Helpful Advice on How to Rake Leaves Fast

What with all the trees everywhere dropping their leaves, left and right, with no thought for where they are dropping them I might add, it behooves me, as I am rather good at 'behooving' (I have been known to behoove at the drop of a pin in fact,) to set forth some instruction for those of you who find yourself with a bunch of gardening tools (garden tools such as lawn rakes,landscaping rakes,power rake,roof rake,leaf blower,leaf vacuum,lawn sweepers,and other such paraphenalia you have gathering dust in in your garage) and are at a loss as to what to do about those dirty leaves, that throw into suspicion your ability vis a vis how to clean a house on the outside and de-litter those leaf-lieabouts you see everywhere, looking, I admit rather romantic in the late Autumn sunlight, but then, when they turn squishy in November and you slip on a pile and careen down the driveway into traffic, you will wish you had removed those little lawn-squatters weeks before.


In other words you need to know how to rake leaves!

Geraldine Rakes and her Rakish Smile

Invention of the Rake?

Some say the rake, the most basic implement in learning how to rake leaves, and it's 'teeth' were invented by a woman named Geraldine Rakes, who was inspired by her husband's 'rakish smile' and the way he was missing every second tooth. But this story is a myth. I know be cause I just said so.

It is known that Pleistocene Man, or as we experts call him, 'Play-doh Man' knew how to rake leaves by collecting his leaves manually and stacked them in piles of tens, twenties and fifties--after which he used them to buy commodity stocks on the exchange but with the coming of Dutch Elm Disease , the market crashed and he lost all his money.

Equipment to Rake Leaves

What do you need in order to change your yard into a leaf-less paradise?

1. A Rake. There are a number of kinds to choose from.

2. A pair of garden gloves. These are essential for transporting the leaves from the pile to the bag.

3. A windless day! This is essential, as otherwise the wind might blow all your leaves away and then where would you get your fun?


hypnotic spiral
hypnotic spiral

Technique of Lawn Raking

So how would one go about raking the average lawn, you are asking?


H P Zauce, in his book "Rake Around the Clock" suggests beginning at the upper right corner of your yard and working anti-clockwise around the yard such that you create a spiraling-down until you reach the very center (the zero point) of the yard, a point at which you could be sucked into another dimension, so remember to bring a lunch.


A second technique favoured by Raking-afficinadoes is called "The Scourge of the Clean Sweep" in which you don't need to use a rake at all, but rather enlist the aid of a professional gardening service and simply let them do all the work. I prefer this method, as it sounds so impressive, but in the end involves nothing more physical than pulling out your wallet and presenting your credit card.


Little boy raking the leaves.
Little boy raking the leaves.

Smart Alecks and How to Deal with Them

Finally, you will most certainly be targeted by passersby who cannot resist the wise-crack, seeing as you are working and they are not. To help you in defending yourself, here are two tips:

Remark #1 "when you finish there, why don't you come over to my house and do my leaves?' (snicker snicker)

Your Answer: "Sure! I charge $75.oo an hour and will be there at 2:00pm. What's your address?" They will retreat with their tails between their legs post haste.

Remark #2: "A rake! Man, that's so old school! Why don't you use a leaf-blower Man?"

Your Answer: " For your information, you young hoodlum, a rake massages and combs my lawn, whereas a leaf-blower just blow-dries it !" This will either make the miscreant cry or he will set your leaf pile on fire with his cigarette--but in either case you have trumped him so don't let it bother you.


Rake on!


How to Rake Leaves
Leaf raking is a lawn-tidying chore that keeps your grass healthy, and has the added benefit of giving you a great workout. A well-raked autumn lawn will be healthier all ...www.mahalo.com/how-to-rake-leaves -


How to Rake Leaves | eHow.com
How to Rake Leaves. For many homeowners, raking leaves can be an opportunity to get outside and get some fresh, crisp, autumn air. For others, it may be a dreaded ...www.ehow.com/how_2305652_rake-leaves.html

How to Rake Leaves - wikiHow
Jun 8, 2010 ... The best time to rake autumn leaves is during past peak foliage. It might be hard to wait to clean the yard, but if you rake during peak ... www.wikihow.com/Rake-Leaves -

How to rake leaves fast and easy | eHow.com
Anyone who live near trees probably dreads the idea of raking leaves. Here is an idea I wish I would have known about years ago! This method will save you a lot of time and ...www.ehow.com/how_4553576_rake-leaves-fast-easy.html -

I'd Rather Do X Than Rake My Yard Poll

Select Which of these choices best describes your preference to raking your yard

  • lay down on a railroad track 10 minutes before the train comes and fall asleep
  • invite my friend Barney over to show me his collection of fruit flies
  • take off all my clothes and roll around in the snow for six hours or until the snow melts
See results without voting

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Comments 4 comments

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

Haha, your advice is as entertaining as ever. I would definitely use it if we had autumn in India! :)


Woody Marx profile image

Woody Marx 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

Feline: thank you! :) Well you can always find lots of photos of lovely leaves and you have the advantage of not having to rake them up!


RTalloni profile image

RTalloni 4 years ago from the short journey

'Twill soon be the season again! And after this long summer that other dimension is looking pretty good. Maybe I'll make a turkey wrap with bean sprouts and avocado spread.


Woody Marx profile image

Woody Marx 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada Author

RT: It's got that chll in the air for sure. And I am starting to notice a colourful leaf here and there too!

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