationship with the one you love. Your huny will appreciate it and he never needs to know you added these little nuggets of wisdom with a purpose. He instead will marvel at your astuteness and good judgment for agreeing with the message imparted in each one.