How to kill flies: Proven ways of ridding your house of flies

Learn how to make flies cry and die

This article though comical, details some proven ways of killing flies especially those in and around your home.

Those insects that wouldn’t mind perching on you or your food and making things difficult for you, what you need to do is to tell them goodbye although in a very sinister way. Don’t for one minute think these flies are harmless because they are not. They can cause many infectious diseases like cholera, typhoid and elephantiasis among many others since they are disease carrying vectors. These mindless creatures would not go out in the wild to torment other creatures well I guess because predators would really deal with them out there so they instead choose a place of refuge among human habitation to not only feed fat as parasites but to also make trouble as intruders. What must be done to remedy the situation? Well declare war on them. The only ones that should be spared are those that return to the wild. I don’t mean those flies that wouldn’t let you sleep in an open space afternoon environment, those ones need to be put in their place, the gulag. There are a number of ways to go about this and I am only too glad to share some with you.

Hire fly busters

Well they will certainly charge you to kill all those troublesome flies but why should an extra fee stand between you and your comfort. The experts in bug bursting will really do a job of relieving you of much inconvenience since they have all the required tools at their disposal for a good job. Look up a business directory or the yellow pages or classified ads for reputable insect extermination agencies.

Buy yourself an insecticide aerosol machine gun

If you are highly motivated and feel you can go it alone, well that’s okay but make sure you have a high caliber automatic insecticide spray machine (I like to call them machine guns). You should check for the refillable types at your local supermarkets or shopping malls because after each can of ammunition is exhausted you will certainly need to reload for more pump action.

The wonderful thing about these guns is that they enable you strategize with new war tactics that can make the army of insects wonder why their defenses were so weak. The best places to attack with these guns are insect hideouts such as dark, warm and untidy places e.g garages, abandoned houses, dirty toilets, kitchens even basement. A periodic reconnaissance and intelligence gathering should always precede this action plan.

Nuke your surroundings with fly repellents

If you are asthmatic or any of your family is and you fear the worst might happen if you use aerosol machine guns, then by all means try something less mild, insect repellants. These are chemical and biological weapons of mass destruction that could bring about serious fatalities for many flies upon contact. They have the nerve gas effect on most flies causing many of them to be disfigured or fatally wounded. Survivors of this menace know better - flee and never return. This fine gentlemen do not like insects one bit mind you they are not real People but are gentle on people hence my use of the term ‘gentlemen’. Make sure you get those repellants specifically designed for flies or just any insect repellant if you can’t find the fly specialist gentleman. Repellants can be applied to the skin or other surfaces.

Play the angry hunter with flies by laying ambush

In ancient times hunting was an occupation for subsistence living. These days especially at this time of a global recession, they can serve a very useful and commercial purpose, livestock feeds. Imagine how many chickens can be fed with the whole population of pesty flies, thousands. That means a new source of revenue. Start a fly farm to arrest and detain flies caught operating within a set radius. No fly that enters these farms should ever leave except as meals for domestic birds.

Catch flies in large numbers by offering them a bait (rotten stuff or any thing you know will draw them from far and wide) and just when you have say a few thousands trapped in your detention centre (which could be a mini-incinerator) lock them up together with your bait and fry them alive.

Mercilessly bombard them with series of aerial and ground attacks using low flying planes and mercenaries like birds as your air force and reptiles as infantry.

The use of low flying planes in farms for wiping off whole generations of locusts have proven to be effective although only on the short term or at best medium term. Also they are more expensive to implement and manage but it is a small price to pay if you have food crops you wish to protect. Identify the flying insects that need to be destroyed and hire the right method. You could invite birds that specialize in eating a particular type of insect or you could partner with reptiles like lizards, salamanders and geckos to deal with the insects. However be prepared for side effects if the insects are in short supply as your mercenaries might constitute a nuisance in one form or the other.

Use operation Desert Storm-Blitzkrieg style to defeat the whole army of flies

Adopt a very quick and decisive attack combining all the methods listed so far simultaneously. However this works best if you live in a place with an uncountable number of insects especially in a farm or heavily industrialized, pollution prone and filthy area.

Adopt Operation Clean up-Plan sanitation

All the listed methods above are not cost effective on the long term but can provide temporary relieve since insects multiply incredibly fast and they seem to be the only creatures that can never go extinct. However, they can be reduced to manageable proportions especially so with a deliberate and consistent effort made at tidying up the environment and ensuring that their breeding ground in surrounding areas is destroyed. Of course this is not a one time thing as it must be periodically done and meticulously so as well. Good environmental sanitation guarantees low growth rates in insect population and best of all it is very affordable and hygienic. Combining all these methods can have a very devastating effect on the insect population.

Flies must be put in the gulag and no better way of doing this than declaring war on them.

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Comments 2 comments

Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 6 years ago from San Diego, California

Man, I hadn't even heard of an insecticide aerosol machine gun. That's awesome!!


Paulipopo profile image

Paulipopo 6 years ago from Abuja, Nigeria Author

Thanks Benjimester, actually I made that up.

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