How Can You Tell if You're Poor ?
How Do You Know If You're Poor ?
( Updated Thursday, June 13, 2013 )
. You're mad at the dentist because you only went to him to get one tooth pulled, and he tells you that all you're teeth must come out.
. Instead of going to a dentist to have teeth replaced, you carve teeth from wood.
. You're back side itches, but there is no itch cream.
. You never have enough change in you're pocket to make a jingle.
. You're shoes are so worn out that the heels are uneven , and you can feel rocks under you where soles use to be.
. You're dog chews on a ham bone that you're next door neighbor gave him.
. You're dog growls when you go near his ham bone because he thinks you want to borrow it to cook beans again, and even when you tell him you will give it right back.
. You're dog takes a bite out of you while you're sleeping because he is hungry.
. You're doctor can only afford to work on you with farm tools.
. You're so poor you're bacon is made of fat.
. You're so poor you can never find pork in your beans.
. You're a fireman, but you're so poor, you're dog can not afford spots.
. You keep waiting, and waiting for the next stimulus package.
. You run out of potatoes too fast.
. You're so poor everyone wants to give you free soap ,and deodorant.
. You're so poor you have never put butter on a pancake in you're life.
. You're so poor you're a repeat offender of stealing railroad spikes.
. You're so poor the dentist wants to give you free teeth.
. You're so poor you forgot the color of milk .
. Check you're savings account. If there is no money in it , then you're poor.
. Check you're checking account. If you have nothing in it either, then you're probably poor.
. Check Your heart. If it starts beating fast when it is time to pay a dinner check, you're poor.
. Check you're bathroom. If there is no toilet tissue, toothpaste, soap to wash clothes, soap for you're bath, no shaving cream, then you're poor.
. Check the refrigerator, if the light does not come on, or if it is not running, and you're lights do not come on either, and if everyone else has electric , you either have ,and electrical problem ,or you're electric has been cut off because you're poor.
. You're so poor tramps want to give you pity sex.
. When you reach in your pocket for a nickel you can feel the hair on you're leg.
. You're shoes look old even after you wipe dirt off them.
. Every time you get into you're car you're fuel gauge is on empty.
. You're tires on you're car are balder than you're head.
. You're so poor you make soup from salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce you take from dinner tables.
. You're so poor you borrow toilet tissue from gas station restrooms.
. You're so poor dirt is afraid to go near you.
. Too many bills have made you're hair gray.
. You know when you're poor when a stamp is too expensive.
. You're disappointed because there are no 99 cent packs of hot dogs left at the supermarket sale. When you finally get a few dollars, the hot dogs are all gone.
. You can't wait until you're mother-in-law comes to visit to bring you some of her of commodity items.
. You stand in line day ,and night at the food pantry hoping they will give away cheese this time.
. You made a large sign, and hung it up by you're telephone, and it says. ABSOLUTELY NO STINKING LONG DISTANCE CALLS NO MATTER WHAT !
. You count the sheets on rolls of toilet tissue from different economy brands. You buy only the rolls that have the most sheets , and are most absorbent for you're money.
. You cannot imagine why anyone would put butter in a recipe when margarine will do.
. You cannot wait until relatives or friends send you Christmas cards because a few of them write checks to you're family.
. The junk you sell in you're garage sale is stuff that no one wants to buy.
. You have had the same old guitar for sale for two years. You cannot decide whether you want fifty ,or seventy five dollars for it.
. When you die you prefer to give you're body to science so that you can help young fledgling medical doctors learn more about the human body. You see no reason for a funeral, a casket, a wake, burial insurance, or any of that stuff.
. You're mad because the beach is closed and you can not rent out inner tubes to out of town swimmers.
. You're on you're way to Ohio in a very old pick up truck with bad shock absorbers, and you're pregnant wife's water broke.
. You know when you'er poor when you grab a cookie in a cookie jar, and you're youngest child says, " Don't eat it, it's mine."
. You sell watermelons, but bought too many of them and broke the muffler in your old station wagon because the rear end was dragging on the asphalt.
. You're a banana dealer, and you pray to God every day that you can sell all you're bananas before they become over ripe.
. You have and itchy behind, but you have to wait until you're first of the month check comes in around July to buy itch cream at the drug store.
. You can not sleep because roaches keep borrowing you're pillow.
. You drive real slow, and try to avoid bumps on the highway. You check the oil, coolant, power steering fluid, brake fluid, air in you're tires. You check everything religiously on you're car so it want break down. Plus you say a prayer when you drive out of you're yard before you go anywhere.
. You can not give to any charities this year, perhaps next year.
. You call charity organizations to see if they can help you.
. You know when you're dirt poor when the entire town pitches in to have a party for you. The church, the mayor, the town council, the fire department, and social services representatives have a surprise party waiting for you and you're family. At the party there is plenty of ham, sandwiches, cold drinks, cookies, snacks, pies, and a nice large cooked turkey for you on Thanksgiving because even though you're very poor, everyone still loves you.
. You know when you're poor because you cry over every hardship story on you're soap operas.
. You know when you're poor when you get pissed off because instant coffee is too expensive, when you can brew it yourself from in you're socks, or from and old coffee pot.
. You know when you're poor when you're going hunting and fishing for food all the time.
. You know when you're poor when your old and cripple and you demand on unloading you're own groceries to avoid giving a tip.
. You know when you're poor when you make a list of as many things you can get done on one trip in order to save on gasoline.
. You know when you're poor when you wish buss es would come back to you're town.
. You know when you're poor when all you're underwear has holes.
. You know when you're poor when you economize on deodorant.
. You know when you're poor when you never go to a barber shop, when you cut you're on hair with a mirror.
. You know when you're poor when you leave the last egg in the refrigerator for you're wife.
. You know when you're poor when you're at war with roaches for a lifetime.
. You know when you'r poor when you're house cat is very light.
. You know when you're poor when you can feel you're own ribs like you're a xylophone.
. You know when you're poor when you line up all day for a free lunch at a political party.
. You know when you're poor when you open your billfold and there is only you're grocery list instead of cash.
. You know when you're poor when go shopping at flea markets for all you're clothes.
. You know you're poor when you borrow money from you're under age children.
. You know you're poor when you tell you're kids they better eat the crust on the bread of their sandwiches.
. You know when you're poor when the only beautiful clothes in you're home are the ones you buy for you're wife, and little girls.
. You know when you're poor when the only slice of bread in the house gets too old to eat because everyone in the family saves it for someone else.
. You know when you're poor when you take you're family out for Sunday rides in you're old car, and the only fast food that is bought is for the children because mom ,and dad already ate at home.
. You know when you're rich ,and poor when you thank God on Thanksgiving for the good health of you're family ,and friends, a roof over you're heads, and for the food on you're table, and for the good friends ,and loved ones in you're heart.
. You know when you're the richest poor man alive when you can thank God every day of you're life for the good things in you're life.
. You know when you're poor because you're rich with love.
. You know you're poor when you can not afford to buy thread to sew the hole up in you're pocket.
. You know you're poor when mercy is too expensive.
. You know when you're poor when a chicken loans you a match to cook it.
. You know when you're poor when slices of bread fall from Heaven.
May you're sky be blue, and God bless you.